Tag: Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)

One might have expected the apostle Paul to summarize his message to couples with a statement such as “love each other.” But he didn’t. Instead, his instructions were different for both the husbands and the wives. Many believe that the differences speak to unique needs each partner has; a woman to be loved, and a man to be respected. While these needs may exist, this closing statement does even more than that. It identifies threats that would naturally interfere with a couple’s ability to have a God-honoring marriage and offers a way to avoid them. 

Throughout Scripture, husbands are called to bear the weight of leadership in their families. The mantle of responsibility is heavy and can easily cause men to focus more on the ends rather than the means. This has led many to equate leadership with forcefulness. Expressions such as “putting my foot down” and “wearing the pants in the family” have become commonplace.

To protect against this, Paul reminds men, “let each one of you love his wife as himself.” This is reminiscent of the command to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31) and acts as a check against a quest for control. 

Likewise, wives have been called into a supportive role, to be their husband’s helpers (Genesis 2:18). This can be difficult, especially if the wife happens to be the more natural leader. The tendency would be to try and usurp control through manipulation or by undermining his efforts. Expressions such as “I have three children, and one of them is my husband” become the result.

To combat this, Paul says, “let the wife see that she respects her husband.” If there is respect, there is no room for power plays. Even if a wife doesn’t agree with her husband on a particular issue, if she respects him, she will be able to support him. 

This is not to say that a man need not respect his wife and a woman need not love her husband. There have been plenty of times in my marriage where the most effective way for me to show my wife love was by showing her that I respected her efforts, her role, and her ideas. 

But it does mean that husbands and wives have unique dangers they must watch out for as they journey down the mysterious path of marriage together. 

Pray: Lord, thank You for my spouse. Help me to fulfill my role in this marriage for Your glory. Help me to show love and respect in all I do. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ‘ Ephesians 5:32(NLT)

‘Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” ) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ Romans 8:35-39(NLT)

A lot of thought goes into planning a wedding. Do you want it big or small, lavish or modest, traditional or something a little more edgy? The choices are so varied that a $70 billion industry exists to help couples craft a day that is as unique as they are.

While there is nothing wrong with working hard to orchestrate a beautiful wedding, Scripture offers a much higher view of marriage. Not only is marriage a celebration of our earthly love and commitment, but it also is a tangible picture of the relationship that Christ has with His church.

This means what happens in our homes, not only affects us, it also affects our witness for Christ. That’s a sobering thought. Paul calls this a mystery, and it is. Why would God choose to use something as imperfect as our marriages to reflect His image and to help people understand Christ’s relationship with the church? 

Christ came in humility, but our marriages are often filled with pride. Christ was a servant leader who suffered unjustly and gave up His rights, but we often fight to have things our way. Christ gave His life to offer us forgiveness, but forgiving our spouse is often the last thing we want to do. Yet God uses our imperfect attempts at marriage to teach us something about Christ’s relationship with His church.

Even though Christ’s church is an imperfect rebellious group, He loves it anyway. In fact, Romans 8:35-39 teaches that His love is so permanent that, “neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Christ’s love for us is unshakable, and the love we have for each other should be too.

Marriage is where the rubber hits the road in Christianity. If we are really forgiven, then we should be able to forgive. If we are really filled with his grace, then our homes should be grace filled. If we were really filled with His joy, then our homes should be joyful, even when facing hardships.

When people look at our marriages, they learn if what we say about Christ is actually true or not. When two Christians divorce, people are forced to wonder if forgiveness and grace are only words. Our marriages are not just about us, they’re also our witness to a watching world.

Pray: Father, our marriage is far from perfect. Help our home to be filled with Your love and grace, so that others will come to know You as well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ‘ Ephesians 5:31(NLT)

‘“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’ Exodus 20:12(NLT)

As the first notes of the “Wedding March” begin to play, father and daughter share a lingering look and try to contain the torrent of emotions swelling up inside.

The tradition of a father walking his daughter down the aisle is often a poignant moment in the wedding ceremony. Each step brings the bride closer to a beginning, and the father closer to an end. One handshake later, and the girl the father has protected and loved since birth is given over to another man. 

The tradition is meant to show that a new family unit is being created, one with new priorities and loyalties. In a single moment, Daddy’s little girl becomes someone’s wife and everything changes. 

When you marry, your spouse becomes your most important earthly relationship. For many couples, it’s difficult to find the “oneness” they long for because they’ve never reordered their relational priorities after marriage. Often, this happens because they continue to rely on their parents for assistance with housing, bills, vacations, and emotional support. This almost happened to us. 

Three months before we got married, I was laid off from my job. With our income slashed, we had to pull back from our search for an apartment to live in after the wedding. 

Thankfully, I thought, my parents owned an apartment building. But when I explained our situation to my mother, she shocked me by saying she would not allow us to move into their building. Furthermore, she said that after the wedding she didn’t want me to complain to her if my wife and I ever had a fight. 

How could  a strong Christian woman respond to her son like that? It was a mystery to me. It felt like the most unloving thing she could have ever done, but in the end, it turned out to be a blessing. 

My mother understood the experience would force me to leave my father and mother and hold fast to my wife (Ephesians 5:31). It forced us to work together in ways we never had. My wife-to-be helped me consider new positions and the implications they would have on our life together. When I ultimately found a job, the victory was ours.

Establishing a new household can be painful, but leaving your parents is not a rejection of your past. Rather, it is as an acceptance of your new role as a husband or wife. 

Pray: Lord, You said a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Show me how to prioritize the needs of my spouse yet still show honor to my parents. In Jesus’ name, Amen 

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.’ Ephesians 5:25-30(NLT)

‘Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end. It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him. When Jesus came to Simon Peter, Peter said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” “No,” Peter protested, “you will never ever wash my feet!” Jesus replied, “Unless I wash you, you won’t belong to me.” Simon Peter exclaimed, “Then wash my hands and head as well, Lord, not just my feet!” Jesus replied, “A person who has bathed all over does not need to wash, except for the feet, to be entirely clean. And you disciples are clean, but not all of you.” For Jesus knew who would betray him. That is what he meant when he said, “Not all of you are clean.” After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.’ John 13:1-17(NLT)

‘Some of the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into their headquarters and called out the entire regiment. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him. They wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head, and they placed a reed stick in his right hand as a scepter. Then they knelt before him in mockery and taunted, “Hail! King of the Jews!” And they spit on him and grabbed the stick and struck him on the head with it. When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified.’ Matthew 27:27-31(NLT)

‘Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.’ Philippians 2:6-8(NLT)

‘“Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” ‘ Luke 22:42(NLT)

The plane was eerily silent as he tightened the final strap on his wife’s parachute. He knew he didn’t have much time, for their single engine Cessna was losing altitude rapidly.  All he could hear was the howl of the wind outside, creaking of metal, and his wife’s frightened breath. She was terrified. 

He placed his hands on her shoulders and gave her the same reassuring look that he had given her other times that she was scared. 

“I love you,” he whispered, and she felt herself begin to relax. He was always so calm, so steady.

“Okay. Now let me help you with your chute!” she said as he turned to open the plane door. Then, without another word, she felt his powerful hands shoving her out into the void. She would later learn they only had one parachute.

Ask any husband if he would be willing to die to save his wife and most would say yes without a second thought. This form of heroism is often seen as the ultimate expression of love. It is the stuff of songs and legends. Thankfully, few husbands will ever be faced with this type of decision. 

But we are called to love our wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). This type of sacrificial leadership is the flip side of wifely submission. 

When Jesus chose to sacrifice Himself for the church, His bride, he set the standard for husbands everywhere. Through His journey to the cross, He showed us how to: 

• Serve others (John 13:1-17)
• Swallow our pride (Matthew 27:27-31)
• Give up our rights (Philippians 2:6-8)
• Do something we do not want to do, for the sake of others (Luke 22:42)

This type of servant leadership isn’t easy. In many ways, dying for your wife is easier than living for her.

By nature we are selfish creatures. We work hard to safeguard our rights and we’d much rather have others serve us.

So how can a husband love his wife like Christ loved the church? Keep in mind that when Christ endured the humiliation of the cross, He had our sanctification in mind. He wanted to wash us, to make us holy and without blemish. A husband’s sacrifice for his wife needs to be similarly motivated. 

Maybe it means doing some extra house work so your wife will be rested enough to be able to read her Bible in the mornings. Maybe it means coming home early and taking care of the kids so your wife can go to a women’s group at church. Or maybe it means overlooking an insult to model a picture of God’s grace.

Without such purpose, the nobility of self-sacrifice is lost. When the betterment of his wife is the goal, a husband can more easily decide when to give in, when to stand firm, and when to give her the last parachute. 

Pray: Husband: Lord, show me how to help my wife grow more into the image of Your Son. Wife: Lord, give my husband wisdom as he takes on the responsibility of leadership. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.’ Ephesians 5:22-24(NLT)

‘Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. ‘ Matthew 16:24(NLT)

‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ‘ Romans 8:28(NLT)

‘Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord . Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.’ Romans 12:19-21(NLT)

“Submit” is a difficult word to hear. It evokes images of failure and impotence; the exact opposite of how most of us would like to live. We think that submitting to someone means becoming vulnerable, giving up our rights, and surrendering our power.

Yet for all of its negative connotations, submission is a word every Christian should know well. To be a Christian is to submit your life to Christ’s authority and His will, even when difficult. 

For thousands of years, Christians have faced emotional, economic, and even physical consequences for their submission. Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

Christian submission might be difficult at times, but we can take comfort in knowing that God is good and loving. Even if we cannot fully understand His plan, we can trust that, in the words of Romans 8:28, “all things work together for the good of those who love him.” (Paul wrote those words while sitting in a Roman jail waiting for his day in court.)

But what about wives submitting to their husbands as Ephesians 5:22 commands? 

We know that many men have used this verse to demand a submission motivated by selfishness, pride, and an ungodly desire for control. Their actions had very little to do with promoting the good of their wives, and everything to do with promoting their own agendas. This sinful history has caused many women to resist the idea of submission in marriage altogether.

But the Scripture doesn’t say wives should submit only when their husbands happen to do everything right or when there is perfect agreement. Submission implies a conflict of wills. In marriage, it requires wives to choose to follow their husband’s lead, even if they feel they know better. It can be tough to accept the leadership of another, even if that person has a close walk with the Lord. But in the end, when a wife chooses to accept her husband’s leadership, she isn’t submitting to her husband as much as she is submitting to God.

It’s also important to note that the very next few verses in Ephesians provide a very different context for submission than we see in most marriages. Stay tuned.

Note: God’s call for wives to submit to their husbands should never be used to justify physical abuse or demeaning behavior. A wife’s primary role as her husband’s helper would require her to expose such sin to the light in order to get him the help that he needs. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship please read Responding to Physical Abuse by Dennis Rainey

Pray:
Wife: Lord, Help me to submit to You as I accept and follow my husband’s leadership. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Husband: Lord, Help me to lead my wife in a loving and honorable way. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Ephesians 5:21(NLT)

‘For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.’ Ephesians 6:12(NLT)

‘Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. ‘ Matthew 28:19(NLT)

‘But once you have voluntarily made a vow, be careful to fulfill your promise to the Lord your God.’ Deuteronomy 23:23(NLT)

‘A man who makes a vow to the Lord or makes a pledge under oath must never break it. He must do exactly what he said he would do.’ Numbers 30:2(NLT)

As I stood to leave the table, the guys I had been playing cards with let out a collective sigh. They wanted me to stay, but my wife wanted me home. Their shaking heads and scowls confirmed what they thought of my decision to cut the night short even before one of them sneezed out the word, “Whipped!”

Part of me wanted to stay, but there was something more important at stake than their approval. 

Long before that game night had ever been planned, I promised God that I would forsake all others and be faithful only to my wife. This was not simply a pledge to rebuff unwanted sexual advances. I promised God that I would choose to honor her needs first, whatever they were. I would say no to others, so that I could say yes to my wife.

As verbal pressure mounted for me to stay in the game, I needed to ask myself, Who would I be more willing to disappoint, my friends or my wife? But more importantly, if I forsook my wife, would I be breaking a promise that I made to God? 

God takes vows seriously. Deuteronomy 23:23 warns, “You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.”

Out of reverence for Christ and the promise that I made Him, I needed to submit to my wife’s wishes.

“Submitting to each other” in marriage doesn’t mean that we simply give in to whatever our spouse wants, but it does require us to learn how to place the needs of our spouse ahead of our own. One way to do this is to ask yourself, “Will getting my way help my spouse or hurt my spouse?” It might not seem like a big deal to me to stay out for a couple more hours, but what would the impact be on her? 

Another question to consider is, “Will my actions help my spouse get closer to God or farther away from Him?” Am I demonstrating that it is okay to not keep your word? By leaving her alone with the kids, am I causing her to be so exhausted that she won’t have any energy left to study God’s Word? Am I leaving her vulnerable to temptations by my absence?

When we take a step back, it becomes easier to see the big picture.

When I walked through the door, my wife’s eyes beamed. “You’re home early,” she said.

“Of course. I told you I would. Besides … where else would I rather be?”

Pray: Lord, I confess that I often want things my way. Teach me how to submit to my spouse out of reverence for You and the calling that You have placed on our lives. 

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ Ephesians 5:18-20(NLT)

‘But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!’ Galatians 5:22-23(NLT)

‘So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.”’ Luke 11:13(NLT)

As I sat and listened to their story, it was all too familiar. They met through a mutual friend in college and married after a short engagement. While alcohol had always been a part of their relationship, it had never been a source of contention … until now. Whenever the topic of alcohol would surface, they would start fighting. Woven throughout these heated exchanges were questions of trust, control, anger, and fidelity. 

They were both Christians, but it was as if another spirit had taken over their marriage. 

When someone is drunk, their judgment, memory, comprehension, and motor skills are all impaired. With inhibitions numbed, they often say and do things that they would never have thought possible. 

Everything is amplified. Anger becomes rage and rage becomes violence. A glance turns to open flirtation and flirtation turns to infidelity. To be certain, many marriages bear the tragic scars of alcohol’s influence. 

Instead of allowing alcohol to inhabit our bodies and influence our behaviors, Paul suggests an alternative. He says we should be “filled with the Spirit.” When we allow His Spirit to take over, our lives abound with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These are not qualities we can simply muster on our own strength. No amount of practice can make a person more patient or more loving. The mystery is that God gives us these qualities in abundance when we allow ourselves to be filled with His Holy Spirit. 

Someone “drunk” with the Holy Spirit will be influenced by God towards godly behaviors. This is beneficial in any relationship, but especially in marriage. A marriage filled with the Spirit will be quick to resolve differences in ways that build each other up, not tear each other down. Our hearts will be filled to the point where we can burst into songs of praise and thanksgiving, even in the face of struggles. 

If the influence of alcohol has had a negative effect on your marriage, then it is time to allow yourself to be filled with a new Spirit. The good news is that God stands ready to give you this gift. All we have to do is ask. Luke 11:13 tells us, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Pray: Lord, I want our marriage to be filled with YOUR Spirit. Help us to become intoxicated with Your love, both individually and as a couple. For Your glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. ‘ Ephesians 5:15-17(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3(NLT)

A few years ago, my son bought me a unique desktop hourglass for Father’s Day. Instead of sand, this particular hourglass is filled with iron shavings. When turned over, the shavings land on a magnet hidden under the wooden base and instantly magnetize. As they fall, the shavings form miniature iron towers, repeatedly growing and collapsing under the onslaught of new material streaming through the neck. 

It is mesmerizing to watch.

Unfortunately, there is only so much material inside. Eventually, all of the shavings come to rest, and time runs out. 

When I find myself with too little time, my usual response is to try to be more efficient and multitask. Just the other evening, I caught myself monitoring the weather on my tablet, checking email on my phone, and watching TV, all while supposedly spending time with my family. My body was there, but my mind was all over the place. 

When Paul said we are to make the best use of our time, I doubt that he had multitasking in mind. Our spouse cannot simply be another task that we shift attention to momentarily. We must learn to give each other priority and focused attention. 

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.” When we honor something, we elevate it above other things. The hourglass my son gave me stands out. It has its own spot on a shelf in my office, lifted up above the clutter of my desk. 

One thing we’ve done in our house to help our marriage rise above the clutter is to share a coffee together each day. It’s a simple thing, but it forces us to put electronic devices away, look into each other’s eyes, and talk. While our conversations aren’t always profound, our dedication to that time is. Through the years, our kids have learned not to bother us while we’re having coffee unless someone is bleeding.

Psalm 144:4 says, “Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.” None of us know how much time we have left in our hourglass. If my wife runs out of time before I do, it will hardly matter to me what the latest blog post says or what level I reached in a game on my phone. Those things will be forgotten, but the time spent over a cup of coffee never will.

What can you do to lift your marriage above the clutter?

Pray: Lord, I get so easily distracted by lesser things. Please help me to honor my marriage by giving my spouse focused attention. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”’ Ephesians 5:11-14(NLT)

‘Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.’ Psalms 139:24(NLT)

A few years ago, I discovered a tiny stain on the ceiling. After ignoring it for a few months, I decided to investigate. I gently poked the area with my finger and discovered that the drywall was soft.

I then cut a small hole in the ceiling just large enough to fit a hand inside and feel around. When I did, my hand emerged covered in an odd dust I couldn’t identify. As I expanded my access hole to get a better view, I was able to discover the source of the dust … termites.

By the time I was done tracing back the path of destruction, I had completely removed the ceiling, the walls, and two large sections of the adjacent living room. The little critters completely devoured three vertical support beams and severely damaged several joists supporting the second floor. My son’s entire bedroom had been in danger of collapse, but we didn’t even know it. The only thing that had been visible was a small, half-inch stain. From our point of view everything looked fine, but on the inside, our home was crumbling.

Hidden sins in a marriage are similar. They can be easy to overlook.  Maybe it’s a sarcastic comment, an extended sigh, or a lingering eye. Issues which, when compared against those of our friends, can seem small. But like a tiny stain on an otherwise perfectly white ceiling, there may be something more serious hiding just beneath the surface. That sarcastic comment could be a sign of disrespect. That sigh might be hiding a discontented heart and a lingering eye.

It’s easy to convince ourselves that as long as we can keep our sins hidden, they can’t hurt anyone. But like the termites slowly destroying a home, secret sins tend to destroy us from the inside out. They eat away at the very foundations of intimacy and trust necessary for marital oneness and need to be dealt with right away.

In Ephesians, Paul tells us how, but his prescription is not something we like to hear. He says we need to “expose them.” We need to have the courage to disrupt the illusion of health, tear down the façade, and expose the sin hiding underneath. 

Next time you see a stain developing in your marriage, ask God for the courage to investigate further. It may get messy for a while, but it is the only way to ensure that little problems, don’t turn into big ones. 

Pray: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians

‘Don’t participate in the things these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. ‘ Ephesians 5:7-10(NLT)

‘Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” ‘ 1 Corinthians 15:33(NLT)

“If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?”

Many exasperated parents have raised this question to their children over the years. It is designed to highlight that which should be obvious: peer pressure can often cause people to make stupid decisions. 

While it is easy to see the impact of peer pressure on others, noticing it in your own life is often harder. Ephesians 5:7-10 warns believers to no longer be “partners” with sexually immoral, impure, or covetous people. The word for “partners” can also be translated as co-participant or partaker. 

This doesn’t mean that we must break off all ties with our old friends, but it does mean the nature of our relationships must change. If our old friends are living a lifestyle contrary to God, we can no longer participate the way we once did. We may need to excuse ourselves from certain situations. This is not to project a “holier than thou” attitude, but rather to ensure that our presence influences our friends for their good and not the other way around. 

This means asking ourselves some tough questions. 

Are you married but still hanging out with guys who are on the prowl? How will their behavior affect your thought life? What temptations will you expose yourself to? 

Do you spend time commiserating with girlfriends about how clueless men are? How will that impact your ability to be thankful? What positive qualities will you start to overlook as a result?

The company you keep matters. 

Find couples whose walk with God is strong and whose marriages you admire. Then spend as much time with them as you can. Invite them over for dinner. Arrange play dates between your kids. Join a marriage group at church or start one yourself. Find ways of hanging out with mature believers who are walking with God and can help you to “walk as a child of the light,” as well.

When your friends are more interested in your walk with God and the strength of your marriage, you’ll know you’re keeping the right kind of company.

Pray: Lord, give me the wisdom to know which of my relationships are helpful and which ones are harmful. Help me to develop friendships that will help me to draw closer to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen

from Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from Ephesians