Tag: The Next Year Of Your Marriage

‘But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? ‘ Romans 10:14(NLT)

‘So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. ‘ Romans 10:17(NLT)

God set the standard for communication. He has proven its necessity and demonstrated its power through the spreading of the gospel. Belief itself depends on communication. Lives are changed because truth is believed, truth is believed because it is heard, and truth is heard because it is spoken.

Even after we believe in Christ, the communication continues. God speaks to us though His Word and by the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, He invites us to communicate with Him through prayer. Our new lives in Christ depend on hearing God and being heard by Him. How lost we would be if God were ever to stop speaking or listening.

If communication matters so much in our relationship with God, how could it not also be vital to our human relationships—especially in marriage? One of the most common infections in marriage is isolation—gradually growing further and further apart from our spouse. And one of best ways to prevent isolation is to make communication a priority. 

For love and understanding to grow, we must hear and be heard. To do otherwise is to close our hearts to one another and withdraw.

Discuss:

How can I better demonstrate my love to you through listening? How can I better demonstrate my love to you through my words?

from The Next Year Of Your Marriage

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

Here is a noble calling and a great challenge: be a ready forgiver. For where two or more are gathered . . . conflict will come.

Ephesians 4:32 may be one of the most important Scriptures in the Bible for a married couple. On the basis of this one short verse, you know that you should forgive because you’ve been forgiven, and you can forgive because you’ve been forgiven. Think of how often God has forgiven you. Should you not forgive your spouse in the same way?

So when you find yourself wounded by or disappointed in your spouse, act on these tandem principles:

1. You should forgive. Of course forgiveness is good for the one who receives it, but it’s also good for the one who gives it. When we forgive, we avoid the bondage of bitterness and resentment, and we replace any desire we have for revenge with grace. The act of forgiving does good to our own soul, putting the desires of the Spirit ahead of the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16-17). Even so, the greater point is that the presence of forgiveness makes Christ more visible to all who are part of, or privy to, the conflict.
2. You can forgive. If we’re honest, and when we’re thinking rightly, we have to admit that we have no claim to our own lives. We belong to Christ. But remember why we belong to Him and we’ll know that this is a loving takeover, not a hostile one. It is to our great and eternal benefit that we are His and no longer our own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The union with Christ that we now enjoy means that we receive from Him “all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3), including the ability to forgive. He set the example of mercy (ultimately so at Calvary) and equips us to forgive.

Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” If you truly want Christ at the center of your marriage, forgiveness must be ready and waiting.

Discuss:

How have you seen the importance of forgiveness in your life as an individual? How has forgiveness affected your marriage?

from The Next Year Of Your Marriage

‘What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” ) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ Romans 8:31-39(NLT)

‘Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.’ Psalms 73:23-26(NLT)

‘So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”’ Deuteronomy 31:6(NLT)

‘let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:9(NLT)

‘Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.’ Philippians 2:2-11(NLT)

Commitment seems to be going out of style today, especially when it comes to marriage.

Young adults are postponing marriage or avoiding it altogether. Divorce is as common as popcorn in a movie theater. In future years, 50^th anniversary celebrations will become rare events.

While many couples find it difficult to maintain their commitment in marriage year after year, we can be thankful for God’s faithfulness to us as followers of Christ. God pledges to never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). Psalm 73:26 declares, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

God will never leave us. And when you and your spouse keep your marriage covenant and remain committed to each other for a lifetime, you reflect His character. You give help and hope to a world that desperately wants to experience oneness in marriage. That’s one reason Christ declared, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9).

One way God showed His commitment to us was by setting aside His interests and living on earth as a man. As Philippians 2 tells us, “And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (v. 8). This is the attitude each of us should have toward our spouse—considering their interests more important than our own. The same passage in Philippians instructs us to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” 

Considering your spouse more significant than yourself is one of the biggest challenges of marriage. But that type of commitment will make your marriage last for a lifetime.

Discuss:

Read Romans 8:31-39 together. List some ways that God has shown His love and commitment to you. How can you show these same qualities to each other?

from The Next Year Of Your Marriage

‘All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. ‘ Ephesians 1:3(NLT)

‘He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ—which is to fulfill his own good plan. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. ‘ Ephesians 1:7-10(NLT)

‘“For the Kingdom of Heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay the normal daily wage and sent them out to work. “At nine o’clock in the morning he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever was right at the end of the day. So they went to work in the vineyard. At noon and again at three o’clock he did the same thing. “At five o’clock that afternoon he was in town again and saw some more people standing around. He asked them, ‘Why haven’t you been working today?’ “They replied, ‘Because no one hired us.’ “The landowner told them, ‘Then go out and join the others in my vineyard.’ “That evening he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those hired at five o’clock were paid, each received a full day’s wage. When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they, too, were paid a day’s wage. When they received their pay, they protested to the owner, ‘Those people worked only one hour, and yet you’ve paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat.’ “He answered one of them, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair! Didn’t you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay this last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’ “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.”’ Matthew 20:1-16(NLT)

Have you ever considered the generosity of God? Salvation is the greatest demonstration—the dead receive life, the destitute receive eternal wealth, the sinful receive righteousness—all because God is generous with grace. He lavishes it upon us.

Generosity could not exist without a giver. The need for help, kindness, and benevolence exists in every setting of life—our communities, our churches, our workplaces … and especially in our homes. Without one who is willing to give, generosity would never take place. True generosity is one-sided, coming from the heart of the giver.

It is therefore a great mercy that God is generous, that He acts upon His loving nature rather than making us qualify for grace.

God’s generosity in salvation is illustrated through a parable in Matthew 20. Here a landowner goes to the marketplace one morning to hire some day workers. At 9 a.m. he hires several people who agree to work for the day for a certain amount of pay. At noon he goes back to the marketplace and hires more, and repeats this again at 3 p.m. At the end of the day, each worker is given the same amount of pay, regardless of when they signed on.

The workers who were hired in the morning were livid. How could it be fair to pay those who worked only a few hours the same as those who worked all day? Hear the landowner’s response: “Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?” (verse 15).

Put yourself in the place of a worker hired at 3 p.m. and you begin to get the point. The hours worked had nothing to do with it, only the generosity of the landowner.

Discuss:

How can we show generosity to each other—and to others—through our marriage?

from The Next Year Of Your Marriage

‘“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ‘ Matthew 6:25(NLT)

‘Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ‘ Matthew 6:26(NLT)

Love is displayed through attentiveness. When one person professes love to another, that love would be called into question if there was never any expression of care or concern. Love demonstrated is love made real. This is one reason our hearts can be glad in Christ; He has made clear to us the attentive nature of God.

God has an infinite capacity for attentiveness. For example, consider Psalm 147:4: “He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names.”

We can marvel at God’s awareness of all that is happening in the universe, but this verse describes something deeper. God doesn’t just keep an inventory of the stars, he determines how many will exist and names each one. That’s unrivaled attention to detail. As humans, we cannot match God’s capacity, but we can imitate Him—in this case—by being attentive to those we love. 

Do you love your spouse? Say it with words, and express it with genuine attentiveness. Know what is weighing on her and lend a hand or word of hope. Be aware of his efforts and cheer him on to greater success. Listen. Watch. Observe. Ask. Care.

Discuss:

Ask each other: Do you often feel that I am unaware of what’s going on in your life? What can I do to be more attentive to you?

from The Next Year Of Your Marriage

‘Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers. But they delight in the law of the Lord , meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.’ Psalms 1:1-3(NLT)

‘So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.’ Colossians 1:9-10(NLT)

A psalm of David.
‘The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.’ Psalms 23:1-6(NLT)

‘Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.’ Isaiah 40:28-31(NLT)

What is life about?

Is it about being happy and fulfilled? Is it about fulfilling your soul, being useful, or about “making a difference”?

The Westminster Short Catechism provides one of the best answers: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” That’s our focus. That’s our mission.

We don’t need to pursue that goal in our own power, either. God’s Spirit continually works in our lives to strengthen us, build us, protect us, and fill our lives with the knowledge of His will (Psalm 23; Isaiah 40:28-31; Colossians 1:9).

Because our purpose in life is to glorify God and enjoy Him, the greatest thing you can do for your marriage is to encourage each other to pursue God and spend time with Him. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.”

Over the next year of your married life, look for ways to point each other to God and His Word. Remember that those who delight in God’s Word are “like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither” (Psalm 1:3). Don’t you want those words to describe you—and your spouse?

Also, spend time praying together. Dennis Rainey, president of FamilyLife, says that praying together daily with his wife “has helped resolve conflicts, kept communication flowing, and, most importantly, acknowledged our utter dependence upon Jesus Christ as the Lord and Builder of our family.”

The closer you grow to God, the closer you will grow to each other.

Discuss:

Read Psalm 1:1-3 together. How have you seen your life prosper as you know and apply God’s Word in your life? How could you encourage each other to grow closer to God?

from The Next Year Of Your Marriage