Tag: The SYMBIS Assessment Plan

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NLT)

‘so ignore them. They are blind guides leading the blind, and if one blind person guides another, they will both fall into a ditch.”’ Matthew 15:14(NLT)

The well-being of your relationship, like every couple on the planet, depends on the well-being of each of you. In other words, your relationship can only be as emotionally and spiritually healthy as the two of you. We make this foundational point nearly anytime we give a seminar for couples.

Most attributes of mental health are found in the middle of a continuum that signifies a “balanced life.” Self-worth, for example, is the midpoint between too much humility and too much pride. Delayed gratification is between too much compulsive restraint and too much free-wheeling indulgence.

The attribute of self-awareness, on the other hand, is unique. At one end of an imagined continuum of this trait we would find the person in denial, seeing themselves without any flaws, exaggerating their own abilities and dodging feedback at all cost. This person is riddled with blind spots and is the common view of the narcissist. On the other end of this imagined continuum, however, well, we are at a loss. Is it possible to have too much self-awareness? Is it undesirable to be too open to feedback?

Perhaps this healthy trait could be taken to an extreme but we’ve never seen it. No matter how self-aware we are, we can always benefit from continued critique. We can always improve by being more conscious, more alert to our emotions, our motives, our thinking and our behavior. Too much of a good thing? We don’t think so.

Awareness does not guarantee psychological health, but psychological health is impossible without it. Self-awareness is one of the most significant keystones to emotional health – and thus to your relationship. So we ask: What are you doing today that will help you become aware of who you are in the context of your relationship? How do these biblical passages shed light on this?

from The SYMBIS Assessment Plan by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.’ Philippians 4:8-9(NLT)

Specialists in biofeedback call them “hot thoughts” – images of hot scenes, such as being in the desert or on a beach on a warm and sunny day. And they literally increase blood flow and warmth to cold hands and feet. Just conjuring a mental image amazingly determines your body’s temperature.

Mental imagery is also a practice that today’s top athletes are certainly using. Studies on everything from golf, to basketball, to swimming have revealed that those who use positive mental imagery consistently improve their performance. They have an arguable edge over athletes who don’t do this.

When we mentally rehearse running a marathon, for example, we are likely to evoke muscular changes without ever leaving our chair. Our blood pressure will go up, our brain waves will alter, our sweat glands will become active, all in the absence of physical activity.

Equally amazing, if not more so, is the power of picturing ourselves in general. Our self-image determines the level of joy and fulfillment we experience every day. And that self-image is created through our attitude and self-talk.

In the same way, everyone comes to the idea of marriage with a set of attitudes – a marriage mindset. This page of your SYMBIS Assessment reveals your marriage mindset and shows you how your two mindsets on marriage mesh.

As you consider the insights on this page, discuss how you might “take captive every thought” (II Corinthians 10:5), and be sure to reflect on how your two marriage mindsets can benefit your covenant of marriage together.

from The SYMBIS Assessment Plan by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.’ Genesis 2:18-25(NLT)

Congratulations!

It says so much about you and your commitment to each other – right at the start of your preparation for marriage – that you are taking it seriously. You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t.

After all, you’ve presumably taken the SYMBIS Assessment and you’re now walking through the results with your SYMBIS Facilitator.

Because you’re using this reading plan, we also know that you’re invested in finding God’s best as you launch lifelong love. This plan will add value to your SYMBIS Assessment by pointing you to a relevant Bible passage with each page of your SYMBIS Report. Read them in tandem with the pages you’re covering.

We begin with your “Marriage Momentum” – the aspects of your relationship that are working in your favor. Whether you scored high or low on this measure, or somewhere in-between, you need to know that the true momentum for marriage is found in knowing that marriage was God’s idea (see Genesis 2:24). He also made it clear that marriage was designed to be permanent (see Matthew 19:6).

And crucial to increasing your marriage momentum is knowing that God views marriage as a covenant, not a contract (see Malachi 2:14; Proverbs 2:16-17).

The difference? At least three:

• A covenant is based on trust between parties while a contract is based on distrust.
• A covenant is based on unlimited responsibility while a contract is based on limited liability.
• A covenant cannot be broken if new circumstances occur while a contract can be voided by mutual consent.

So as you begin your marriage preparation – and perhaps prepare for your wedding ceremony – what can you do in practical terms to ensure that your marriage is built on a covenant and not just a contract? How does this Bible passage speak into that?

from The SYMBIS Assessment Plan by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott