Tag: When Marriage Gets Hard

‘Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.’ Psalms 51:10(NLT)

‘We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:5(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

If it is not a habit of building each other up in your marriage and you want to make that transition in your relationship, the best place to start is in prayer. As you pray for your marriage and ask for God’s blessings in your marriage, you will find your spirit soften to your spouse. Asking God to create in you a pure heart like David did in the Psalms, along with a steadfast spirit, will give you the foundation to begin seeing your spouse through God’s eyes of love, grace and kindness. 

Meditate on the good things God has done in your spouse’s life and as you do, your prayers will begin to be directed toward those things. As a result, God will work in your marriage to bring about more good things in that way. Cast down any thought of negativity before Satan has an opportunity to create a stronghold and division in your mind with it (2 Corinthians 10:5).

You can begin by praying these guided prayers and using them as a catalyst for your own:

“Heavenly Father, You say that it is to my glory to overlook a fault. Also, that patience is a virtue and grace a gift. These are things that You have already shown time and time again. If You held my sins and faults against me, I would have no hope. Instead, You willingly forgive and even provide the pathway for that forgiveness to take place through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. 

Receive my praise for Your patience. Accept my worship for your willingness to forgive. I honor Your heart which so readily overlooks my faults. Mold me into Your likeness in my character and emotions, Lord, so that I can reflect You in my marriage. In Christ’s name, amen.”

Talk to God About Your Marriage

Use this time in prayer to identify patterns that may have crept into your marriage relationship where criticizing or fault-finding exist. It could be in yourself, your spouse or even in both of you. Once your patterns are identified, pray through each area and ask God for wisdom and awareness on how to overcome them. Seek to replace anything negative that would normally come from your mouth with something positive. Choose something affirming rather than derogatory. As you continue to do these things, a tendency toward finding fault will lessen. If it is your spouse who is quick to find faults with you, ask God to intervene in his or her life and convict them of this sin. Then pray faithfully that the Lord will transform your spouse’s mind, heart and words by the power of His Spirit into that which brings life into your marriage instead.

Prayer for His Blessing

“Gracious Lord, help me to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. Help me to be mindful of what I say both to and about my spouse. Rather than look to correct my spouse, I ask that You help me look to encourage my spouse. Create in me a pure heart and a pure spirit which seeks to bring good and not bad to those around me. Please also cause my spouse not to fall into the trap of fault-finding regarding me either. 

Give my spouse self-control over what they say to me and about me. Enable my spouse to recognize the good in me and overlook my faults. Thank You for giving us both the ability to improve in this area of our marriage as we trust in You to do just that. In Christ’s name, amen.”

from When Marriage Gets Hard

‘It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.’ Proverbs 25:24(NLT)

‘A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.’ Proverbs 27:15(NLT)

Rather than focusing on the faults of your spouse, focus on what he or she does well. Let your words reflect an awareness of their strengths, gifts and contributions to your relationship and home. You’ll be amazed at how your spouse will seek to do even more positive things in your presence when you point out the good, and not the bad. Affirmation goes a long way toward creating an atmosphere of acceptance and mutual affection. 

And if giving the benefit of the doubt isn’t the way you naturally roll, you may want to consider how many faults you’ve brought to the table as well. Showing grace to each other in your marriage relationship rests on the foundational truth that marriage is comprised of two imperfect people seeking to live in harmony and grace. Faults abound, yes. In everyone. But they do not need to dominate your thoughts, conversations or influence your actions. If the fault is at a level that needs to be addressed for the sake of the relationship, address it. But express your disappointments in a spirit that shows honor. Be mindful not to criticize the person while bringing light to a behavior that brought you pain or concern. Then, once shared, seek a solution or approach toward improvement together. Once decided, move on. 

While these verses refer only to women, the principles in them transcend gender and can apply to both husbands or wives. They reveal to us the destructive nature of fault-finding to any marriage:

·  Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

·  A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm. Proverbs 27:15

An atmosphere of fault-finding will destroy the intimacy in any marriage, whether it comes from the wife or the husband – or both. If this is something you’ve experienced in your marriage, or do yourself, it is best to seek its removal entirely and look for ways to build each other up through what you think, say, and do.

from When Marriage Gets Hard

‘Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.’ Proverbs 19:11(NLT)

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

An elderly grandmother went to lunch with her granddaughter who was about to get married. The granddaughter had always admired her grandparents’ marriage. She wanted to remain married for over fifty years just like they did. Thus, she took this opportunity to glean some wisdom from her grandma about how to keep a marriage strong. 

“Grandma,” she asked. “What did you do in order to have such a long and satisfying marriage?”

“Oh it’s simple,” her grandma replied without hesitation. “When I got married I decided to list ten of your granddad’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would choose to overlook.” 

“You did?” the soon-to-be-bride asked. “What are some of them?” she continued, looking for an example to help her choose herself.

“I don’t know,” her grandma responded. “I actually never did list them. But whenever Granddad did something that made me fume, I’d just say to myself, ‘Lucky for him that’s one of the ten.’”

If you are married, you know by now that you did not marry a perfect human being. Everyone has faults, weaknesses and even oddities. Oftentimes, these don’t come to the surface until after you say “I do.” But living with someone 24/7 reveals a lot. Unfortunately, fault-finding is one of the most tragic things to happen to a marriage. Primarily because there are plenty of faults to be found, on both sides. 

But God instructs us on how to maintain a spirit of love and unity in our marriage when He tells us in Proverbs that it is to our own glory to overlook another’s fault. One way to do this is to always start by giving the benefit of the doubt. Rather than jump to conclusions or rash judgments about your spouse’s faults, mistakes or peculiarities, assume the best first. Let that be the foundation for your questions as you seek to understand the situation at hand. Then, if there truly is a fault in play (which there will be from time to time), overlook it. Let it pass. Let it go. Not because we are saying so but because God is. 

from When Marriage Gets Hard