Tag: Loving Your Wife Well

‘Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ‘ Colossians 3:13(NLT)

Scripture: Colossians 3:13

Wouldn’t it be great if after saying “I do!” and exchanging rings, you never made another mistake, never did something to hurt your wife, or never chose to sin for the rest of your life? 

But marriage doesn’t really work out like that, does it? When men sin against their wives, many of them take the coward’s way out. And what is that? They say a simple “I’m sorry” and move on quickly. This isn’t good enough, and it’s not really repenting. It’s more like ducking for cover. 

When was the last time you and your wife saw things differently? When was the last time you went back and forth and the discussion got a little heated (pride on display), maybe even a little hot? You just knew you were right, and there she was, not budging an inch! But then some more light was shed on the subject—a little bit of new information—and suddenly the truth became clear to you both. 

She was right and you were wrong.

And what happened then?

All too often this becomes the moment when you steer the conversation away from the discussion at hand and never mention it again. But this is wrong. This is prideful. This is sinful. 

Admitting that you are wrong feels like weakness to your flesh, but that’s what’s interesting about humbling yourself. It doesn’t make you weaker. It speaks to your strength—your willingness and security in yourself to admit when you are wrong and acknowledge to your wife that she was, indeed, right on this one. 

To walk in true repentance with your wife, openly and humbly acknowledge your offense without qualifying statements (justification) as to why you did what you did. With a sincere tone, express your sorrow for what you did and how it made your spouse feel. Never say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” And remember, saying “I’m sorry” is never enough. You have to humbly ask, “Will you please forgive me for (name the offense)?” 

Your marriage will take a big step forward when your wife comes to realize you care more about truth than about your own pride. 

Is there anything you need to apologize to your wife for today? If so, how could you be specific and humble in your apology?

from Loving Your Wife Well By Matt Jacobson

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NLT)

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9–12

Remember those first years of marriage? You used to laugh a lot together. You had a great deal of fun back then. But life has a way of sucking the fun right out of marriage, doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be that way. As the husband, you have a large responsibility to make sure you are finding the time and creating the circumstances for the two of you to have some fun together. 

This week, take charge. Don’t let life use up all your available time and prevent the two of you from spending a little of that time together. Help your wife set aside all the demands on her energy and responsibilities that never stop. Pick a few hours some day before the week’s end. Tell her, “You’re fun to be with,” and then prove it by sharing your idea for a three-hour getaway with her. 

Every one of us wishes for people to want to hang out with us—and for no other reason than they just like to be with us. Every one of us wants to be wanted. Your wife is no different. She doesn’t want you to “fulfill your duty” and spend an hour with her doing errands because you feel obligated. She wants to know that you enjoy her company. 

Taking each other for granted is one of the many things in marriage that is so easy to do. And many men, when asked by their wives, “Do you even want to spend time with me?” respond indignantly, “Of course. Where did you even get that idea?” How about from your countenance, your behavior (when was the last time you initiated being together without an agenda or a to-do list?), or the fact that you’ve never communicated directly how you enjoy her company? 

Smile with your eyes and tell your wife, “I like spending time with you!” Then ask her if she is free on Saturday afternoon (or whenever) for a couple of hours to go out for coffee, lunch, or dinner; go for a walk in the park; go to the art museum; go on a bike ride…. Say it, then prove it. It’s so simple and it means so much to her heart. 

When was the last time you and your wife simply had fun together? How did it change your relationship?

from Loving Your Wife Well By Matt Jacobson

‘Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.’ Proverbs 5:15-19(NLT)

Scripture: Proverbs 5:15–19

Your wife is all too aware of this sex-soaked, filth-saturated world you both inhabit. And she wonders, What is he feeling? What is his thought life like? Does he fantasize about sex? 

First of all, there is no room—absolutely no room—for anything but total faithfulness to your wife. Anything less than total faithfulness is unfaithfulness. For those who might wonder whether a given activity (with the body or the mind) is being unfaithful, just ask yourself, If my wife discovered me doing this, would I feel ashamed? Would she feel honored? 

On the other hand, let your imagination go, because there’s nothing wrong with thinking about sex . . . with your wife. Tell her (1) she is the only focus of your sexual interest . . . you think about her all the time and (2) she is the only outlet for your sexual passion. Give your wife the beautiful peace of knowing you are faithful, even in the secret places of your thought life. 

And remember that sex begins before you ever get to the bedroom. Has it been more than one day since your wife has felt your arms around her? As husbands, we get our needs met and then allow too much time to pass before we show affection through physical touch again.

Your wife loves to feel your arms around her, often. For the most part, she doesn’t want a hug that says “You’re my pal.” So don’t give hugs that say “Whatever.” Give the kind of hugs that say “I love you, a lot!” 

Even a simple touch can communicate to your wife that, physically, she is wonderful just the way she is. Maybe she’s just stepping out of the shower. Maybe she’s dressing for an evening out. Maybe she’s standing over some boiling potatoes on the stove. Look for the moment when you can give her a reassuring hug and tell her you like the way her body looks and feels—that you are, in fact, “intoxicated with her” (Proverbs 5:19)!

Make her a believer in the depth of your love with hands and arms that leave no room for questions. After all, a simple kiss on the cheek can be a throwaway gesture or an experience that contains the whole Book of Love. 

Look for a moment in the next few days when you can compliment your wife on how she looks. Then follow up with a genuine hug or kiss.

from Loving Your Wife Well By Matt Jacobson

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Virtually every wife and mother feels like she is constantly meeting the needs of others. Your wife feels like she is constantly meeting the needs of others because she is, especially if there are young kids in the house. And she’s always there for you too . . . giving over and over.

Your wife wants to know what you think, but she especially wants to know what you think of her. Do you value her? Care how she feels? Respect her? Honor her? Feel close to her? Need her? Genuinely showing appreciation for her through sincere words is a powerful way a wise husband ensures that as she is pouring out, she doesn’t begin to feel empty.

Your deep feelings of gratitude for your wife do not mean all that much if you don’t express them. As husbands, we can think and feel all these things deeply and still never say them, never tell her how we feel about her. In the meantime, there are the other voices in your wife’s life that will never be silent—the voices speaking from every clothing ad, the voices calling from every corner of society, telling her, “You’re not good enough.” “You’re too much this.” “You’re not enough that.” “You’re not beautiful.”

It’s hard for her not to believe those relentless messages. That’s why she needs to hear your affirmations regularly—and not some flippant, offhand, throwaway comments, but a message that comes straight from your heart. 

So take your wife in your arms. Look directly into her eyes for a moment, and tell her how beautiful she is to you. How much you appreciate her. How valuable she is.

Your voice is far more important to your wife’s heart than anything this world has to say. That’s why it’s important for you to use your power to speak affirming words into your wife’s heart today, tomorrow, and every day God gives you together. 

Do this and you will discover what every happy, fulfilled husband has learned: the husband who sincerely and consistently fills his wife’s heart with affirming words of love soon discovers that she returns to him far more than he ever poured into her soul. 

What critical voices does your wife hear about herself from others or the media? What is one way your words of affirmation can speak over that negativity in her mind this week?

from Loving Your Wife Well By Matt Jacobson

‘A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.’ Luke 6:45(NLT)

Scripture: Luke 6:45

Every honest husband knows that without his wife, he wouldn’t be the man he is. But does your wife know this is how you feel? Sometimes we treat our wives like they are mind readers, but your wife can’t read your mind and she can’t know what’s in your heart unless you communicate these things to her. 

Not long into my marriage, I discovered that just because I was satisfied and happy didn’t mean Lisa was. I needed to learn and understand what every smart husband knows: continually filling your wife’s reservoir is an ongoing endeavor, but doing so pays amazing dividends. 

Every wife has a deep desire to be cherished—to be of supreme importance and value to her husband. If your wife’s friends were asked the question about you—Does he cherish his wife?—how would they respond? Is the answer obvious to them? What would your wife say? Does she feel cherished? To truly value her is to leave no doubt in anyone’s mind, especially hers. Remind yourself often that you’ve been entrusted with something beautiful, something sacred. Then communicate to her that you know it and that it matters to you. 

One way to do this is to ask her questions. Express interest in who she is. Initiating a conversation that has your woman as its focus tells her heart that she matters to you, that you see her as an important person with her own ideas and dreams. In this way, she’s no different from you. You want to be affirmed by being sought out as a person. So does she. 

In Luke 6, Jesus reminds us that good words come from the overflow of our hearts. So tell your wife what is in your heart. Let her know the powerful and pivotal role she plays in the man you’ve become and the man you desire to be because of her. 

How do you express to your wife how much you cherish her?

from Loving Your Wife Well By Matt Jacobson

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ‘ Ephesians 5:28(NLT)

Scripture: Ephesians 5:28

When Lisa and I got married, I promised that I would cherish her, my bride, this breathtaking gift from God, every day of my life. 

How great it would be to report that I have loved Lisa perfectly. I cannot. I’ve caused her tears, been unloving, insensitive, and downright sinful at times. But I can report to you that Lisa has been and is a cherished woman. 

Lisa knows that loving her is serious business with me. She is my priority because Jesus Christ made her my priority—and He expects to be obeyed. He wants me to love her as He loves His Bride. 

Jesus is the example for every Christian man to know how to truly cherish his wife. 

Wait a minute, Jesus isn’t married! 

But He is (or soon will be). His Bride is the Church. 

And as we read in Ephesians 5, Christian men are instructed to love their wives as Jesus loves His.

You see, if you claim to be a Christian man, being the husband of a cherished woman just isn’t optional. It is the call of God on your life—to preach the gospel with the power of your love for your wife—an expression to the world of how Jesus Christ loves His Bride, the Church. If I don’t cherish Lisa, I’m walking in sin and I must change. The same is true of every married Christian man—he is sinning if he is not cherishing his wife. 

The best, richest marriages are enjoyed by couples of every age group who know a simple yet all too often forgotten truth. Great marriages are the result of husbands and wives making a lot of everyday choices that say “I love you” rather than “I love me.” 

If you want an epic marriage worthy of the best poet, country-western singer, playwright, novelist, or the Song of Solomon, then learn how to say “I love you” through all the normal days of marriage you are given. 

Scripture says that when you love your wife, you are loving yourself. Because according to God, the two of you are one single entity. And a truly cherished wife takes great pleasure in returning that love with interest. 

What do you have to lose? 

When have you seen your wife respond positively to your affirmation of her—maybe even returning that love “with interest”?

from Loving Your Wife Well By Matt Jacobson