Tag: Sex: How Often

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-19(NLT)

‘Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.’ Song of Songs 1:2(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Today, in the final video in this plan, Dr. Kim asks Doug and Mel this question, “How do you continue to prioritize your sex life in your marriage?”

If you are completely honest with each other, how would you rate yourselves on how well you made your sex life a priority before starting this reading plan? Would you give yourselves a 10, a 1, or somewhere in between? What are you going to do differently moving forward? Where would you like your sex life to be a year from now? What will it take from each of you to get it there?  

God’s plan from Genesis 2 has not changed. Think about that picture of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Naked and unashamed. Completely transparent, open, trusting, and vulnerable. Isn’t that what we all really want? Isn’t God’s plan the very best imaginable? I believe God’s plan has not changed. I believe we can have what Adam and Eve had before sin entered the world. How? Through our relationship with Jesus!  We are redeemed and God desires that close relationship with us as individuals and as couples.  

Doug talks about the importance of building a strong foundation in your sex life. It allows you to maintain that close connection no matter what life  throws your way. No matter the difficulties you may face don’t settle for less.  

Today’s Challenge: 

Talk about what it would mean for the two of you to pursue a “naked and unashamed” marriage. What is your first step in that direction?

Going Deeper:

Pray for God’s guidance and wisdom as you work together to build that strong foundation in your sex life that can withstand the difficulties that life brings.

from Sex: How Often by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. ‘ Ephesians 4:25(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Devotional Content:

In today’s video, Dr. Kim asks Doug and Mel this question: “How do you talk about sex together?”

Talking about your sex life together can be difficult. I have counseled so many couples who have never really talked about sex. They may like or dislike what is happening but they never share their thoughts. Yet, I think it is essential. It is important to share your needs, wants, and desires. It’s “speaking your truth.” You are each other’s only sexual outlet and if sex is to be everything God designed it to be in your marriage, you can’t just roll the dice and hope it works out.   

Doug brings up another point that makes a difference. It is the importance of continuing to pursue your spouse. That is God’s design. Part of it is pursuing romance and part of it is the way we live our lives with them each day. Here is my take on that. The better you pursue your spouse outside of the bedroom, the better your sex life in the bedroom. What are you doing to pursue?

Today’s Challenge: 

Share with each other something you would like to be a part of your sex life together. Then talk together about how to grow your sexual relationship with each other.

Going Deeper:

How does knowing that you are each other’s only sexual outlet affect the way you look at your sexual relationship? How do you honor each other as you learn more about each other and your sexual relationship together?

from Sex: How Often by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. ‘ 1 Peter 3:3-4(NLT)

‘Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:15-19(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

In today’s video, Dr. Kim asks Doug and Mel this question, “What are some hurdles you have worked through that improved your sex life?”

It is interesting how God works. God has a way of making something beautiful out of something that seems terrible to us. The reality is that, at some time, we will all have hurdles that impede our sex life. It is up to us whether they grow our relationship or hinder it. God’s plan is always growth. For all of us, the way we look on the outside will change over time. From my perspective, it seems women struggle to accept this more than men do. Part of the role of a husband is to help our wives see the beauty we see in them at every stage of their life.  

Peter talks about the “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit”.  Proverbs  “tells us to enjoy the wife of our youth” for our entire marriage.  When we encounter hurdles, we must keep our eyes focused on the big picture of loving each other and enjoying each other for a lifetime. Doug illustrates this well as he talks about a husband pursuing his wife and discovering who she is on the inside. I think this is powerful. For a man, this adds depth to the relationship. For a woman, she sees her husband love her in a way that only he is able to do. It helps us keep our focus where God wants it to be.

Today’s Challenge: 

How does pursuing the “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” and “enjoying the wife of our youth” apply to you and your marriage?

Going Deeper:

As a couple, what is one hurdle that you have encountered that affected your sex life?  Have you dealt with it? If not, are you willing to begin that now? Can you see how working through this hurdle can actually improve your sex life?

from Sex: How Often by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them.’ Proverbs 3:27(NLT)

‘Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights! You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine—
Young Woman
Yes, wine that goes down smoothly for my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own. Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.’ Song of Songs 7:6-12(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

In today’s video, Dr. Kim asks Doug and Mel this question, “What are you doing to make ‘normal’ happen?”

Song of Solomon refutes all the negative preconceived ideas people have about God and sex. In two different places in the book the couple enjoy the sexual relationship in marriage together. God is not a prude. He is the one who created sex. He made our bodies to perfectly fit together. He gives us sex in marriage as a gift and wants us to enjoy it as a couple.  

In meeting with couples and talking about their sexual relationship, I see so many things that can distract us and keep us from spending this time together. For most couples they are not bad things. It could be work, kids, stress or any number of things that are a part of our lives. Being intentional with sex in our marriage seems to be a common theme as we look at defining “normal.” For Nancy and I, our sexual relationship connects us. When life gets in the way of sex, we both can feel a disconnect. We know we need that to be a regular part of our life and we know the value it brings. For us, making “normal” happen is a priority that we have never regretted.

Today’s Challenge: 

Discuss together how sex is a good gift from a good God. Is there is anything that blocks you from seeing sex in this way? Reading Song of Solomon together would be a great way for you both to see God’s design for sex in your marriage.

Going Deeper:

Being intentional about your sex life can mean one thing to one couple and something different to another couple. What does it mean to you?

from Sex: How Often by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT)

‘As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ‘ Ephesians 5:31(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

In today’s video, Dr. Kim asks Doug and Mel this question: “Has your ‘normal’ changed over time during your marriage?” 

As Paul defines love for us in the book of 1 Corinthians, there are great applications to our sexual relationship in marriage. Being patient with each other as you learn about each other sexually is essential. We need to throw out the world’s view of sex and together, build our sex life as God designed it.  

Having great sex in marriage does not mean that we insist on sex our way. We are not to be selfish but rather mindful of each other and the needs of both. Sex in a Christian marriage involves the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. It is becoming “one flesh” in all of these.

The spiritual connection is a big part of the gift of sex as God designed it for marriage.  Sure, the physical act is awesome and we long for all that it brings to us but as we grow together with God, the spiritual connection can truly change the way we look at and experience sex with our spouse. It truly can become a “mingling of souls.”  

For most of us, our “normal” will certainly change over the course of our marriage but the changes can be good and can actually enhance and improve our sexual experience together.

Today’s Challenge: 

Discuss how the words of 1 Corinthians 13 can be applied to your sexual relationship in marriage.

Going Deeper: 

Dr. Kim talks about the “mingling of souls” that can happen in the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife. Pray together that God will build that into your marriage.

from Sex: How Often by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)

‘But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:2-5(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

In today’s video, Dr. Kim asks this question: “What have you decided together is your ‘normal’ for sex in your marriage?” 

The key to deciding what is normal for the two of you in your sex life is communication. Just like everything else in marriage, being intentional in these conversations makes a difference. When we make assumptions about our spouse concerning sex, we usually find that our assumptions are off base. Sometimes really off base. 

The Bible teaches us that we are to give ourselves to each other. We are to embrace the gift. Sex is to be reserved for marriage, and marriage is to be the only outlet for expressing our sexual needs. As a couple discusses frequency, they must listen well to each other and together decide on a frequency that meets their needs and at the same time protects their marriage. 

Doug says that their sex life is “a work in progress.” I think that is true for all of us. We go through different seasons in marriage. We change in many ways as individuals over the years of a marriage. Being open and honest with each other is really the only way to navigate through these seasons well and to continue to enjoy the sexual relationship God has given us in marriage.

Today’s Challenge:

Share with each other one thing that you really like about your sex life together today. Is it meeting both of your needs? Are you protecting your marriage from outside sexual temptations?

Going Deeper: 

Talk about the season that you are in as a couple. What would you like your normal to be like in this season? What do each of you need to do to make that happen?

from Sex: How Often by Dr. Kim Kimberling