Tag: One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day

‘If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ‘ James 1:5(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

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Some weeks I am too busy. Since I love what I do, busyness often sneaks up on me and my life gets out of balance. My marriage can linger on the sidelines. Next to God, Nancy is the most important person in my life. I used to jump through hoops to make up for not spending the time and effort with her that I needed to. That’s not all bad, and I often need to do that, but I want to let you in on something that really has made a difference for me. I consistently pray that God will increase my love for Nancy. I know it sounds like a simple request, but you will be amazed how God shows up. When I am distracted, I think of her. I feel this awe as I look at her. I want to do things that show her my love. I used to think I could build up the love tank and then go on cruise control for a few days. That does not work. I drain it empty every day and then need a fill-up. I learned that when I put the ball in God’s court with anything that has to do with my marriage, He shows up big time! 

Today’s One Thing: Pray today for God to increase your love for your spouse. Then get ready for Him to answer! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.’ Song of Songs 8:6-7(NLT)

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Does romance have to fade over time in a marriage? This notion that marital romance gradually dies over time is a “cultural truth” that becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy when we accept it as fact. We get married, and the romance is good. After a few years (usually when kids come into the picture), it begins to fade. We think the fading romance is the norm, so we accept it and move on. We might think about the “good old days” when the fire was lit, but now we think it would take too much work to rekindle the fire. 

Today I want to blow that “cultural truth” out of the water. Romance does not have to fade. In fact, I have counseled many couples who would say the romance in their marriage has grown over the years. Maybe we need to stop and define romance. Romance is not sex, but sex can become romantic. Romance happens when a husband and wife are purposeful about finding ways to express their love for each other every day. It may involve nonsexual touching, helping around the house, or making alone time for each other a priority. When we consistently do things like these, the sex will take care of itself. So whether you have been married one year, five years, or fifty years, if the romance has died, it is time to get the shock paddles and bring it back to life!

Today’s One Thing: Write down two things you think are romantic and share them with your spouse.  

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

‘A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.’ Proverbs 17:27(NLT)

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When you and your spouse spend time together daily, what is the most important component of your interaction? Is it talking or listening? I believe listening is essential to making the most of your time together. Here’s an example: If Nancy finishes talking to me and I bring up something that is important to me instead of responding to her, she will think I did not listen to anything she said. If that happens, it defeats the whole purpose of our time together. Setting aside time to connect and then not listening to your spouse will do just the opposite of what you wanted. 

Research shows that humans can listen five times faster than they can talk. If Nancy is talking to me, I have to decide how I am going to use that extra time. If I use it to think about what I want to say when she finishes or something else I want to go do, there is no way that I will connect with her. If I focus on her, make eye contact, and listen to every word she says, she will feel valued and cared for and we will connect and grow our marriage. The bonus is that if I listen well to her, she then listens well to me. She wins, I win, and our marriage wins!

Today’s One Thing: When your spouse is talking to you today, really listen. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29(NLT)

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.’ Proverbs 25:11(NLT)

‘Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.’ Proverbs 12:25(NLT)

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A few years ago I read a research study dealing with the effect a parent can have on a child by praising them one time each day. The results amazed me. That one consistent, simple, daily thing literally turned many kids around. So I started thinking: If it works for kids, doesn’t it make sense that it would also work for adults? I mean, we were all kids once, weren’t we? 

How about you? What would you say to praise your spouse today? Let me give you some ideas, because we often get stuck in the negative and struggle to find the positive. When I see Nancy put effort into something she does for me, I always try to tell her how much that means to me. It may be a dinner she cooks or something as simple as how she does my laundry and nicely folds my clothes. When something good happens in her work, I want her to hear as much praise from me as she does from her colleagues. I tell her every day she is beautiful—because she is, and because I want her to hear it first from me. Now it’s your turn. What will you say?

Today’s One Thing: Praise your spouse for one thing today! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

‘May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ Romans 15:5-6(NLT)

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Just six months into our marriage, when Nancy and I decided that we had to be more purposeful with our time together, it was a pretty easy decision. I had work and she had college, but we did not have many other distractions to deal with. A few years later that changed when we had kids, we had volunteer work, we were involved in church, and we were tired. None of our distractions were bad in and of themselves, yet they took time away from our marriage. We were saying yes to good things, but every “yes” meant a “no” for our time together. We began to look at our schedules to see what we could change. 

First, we agreed to limit volunteer work and to not sign up for everything that came along in our church. Then we looked at the time we spent with our kids. They were truly our greatest blessing, but we were not doing a very good job of setting aside time for each other amid the demands of parenting. Then we discovered a truth that was huge for us: If we were going to model a healthy marriage for our kids, they needed to see us making time for each other a priority. How could we expect them to grow up and value time with their spouse if they did not see us do that? Now what about you? What are the distractions in your marriage? Are they controlling you or are you controlling them? What is your first step in dealing with your distractions?

Today’s One Thing: Together identify a distraction in your marriage and decide how you can keep it from affecting your marriage. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.’ 1 Peter 3:1-6(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

How much time do you spend on average each day with your spouse? One survey concluded that most married couples spend five minutes or less together a day. That same survey says that before marriage those same couples spent three hours together a day! That is twenty-one hours a week before marriage and thirty-five minutes a week after. In college, when Nancy and I were dating, we spent a ton of time together and it was great. Then we got married, and things began to change. She was continuing with college; I was building a career. We still spent time together, but we were not as purposeful about how we used that time. We really began to take each other for granted. Six months into marriage we were drifting apart and knew something had to change. 

What about you and your spouse? Are you at five minutes or three hours or somewhere in between? Is your relationship closer now than it was this time last year, or are you drifting apart? If your marriage is going to grow, there is no shortcut to time spent together. Start today and be purposeful. If you are currently spending zero time together each day, start by spending five minutes a day with each other. Make it the most connected five minutes you can imagine: talk, touch, listen. You will be amazed at the difference it can make.

Today’s One Thing: Spend five minutes today connecting with your spouse. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord . “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’ Isaiah 55:8-9(NLT)

‘“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.’ Matthew 7:9-11(NLT)

‘Bend down, O Lord , and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help.’ Psalms 86:1(NLT)

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Here’s an idea for you to think about: If we knew everything that God knows, we would answer our prayers exactly like God does. Let that soak in. We see life through our eyes and pray accordingly. God sees the big picture and answers accordingly. If we truly believe that God is good, which He is, then we need to believe that His answers to our prayers are perfect for us. 

When Nancy and I talk about things we would like to pray for or need to pray for, the list can be a little overwhelming. What about you and your spouse? What would your list look like? Even if your list may seem a little (or a lot) overwhelming, try this. First, keep your prayer list, pray, and trust our good God to answer every prayer perfectly for you. Second, pick one thing for the two of you to pray about. Use the following questions as your criteria for this “one thing”: Is it something only God can do? From what you know about the Bible, is your “one thing” something that God would want for you? Are you willing to do your part? When God answers, how will you respond to Him? Will you look for other blessings that come your way from God in this process? What is your “one thing” in prayer that God will use to change your marriage? 

Today’s One Thing: Pray that God will use the “one thing” you are praying for to change your marriage. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.’ Proverbs 16:24(NLT)

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

‘When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.’ Proverbs 31:26(NLT)

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.’ Proverbs 18:20(NLT)

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Have you ever been around someone who is always complaining about their spouse? It’s like their spouse never does anything right, and even when they try, they get it wrong. As a counselor, I can’t help but take notice when I am out in public and hear someone doing that. I know from years of counseling couples that nothing good ever results from those negative words. The speaker is laying a foundation of negativity in their marriage, and their spouse gets slammed without even knowing it. It’s a no-win situation. 

One really good way to grow your marriage is to brag about your spouse to someone else. This does a couple of things: First, it is a great witness and example of a Christian marriage. Second, it keeps our thoughts about our spouse on the positive side. Another benefit of speaking positively about your spouse occurs when someone else tells your spouse what you said about them. Your husband or wife is a gift to you from God. Thank God for your gift, and start talking about your spouse to others in a positive way.

Today’s One Thing: Brag on your spouse to someone today!

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘A man might have a hundred children and live to be very old. But if he finds no satisfaction in life and doesn’t even get a decent burial, it would have been better for him to be born dead. ‘ Ecclesiastes 6:3(NLT)

‘So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.’ Ecclesiastes 8:15(NLT)

‘This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.’ Psalms 118:24(NLT)

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Do you and your spouse have fun together? Often in the counseling room, I will ask a couple what they do for fun. More often than not, I get blank stares. What would you say if I asked you that question? The first part of my premise is that every couple had fun together at one time in their relationship. (If they did not, then they probably would never have gotten married!) The second part is that life gets in the way of having fun. Having fun together becomes less of a priority as careers and children (among other things) fight for our time and attention. But I think having fun together should be a priority in marriage! Couples need to have fun together. What did you do for fun when you were dating or in the early part of your marriage? What sounds fun to you to do as a couple today? Setting aside time each week with no agenda other than having fun together can supercharge your marriage. 

Today’s One Thing: Decide on a “fun thing” to do together this week. Then do it!

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.’ John 16:24(NLT)

‘You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.’ John 16:24(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

When was the last time you prayed for your spouse? There are so many ways you can pray. If you need ideas for what to pray about, simply ask your spouse if there’s anything he or she would appreciate you praying for. Your prayers can also come from just being a student of your spouse. Pray for them in their work, as a spouse, as a parent, or for something they are struggling with. I think you will be amazed at what happens. Praying for your spouse connects the two of you with God. It helps you come alongside your spouse. 

When I am praying for Nancy, I look at her differently. Praying for her draws me closer to her. It shows me that we are on the same team and are working together as we navigate life. The really cool thing is that it puts us in a partnership with God. I promise you that God will show up when you invite His involvement in your marriage through prayer! Does that mean that God will answer your prayer for your spouse exactly the way you are praying? Maybe, but maybe not. What it does mean is that God will answer your prayer in the way that is perfect for you and your spouse. Try praying today and see what happens. There is absolutely nothing to lose and a lot to gain. 

Today’s OneThing: Pray for your spouse. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling