Tag: Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave”

‘My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 2:16(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT)

The surgery was rougher than we had anticipated. After almost a week, I was released from the hospital and finally in my own bed. My darling husband stayed with me. He watched television as I laid my head on his chest and slept for hours. 

It is one of my sweetest memories. I think on it often.

You can either choose to think about sweet memories or choose to disregard them. Remembering endearing moments and occasions like this can majorly enhance your desire for your husband. 

Your mind is your most powerful tool for keeping things steamy in the passion department. 

On days you don’t feel madly in love, stop and ask: If I felt wildly in love, how would I act? And then do whatever that is. Recognize that feelings can lie to you. 

Love is not always a feeling. Love is a commitment. Love is an action word. Love is a choice. “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5). At how many weddings have you heard those verses read? Those are some mighty powerful instructions from God. Don’t allow your emotions to take charge. Once you start acting in loving ways, your feelings will follow.

Controlling what you allow yourself to meditate on will have a huge effect on your feelings and also have major implications for how you will love your husband both inside and outside of the bedroom. 

How different would your marriage be if every time you saw something about your husband that irritated you, instead of giving in to the irritation, you prayed a prayer of gratitude? 

How different would your evenings be if instead of becoming aggravated with your husband, you thanked God for him? 

God designed us for emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Unleash yourself—in your mind and in your body. 

So what? Tap into your desires. Pay attention to when you feel like doing the “horizontal tango.” What causes you to feel like this? It might be memories of past encounters with him, his embrace, his smell, or his tenderness with your children. Once you can identify what creates loving feelings, carefully look for ways to duplicate them. 

Dear God, I ask You to set my marriage on fire with fun, passion, and romance. 

I invite you to pick up a copy of The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes. My dream is that we’d see more and more lasting, loving, forever marriages. Let’s heat up marriages around the world, one marriage at a time, starting with yours.

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams

‘Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.’ Song of Songs 1:2(NLT)

Sex is fun. Would you agree? 

In The Language of Sex, Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham report, “The top thing a woman wants from a man is gentleness. The top thing a man wants from a woman is responsiveness. Just as a woman craves gentleness, a man desires that the woman respond to him.”

But what if things have gotten dull, boring, or blah blah blah…?

Respond to him differently and you’ll change everything. 

One time I bought purple silk sheets and put them on our bed. That night as my husband got into bed, his pillow went flying across the room. Not exactly what I had anticipated. It wasn’t very romantic, but it made for a good laugh. And it definitely changed things up! Often during the night when my husband or I rolled over, our pillows would shoot out like missiles. 

It wasn’t long before we changed back to our regular sheets, but it was fun for a while. Even if things don’t go as planned, you can still have fun, even if not in an erotic way. Fun leads to more “fun.” 

God wants you to have fun and enjoy your marriage relationship. 

When we think of Jesus, we often think of depictions of a very serious Messiah, but I’ll bet Jesus smiled. A lot. And laughed and had fun. 

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 it says, “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven – A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.”

Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy your husband. Have fun together! Laugh. Embrace. Respond. 

So what? If things have gotten a bit dull, spice it up by trying something new. Go hog wild even and buy some silk sheets or respond in a way that surprises him. Or think of your own passionate idea. 

Dear heavenly Father, help me to have fun in my marriage and to have fun in my bedroom.

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

Years ago, my husband decided to let his hair grow long and landed on a mullet! I personally have nothing against men with long hair, but in terms of starting my engine, a mullet doesn’t push the accelerator. 

He loved his new-do. It was like he was in a special club. Other guys with long hair—total strangers—would single him out as if they had a secret society. Suddenly he was in this special club, and he reveled in it. I recall one guy praising him and saying, “Hey! Fellow long-hair!”

Someone, please help me. 

This long hair phase persisted for about seven months, while I held in my massive displeasure. He seemed to love it so much that I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him I hated it. 

Conflicted, I didn’t want him to withdraw his membership from the cool club, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to have sex with him either. 

I didn’t see any solution in which “everyone” would be happy. 

How could I claim I was sincerely seeking God while I wasn’t being faithful to my wedding vows? Avoiding my husband wasn’t exactly loving. And yet, another side of me chanted, “So what?! Just keep avoiding him. Who’s got time for that anyway?” 

This internal struggle raged in my heart as my relationship with my husband and God suffered. 

After a long struggle and a lot of prayer, I decided I had to broach the subject of “intimacy” with my husband and his beloved mullet. Barely making eye contact and tripping over my words, I explained my dilemma to him.

He took it surprisingly well. 

The next day, he got a haircut! Bye-bye, mullet, bye-bye. Never to return. 

Thank You, God!

Have you ever experienced roadblocks to intimacy? There are all kinds of intimacy blockers from a mullet to kids and exhaustion. We need to tackle them head on. It is at these times we need to be still before God and listen. If we seek God, He will direct us. 

The closer you are to God, the better your love life will be. 

God made us with deep longings and cravings for relationship. When we feel loved, cherished, and filled, we will have more love to give. And the more love we give, the more we will feel loved. 

The way we can get the intimacy we crave is by loving others. Loving others the way God instructs—sacrificially and fully. 

Lord, help me to seek You in all things, and give me a heart that exemplifies love and surrender to You.

So what? Is there a tough conversation you need to have with your husband? Don’t allow anything to block your intimacy. 

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams

‘“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”’ Proverbs 31:29(NLT)

I have felt shame in regard to my sensuality. Have you?

God made us as sexual beings. To deny our sexuality is to deny the very fabric of how we were formed. Pleasure is one of the many kaleidoscopes of which our bodies were designed.

On the TV sitcom Modern Family… A married couple, characters Phil and Claire, decide to be a bit adventurous on their Valentine’s evening date by doing some role playing. Phil, wearing a name tag reading “Clive,” sits on a stool waiting for his wife, Claire, playing “Julianna,” to return from the ladies’ room. She walks up to “Clive” wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath and suggests they leave. 

Phil says, “This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.” 

While on an escalator, Claire’s coat gets caught. With exasperation she says, “Phil! Phil! My coat is stuck!” 

He says, “Who’s Phil?”

She replies, “No! Not now, seriously, my coat is stuck.” Understanding their dilemma, Phil says, “Oh, oh, take off your coat.”

“Are you kidding me?!” she shrieks. As they reach the top of the escalator, Phil dives and hits the red button. The conveyor stops. 

They start running into people they know with multiple inquiries of why she won’t just take off her coat. 

Phil shoos them all off. Still stuck, Claire says, “That was the most embarrassing moment of my life.” 

Then. . .Claire hears the sound of her dad’s voice calling her name. Jay, Claire’s dad, and Gloria, her stepmother, just happen to be strolling by. When Jay sees her paralyzed against the handrail, he asks, “Are you naked under that coat?” Realizing she is, he says, “Oh jeez!”

Gloria jumps into action and says, “It’s okay, I got this.” Gloria takes her own coat, puts it around Claire, and then helps her out from the trench coat, which is jammed tightly in the conveyor. 

Claire says, “Thank you.”

Gloria responds, “It has happened to me before.”

This is why I love this scene: Gloria didn’t shame Claire. She didn’t lecture her. Nor did she say anything embarrassing. Instead, she said, “It has happened to me before,” giving full acceptance and understanding.* 

Girl!… This is me offering you my coat in sisterhood support. Free yourself up. No judgment. No embarrassment. Full acceptance. Embrace and explore your sensuality.

So what? Do you find that shame creeps in when you have “adult alone time”? If so, work at releasing these sabotage falsehoods. Take whatever steps necessary, including seeking out a professional, to quiet those lies. You are valuable and worth it. 

Dear God, help me to fully love and accept all parts of the way I was created including my sexuality. 

*Modern Family, season 1, episode 15, “My Funky Valentine,” directed by Michael Spiller, written by Jerry Collins, aired February 10, 2010, on ABC. 

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams

‘Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.’ Genesis 2:22(NLT)

I crave approval and affirmation. No matter how much I get, it seems like it’s never enough. 

I want to hear: 

“I love you.” 

“I choose you, even on your bad days.” 

“I like being with you.” 

“You’re A-OK in my book.” 

“You don’t need to change, I like you just the way you are.” 

“You make me smile.”

I want to feel affirming arms around me and to be understood and validated. 

Can you relate to any of this? 

Think back to when you were in grade school and the teacher singled out two team captains to pick their teammates. Do you remember how good it felt when you were finally chosen? We all want to be chosen. The next time your husband approaches you for some “fun” and you’re contemplating turning him down, remember: all your husband wants to do is love you. He is choosing you. He is choosing you above everything else, above anything else he could be doing. He’s choosing you. Maybe you were the last one chosen back in grade school. Well, now you are being chosen first. 

When you say yes, you are choosing to feel closer to him, to feel loved, to feel chosen. I promise you there will be times when the last thing you want to do is a bit of tumbling, but once things begin to heat up, you’ll feel completely differently. Give things time to heat up. Allow yourself to be chosen. Fully accept all the affirmation and approval he wants to give you and embrace this love as God’s gift to you. 

It’s through God’s mystery—the mystery of two becoming one—that we will experience exceeding joy, limitless pleasure, and divine exhilaration, both spiritually and physically. Indulge, receive, cling, and bask in love committedly and devotedly. 

God fashioned us into beautiful images of Him and created us for pleasure, for relationship, and for His glory. Embrace the way God made you by being sensual and responsive. 

So what? Is there something holding you back from fully indulging in physical intimacy? Two becoming one is a gift from God. Receive God’s gift and allow yourself the joy that comes with it. 

Dear heavenly Father, please help me to erase all the bad programming I may have about intimacy and embrace the love, enjoyment, and pleasure You created. 

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

I had tortilla chips and a coke for dinner last night. I was craving connection, or maybe chocolate cake, but I settled for a bowl of chips and a soda. 

God made us for connectedness. We are wired with a deep longing, a desire, a craving for intimacy. We want to feel connected to others. As a married woman, God created a way for those desires to be fulfilled. 

We can come up with countless reasons to say no to “amorous congress” and be completely justified. Oftentimes, cake sounds more fun than sex. The difference between cake and sex is that after cake I almost always wish I hadn’t eaten it, but with sex I can’t think of a time I regretted it. Ever. Can you?

God repeatedly commands us to love our husbands both emotionally and physically, and He wants us to have a healthy, happy marriage—emotionally and physically. Read the Song of Solomon and tell me you didn’t blush…just a little. 

The concept of an active and flourishing sexual connection with your husband can seem indulgent and frivolous. Certainly, there are more important things we need to be doing—who has time for personal indulgence? Counterfeit alternatives to fulfill our longings for intimacy can emerge, from a quest for accolades and importance to a bag of chips and a sweet bubbly drink. 

All lies from the enemy. 

Our marriages can be used by God to glorify the kingdom. I’ve often heard women say, “I don’t know what God’s will is for my life.” This statement sometimes puzzles me when made by a married woman. We tend to complicate things. If we’re married, God’s will is that we love our husbands—all out—emotionally and physically. God also wills that we enjoy our physical relationships with our husbands; it’s one of His gifts to us. When I learned this truth and developed a closer relationship with God, my physical relationship with my husband began deepening.

Do you feel intense longing for connection? Instead of running from connection, dive into “connection.” It’s okay, God says so.

So what? Think about all the ways you may use counterfeit alternatives to satisfy deep longing. Go to the One who made you and formed you and allow His plan to satiate you. 

Dear God, give me the wisdom to know when I’m settling for less than Your best for me in my marriage relationship and in all of my relationships. 

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams

‘I have entered my garden, my treasure, my bride! I gather myrrh with my spices and eat honeycomb with my honey. I drink wine with my milk. Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!’ Song of Songs 5:1(NLT)

‘Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.’ Genesis 1:31(NLT)

We are going to talk about intimacy. More specifically we are going to talk about sex. Does talking about sex bring uneasy feelings to the surface? Straight up, it does for me. But if you’re a Christian, and you’re a married woman, don’t you think sex needs to be on the table? God talks about sex, and that means we can talk about it too. 

One of our greatest hindrances to amazing “intimacy” can be our body image. Sister, I have body image issues, do you? We need to learn to put those aside and allow the magic to happen, but how? With God’s help all things are possible, right? 

Let’s start at the beginning…

God formed you.

I know you’ve heard that over and over.

Let it sink in. 

God made you just the way you are, for His glory and His use.

God made you and said, “It was very good” (Genesis 1:31). 

Be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up over the parts of your body you don’t like. 

Let’s talk about Eve…

The Bible doesn’t give us specifics as to how Eve looked when God fashioned her. Knowing His creation so well, God probably excluded this information from His Word on purpose. He knew all of us women would compare ourselves to Eve if she’d been described. Have you ever thought about what Eve looked like naked? Maybe she was round and curvy? If you are like me, you picture what you consider the ideal woman’s physique and then give it straight to Eve. But what if Eve looked like you? You don’t know that she didn’t. Try giving Eve your body in your mind and see what happens. 

Try this approach for your next “shrimpin’ the barbie”—yes, that was a euphemism for sex— occasion: When you are alone with your husband and the clothes start flying, no one is there but the two of you. Just like Adam and Eve. Eve was all Adam had, and you are all your husband has. So let him have it. All of it! 

It’s time we put away any body image issues when we put away our clothes. It’s just the two of you, so cancel out anything else and indulge.

So what? When the clothes come off and the light goes dim, make the choice to love what God gave you.

Dear God, help me put aside whatever body image issues I have and fully embrace the intimacy you designed for me.

from Seven Days To “The Intimacy You Crave” by Lucille Williams