‘But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”’ 1 Peter 1:15-16(NLT)
1 Peter 1: 15-16 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”
I used to think that married couples who could claim many years of marriage had it figured out. After all, if you’ve been married for 30+ years, you must be doing something right. Not necessarily. I know couples who have been married for over 40 years and have had some of the worst marriages. Strangers living in the same house out of habit and convenience instead of love and honor. They may tell you they are still in love, but their actions say something completely different.
As Abe Lincoln said, “You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.”
You may say all the right things at church or in front of people, but there may be something different going on at home.
I focus on this because your family sees your marriage a little differently than you. When you were young, your son or daughter looked to you as someone to mimic. They may look at your marriage as something they want to recreate in their own marriage, or they may look at your marriage and want to do the exact opposite because of how dysfunctional it is.
Focus your marriage on God, pray for it daily and invest quality time in building it up. Speak love and truth to your wife and ask her to do the same for you. Spend time in the Word of God together, do marriage studies and encourage each other. Since you are going to leave a legacy for someone, it might as well honor God and be a great one.
Uncommen Questions:
Do you do something that you’d like your kids to mimic in their own marriages?
Do you do something that you’d like your kids to not mimic in their own marriages?
Uncommen Challenge:
Don’t stumble or coast into the last years of your marriage as an example of what not to be to someone. Instead, use this opportunity to really press into your marriage to honor God with a holy union that He has brought together. Be Holy as He is Holy.
‘“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:18-19(NLT)
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
I was recently watching a movie called “About Time,” and the premise was all the men in this family could travel backward in time. They didn’t really address the time-space continuum as it was more of a Rom-Com. Instead of traveling back in time to kill Hitler or get the Lotto numbers, he would only go tweak moments in his past.
He would identify a moment in his past that he felt put him on a path that he didn’t really want to be on and go back to fix it. When he came back, things had worked out better or at least different. Just because you change one thing doesn’t mean you can fix everything. I won’t ruin the movie for you, as it’s got some good lessons if you want to watch it with your wife.
This got me thinking of husbands and wives who may look at their current situation and wonder, “If I could just go back in time to change this or that.” Maybe it’s as big as marrying someone completely different, not getting married at all or saying yes instead of no.
Our passage tells us to “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” In context, God is talking about Israel’s unfaithfulness, but in our case, it’s a great reminder that we can’t change the former things. Since we can’t, don’t dwell on them.
Instead, pray for God to give you wisdom and become the husband your wife needs you to be. Ideally, if I were given the chance to go back and change something, I’d like to think I would say, “No thanks, I love where God has me.”
While no one gets everything right, the best place we can be is in God’s will when it comes to our marriage and the choices that got us there.
Uncommen Questions:
Is there anything in your past that would make you want a redo moment when it comes to your marriage?
Does the fact that you can’t change things impact the type of marriage you have?
Uncommen Challenge:
Instead of having a marriage that would make you entertain the thought of a redo moment, develop a marriage that would make you content where you are.
‘Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. ‘ 1 Corinthians 9:24-26(NLT)
1 Corinthians 9: 24-26a Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly;
We’ve all sat in the doctor’s waiting room and looked around at the people in the room wondering what they have going on. This one seems like he’s on death’s doorstep or that one is coughing up a lung. You probably try to hold your breath and say something like, “Thank God I’m not as bad off as those poor people.”
Let’s change the situation a bit for our needs. We’re not looking around the room at sick people, but instead married couples. One couple is too busy looking at the phone to notice each other. One pair is just going through the motions and is no longer a soulmate, but rather a roommate. Then you may have a couple who really doesn’t want to be together anymore, and it looks to be on the verge of a divorce.
You and your wife may sigh in relief and say something like, “Thank God our marriage is not like those people.”
Our verse tells us that all the runners run. When applied to our topic, there are a lot of marriages out there, but not all of them are great. In fact, I would wager that not all of them are even good.
I wonder what people are saying about your marriage in that fateful room?
Uncommen Questions:
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your marriage? (1 = verge of divorce / 10 = a Godly union)
If you said anything under a 10, you have work to do. Don’t worry, we all do.
If you had to change one thing to help your marriage, what would it be? Have you and your wife spoken about that one thing?
Uncommen Challenge:
Don’t let your marriage fall by the wayside; run the race in which to win the prize. The prize is a great marriage that is centered on God. Love and respect each other and pray for each other daily. I included the one line from verse 26…”So I do not run aimlessly.” Don’t run aimlessly. Focus your marriage on Jesus, and run toward Him. If one falls, pick the other up. But the goal is to cross that line together.
‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)
Ephesians 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
So you want respect, do you? Do you put in the work to earn respect? In today’s culture, we see entitlement in many forms and if we can be honest here—it never looks good. To say, “I deserve something that I’ve not earned” just doesn’t make sense to anyone.
So if you have married someone and think you are going to sit on the front porch or couch, bark out orders, speak to her like you would an object, be lazy and think you’re going to get her respect, you are mistaken.
When God made Eve, He created Adam a help meet. Do you know what Adam was to Eve? Her help meet. They complemented each other as to where when one is weak the other is strong. After all, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”
I can only speak from what I have seen from my Dad’s generation when it came to being a husband and how he, my uncles, and friends treated their wives. Let’s just say, there were issues. You know what has changed since then? Unfortunately, it seems like not that much when you look around. We still leave way too much of our role as a husband to our wives to handle.
Genesis 2:15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.
As you can see, we have been called to more than what most of us are currently doing. You don’t need to be perfect tomorrow, but what matters far more than production is an effort. In no time you’ll be loving her, and she’ll be respecting you.
After all, respect works both ways.
Uncommen Questions:
Does your wife show you respect?
Do you feel you’ve earned the honor to be shown respect?
Uncommen Challenge:
If you notice in the Bible verse, it has two parts. One doesn’t work without the other. Husbands, love your wife as yourself. How is your wife supposed to show you respect if you don’t show her love? How are you to show her love if she doesn’t respect you? You both do what God has instructed you to do, and that fulfills the scripture verse.
‘Boaz went to the town gate and took a seat there. Just then the family redeemer he had mentioned came by, so Boaz called out to him, “Come over here and sit down, friend. I want to talk to you.” So they sat down together. Then Boaz called ten leaders from the town and asked them to sit as witnesses. And Boaz said to the family redeemer, “You know Naomi, who came back from Moab. She is selling the land that belonged to our relative Elimelech. I thought I should speak to you about it so that you can redeem it if you wish. If you want the land, then buy it here in the presence of these witnesses. But if you don’t want it, let me know right away, because I am next in line to redeem it after you.” The man replied, “All right, I’ll redeem it.” Then Boaz told him, “Of course, your purchase of the land from Naomi also requires that you marry Ruth, the Moabite widow. That way she can have children who will carry on her husband’s name and keep the land in the family.” “Then I can’t redeem it,” the family redeemer replied, “because this might endanger my own estate. You redeem the land; I cannot do it.” Now in those days it was the custom in Israel for anyone transferring a right of purchase to remove his sandal and hand it to the other party. This publicly validated the transaction. So the other family redeemer drew off his sandal as he said to Boaz, “You buy the land.” Then Boaz said to the elders and to the crowd standing around, “You are witnesses that today I have bought from Naomi all the property of Elimelech, Kilion, and Mahlon. And with the land I have acquired Ruth, the Moabite widow of Mahlon, to be my wife. This way she can have a son to carry on the family name of her dead husband and to inherit the family property here in his hometown. You are all witnesses today.” Then the elders and all the people standing in the gate replied, “We are witnesses! May the Lord make this woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, from whom all the nation of Israel descended! May you prosper in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem. And may the Lord give you descendants by this young woman who will be like those of our ancestor Perez, the son of Tamar and Judah.”’ Ruth 4:1-12(NLT)
As you will read in Book of Ruth, Boaz was drawn to Ruth so much, that buying a field to redeem Ruth wasn’t even a concern. Boaz wanted Ruth to be his wife, and if that is what it took, he was ready, willing and able to do it.
Now what?
My youngest son just got married some four days ago, and while we all spent over a year planning all the details that go into a wedding, after the “I Do”…now what? There was a sudden end to all the preparations for us, but it was just the beginning for them. Thirteen months of details that will lead to many years of marriage hardly seems like enough time to get ready for it.
My wife and I have been together for 35 years. We are in the thick of the “now what” of it all. We men have a tendency to be drawn to the bright and shiny and flashy stuff. They put chrome on Harley Davidsons and trucks for a reason. It gets our attention. They don’t care about keeping our attention; they just want it long enough for us to buy it. We are so predictable that there are phrases for us.
The 7-year Itch
Mid-life Crises
Middle Age Crazy
Change of Life
The Back Nine
But God wants us to stay connected to our wives from the “I Do” and beyond. What are you doing to ensure that you and your wife are ready for the day/month/year after the I Do?
We were having dinner with an older couple, and I happened to lean over to my wife and whispered, “I love you, angel.” The other woman must have heard me and turned to her husband and said, “Why don’t you tell me you love me?” You’d think this would be an easy win for the guy to say, “Sweetheart, I love you so much.” Think again! He said, “I told you I loved you when I married you. If something changes, I’ll let you know.” That, my friends, is not winning at your marriage.
That woman may have started off with her soulmate, but ended up with a roommate.
Uncommen Questions:
When was the last time you felt you were winning at your marriage?
If you and your wife were asked if you had a good marriage, do you think she would give the same answer as you?
Uncommen Challenge:
Men, we can do better than having our wives beg for attention and love. You and I were called to be more than that. Speak love into your marriage, invest time studying and growing your marriage and most importantly, pray for your marriage.
