Tag: UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. ‘ 2 Timothy 4:7(NLT)

 Today’s CODE PURPLE is talking about your retirement years.

My wife and I are still 15 years away from retirement in the “retirement talk” sense. But after seeing how some people retire, I don’t know if I’m looking forward to that kind of retirement. I’ve never worked for a company that has a golden parachute or pays you to retire. So, it’s always been on us to plan for that period of our lives. With owning our own company, it’s even more on us to prepare for that season of life. 

But I’d like to speak about this part of our lives differently. It’s great to think about time and money to travel the world; to be on permanent vacation from work and be able to come and go as you please. Your wife may have her own ideas on how you both will retire. Shopping at Antique stores with coffee in hand. Day trips to the mountains to have lunch and just look at the trees change colors. 

But that is rarely what happens when retirement comes along. Money may be tight, your health may get in the way of you traveling. All the things you’ve put off through life seems to be out of reach now. You and your wife may have different goals now that you are retired. Have a conversation about how you can serve together.

But your calling to what Paul calls, “The Good Fight” or “The Race” does not change. In fact, you may have time to get involved with a ministry that you didn’t have time for before you retired. I don’t want to spend all my time playing solitaire or doing puzzles. That may have a place in my future day’s schedule, but it will not define my older years.

God can use you at no matter what age you are if you are open to it.

Moses was 120 years old when he finished serving God

Joshua was 110 years old when he was serving God

Abraham was 99 years old when God called to father Issac

David was 70 years old after reigning as King of Israel

Paul was 64 years old when he was called home

Peter was 65 when he died for the name of Christ

John was 98 years old when he died serving Christ

How old do you have to be to serve God? Whatever age you are right now will do just fine. 

Uncommen Questions:

What are your plans for when you retire? Does it involve God at all? 

Have you prayed about what God’s Will is for your retirement?

Uncommen Challenge:

Leave the solitaire, puzzles, and horseshoes to others. You have been called by God to continue to take the Gospel into the world. The Great Commission doesn’t say in Matthew 28: 16-20, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age…until you get to 65, then take it easy!”

Fight the Good Fight and Finish The Race!

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

 Today’s CODE PURPLE is talking about your kids moving out.

This one may hurt a little bit as we are going through it right now. My youngest son is getting married in less than 2 months, and my oldest son looks to be on the same path soon after. 

We homeschooled our boys, and since we own our own business, the boys grew up interning with us. Then they liked what we do (Studio490 Creative Services and Uncommen) and chose college degrees to work with us full-time. I always tease that we are just like Duck Dynasty without the beards or money. All that to say, we are a very close group that enjoys each others company.

So when my youngest son said, “Dad, I’m getting married” it was like a time-warp. Remembering him as a baby and now seeing him as a man all at once was a little strange. It took me about 2 minutes to wrap my head around the idea and start asking questions. My wife took longer than 2 minutes. 

Our daughter-to-be is a beautiful Godly young woman with all kinds of talent and creative gifts. So, it’s easy to love her and love the idea of both of them getting married. But some couples would say, “now what do we do?”. Dana and I always make time for each other as one of our Love Languages is “quality time together.” 

If you wait until your children move out of the house to try to reconnect with your wife, you may find it a struggle. It may come across as, “now that the kids are gone I have time for you.” Invest in the relationship that started everything for you both. Make a date night to go to dinner or out to have coffee. Or even just take walks getting to know each other again. But do it before your nest is empty, and your transition will be more natural.

Uncommen Questions:

Do you put your children ahead of your marriage? You shouldn’t be.

What do you and your wife do to keep your relationship healthy?

Uncommen Challenge:

Invest in your marriage before your children leave the house. Choose a one date night each week to spend time together without your children. It could be dinner, coffee, walks, marriage study, workout together, etc.

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. ‘ Romans 12:1(NLT)

 Today’s CODE PURPLE is talking about your health.

I started taking Karate at age 5 during the Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris early years. My Dojo wasn’t a belt farm that had 37 levels and just moved you up so you would keep paying. I had an old school Sensei from Japan, and it took me 5 years to earn my Black Belt. I made it to 3rd Degree Black Belt, and I’m registered with the Police in Louisiana and Japan. 

I’ve played soccer, racketball, football, baseball, basketball. I’ve had Gym memberships off and on throughout the years, and after saying all of that, I found out a pretty important thing – I’m not a fan of working out. 

I liked my 13 years in the Martial Arts, I enjoy playing sports and even like the rowing machine at the Gym. But I suffer from Kidney Stones (15 and counting), and I have them when I become dehydrated. My metabolism is non-existent, and I think it may actually run backwards at times. So being a desk jockey most of my life, it’s been a love-hate relationship with working out. 

My wife, on the other hand, has always enjoyed working out. In fact, she’s in the other room at this very moment doing a workout routine. It comes so naturally to her to stay active.

But the older I get (50), I know that I must continue with the struggle to stay healthy. So, back to the gym, I go for not just my health but for the people in my life that I love. I’ll do them no favors just letting my health fade as I get older if I can invest now.

The other half of my health story is that I’M A FOODIE. I was born and raised in New Orleans for 40 years, and I appreciate good food. I don’t need to eat a ton, but I do enjoy food from all over the world, and so I need to moderate that intake with healthy habits. 

My wife has always trying to find healthy food for us to slip into our meals. It’s been a mixed bag as some were really good and then there was the Veggie Burger Incident. But I want to encourage you and ask you to pray for me as we both try to keep our health in mind. Our scripture says we need to present ourselves as a “Living Sacrifice, Holy and acceptable to God…”.

Uncommen Questions:

Do you exercise on a regular basis? If not…why not? 

Would you exercise if a couple of your friends did this with you?

Would you exercise if it was a sport instead of the Gym?

Uncommen Challenge:

My challenge to you is to find what works for you and try to get into a groove. I know, I know….try it again and if needed…again. Ask a buddy to workout with you or find an activity that will at least get you off the couch several times a week.

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

 Today’s CODE PURPLE is talking about parenting.

In today’s culture, men are portrayed on TV as this ignorant goofball that can’t be expected or trusted with anything important. He’s selfish, inattentive, lazy and just a poor excuse of a husband. While mostly in sitcoms, I don’t think many men fall too far from that example to our families. 

Men get off the couch!

God made man and women to be a team, and that team is meant to be working together when parenting. Your wife needs your presence in the leading, the teaching, and discipline of the children. Yes, she can do it by herself and so can you. But that’s not how God created the family dynamic to be. Both working together, loving and serving each other while teaching your children about Jesus.

Parenting should not be a good cop/bad cop thing that limps along, but rather a Godly focused couple that works together for the good of the family.

Your wife is going to bring all kinds of strengths that you and I do not possess. She will also be looking for you to be there to bring your strengths to the family. Your children will also model the kind of people they are going to be on how you work together, speak to each other and how consistent you parent them.

Don’t second guess or undermine your spouse in front of your children. Ask to speak in private about the matter and get on the same page before you regret something you both are about to do in public. We’ve all see those parents that never work on their marriage or their parenting skills and just have blow-up after blow-up.

Your kids are watching to learn how to be a parent. Your wife is in need of a man who balances. God is expecting you to be the husband, dad and leader you were always meant to be. If that statement sounds familiar, it’s Uncommen’s mission statement. 

Uncommen Questions:

Do you parent with your wife or do you let her do the heavy lifting and only step in when you think “things get serious”?

Have you and your wife ever done a study on parenting? If so, do you implement what you learned? If not, what are you waiting for?

Uncommen Challenge:

Your parenting years are shorter than you think. You only have a certain amount of time to pour Godly council into your children and show them what a Godly parent looks like.

I challenge you and your wife to do a study on Parenting. You may already have access to Right Now Media, but if you don’t, it’s a really great resource that is video based. 

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:5(NLT)

 Yep, we’re talking about sex. 

As a teenager, I thought that when I got married, we’d have sex every day. It was probably the hormones of a teenager talking, but that is what I thought. After all, my wife and I both waited to have sex with each other until we were married. Life is a funny thing and many times stranger than fiction.

I heard an older gentleman tell a group of people, to put two pennies in a jar each time you have sex the first year of marriage. In the second year on, take one out each time you have sex. I assume this was his way of saying it’s going to taper off over time. 

Since people almost set aside time to worry on purpose, it’s no wonder that we are distracted most of the time. Anxiety, work, money, sleep, insecurity, health, kids are just a few reasons a husband and wife may not be having the intimate time they need with each other. 

I know as a man, the longer I go without being intimate with my wife, the more temptations show up. Men are wired so different that it even takes us off guard sometimes. To help women understand the mind of a man here is an example. If you eat lunch before you go grocery shopping, you usually only buy what you’ve put on your list. If you don’t eat at all that day or maybe even the day or two before, you are going to be wanting to put all kinds of crazy things in the basket. I need these twinkies! Ohhhh look, double fried gristle logs. I’ve been meaning to get some of these. 

I love the verse here because Paul understands it’s not good to deprive one another. The word deprive tells you that intimacy is needed.

Your wife may be approaching this topic much the same way you are. Men think that women never think of sex and want sex. That is not true. It’s important to make time for each other and to speak about setting aside time for intimacy. 

Uncommen Questions:

Would you say you and your wife on always on the same page when it comes to sex?

When was the last time you and your wife had a conversation about sex that didn’t start off with…are we ever going to have sex again? 

Uncommen Challenge:

If you find the world closing in on your intimacy, start to have date nights. Do something together as a couple that ends with intimacy. Maybe a weekend getaway is just what the doctor ordered; the love doctor that is!

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6(NLT)

‘For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.’ 1 Timothy 6:10(NLT)

 You and your bride just got back from your honeymoon, and things are going perfectly. Over coffee in the morning, one of you mention that you’d like to work on your budget together. The other person stops in mid coffee sip and looks at you as if you have a third eye. A what? You repeat that you’d like to talk about a budget so you can plan for tithing, saving, spending and all the things that come with life. 

What both just realized is that someone grew up without a budget and one did. That could be a very delicate conversation to have. I grew up in a family that was check-to-check. I had to save money just to pay my car insurance and have gas money. Back then it was a 5.00 gas stop. Filling up my car with gas was for rich folk. My wife grew up with uncashed checks on her dresser from her job in high school and family. That didn’t compute in my world. There was no dust on my money from sitting still.

Money is one of those things that people struggle with most of their lives. Money makes you say strange things like, “I deserve this” or “I need this.” People shop out of depression and insecurity more than you think. I had a friend who I worked with who was having car issues, money issues, family issues on top of a 90-minute one-way drive to work. He came in, and I asked him how his weekend was. He said he and his wife purchased a whole living room set. I asked if they had been shopping long for that. He said, “no, they were feeling depressed over the weekend, and this was supposed to make them feel better.” Notice he said, “was supposed to…”. 

If managing money is tricky, talking about the topic is even harder. You may want to open the discussion in prayer and set the bar at, “Lord this is your money…not ours.” It’s important to understand that so you can know that you are trying to be good stewards with God’s money. That alone should change the way each of you saves and spends money.

Uncommen Questions:

Do you and your spouse approach money the same way?

What do you do to put God first in your finances?

Uncommen Challenge:

Spend time in prayer, time in study and time discussing your finances but discuss out of love and not out of selfishness. 

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

‘If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? ‘ 1 John 4:20(NLT)

‘And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. ‘ Matthew 12:36(NLT)

 What is Code Purple? 

It’s the overlap of blue and pink. It’s where men and women interact with each other in a way that may be different than the way they are used to. The blue man shows up to hear the problem, dole out a fix and get back to the game. The pink woman shows up with emotions to spare and wants you to listen to her, and the issue at hand. Where they overlap is what we call… CODE PURPLE.  

My wife and I started to refer to this term when we seem to be coming to a topic from entirely different angles. Sometimes that is an excellent thing as it allows the strengths of both to shine. Sometimes it’s an alert to check your motives, and sometimes it’s a “Watch out, Jack!”.

Let every person be quick to hear. 

When was the last time you showed up to a conversation with the intent to listen? Listening is an art form that is completely underrated in our society and apparently in our marriages as well. People hate silence and feel the need to chatter, over explain and talk over the other person in the conversation. They don’t care about what you have to say, they want to tell you what is on their mind. 

Slow to speak.

Ever get into a conversation with someone, and it’s like you’ve pushed over a bucket of water? Every detail in their life just spills out like the stream of a firehose. There are no pauses, there are no breaks in the conversation. It’s just one-sided, and you’re there to listen to it. When it comes to grievances, this isn’t a big deal. People desire to be heard. It becomes more troublesome when people are argumentative, blaming and overly negative. They aren’t looking for a discussion. Have you done that before? 

Maybe good communication is about letting the other person know they are valued, and you’re there to have a conversation with each other. How would you ever help someone if you’re yammering about yourself all the time? Take a moment, gather your thoughts and once you’ve made your point, give space for the person to respond.

Slow to anger.

I know people who say they are Christians who are always angry. It seems they are not just mad at this group or that tax. They’re frustrated with everything, and they really want you to know about it. Granted, there are topics to be passionate about, but not everything is worth you fighting over. If social media had just one fatal flaw, it gave a platform to the “Ugly Christian” to spew whatever agenda they wanted to at the click of a button.

Uncommen Questions:

When was the last time you showed up to a conversation with the intention to listen rather than speak?

Do you dominate the conversation or do you ask about the other person as much as they ask about you?

Uncommen Challenge:

Pray about how you communicate with people and ask God to give you wisdom and the words you need to interact with people effectively. You reflect God in all you do and the way you communicate is a large part of that.

from UNCOMMEN: Code Purple