Tag: One: A Marriage Devotional

‘The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.’ Psalms 32:8(NLT)

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. (Psalm 32:8)

The famous baseball player Yogi Berra has a way with words. Of his many famous quotes, this is one of my favorites: “When you come to the fork in the road, take it.” He said it originally when giving someone directions to his home, because either way you turned at the fork, right or left, it still led to his house. Don’t you wish it was that way in life?

The truth is, you will come to critical times in your life when you must make decisions as to which way you will turn. Will you forgive or hold a grudge? Will you stay and work things out or run from your problems? Will you withdraw from your spouse when he or she offends you and go elsewhere to get your needs met, or will you pursue your spouse and fight for your marriage?

In life, there are many proverbial “forks in the road.” What you do at these times forms your character and forges your destiny. I recently met with a person who is bankrupt and has been divorced multiple times. He lamented to me that he had made every wrong choice at crucial times and wished he could go back and do it all over again.

Every marriage has problems and requires hard work and sacrifice for success. When you get to the difficult times in your life and marriage, you must forgive, commit and give of yourself in spite of your negative emotions. There will always be a little voice inside of you trying to convince you to take “the easy way”—the alternate road that looks so much more pleasing.

Also, at these times there are often supporters of that other path cheering you on and assuring you that you are justified in following your feelings. They want you to believe that the answer to all of your problems lies in the choice to do what God’s Word says is wrong, but what the majority of people say is right.

As you conclude this 52-week devotional study, I want to leave you with two thoughts: first, the easy way is never easy. It is brutal. The pretty side of the fork in the road that is lined with flowers and goes downhill actually has many sharp turns with steep cliffs you can’t see.

Second, the right way is the easiest way to live. Even though that side of the fork looks steep and rocky at first, it actually becomes a better road with every step you take. Also, as you climb higher and higher, the scenery becomes breathtaking as you see God’s promises for your life, marriage, and family come true.

Talk It Out | What advice have you been given about your marriage that you knew was contrary to God’s Word? And what voices have you had to choose to ignore in order to keep on the right path? Express to each other your commitment to continue on the road to building a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Walk It Out | Get together with another couple and share with them what this 52-week devotional experience has meant in your lives. Encourage them to begin the journey together!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing.’ Proverbs 10:28(NLT)

The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing. (Proverbs 10:28 NLT)

Research has shown that many of the more serious fights in marriage occur on a dream level. What this means is that in your heart you entertain certain deeply embedded desires and dreams. Many of them go back for many years, even into your childhood. Also, many of them are so deeply entrenched in your psyche that you don’t think of them on a conscious level.

For example, it is common for a woman to have the dream of living in a house with a white picket fence. Women also commonly dream of having a loving husband who is a present partner with them in raising a family.

It is common for men to dream of having a wife who adores them and thinks they hung the moon. Men often dream of having a wife who takes care of the house well and prepares good meals for them.

With your dreams deeply lodged within your heart, you embark upon marriage. Your hopes run high when you are dating and even during the honeymoon phase of marriage. The problems surface when you begin to violate each other’s dreams.

For example, when a man begins to work late or stay out with his friends too often, he is violating his wife in obvious ways. However, what isn’t so obvious is the fact that his insensitive behavior is actually ruining her chances of living out her dream.

On the other side, when he comes home and finds her angry and accusatory, his dream is also broken. It only makes matters worse if other areas of her behavior don’t line up with what he has hoped for.

It is important for you to realize that everyone has dreams. It helps when you are able to bring those desires out in the open and talk about them together as a couple. What helps even more is a commitment to be each other’s “dream makers” and not “dream breakers.”

I encourage you to really think about this. Do you know what each other’s dreams are? Have you made an effort to show you really care? Have you ever committed to make the other person’s dreams come true? When you begin to make the necessary changes to stop violating each other’s dreams, you’ve taken the first steps to making your marriage a dream come true.

Talk It Out | Spend a few minutes separately thinking about your deepest dreams and desires for your marriage. Then come together and share those with each other. Talk about ways you can become each other’s “dream makers.”

Walk It Out | This week, make your date night “his” night. Wives, take this chance to make your husband’s dreams come true by focusing your attention and adoration on him.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.’ 1 John 5:14-15(NLT)

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. (1 John 5:14-15)

Research proves that the best marriages are those with high goals. It’s important that you set goals for your marriage and keep your expectations high. However, high goals must also be accompanied by realistic expectations.

There are two extremes that cause a lot of marriage problems. On the one hand, it is common to see couples who have very high expectations for their marriages but also have a fairy tale mentality that everything good is just going to fall into their proverbial laps. Unrealistic expectations set them up for heartache and disappointment.

On the other extreme are the couples who don’t want to be disappointed so they keep their expectations low. Sometimes these couples are cynical because of failed marriages in their past or chronic problems in their present marriage.

Finding balance is the key to success. You must set goals and have dreams for your marriage. You must also realize that there will be challenges along the way and enemies you must face and overcome. By the way, the journey toward the dream is as important as the dream itself. It is on the journey that you learn to depend on each other, trust in each other, pray together and ultimately become close friends and intimate lovers.

Another important issue in setting high goals is to learn to establish practical disciplines in your relationship that move you toward your goals. They need to be things your regular schedule can accommodate and things you’ll stick with. Here are a few practical suggestions:

+ Have a date night every week. Do something special and work hard on that night to keep your romance alive.

+ Commit to having a vision retreat this year (which I talked about in week 44, A Common Vision).

+ Be creative and energetic in meeting each other’s needs.

+ Brush up on your manners. Recommit to appreciating each other and honoring each other.

+ Go to at least one marriage seminar this year, and read at least one marriage book together.

Be inspired to set some new goals and keep dreaming big dreams for your marriage. God created you for greatness.

Talk It Out | What goals have you set for your marriage? Do you have realistic expectations of how to attain them? Write down your common goals and pray together, asking God to help you realize your dreams.

Walk It Out | Make this week’s date night specifically for her. Husbands, let your wife choose what you will do on your date, and put extra effort into making it special for her!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. ‘ Matthew 7:24-25(NLT)

Whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. (Matthew 7:24-25)

In almost every realm of life, success depends on precision. The examples are almost endless. Tiger Woods must hit the ball in a precise position and putt it exactly in the hole. He must do this for eighteen holes each day and for four days in a row to win a golf tournament.

Those who assemble airplanes must build them to exact specifications for safety reasons. Those who manufacture medications, especially those to treat serious illnesses, must make them to conform to the most precise mixture of ingredients and dosages. The list goes on and on as to the areas of life that must be precise for success.

Marriage is the same. It must be conducted according to God’s specific plan if it is going to work. I’m saying this for two reasons. First, I’m simply reminding you that God created man and marriage, and He is the only person who truly understands how we operate.

The Word of God is the instruction book that tells how you are designed to operate. In His mercy, God has given detailed instructions showing you how to love each other and how to build a life and marriage that will stand every test. In the Scripture above, Jesus promises that if you will obey His words, no force on earth will be able to cause you to fail.

The second reason I am addressing this issue is because of how common it is for people to try to make their marriages and relationships work on their own terms. This is true of many married couples who ignore God’s Word and try to impose their own opinions on each other to fix their problems or to alleviate frustrations.

World history and recent American history are replete with examples of how marriage is a miserable failure when you don’t follow God’s instructions. Just like most other areas of life, marriage requires precision. Thank God that He has given you every answer needed for success.

Next time you’re flying on an airplane, be thankful that those who put it together were precise. It’s what makes your flight safe and pleasant. It’s the same for marriage. Buckle up, get your Bible out and enjoy a safe and pleasant life.

Talk It Out | Talk about everyday ways that precision is important in your life—for example, measuring ingredients for a recipe, balancing your checkbook, following safety procedures at work, etc. Then discuss how that principle carries over into your marriage. In what areas could you apply God’s Word more precisely to ensure success?

Walk It Out | Watch a favorite movie together one night this week. Pop some popcorn or fix a snack you both like; then cuddle up on the couch and enjoy!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. ‘ Galatians 6:7(NLT)

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:20-21(NLT)

‘Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.’ James 3:2-6(NLT)

‘Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.’ Galatians 6:8-10(NLT)

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. (Galatians 6:7)

One of the most important principles in Scripture is that of sowing and reaping. From the beginning of Creation until now, the law of seedtime and harvest has been in operation, affecting every aspect of our life here on earth. For instance, in the agricultural world, in the animal kingdom, and even in human reproduction, we easily can understand how a seed implanted will produce a harvest. But do you realize the principle of sowing and reaping is always in progress in your marriage as well?

Your mouth is a seed warehouse. Words are some of the most powerful seeds you sow; they are so powerful they can have a disproportionate effect on your marriage. By that I mean your words have the ability to affect your spouse and marriage more than almost anything else (see Proverbs 18:20-21; James 3:2-6).

In addition to the words you speak, your actions and attitudes are also seeds that are being sown into the lives of those around you. And they will produce a harvest, whether good or bad. Inconsequential behavior simply does not exist.

Here is how the Apostle Paul puts it: For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:8-10)

When you notice attitudes, words, or behaviors in your spouse that make you unhappy, you need to consider the fact that to some degree you may be responsible for the negative behavior. It’s possible that you are reaping the results of what you have sown into your husband’s or wife’s life.

Of course, the same law of sowing and reaping applies when good seeds are sown. You can kill off a bad crop by simply repenting before God and your spouse for your negative words and actions. Then begin planting a new crop by carefully and purposefully sowing good seed in your marriage and all areas of your life. Your harvest then will be a good one! It may not be an instant harvest, but it is a guaranteed one.

Talk It Out | What kind of seeds are you sowing into your marriage? Repent to each other for any negative words or behavior, and talk about specific ways to change the negatives into positives.

Walk It Out | Speak out loud what the Bible says about your spouse and your marriage. Look up verses that tell of God’s blessings, and speak God’s Word over your situation. That seed has the power of God to make a profound impact in every area of your relationship.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:7(NLT)

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

I was at a hotel recently, and while I was checking in at the reception desk, the young lady who was helping me regularly answered the telephone and broke away from helping me to solve someone else’s problems. I have to admit, that is one of my pet peeves.

My belief is that the person who is standing before you in the flesh should take priority over someone who is calling on the phone. But in most cases—in hotels and other businesses—it is the opposite.

Likewise, I know of many people who are completely frustrated by the constant intrusion of other people into their spouse’s lives through technology. It has become a major
issue in our world today. Whether it is a cell phone call, text message, email, Facebook friends, Twitter or something else, we are being bombarded by outsiders trying to get into our lives. Just like my experience in the hotel, in many cases, the one we are with is put on hold for the one calling in.

The result in many marriages is frustration and feelings of rejection. Many spouses feel as if there is virtually no time, no place, and no person that is protected from these intrusions.

To address this growing problem, we need to first of all go back to the issue of good manners. It is simply bad manners to allow someone to intrude upon our conversations and important time together.

Make technology your servant and not your master. You need to remind yourself that you can survive without being constantly connected to everyone else at all times. In fact, you must have times when you disconnect and keep others away. Call it a “technology time out” or “electronic Sabbath.” Just do it.

I am very connected electronically and use a cell phone and email regularly throughout the day, but not at night and not when I’m spending important time with Karen. When we are together, we will many times not answer phone calls out of respect for each other. We realize the fact that we must manage the blessing of technology or it can become a curse.

Talk It Out | Does your spouse know that he or she is a priority and won’t be at the mercy of the next phone call, text message, or email? Talk about ways to prioritize and show honor to each other, and about how to keep electronic intrusions from damaging your relationship.

Walk It Out | Spend time together in the evenings without any intrusions or distractions—no TV, cell phones, computer, etc. Use this time for uninterrupted conversation, or just snuggle on the couch and enjoy each other’s company.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.’ Proverbs 25:11(NLT)

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)

Have you ever wondered why manners are so important? Well, for one thing, manners preserve relationships. That’s right. When manners are lacking, people may feel violated and relationships can be threatened.

This is especially true in a marriage relationship. In fact, when the honeymoon phase of a marriage comes to a close, emotions may begin to deteriorate if a couple fails to display basic manners toward one another.

Let me give you several examples. When two people begin dating, they typically display very good manners, right? They show appreciation by saying “thank you”; they show consideration by being sensitive and courteous to each other; the man shows care for the woman by opening doors for her; and so on.

As the relationship progresses, it is often typical for a husband and wife to begin to take each other for granted and stop exercising good manners. He or she may fail to show appreciation by saying “thank you”; they are not as sensitive or courteous to one another; a husband may stop opening doors for his wife; and so on.

Manners, however, are very important —they are indicators of the kind of people we are. The presence of manners means that you are a giver. The lack of manners means that you are a taker. The presence of manners means that you are not self-centered. The absence of manners means you are selfish. The presence of manners means that you value others. The absence of manners means that you don’t.

Remember, manners preserve relationships. They preserve a marriage and promote goodwill between a husband and wife. God’s design is for marriage to get progressively better every year. It is never His intention for a marriage to experience an emotional slump for any significant period of time. A lack of passion and goodwill between a husband and wife indicates something is missing in the relationship—primarily good manners.

Talk It Out | How are your manners? Do you treat your spouse the way you did when you first met? Do you treat strangers better than your spouse? An honest assessment of your marriage manners can help you discover a lot about yourself and the overall health of your marriage relationship.

Walk It Out | Think about ways you may have gotten too comfortable and relaxed around each other. Put forth a little effort to change one thing this week—for example, dressing up and looking nice for each other, actively listening when your spouse is talking, etc.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” ‘ 1 Corinthians 15:33(NLT)

Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

Your close friends are some of the most important predictors of how successful you will be in life and in marriage. The Scripture from 1 Corinthians is a caution against being deceived by the lie that you can keep bad company and not be negatively affected.

At the University of Chicago, researchers found that couples who stayed together through adversity had friends who wanted them to stay together and had a low opinion of divorce. This proves what the Bible says. It also proves another point that might surprise many people—divorce runs in groups. So do adultery, drug and alcohol abuse, and many other behaviors.

The old saying, “misery loves company” is unfortunately true. It is common for divorce to break out in an office, company, neighborhood, family, or sometimes even in a church group. All it takes is one person going through a divorce and becoming bitter at a husband or wife. This person will look for someone to provide consolation and companionship. If you have a seed of discontent in your marriage, the next thing you know this person will be trying to build an offense between you and your spouse.

To succeed in marriage, you need friends who share your values and are committed to their marriages. There are no such things as perfect friends, even if they are very godly people you meet in church. However, perfection isn’t the issue. The issue is that you have a support group around you encouraging you to do the right thing as you also encourage them.

The last thing you need when you are going through tough times in marriage is someone encouraging you to do the wrong thing. You need wise counsel and prayer from a person of faith and character. Karen and I are blessed with good, godly friends. They have stood with each other through many years of mountaintops and valleys of life.

Don’t be deceived; bad company will corrupt your morals and your marriage. Break off unhealthy relationships and work to create healthy ones. The best place I know of to meet good friends is in a Bible-based church. The people there aren’t perfect any more than you are, but they are people who share your values and will be an essential support base for a successful marriage.

Talk It Out | Honestly evaluate your friendships and speak up about any concerns you have. If you identify that some of your friendships aren’t healthy for your marriage, make a commitment to seek out the kind of friends who share your values.

Walk It Out | Invite another couple over for dinner or go out to a movie together. Spend time cultivating friendships that have a positive effect on your marriage.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?’ Amos 3:3(NLT)

Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3)

Here’s another way of asking this question from the book of Amos: “How can two people get anywhere together without first agreeing on some basic things about the trip?”

It’s a rhetorical question. The obvious answer is, “They can’t.” Two people who are not in agreement simply can’t journey together—not peacefully anyway. Their journey will be a constant battle with very little forward progress. This is especially true of the longest two-person journey in life—marriage.

Over twenty years ago, Karen and I met a special couple, David and Linda Smith. They are the only couple I’ve ever met that I thought might be happier than Karen and me. One day, David shared with me the secret of their happy marriage: Every year they go on a vision retreat.

The Smiths take a three- or four-day trip to get away and spend time praying and talking together about every area of their lives—children, finances, schedules, romance, spirituality, friends, extended family, etc. After spending the mornings praying and talking, they fill their afternoons and evenings with fun and romance. They come away from the retreat with a common vision to guide them through the year.

After talking with David, Karen and I took our first vision retreat. It transformed our already good marriage and took us 144 Jimmy Evans to a higher level. Since then, we have practiced having regular vision retreats, and I highly recommend them to every couple.

A vision retreat helps you see the big picture of your marriage and what it’s all about. The truth is, your life is about something bigger than yourself. You were created by a great God to do something bigger and beyond “you.” Finding God’s purpose for your life together is one of the key foundations of peace and fulfillment in marriage.

Here are three things that a vision retreat will help you accomplish:

1. Discover the God-given purpose for your marriage.

2. Come to an agreement about key issues of your life together.

3. Draw closer together and form a powerful vision for your family’s future.

Talk It Out | Have you ever considered taking a vision retreat together? Talk about the possibilities and any obstacles you would need to work through. Then, go a step further and begin making plans. Consider picking up a copy of The Mountaintop of Marriage, a vision retreat manual that will guide you step-by-step to make the most of your retreat (available at marriagetoday.com).

Walk It Out | Have a mini-retreat by driving out to the country one night, away from the city lights, and gazing up at the star-filled sky. Use this time to share your hopes and dreams with each other.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ‘ Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(NLT)

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

One of the most important issues in marriage is that of unity. In Genesis 2:24 when God created Adam, Eve and marriage He said, “the two shall become one” The term one, describing the unity and intimacy of marriage as God created it, is profound. It reveals God’s plan for an unbroken and undiluted team spirit between a man and a woman that creates the greatest bond that can be experienced on earth between two people.

The practical walking out of “oneness” occurs when a couple works as a team. This begins with the simple decision that neither the husband nor the wife will dominate the other. Dominance kills a spirit of unity and intimacy. The best way to make sure dominance isn’t in a marriage is for both spouses to be submitted to the Lordship of Christ. His Will guiding the marriage creates unity and kills dominance.

Another critical issue related to unity is in making important decisions together. This means that there is a standard in the marriage that establishes a clear understanding that you are one and don’t operate independently of each other. When you are making important decisions related to money, children, extended family, jobs, or other key areas, you consult each other and respect each other’s input.

Karen and I will not do anything of any significance without each other’s agreement and blessing. Early in our marriage we were both independent and stubborn and made decisions on our own. The result was deep anger and resentment that almost caused us to divorce.

Today we realize that God put us together to be a team. We are better together. I can truly say that every decision I make with Karen is a better decision than I could make on my own. God has given Karen a unique perspective that is different from mine. I used to think her input was invalid, but now I realize that she is seeing a part of the world that I can’t see. Her input is invaluable to me, as mine is to her. We make a great team.

Unity is critical for a marriage to work. This means that you don’t dominate each other and that you respect each other’s input and opinions. Resolve that you will never make important decisions without talking and praying together. Be a team player in your marriage and commit to honoring your spouse.

Talk It Out | If you’ve made mistakes in this area, it is important to take responsibility for them and repent to your spouse. Ask for forgiveness and make a commitment that you won’t act independently in the future. Talk about times you have made decisions in unity and how that made you feel about your marriage and each other.

Walk It Out | Next time you are walking together into a store or restaurant, hold your spouse’s hand or slip an arm around each other. It’s a simple but powerful way of demonstrating your oneness and unity.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans