Tag: The 7 Rings Of Marriage

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9-11(NLT)

‘Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! ‘ Philippians 4:4(NLT)

‘Always be joyful. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 5:16(NLT)

‘Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.’ Psalms 145:4(NLT)

“The day you and Stephana get divorced is the day I stop believing in marriage.” Those are the words a friend told me years ago. You talk about stopping you dead in your tracks! Wow. Today, I would advise him to not put all of his hope for marriage in our relationship, but back then I didn’t know what to say.

I was dumbfounded. I was dumbfounded because to me our marriage was highly dysfunctional, and nowhere near the model marriage. We were experiencing major problems, major marital issues, and weren’t always happy in our marriage.

What his comment did to me at the time was open my mind to a couple of things. First, I realized our marriage could have an impact on others, both good and bad. Second, and this took place over time, I realized that my perception of my marriage was somewhat negative. I had a good thing in my marriage (Proverbs 18:22) and I should rejoice, not focus only on the challenging or hard aspects.

God has given you a great blessing in your spouse and in your marriage. Focus on the good in your spouse and marriage, and celebrate. At the same time, your marriage is bigger than you and your spouse. Allow your relationship to be a blessing to other couples. You don’t have to be a marriage “expert” to do this. You can help somebody from your unique experiences in marriage.

Spend some time praying and praising God for each other and your marriage. Talk about what a blessing it is to be married to each other and experience life together. Meditate on the following verses together: Philippians 4:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16, and Psalm 145:4.

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ‘ Romans 3:23(NLT)

‘Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ‘ Hebrews 10:23-24(NLT)

My wife and I hosted a marriage summit in which we interviewed 20 different couples who are living out the 7 Rings through lasting and fulfilling marriages. In addition to interviewing the other couples and learning from their marriages, we decided to jump in the interview seat ourselves. We asked one of the husbands to ask us several questions about our marriage.

One of his first questions was, “Stephana, does Jackie practice what he preaches?” Wow, what a way to come out of the gates! And what a friend (I gave him a list of questions and that wasn’t on the list). Well, my wife didn’t hesitate to answer.

She responded by saying, “Jackie is fallible…” And she went on to say, “We are both fallible.” So true and another one of the reasons why I love my wife.

The same is true about you and your spouse. We all sin, we all make mistakes, we all are fallible. It’s because of this that forgiveness is paramount in a marriage. Without forgiveness there can’t be healing when we go through the challenges that are caused by our own sin. Without forgiveness there is no restoration. Without restoration our marriages are stuck and dying right before our eyes.

Your spouse is going to mess up from time to time. Some, like me, will mess up more often than not. Yet, just like God did with us, we must show the same grace to our spouses.

Spend time in prayer confessing your sins before God and to each other. Ask for His help to turn from them. Ask Him to help you put your hope in Him, not in your spouse (Hebrews 10:23-24).

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage
 

‘Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.’ 1 Peter 4:12-13(NLT)

‘We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.’ Romans 5:3-5(NLT)

‘So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:9(NLT)

Our marriage story is filled with chapters about being homeless, of job loss and financial bondage, of intimacy and in-law issues, of communication challenges, and more. When we said “I do,” despite our vows mentioning challenges, we didn’t really expect them. We definitely didn’t expect the ones we’ve faced nor the severity of them.

I’m not sure these difficulties would have been any easier had we known they were coming, but I’m a planner and preparer, so I prefer to know. Your marriage may have experienced some of the same challenges, or maybe something much worse. The point is marital challenges shouldn’t be a surprise to us (1 Peter 4:12-13). And the good thing is there is purpose in them.

After listening to our problems in a counseling session years ago, the pastor told us that what we were experiencing was normal. Then he gave us an illustration to show us there was a purpose to our trials. He said, “God is using you to create something great in your marriage.”

“Imagine a hammer, chisel, and stone. God is the blacksmith. Sometimes Jackie is the chisel and Stephana is the stone. Sometimes it’s the opposite. God hammers the chisel causing it to break pieces of the stone, which may be painful. But God’s intentions aren’t to destroy either of you or your marriage. His purpose is to make you and your marriage pleasing in His sight.”

We should expect challenges to happen, but be encouraged by them because we know God is creating something great.

Spend some time in prayer giving thanks to God for what He’s doing in your marriage. Encourage each other to continue on, not getting tired of the work and the challenges, but to be expectant and excited about what will be the result (read Galatians 6:9).

Are you a part of a small group or marriage ministry? If so, learn how the 7 Rings Bible study can facilitate small group interaction, encouragement, and accountability in your group.

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage
 

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

‘If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:1(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

My wife would be considered what some people call a “crier.” It doesn’t take much for her to get the “waterworks going,” as she puts it. To me, her tears often seem to come out of nowhere. This was especially true in our early years of marriage. From my perspective,there was nothing happening—at least nothing worthy of crying over.

But there she’d be, eyes welled up, fighting back tears until she couldn’t hold back anymore. It was a big point of frustration in our marriage. I was frustrated because I had no idea why she was crying. Even after finding out why she was crying, I’d be amazed and say to myself, “She’s crying over that??”

She was frustrated because she couldn’t control her emotions, and the more I asked and prodded and got frustrated, the more emotional she became. Sometimes she wouldn’t say anything. Over time, I’ve learned how hard it is for her and have tried to be more understanding. She’s learned how it makes me feel when I can’t help her.

We’ve both learned more about each other through the years, and we’ve learned to love each other through it. Maybe she was crying over spilled milk. It didn’t matter; my job was to love her. Maybe I was impatient. It didn’t matter; her job was to respond in love.

We must dwell with each other in understanding and respond to all situations in love.

Spend some time in prayer asking God to make you lifelong learners of each other and to allow you to truthfully speak and respond to each other in love. Read and meditate on the following verses: 1 Corinthians 13:1 and James 1:19.

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:6(NLT)

‘and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ‘ Mark 10:8(NLT)

Our first venture as entrepreneurs was in real estate. We started a real estate investing company that purchased single family houses that were in disrepair or bank-owned through foreclosure. I probably looked at thousands of houses and signed purchase offers on hundreds of them. However, I didn’t become the owner of all of those houses, not even all the ones that we had signed a purchase agreement.

I learned to always use a contingency clause that would allow us to back out of our agreement if we discovered something about the property we didn’t like. Using contingency clauses gave me the freedom to make offers, sign agreements, and even fall in “love” with houses knowing it wasn’t permanent. It’s a great clause for real estate transactions, but a terrible one for marriage.

When we say “I do” to our spouses, before our friends and family and before God, we shouldn’t treat that agreement the same as I did in real estate. No, it’s more than that. A commitment in marriage is more than an agreement contingent upon one or both persons doing certain things. It’s a covenant with unconditional promises.

This is the mindset we must enter into and keep in marriage. Once we commit with “I do,” we have made an unconditional agreement that should not be separated by any man or woman.

Spend some time praying with your spouse asking God to show you how to live out this covenant relationship. Then write a letter of promise to your spouse about why you are committed to your marriage until death and that you’ll honor this commitment no matter what.

from The 7 Rings Of Marriage