Tag: One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:3-4(NLT)

‘For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. ‘ James 3:16-17(NLT)

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Today’s “One Thing” question is for me: How have you been selfish in your marriage this past week? Ugh! I hate that question because it always nails me. Selfishness is my greatest fault. It freaks me out that I see the results of selfishness every day in the counseling room and still know it is my number one issue. I know all the right answers. I know by putting everything in God’s hands, I can walk away from selfishness. There are days, sometimes weeks, when I do that well. I’ll be rocking along really well, but then I seem to put my guard down and do a 180 that removes God from first place in my life and puts me in His place. 

I wish it only affected me—that would be easier for me to take. But it doesn’t just affect me. You see, when I move God out of first place, I move Nancy out of second place, and it affects my marriage big-time. Then it trickles down to other areas of my life. Have I been selfish in my marriage this past week? Yes. Am I giving up? No. With God’s help, I will remove my selfishness and put Him back in first and Nancy back in second. It is the only way it works!

Today’s One Thing: If you have been selfish in your marriage this week, what do you need to do today? 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

‘But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. ‘ 1 Corinthians 3:13(NLT)

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What is the most romantic thing your spouse has ever done for you? A couple of things come to my mind when I think about my own marriage. Nancy and I had been married about three years and had lived in apartments the whole time. We were driving around one afternoon and literally stumbled into a new addition of homes that seemed to fit our price range. We looked at five show homes, but none of them seemed to fit us. As we talked to the builder, he said, “Why don’t you let me build the house for you that you want?” We had heard horror stories about couples building houses, but we said yes. We were determined to make this a great experience. 

As I was getting ready to leave work one evening, Nancy called and asked me to meet her at the new house. There was only the concrete slab, but on that slab Nancy had a tablecloth, candles, and a great picnic dinner. It was so romantic to me because I saw her being purposeful about making this a great experience. 

Another romantic thing Nancy does for me is when we go on trips for just the two of us, she always buys a new nightgown for the trip—just for me. Now that you have had a couple of minutes to think, what is the most romantic thing your spouse has ever done for you?

Today’s One Thing: Share with your spouse that “most romantic thing” they have ever done for you!

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

‘Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:14(NLT)

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When our kids were still at home, there were times when discipline was necessary. Time-outs were an invaluable disciplinary strategy that worked really well with both of our kids. The time-out slowed things down, gave everyone a chance to think things over, and then set the stage for getting things back on track. Usually, especially as the kids got older, the time-out was spent in their room. 

A few weeks ago, I thought Nancy and I needed a time-out—not to be disciplined, but to slow things down a little. The day had been hectic, with no relief in sight, and we had not had a chance to connect. We needed to have some time alone with the rest of the world blocked out. 

Like us, you and your spouse may benefit from a couples time-out every now and then. It may just be ten or fifteen minutes, but it can make a difference in your relationship. If your home is full of people, you can take a short time-out in your bedroom or a closet if you have to! I know a husband and wife who take their ten-minute time-outs in their pantry, mainly because no one in the family has figured out their spot—yet. Now, what you do with the time-out is totally up to the two of you!

Today’s One Thing: Take a ten-minute time-out with your spouse today! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Your eternal word, O Lord , stands firm in heaven.’ Psalms 119:89(NLT)

‘Hear my prayer, O Lord ; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous.’ Psalms 143:1(NLT)

‘Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.’ Psalms 143:8(NLT)

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A number of years ago, Nancy went through a rough time. She was depressed and was not sleeping—I mean, really not sleeping. Night after night she would lie awake and then totally crash for a day or so. The pattern was horrible, and her lack of sleep did nothing to help her depression. We consulted doctors, tried medications, and finally came to the point that we were willing to try anything to help her sleep. 

During this time, almost from the first day, I prayed for my wife. I prayed for God to lift the depression and to give her sleep at night. Each morning as I awoke, I could hardly wait to open my eyes and see her in a restful sleep. Yet, each morning I saw her eyes wide open after another sleepless night. 

The pattern continued for a couple of months and was wearing hard on both of us. But then the miracle happened. Over the course of a week, we consulted with a new doctor who had a new plan, and I finally awoke one morning to a sleeping wife. As I look back, two things stand out: First, God answered our prayer. Second, during that two-month period, Nancy and I grew in our love for each other in ways I could never have imagined. Even when I felt God was not at work, He was. Whatever you are praying for in your marriage, don’t give up. God is at work! 

Today’s One Thing: Ask God to help you see clearly what He wants for your marriage. 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:18-19(NLT)

‘Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices.’ Song of Songs 4:10(NLT)

‘Before I realized it, my strong desires had taken me to the chariot of a noble man.’ Song of Songs 6:12(NLT)

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Do you make time for sex in your marriage? For some of you, the answer may be a resounding yes. My counseling experience tells me that most people would say no or “sometimes.” Sex in marriage is a gift from God (see Song of Solomon). It is not the most important thing in marriage, but next to growing together in Christ, it needs to be as important as everything else. It draws us close. It is intimacy at its best. It is unique because the two of you are unique. 

Sex in marriage tends to get put on the back-burner when life gets in the way. We get busy with kids, work, housework, volunteer work, and ______________ (you fill in the blank). When we neglect intimate time together, we miss out on this incredible blessing from God. I believe that sex in a Christian marriage is different. Every couple can have the physical, emotional, and mental parts of sex. But because the Holy Spirit dwells in every Christian, there is a spiritual dimension of sex that non-Christians do not have. That takes sex to a whole new level. The best sex possible is in the context of a Christian marriage.  

Today’s One Thing: Talk together about being purposeful in your sex life. Then follow through! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed.’ Proverbs 12:19(NLT)

‘The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.’ Proverbs 12:22(NLT)

‘Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people.’ Proverbs 11:3(NLT)

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Trust is interesting isn’t it? When we have trust in a relationship, we often take it for granted. Then when we break trust with someone, we realize how hard it is to rebuild it. Here is something interesting that I have observed from talking to people over the years: When trust is broken in in one area of a marriage, it can bleed over into other areas. If you lie about spending money, you will probably lose your spouse’s trust in financial matters. You may also lose their trust in every area of marriage where you also might lie. Sometimes people tell me, “I just told one lie. Why is that such a big deal?” I usually answer, “Because it is!” If you have trust in your marriage today, cherish it and guard it with your life. If trust has been broken, ask your spouse what you need to do to regain their trust—and then begin doing it.

Today’s One Thing: Seek God’s help in being trustworthy in every area of your life and marriage! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. ‘ Philippians 2:14-15(NLT)

‘Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. ‘ 1 John 4:7(NLT)

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What if your marriage was a light to everyone you know? What if you and your spouse lived your marriage each and every day in a way that made other couples want their marriages to look like yours? What if as a couple you prayed, served, gave, put God as number one, and put each other as number two every day? Then, what if the couples who admired you began to do the same thing? Other people would begin to notice those marriages and want to emulate those couples. We would have a “marriage light” spreading to other communities and places around the world, and we would finally see that light coming over the horizon back to us, because it would have traveled around the world. What would our world be like then? Can you even begin to imagine what could happen? That’s my dream. It has been since day one of Awesome Marriage. It just takes one marriage at a time to begin to ignite the fire. Can God use your marriage to illuminate the world?

Today’s One Thing: What if you and your spouse said yes to God today about becoming a “marriage light” in the world? 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.’ Proverbs 16:24(NLT)

‘Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”’ Proverbs 31:28-29(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

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How often do you praise your spouse? We may often think a good thought about someone but never end up sharing it with them—not that we keep it to ourselves on purpose; we simply let the moment pass. The other day Nancy was talking on the phone, and as I eavesdropped a little, I was so impressed with how she was handling what seemed to be a very difficult situation. I thought that when she finished, I would tell her how proud I was of her—but I completely forgot. I’m quite good at telling her I think she looks pretty, but that comes rather easy for most guys since we so readily respond to anything visual. When it comes to praising her for her character, words, or actions, I need to learn to say it when I think it. When people tell me something positive they observed about Nancy, it makes me proud. I need to remember to pass on to her what I was told. The point is that we need to verbally communicate those good things to our spouse. It is really good for both of us. It shows them we care enough to say it, and it reminds us that our spouse is very special. 

Today’s One Thing: Share something good about your spouse with them today! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23(NLT)

‘Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.’ Psalms 90:12(NLT)

‘Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. ‘ Ephesians 5:17(NLT)

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We all agree that spending time on a date with our spouse is a good thing. Dates are fun, and they bring us closer together. The problem for many of us comes when we don’t intentionally find the time to plan that date. Before we know it, another week has passed and still no date. I have an idea for you: Try impromptu dates. These dates are not intended to take the place of great planned dates, but they give you some other options that you may not have considered. Here is an example: Going to the grocery store is something most of us have to do at least once a week. Why not make shopping a date rather than just a necessary chore? Go together; talk on the way and while you fill your cart; enjoy coffee or ice cream together. The idea is to look for opportunities to turn a checklist item on your to-do list into a meaningful date. It could be anything from running errands together instead of separately to meeting at the gym and exercising together. This type of “dating” really just involves a mindset shift. Impromptu dating opportunities are all around you. Don’t miss them!

Today’s One Thing: Turn one checklist item into an impromptu date this week! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

‘Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?’ Proverbs 20:6(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Is there a benefit in saying to your spouse “I like you” in addition to “I love you?” I know at times there are things I do that Nancy does not. When I tease her, for example, there’s a 50/50 chance she won’t like it—a lot depends on how far I take it, though! We all can probably think of things we don’t especially like about our spouse. 

This is my take: I knew pretty early in my relationship with Nancy that I could really love this woman. I can’t remember anything I did not like about her during those early stages of our relationship. As we dated for two years, we learned a lot more about each other—and not everything was particularly likable. There were a few things I didn’t like but a whole lot of things I really liked. Then I asked her to marry me. I made a choice to embrace all of her and spend the rest of my life with her. God has used our marriage to refine us over the years into more of who He designed us to be. Marriage can do that! Nancy often tells me she loves me, and I’ve never doubted her love for me; but when she says she really likes me, that is something special. I want her to like me, and I want her to know that I like her. It puts a positive focus on each of us and our marriage.

Today’s One Thing: Tell your spouse you really like them! 

from One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day by Dr. Kim Kimberling