Tag: Safety Gates for Marriage

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.’ 1 Peter 4:8-9(NLT)

Be sure to create a home. In a house, people can stay together without sharing life. A home is where people live together, sharing and serving each other and making room for others.  

Our worth, in the current culture, is often found in climbing the ladder of personal success. Or it could be found in other activities that, in themselves, are not wrong but have the potential to separate us from our spouse and godly relationships with those around us.

This could result in a husband and wife not talking to one another and hardly seeing or noticing their children. Decide, as a couple, what godly values you want to build from for your relationship. Family identity has to do with who you are and what you stand for. Talk about it, communicate it and live it!  

Make 1 Peter 4:8-9 your family mission.

Make room for your spouse, in your heart, and in your schedule! Serve each other; honor and care for each other. You have such a great opportunity to demonstrate God’s love to each other. When your spouse feels honored and cared for, they receive others so much easier into their hearts. Duplicate to others the Godly fervour you have for each other.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Mac and Naudine are married and serve their local church and a wider network of churches with various family ministries. They love to serve the people of God, with regard to restoring wholeness to families, parents, and marriages. They lead and oversee Evergreen Parenting, an organization that equips mothers and fathers with skills to enjoy a Christ-centred home. 

from Safety Gates for Marriage

‘Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.’ 1 Timothy 6:6-10(NLT)

‘The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.’ Psalms 23:1(NLT)

One of the safety gates we need to put in place is how we handle conflict. Often we seem to handle conflict with our spouse as if we are a parent talking to a child. The moment we do this, it creates a defensive barrier. Talk adult-to-adult. Use “I feel” messages, e.g. “I feel upset when you come home late”. Do not attack or belittle your spouse. 

When we handle conflict correctly, God can use it to grow us and strengthen our marriage as we don’t have to defend our case anymore.

A marriage starts thriving when we consider our spouses needs over our own. Don’t try to get even in your marriage (or any other relationship). Build each other up! Rise above the offence and give your spouse what they need!

We also need to be careful not to live a money-centered life. It is easy to get caught up in the pursuit of wealth and material possessions.   

1 Timothy 6:6-10 warns us that God is to be our focus, not money.  We can easily be influenced by our money-centered society.  

God loves the generous giver, so be careful that you do not turn the principle around by grabbing and holding onto everything you want and only give from the left overs. If this is your focus with finance and possessions, this too could become the state of your relationship; a sense of entitlement, holding onto, grabbing and wanting more and more. Hear the words of Psalm 23 that say, “I shall not want”.  

Our God is a God that gives and marriage is a wonderful place to imitate this principle.

from Safety Gates for Marriage

‘They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it.’ Proverbs 23:7(NLT)

In your marriage, the first thing you, as a partner, may need to adjust is your attitude. Start with an honest assessment of yourself. Step back and consider your own attitude before you start trying to change your spouse—then you will be heading in the right direction.  

Athletes can’t win the prize if they don’t follow the rules; so too in marriage, we have to ‘set rules’ and boundaries for growth.

In adjusting our attitude, we need to be honest about how we see ourselves. This has an impact on our marriage. When we struggle with low self-esteem, it is a thinking disorder in that we view ourselves as inadequate or incompetent. Self-esteem is based on a system of pictures and feelings you have put together about yourself, including both mental and emotional pictures and feelings.  

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Prov. 23:7 KJV)

The way you feel and see yourself, is how you will behave and act in your marriage. When you step into a trap of low self-esteem, your spouse will constantly have to convince you that you are loved, accepted and enough. This causes your relationship to be one-sided and the one who is always trying to convince you becomes worn down.

In your marriage you need to instill healthy habits for a healthy marriage; therefore it is important to make decisions together on what would be best for each situation. When your marriage needs healing, work through the conflict together.

Deep issues must be dealt with. Keep working together at it until you have complete victory.

from Safety Gates for Marriage

‘“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! ‘ Deuteronomy 30:19(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

‘We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:5(NLT)

In our marriage, the most important principle, or safety gate was to not imitate the ideals and opinions of the culture around us but to be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how we think. The focus for us was not to transform the way we feel, but the way we think. This empowered us to discern God’s will.

We love to see how Jesus transforms hearts and how couples start to shift in their approach, perspective, and opinion when they build shared values based on the Word of God. Everyone wants to improve their marriage; the problem is that everyone wants instant improvement. Improving your marriage does not happen overnight. Like any other change you want to achieve in life, it takes time, effort and energy to create a marriage you love.

from Safety Gates for Marriage