Tag: The Art Of Marriage

‘Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.’ Ephesians 6:1-4(NLT)

The definition of exasperate is to ‘irritate to a high degree’. Raising children in a way which reveals our heavenly Father’s love for them necessitates an intentional check on us as parents—to not discipline them from a place of irritation. It’s the key emotion that has been highlighted for us to avoid.  

When our children are young, the application of loving discipline helps guide them towards right conduct. We tend to behave as ‘controllers’, making decisions on their behalf that influence their day-to-day lives. As children grow older, a wise parent will pivot from being a ‘controller’ to becoming a ‘consultant’—offering wise counsel that helps our children learn from their mistakes by creating an environment where it’s okay to fail. Giving them counsel when consulted, and surrounding them in prayer and a culture of affirmation. 

This enables them to most naturally gravitate to the instruction in Ephesians 6:1 (TPT), “Children, if you want to be wise, listen to your parents and do what they tell you, and the Lord will help you”.

The revelation of a loving God who will help them sets our children up to live in the commanded blessings “You will prosper and live a long, full life.” (Ephesians 6:3)

from The Art Of Marriage

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:22-25(NLT)

Across the Middle East and Asia, the cultural expectations of women range from being under the complete rule of her closest male relative (leaving a woman subjected to an uncle or son to authorize her travel plans), to women being told their respect and identity is found when they take their place – in the kitchen. 

The word ‘submission’ is often wielded as a sword by insecure husbands who demand their own way. Often, some cultures demand that women submit to any man – going beyond the biblical instruction which specifies her ‘own husband’.

The Greek word for submission used in the scripture is hupotasso which can be interpreted as “to yield to one’s advice”. The English word submit implies being dominated by a superior. Personally, I don’t think that resonates with the biblical text or the Creator’s intentions from the beginning. 

The word ‘yield’ to your ‘own husband’ more accurately describes the biblical instruction which, when paralleled with the man’s instruction to ‘love your wife’, can result in a symphony of unity in purpose and mission. 

Yield doesn’t demand; it’s not forced. It’s a choice derived from free will to yield to another—one’s own husband, who with loving counsel directs the home in the best interest of every member. 

God, our loving Father, doesn’t demand our compliance. His gift to mankind was free will – yes, it can result in mistakes, like Adam and Eve, who chose wrongly.  But God didn’t adjust or change the fundamentals. Free will is still a gift. It’s a gift given by God and is expressed in our relationship with God and with others. 

As a wife in relationship with my loving husband, I choose to willingly give him the gift of a yielded heart. 

Wives, ‘yield’ to your own husbands. Husbands ‘love’ your wives.

from The Art Of Marriage

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

Loneliness is a modern day epidemic. It transcends culture and geography. Loneliness is the exception that God identified when he declared that His creation was ‘good’. God’s antidote was the creation of a ‘suitable helper’.

The word helper ‘ezer’ in Hebrew used in Genesis 2:8 means one that is designed to be a corresponding and equal partner for Adam. There is no sense of subordination stated or implied or even hinted in this text. 

Culture has relegated many women throughout the ages to a role that was inferior to the role assigned to her by her creator. 

Jesus addressed the diminishing of the relationship between a man and a woman in Matthew 19:8(NIV): “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But, it was not this way from the beginning”.

We are surrounded by lonely husbands and wives who are burdened through the journey of life. Depression, the circumstantial type, is rampant as people try to conform to societal pressures that define the roles of a husband and wife which are in direct conflict with the intentions of the creator. 

Marriage is intended to have corresponding and equal partners. Marriage is designed to fulfill purpose and enjoyment in the embrace of true emotional, physical and spiritual bonding. Marriage is man and wife, in the covenant relationship of love and companionship. 

If we go back to the beginning and the initial intention of God,  we will find true contentment. 

from The Art Of Marriage

‘She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.’ Proverbs 31:14-16(NLT)

This scripture often quoted from Proverbs 31, outlines the characteristics and impact of an ‘Influential Wife’, not only an ‘Influential Woman’. 

In many cultures and communities, in the transition of a young woman to a wife, she is expected to give up her entrepreneurial life and become subjected to the rule of her husband. The cultural expectations of the role of a wife see her world, hopes and dreams shrinking. 

That worldview is diametrically opposed to the biblical ideal of a good wife. 

The ‘Ideal (most suitable) Wife’ outlined in the scripture is an ‘Influential Wife’. 

She is a trader (entrepreneur) who is not restricted in her thinking or business to a local mindset or business, but a global one. 

She manages her home with diligence. 

She is compassionate towards the poor.

She is wise in her counsel.

Can a modern biblical wife reflect the ancient biblical model of influence?

from The Art Of Marriage

‘And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:16(NLT)

Does the ‘one flesh’ referenced in the scriptures extend beyond the physical dimension to include one’s personhood?

I’ve heard the words ‘the two shall be one’ echo throughout my life as it coupled with the instruction to submit myself to the man I love. The resounding echo back to my feeble heart and ears was ‘you lose’ in order to ‘gain’ love.

You lose your identity. 

You lose your uniqueness.

You lose your ability to make decisions.

You lose your sense of self.

You lose, as you merge into another with a new identity, new covering, and a new role, all pre-destined for you.

For years I believed the lie.

As I changed my name and my role, I emerged, lost and submerged in the expectation of what a ‘good’ Christian wife and mother should be.

I gained love and paid for it with myself until I re-examined what I had blindly accepted.

Could our lives be like primary colours? I saw myself as red, and him blue. Together we formed the colour purple. A distinct colour; a distinct unit with purpose, identity, fulfillment and wholeness.

I could remain ‘red’—pursue my gifting, enjoy my pursuits, and have the power to make financial, emotional, and relational decisions. My ‘red’ could exist and contribute to the creation of purple. My ‘red’ could find my own voice, passion, purpose, fulfillment and at the same time merge into purple.

So when the Bible reminded me that there is no male or female, no gender, no marriage, no combos in heaven, I realized I must give account for my own life.

The truth sank in. I’m responsible for my ‘red’. I will have to give account for ‘myself’. 

I don’t lose when I gain love.

from The Art Of Marriage