Tag: Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

‘“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone,’ you are in danger of the fires of hell. “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. ‘ Matthew 5:21-25(NLT)

‘Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.’ Romans 12:18(NLT)

‘For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.’ 2 Corinthians 7:10(NLT)

In Matthew 5 Jesus is challenging people’s paradigms by giving them a new standard. He begins with this idea that long before something manifests in our lives it takes shape in our heart. And at the core of His message is the practice of reconciliation, because it’s impossible to build a great relationship if we never learn to deal with offense and be reconciled.

Now typically when we think about reconciliation we think about our need to forgive, but forgiveness is a two-way street. It’s not just something we need to extend it’s something we need to receive. The times when we’ve offended people and messed up can actually be catalysts to make our relationship stronger. But to do that we must be able to apologize appropriately. It’s the inability to apologize that neutralizes so many of our relationships. If we apologize right way it brings change in our relationships and hearts.

A good apology begins with three little words, “I am sorry” and it includes responsibility and regret. When you apologize correctly you’re taking responsibility for your actions and expressing regret. This means there is no “but” involved and no excuses. You always lose when you try to excuse.

However, it doesn’t stop there. You also need to express the words “I love you.” The closer the relationship, the greater the opportunity for offense. That’s why those we love often hurt us the most. When you say “I love you” it gives reassurance to the other person. It reminds them you are not their enemy. Love is tested when things are at their worst, not at their best. An apology is a chance to really show someone how you feel about them.

The last thing we need to say in our apology is “Please forgive me.” It’s not an apology if you don’t ask someone to forgive you. These three little words are asking for resolution and restoration. It’s an act of humility because it gives the other person power over you. It acknowledges that forgiveness is out of your control and becomes their choice now. 

I am sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.

Three little phrases. Three little words. So much power.

Questions for reflection.

When you apologize do you express regret and remorse or do you try to explain and excuse? Do you ask for forgiveness at the end of your apology? What would happen if you tried apologizing saying only these three phrases?

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

‘Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” ‘ 1 Corinthians 15:33(NLT)

‘But Caleb tried to quiet the people as they stood before Moses. “Let’s go at once to take the land,” he said. “We can certainly conquer it!” But the other men who had explored the land with him disagreed. “We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!” So they spread this bad report about the land among the Israelites: “The land we traveled through and explored will devour anyone who goes to live there. All the people we saw were huge. ‘ Numbers 13:30-32(NLT)

The relationships we have can propel us toward our future or keep us chained to our past. That’s why it’s so important we approach all of our relationships wisely. When you surround yourself with the wrong people it impacts your thinking, your behavior, and your attitude in a negative way. Right relationships will encourage you, strengthen you and make you more like Christ.

Sometimes we have relationships in our lives that take more than they give. They might not take from us physically, but they drain us emotionally through, negativity, control, temptation and fear. So how do we deal with the relationships that aren’t helping us? While we can’t choose every relationship we have, we can choose to not let bad company have our ear, our mind and ultimately our heart.

We can reduce the impact of negative relationships and still be an example of Christ to them if we do a few specific things. First we need to make sure that we are spiritually and emotionally healthy.  If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to help others. Just like when flying on a plane; in the event of an emergency you place the oxygen mask that drops from your cabin on yourself first before helping anyone else. In the same way we need to make sure that we are spiritually and emotionally secure before we can reach out to help others.

The second thing we need to do is love freely while also standing firm. You don’t have to limit your love for them, but you can limit their access to you. That’s what Jesus did. He loved freely but not everyone had unlimited access to Him personally. He fed the multitudes, He taught the crowds, He commissioned seventy for ministry, He discipled twelve and even within that group He had three (Peter, James and John) that He gave special revelation. Having firm boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about people, it means you care about the right relationships God has given you to make sure the people who need you get your best.

Questions for reflection.

Are there some areas in your life you need to help yourself before you can be a help to others? Are there some relationships in your life you need to give limited access?

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

‘As Jesus continued on toward Jerusalem, he reached the border between Galilee and Samaria. As he entered a village there, ten men with leprosy stood at a distance, crying out, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” He looked at them and said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy. One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, “Praise God!” He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, “Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” And Jesus said to the man, “Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you.”’ Luke 17:11-19(NLT)

‘“When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, ‘Come in and eat with me’? No, he says, ‘Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.’ And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do? Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ‘We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.’”’ Luke 17:7-10(NLT)

‘You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,’ Philippians 2:5-7(NLT)

One of the key building blocks to a great relationship is gratitude. And in Luke 17 we get some perspective on why it is so easy to be ungrateful and what we can do to begin practicing more gratitude in our lives.

The encounter Jesus had with ten lepers while traveling along the edge of Samaria and Galilee has application with our relationships. These men were living in a middle space – a place between borders and boundary lines. In our relationships, anytime there are not clear boundaries, when there are not clearly defined roles and responsibilities, you can expect the stress and strain of existing in that space to manifest. That’s what’s going on with these men. They’re stuck. Not really in Samaria, but not really in Galilee either.

We’re told that they had a disease called leprosy. Leprosy was a nerve disease that caused you to lose your ability to feel anything at all. It wouldn’t kill you, but it would also never end; you were just in a state of deterioration. This condition they were living with was also the thing that kept them at a distance. It was the thing that kept them from intimacy with other people.

But before Jesus talks about gratitude He confronted the issue of entitlement with His disciples. He teaches us that gratitude starts when entitlement stops. We can’t be grateful for something if we feel entitled to it. Jesus modeled this for us in the fact that though He was God, He took on the role of a servant. In the context of our relationships, our responsibility is to take on the attitude of Jesus – a servant. When you approach your relationships this way it’s not about “What’s in it for me?” It becomes “What can I put into it?”

The story of the lepers shows us that gratitude isn’t based on how good our situation is, but on how good it seems to us. All ten lepers had the same situation and all were healed by Jesus, but only one of them came back and showed gratitude. So stop thinking of gratitude as a byproduct of your circumstances and start looking for a reason to show it.

As the one leper came back to thank Jesus for what He’d done, Jesus told him that his faith had made him “well.” The word “well” translated here is the Greek word “sozo.” It’s a different word used than the word translated “cleansed” in verse 17. Sozo means, saved, forgiven and whole. That means the one who came back to express gratitude received something none of the others did. All ten were healed, but only one was made whole. The truth is, showing gratitude isn’t an obligation, it’s an opportunity. It’s not about what it does for the other person, it’s what it does in your own heart and how it changes you.

Questions for reflection.

Do you approach your relationships with what you can get out of them or what you can put into them? Are there things you’re ungrateful for because you feel entitled to them? What are the things you can express gratitude for in your current relationships? 

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships

‘So I arrived in Jerusalem. Three days later, I slipped out during the night, taking only a few others with me. I had not told anyone about the plans God had put in my heart for Jerusalem. We took no pack animals with us except the donkey I was riding. ‘ Nehemiah 2:11-12(NLT)

‘Ezra the scribe stood on a high wooden platform that had been made for the occasion. To his right stood Mattithiah, Shema, Anaiah, Uriah, Hilkiah, and Maaseiah. To his left stood Pedaiah, Mishael, Malkijah, Hashum, Hashbaddanah, Zechariah, and Meshullam. Ezra stood on the platform in full view of all the people. When they saw him open the book, they all rose to their feet. Then Ezra praised the Lord , the great God, and all the people chanted, “Amen! Amen!” as they lifted their hands. Then they bowed down and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground. The Levites—Jeshua, Bani, Sherebiah, Jamin, Akkub, Shabbethai, Hodiah, Maaseiah, Kelita, Azariah, Jozabad, Hanan, and Pelaiah—then instructed the people in the Law while everyone remained in their places. They read from the Book of the Law of God and clearly explained the meaning of what was being read, helping the people understand each passage.’ Nehemiah 8:4-8(NLT)

The book of Nehemiah is a book about building and restoration. The city of Jerusalem was in ruins and the walls were broken and burned. When Nehemiah learned of its condition he set his heart to see it repaired.

In chapter eight we see how God used Nehemiah to connect people back to His plan and His purpose. It shows us that this building project wasn’t just about a wall renovation. It was about a restoration and revival in people’s hearts. Maybe those are good words to describe what you want to see God do in your relationships. But notice Nehemiah’s story didn’t begin in chapter eight with revival. It started when he surveyed the actual state of things and understood the work that needed take place.

Maybe when you look at your situation it seems like your relationship is broken and burned. The good news is that broken things can be rebuilt and burned things can be restored. In the book of Nehemiah the revival and restoration didn’t happen until they began to build with what was already there. This principle is also true with our relationships. It is easy to focus on the area that is broken down; it could be trust, communication, respect or any number of others things. But just because something is wrong in a relationship does not mean something is wrong with the relationship. 

Even if you feel like your relationship is in pieces currently you can discover the joy and satisfaction that comes with building something great out of the pieces. In fact, maybe it’s in pieces on purpose. Think about Legos. They come in a box with a picture of what’s possible, but the only way to experience everything the box has to offer is to build with the pieces it contains. Our relationships are the same way and God wants to help you put the pieces together. He’s got the knowledge and instructions to take what you think is broken and build a great relationship.

Questions for reflection.

Have you been hoping for a restoration or revival in a relationship before you’ve taken inventory of the situation? What are the pieces that you can use to build toward God’s purpose in your relationships?

from Shape Of Your Heart: Discover The Building Blocks Of Great Relationships