Tag: Social Media

‘You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. ‘ Hebrews 3:13(NLT)

“Every technology,” says Neil Postman, “is both a burden and a blessing; not either-or, but this-and-that.” This is certainly true where online social networking is concerned. There are some noteworthy dangers and pitfalls that married couples need to keep in mind, but that’s not the whole story. It would be just as true to say that cell phones, computers, iPads, and social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, when used with wisdom and discernment, can be effective tools for strengthening marriages, building up other people, and creating a healthy sense of community among couples. Here are a few suggestions as to how this idea might play out in practical terms.

1. Connectivity. Social media serve marriages best when they are used to maintain a healthy connection between spouses during the workday or while one of the partners is traveling.

A husband or wife on a business trip can use his or her Facebook page to share new experiences with the entire family and to give them a sense of participating in the journey. It’s also a good way to hold yourself accountable by keeping family members posted on your activities and whereabouts. That’s not to mention the potential for shooting one another a quick love note or a word of encouragement from time to time. You can also use Facebook to praise your spouse publicly when he or she does something nice or achieves a goal that deserves attention (provided, of course, that you keep this within appropriate limits).

2. Accountability. This last benefit can have a significance that goes beyond the circle of the marriage itself. Friends can help husbands and wives stay faithful to their marriage vows. That includes Facebook friends.

3. Enhancing relationships. Some research has indicated that social media, when used appropriately, can actually add intensity and immediacy to face-to-face relationships.

When used as a supplement to (rather than as a replacement for) flesh-and-blood contact with another human being, online communication can add new layers of intimacy and understanding to our interactions with those we love — as, for example, when a Facebook message supplies the necessary background for an important conversation and eliminates the need for a lot of preliminary explanation. This feature has obvious advantages for married couples. Social media can also be a useful springboard to new relationships and friendships.

4. Walking in the light. Husbands and wives who connect with old friends via Facebook may sometimes have unprecedented opportunities to enter into the details of one another’s personal histories.

This can be tricky. It might even become a source of tension, suspicion, or jealousy if one of the partners’ old high school flames decides to put in a “friend” request. But such developments can also be healthy and beneficial if they have the effect of eliminating secrets and shining a light on the past. Everything depends on the couple in question and how they choose to handle such revelations.

5. Community. The healthiest marriages are those linked into a healthy support group. Couples need other couples, and social media can be an effective tool for networking, discovering common interests with friends, setting up fellowship groups, organizing events, and coordinating get-togethers.

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s Help Center (http://family.custhelp.com/app/home), or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Again, it’s common practice for couples to maintain separate social media accounts (that’s how Facebook is set up to work), it’s a good idea for husbands and wives to share their passwords with one another, both as a gesture of mutual respect and as a way of ensuring accountability. Their respective Facebook profiles should make it clear that they are married to one another. Icons, photos, and other visual images should be designed to remind visitors that they are married. As far as possible, posted pictures should frequently show husband and wife together. Everything should be expressed to reflect the couple’s identity as a unit.

If desired, couples can prevent unwanted searches by making full use of their privacy settings. They can also set up the same access groups on both pages, ensuring that each spouse is sharing only with the same group of people. In cases where a greater degree of accountability is required or recommended, spouses may decide to set up a new shared “family” account instead. This type of joint account does have its limitations for the practical use of social media, but in situations where it is necessary to preserve the integrity of the marriage relationship, we would not advise against these safeguards.

It’s important to emphasize that this isn’t about lack of trust. Husbands and wives don’t need to“baby-sit” each other to make sure that no one gets out of line. At the most basic level, this is simply a question of remaining above reproach. It’s a way of staying accountable to one another and to the rest of the world. The apostle Paul urges Christians to steer clear not only of evil itself but even of the mere appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). This is something believers need to take seriously, both in their marriages and in their interactions with others.

And that’s not all. The “open door policy” can actually foster a healthy sense of freedom in a marriage when it’s utilized in the right way. If it doesn’t — that is, if it turns into a kind of “monitoring,” a la “Big Brother” — that probably indicates that a couple already had trust issues before they got involved with social media. Where this is the case, they could probably benefit by engaging the help of a trained counselor. Remember, if your communication as a couple is suffering, Facebook isn’t likely to help. As a matter of fact, it will probably only make matters worse.

It’s important to add that sharing passwords or, if appropriate, maintaining a shared account can also be a way of building a hedge around your marriage. It’s a strategy for protecting your relationship against outside threats. Whether you’ve been married for thirty days or thirty years, you’re never really immune to the threat of an extra-marital affair.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. ‘ Romans 6:16(NLT)

Married couples need to be aware of the potential risks and pitfalls before jumping into online social networking with both feet. Every new technological development has both pluses and minuses, and, as author Neil Postman observes, it is not always clear in the beginning who the winners and losers will be.

Here’s a list of some of the most noteworthy drawbacks associated with social media:

1. Virtual Reality vs. Actual Reality. The danger of living a “parallel life” in a “parallel world.”
2. Anonymity. A seductive potential for secrecy.
3. Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, and Narcissism. This includes “stalking,” spying, unwarranted boasting, deception, misrepresentation of facts, and self-promotion.
4. Vulnerability to Predators and Opportunists. Inattentive Facebook users can open themselves up to the schemes of charlatans and dangerous sexual predators.
5. Potential Loss of Privacy. Once you’ve put something on Facebook, you have no way of controlling forwards and second-postings.
6. Best Foot Forward. The tendency to reveal only the best and most attractive aspects of one’s life to Facebook friends.
7. Too Much Too Soon. An illusion of genuine friendship where in fact there is nothing more than an artificial “virtual” link with another person.
8. Isolation. The temptation to withdraw into a “virtual” world of one’s own making.
In almost every case, the basic issue here is control. Technology is supposed to be a tool — something that makes it easier to accomplish your goals and achieve your purposes. If it becomes your master, you’ve got a serious problem.

You and your spouse can keep that from happening by drawing up a household “mission statement” to govern your use of social media. Ask yourself: “Why do I want to be involved with social media? What am I hoping to accomplish by way of Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn?” If Facebook has a tendency to take over your life, you can regain control by reclarifying your objectives. Remember that you can always enact Facebook’s limitation features to block unwanted searches and keep yourself “invisible” to the larger Facebook community.

There are also some practical measures you can implement to limit the amount of time you’re spending with social media. Here again the key is to use the devices to serve your purposes and strategies rather than allowing them to dominate you. You should also give yourself permission to leave behind your hand-held devices while you’re doing more important things. Some families have also found it helpful to have a “Sabbath Box” where phones and iPads can be laid aside voluntarily as a way of “disconnecting” for a while.

Remember, too, that Facebook and Twitter can be effective tools for strengthening marriages, building up other people, and creating a healthy sense of community among couples. You can protect yourself against the pitfalls described above by implementing the following list of “best practices:”

1. Shared passwords. Maintain an “open door policy” with your spouse.
2. Wise use of access features. In setting up their Facebook profile, married couples ought to think carefully about the amount of personal information they’d like to include and the details they want to provide.
3. Establish boundaries. Discuss your expectations. It helps to agree on boundaries and guidelines up front.
4. Encourage and build up. Spouses should think of ways to use social media to encourage and compliment one another.
5. Go slow. Don’t jump to unwarranted conclusions about “relationships” with “friends” who are really nothing more than cyber-acquaintances.
6. Post with discernment. Don’t post anything on Facebook that you wouldn’t care to see printed on the front page of the newspaper.
7. Stay grounded. In other words, do whatever it takes to remain in control.
8. Exemplify good practices. When children are part of the picture, mom and dad should be careful to model these “best practices.”

There are a number of Internet tools available that can help you stay on the straight and narrow. Covenant Eyes, for instance, is an accountability software that provides selected individuals with a report of your online activities. And Net Nanny is a filtering program that can be used to protect the entire family.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!’ Song of Songs 2:15(NLT)

There’s a question that sometimes arises when married couples get involved with social media: is it okay to “friend” an “old flame” on Facebook?

Ironically, the problem is easier to resolve in the case of a troubled marriage. The more difficulty a couple is experiencing, the more obvious it should be that they cannot and must not tolerate outside temptations or intrusions. In situations of this nature, the answer is a definite no. Like “little foxes” to tender vines, “friend” requests from old boyfriends or girlfriends can do great damage to a fragile or hurting marriage.

Things get more complicated when the marriage is strong. In such instances, it’s important for spouses to discuss the issue before making up their minds. After all, a good marriage is worth protecting. As has been noted elsewhere, a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers revealed that Facebook has been a major factor in one out of five U. S. divorces. This in itself suggests that the risks associated with “old flame” friend requests could easily outweigh any potential benefits. You need to be careful about exposing your relationship to threats of any kind, no matter how remote they may seem.

If you are thinking about initiating contact with an “old flame,” you should stop and reflect before moving ahead. Would it be helpful or harmful to your marriage to re-establish a connection with this person? Ask yourself exactly why you might want to take this step. Are you absolutely certain that you don’t feel compelled to revisit the past because of present discontentment? Have you been thinking about the way things “might have been” if this particular relationship had turned out differently? We’re not necessarily suggesting that this is the case. We’re just saying that it deserves some thought. In the final analysis, it’s a decision that you must make together with your spouse.

If it’s the other party — the old boyfriend or girlfriend — initiating the contact, it would probably be a good idea to ask yourself some questions about his or her motives. Naturally, you have no way of knowing exactly what this individual is thinking. You may, however, have some strong intuitions one way or the other about his or her reasons for getting in touch. Take some time to think this over and to discuss it with your spouse before moving ahead. If you suspect that the other party’s intentions are not entirely appropriate or honorable, ignore the request and move on.

If you choose to go ahead and “friend” your “old flame,” we’d urge you to do so via a Facebook account that intentionally reflects the healthy nature of your marriage. As alluded to previously, this page should be filled with images designed to remind visitors of your relationship with your spouse. As far as possible, photos should frequently show the two of you together. The whole point is to represent yourselves as a unit. This will prevent the other person interpreting the online “friendship” in the wrong way. If the “old flame” is married, it’s also important to consider what impact your actions may have on his or her spouse. While your marriage may be strong enough to accommodate a reestablishment of this friendship, it could very well introduce conflict and be a source of marital difficulty for the other couple.

On the positive side, it’s worth noting that husbands and wives who connect with old friends via Facebook may be rewarded with unprecedented opportunities to enter into the details of one another’s personal dating histories. This can be an enriching experience. But it can also get tricky if it turns into a source of tension, suspicion, or jealousy. Such developments may have a healthy and beneficial effect if they help you get rid of secrets and shed some light on the past. Everything depends on the couple in question and how they choose to handle such revelations. Our recommendation is that you maintain an “open door” policy. Then be prepared to do the necessary hard work if issues from the past arise that seem to require attention.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

If you and your spouse are involved in social media, the possibility always exists that one or the other of you may receive flirtatious or inappropriate messages from someone on Facebook. It’s important that the two of you come up with a joint plan for dealing with communications of this nature.

If a message of this kind reaches one of you over the Internet, the first thing you should do is sit down and discuss it together. It’s important to be open and honest and lay everything out on the table. Don’t get angry. Don’t accuse or blame. Instead, use “I-based” language. If your spouse is the recipient, tell him or her exactly how you feel and what you experience when you see flirtatious messages coming over the Internet. Get his or her feedback about it. Have a heart-to-heart discussion about the best way of handling the situation.

Bear in mind that online flirting is really no different than any other type of flirting. Try to approach the situation just as you would if someone had approached your spouse inappropriately at a party or some other social event. Be humble and sensitive. Bring all your best communication skills into play and make the preservation of your marriage the number-one priority.

Once you’ve talked the matter through, move on to a discussion of boundaries. Ask your spouse what can be done to put a stop to the inappropriate messages. Be open with one another about your respective expectations for social media. Work together to draw up a list of Facebook “best practices.” If the two of you have been maintaining separate Facebook pages, we strongly suggest that you share your passwords with one another and maintain an “open door policy” where Facebook communications are concerned. Make sure that icons, photos, and any other visual images posted on the page remind visitors of your marital relationship. Use pictures that show husband and wife together. The whole point is to design a page that reflects the couple’s identity as a unit. This in itself will discourage flirtatious messages from individuals whose motives are less than honorable.

The recipient of such messages can draw a line in the sand by telling the person on the other end, “If you don’t cease and desist I will unfriend you.” If the flirting continues, go ahead and block that individual. Meanwhile, remember that you don’t necessarily have to deal with this problem via Facebook. In the Internet world it’s important to know when it’s time to “take things off-line.” If it seems appropriate, contact this person by phone and have a serious conversation about the matter. Be sure to let your words and actions be guided by objective standards of propriety rather than by emotions.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘“If another believer#18:15a Greek If your brother. sins against you,#18:15b Some manuscripts do not include against you. go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. ‘ Matthew 18:15-16(NLT)

Spouses often get frustrated and upset with one another. At such times, it’s natural to want to express those feelings in a healthy way. There’s a place for “venting” in any relationship, but that place is not Facebook, Twitter, or any other form of social media. If you air your dirty laundry in an open and general forum, you’ll only hurt your marriage and destroy any sense of trust that may still remain between you and your spouse.

Venting is intensely personal. It’s not about broadcasting your negative thoughts to a general audience. Instead, it’s a method of “de-briefing” with intimate supporters whom you trust. It should be done with one or two people who understand your situation and who have some kind of personal interest in the emotions you’re expressing.

The purpose is to get your feelings out in the open so that you can take a second look at them, view them more impersonally, and evaluate them. This is an important part of the process of communicating with loved ones, setting and re-adjusting goals, and making necessary changes. We all need to vent once in a while, both for our own sake and for the sake of those who are closest to us. But this should only be done in a private setting with a trusted confidant.

To say it another way, venting is a private matter. Interactions via social media, on the other hand, are public. Many of us tend to think of a Facebook posting as something that stays between “friends.” In actuality, this kind of communication is relatively open-ended. Whether you realize it or not, it has the potential to reach a much wider audience than you may have intended within a very short time. Once you’ve put something “out there,” you have no way of controlling the forwards and second-postings by “friends” and “friends of friends.” A good rule of thumb is, “Don’t post anything on social media that you wouldn’t want to see printed on the front page of The New York Times.”

If you need to vent, we recommend that you take it off-line. Marital frustrations are something you should discuss with your spouse, not a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. If the two of you find it difficult to communicate, seek out a trained marriage counselor who can help you work through your issues.

If you have a burning desire to let someone else know what’s going on, open your heart to a spiritual mentor, a pastor, or a close friend. Don’t make yourself vulnerable with anyone but a person you know you can trust. As for your Facebook “friends,” you can let them know that you need prayer without discussing any details. That’s as much information as they require.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife.’ Proverbs 5:15(NLT)

If you’re married and involved in social media, there’s one point about which you must be absolutely clear: never share concerns about your marriage with Facebook friends of the opposite sex. This is particularly important if you feel that your marriage is struggling or that the spark may be going out of your relationship with your spouse.

“Sharing” of this kind is extremely dangerous. A recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers revealed that Facebook has been a major factor in one out of five U. S. divorces. This statistic indicates how easy it is for a connection with an online friend to morph into an affair.

That’s especially true where marriages are already fragile. When there are difficulties at home, that’s not the time to enter into a dalliance with a member of the opposite sex, no matter how innocent it may seem. If this is your situation, you should be taking steps to build a wall around your marriage rather than exposing it to even greater threats. Author Jerry Jenkins offers some valuable insights in this regard in his book Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough To Protect It. This resource is available through Focus on the Family’s Online Store (http://family.christianbook.com/?p=1143702).

Bottom line: if you feel frustrated about your marriage, don’t go online and air your thoughts and feelings with an “understanding” outsider. Instead, talk to your spouse. If your relationship is foundering, it’s time to sit down together and see what can be done to remedy the situation. Come up with a plan to fan the flames of romance in your marriage. Set aside a regular date night and start spending more time together. If you have children, get a babysitter and go out to dinner. Write a love letter to your spouse or buy a gift. Be creative in the ways you show affection to each other. Dig into your shared history and rediscover what it was that brought you together in the first place. Learn what it means to love unconditionally, even during hard times and dry times. Renew your commitment to stick together through thick and thin.

If you have trouble communicating on this level, seek out a trained marriage counselor who can help you work through your issues. If you still feel a need to let someone else know what’s going on, open your heart to a spiritual mentor, a parent, a sibling, a pastor, or a close friend. But don’t make yourself vulnerable with someone for whom you might be tempted to develop romantic feelings. If you do, you’re asking for trouble.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23(NLT)

There’s always good cause for married folks to exercise caution in friendships with members of the opposite sex. At the same time, there are no hard-and-fast rules governing the extent to which it’s permissible to message or chat with opposite-sex friends via the Internet. Everything depends on who these friends are, the context of your communication with them, the background of your relationships with them, and your reasons and motives for wanting to stay in touch. Are they friends of the family? Co-workers? “Old flames?” For obvious reasons, it makes a huge difference.

From a certain perspective, maintaining a healthy marriage while wisely managing relationships with members of the opposite sex is no different in cyberspace than it is in the “real” world—for example, at a party, at a high school reunion, or while out to dinner with other couples at a restaurant. Sometimes it’s just a matter of establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. On other occasions, it can be a fine art that requires wisdom, discernment, and maturity. In every circumstance, your love for your spouse and your commitment to your marriage should be your guiding principles. That love and that commitment represent the “bottom line” that determines all your thoughts, choices, and actions with reference to individuals of the opposite sex.

That said, it’s important to add that there is a sense in which social media can complicate this whole scenario in some subtle and elusive ways. Things get trickier when the secrecy, privacy, and relative anonymity that sometimes characterize online relationships are allowed to cloud the picture. If you value your marriage and genuinely desire to protect it, you need to be on your guard against unforeseen threats.

Never forget that some people have a tendency to slip into a different psychological “zone” when they log on to Facebook or Twitter. Without even realizing it, they can assume the attitude of another person living a “parallel life” in a “parallel world.” In this state of mind, it’s easy to forget normal inhibitions, disregard appropriate boundaries, and give in to tempting fantasies. Under these conditions, emotions can be deceptive. An “innocent” attraction can become the first step to a disastrous affair. Everything depends upon your ability to stay grounded and maintain a healthy sense of balance and perspective.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.’ Job 31:1(NLT)

If you’re married, there’s a basic rule of thumb that should govern your interactions with members of the opposite sex via Facebook and Twitter. If you’re spending more time with these online “friends” than with your spouse, something needs to change. If this is your situation, sit down with your spouse and take a very close look at your relationship. If necessary, do this with the assistance of a trained marriage counselor.

You should also ask yourself exactly why you’re interested in maintaining connections with individuals of the opposite sex via social media. Take some time to evaluate your motives. Is it possible that you’re looking for ways to meet a need that your marriage isn’t meeting for you at present? This could be an underlying or even unconscious factor that deserves careful thought.

Remember that there are always compelling reasons to be cautious about opposite-sex friendships outside of your marriage, both online and off-line. Before you were married you may have had many such friendships, but things are different now. Once you’ve said “I do,” your bond with your spouse must take priority over every other relationship.

Bear in mind, too, that most affairs begin as an innocent connection between two people. Time spent together, whether face-to-face, by phone, or via computer, can lead to the sharing of intimate secrets. This in turn can erode the foundation of trust which is essential to every marriage. When that happens, it’s just a short step to betrayal and infidelity.

Are there any red flags or danger signals to watch for? Absolutely. When it comes to ‘’friends” of the opposite sex, you should regularly take stock of your own behavior and attitudes. Get together with your spouse, draw up a list of appropriate boundaries and best practices, and make a promise to stick with them. Ask yourself whether you might be using social networking in inappropriate ways.

For example, are you overly quick to “like” or become a “fan” of any particular individual’s postings? Could you have ulterior motives — motives you don’t even want to admit to yourself — for doing so? Do you frequently find yourself compelled to visit this person’s Facebook page just to “keep up”? Is there a glaring imbalance between the number of your male and female online “friends”? These can all be indications that something is not quite right with your marriage.

There are also some warning signs to look for in the specific content of your communications with members of the opposite sex. Do your conversations include things that should be kept between you and your spouse? Is there anything secretive about the messages you send to one another? Do you find yourself daydreaming about any of these friends? Do you look for excuses to visit them online? Do you share thoughts, feelings, or problems with them that you don’t reveal to your spouse? Are you convinced that they understand you better than your spouse does?

If you said yes to any of these questions, there’s a danger that these relationships may be crossing the line between the platonic and the romantic. And that’s a matter for serious concern.

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media

‘My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 2:16(NLT)

Are you involved with social media — Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc.? If so, do you think this involvement could have a negative impact on your marriage?

You may be tempted to dismiss the question altogether, but it’s worth pondering — especially if you’re serious about protecting and enhancing your connection with your spouse.

Remember, your marriage needs to be your most important relationship. It’s an exclusive bond that makes exclusive demands on those who enter into it. As far as you are concerned, it has to take priority over every other connection with every other human being. This is important to bear in mind since, at the most basic level, social media are all about relationships — whether virtual or real.

How can you tell if those online relationships pose a threat to your matrimonial bliss? There are a number of ways. First, if you sense that your feelings for your spouse may be slipping from the number one position, you need to stop and ask yourself some pointed questions. This is particularly true if the quantity and quality of your communication with your spouse appears to be going downhill.

Second, if social media are dominating your time — if you’re spending more time on Facebook than you are interacting with your spouse, and if you sense that online “relationships” are more enjoyable and fulfilling than your marriage or other “real life” activities — this is another sure sign that something isn’t right.

Third, watch out for disagreements about the content of your Facebook page or pages. If one spouse is unhappy with the way the other is representing the family, this could become a source of serious conflict. The problem can be especially significant if one partner feels that the other’s Facebook postings or photos are silly, that they’re giving the entire household a foolish reputation, or that they violate the sanctity of the marriage covenant or the family’s privacy in any way.

Fourth, arguments about the appropriateness of “friend” requests from ex-spouses or “old flames” can be another potential landmine. You’ll know that social media are impacting your marriage in a negative way if you ever find yourselves caught in the middle of that discussion.

Fifth, secrecy in any form is a serious danger signal. Do you feel a sudden compulsion to log off or minimize the Facebook window when your spouse walks into the room unannounced? If so, you need to ask yourself why. Transparency is the foundation of trust, and trust is essential to every successful marriage. Husbands and wives who are active in social media need to maintain an “open door policy” by sharing their passwords with one another, both out of mutual respect and as a way of ensuring accountability.

In connection with this last point, there are several additional questions you should probably ask yourself about your interactions with online acquaintances and “friends,” especially those of the opposite sex. Do your conversations include things that should be kept between you and your spouse? Do you find yourself daydreaming about any of these people? Do you look for excuses to visit them online? Do you share thoughts, feelings, or problems with them that you don’t reveal to your spouse? Are you convinced that they understand you better than your spouse does? If so, there’s a danger that these relationships may be crossing the line between the platonic and the romantic. It goes without saying that this is a serious red flag.

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s Help Center (http://family.custhelp.com/app/home), or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from Infidelity: Protecting Your Marriage, Social Media