Tag: Loving Your Husband Well

‘Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.’ Proverbs 16:24(NLT)

Scripture: Proverbs 16:24

It’s important to express love for your husband, but it’s also powerful to tell him how much you like him. You like being with him. You like how God made him. 

It’s easy for your husband to convince himself that you “have” to love him. You’re married, after all, so you’re supposed to love him. But like? That can be an even stronger statement.

So many guys have grown up never feeling “liked.” Perhaps they’ve carried a childhood experience with them long into adulthood. Maybe they talk about it. Maybe they don’t. Maybe they haven’t even acknowledged it to themselves. But I’ve heard my husband share that he didn’t feel very liked when he was growing up. And it made me incredibly sad to think of him as a young boy, not feeling that people enjoyed being around him. 

Initially, I thought perhaps this experience was unique to my husband. But whenever Matt mentions this around a group of men, he finds there are many more out there who’ve had a similar experience. Who still carry it with them. 

It doesn’t matter how old your husband is, he wants to know he is liked. By you.

He also needs to know that he can always count on you to speak well of him in front of others. That he doesn’t have to be concerned about what you’ll say next to other people. That you’d never look for that little laugh—at his expense. That he can trust you. 

Because you have your husband’s heart. It’s in your hands and not to be treated lightly or carelessly. He needs to know his heart is safe with you. 

Sometimes, as wives, we can forget that his heart is in our keeping. We have this incredible privilege to look after him—in public, as well as in private—and that’s something to take quite seriously. 

So freely brag about your man. Let him hear you chatting about the things you like about him. Shout to the world that you’re his biggest fan. Point out his strengths and gifts as you have the opportunity. 

Tell him that he can count on you to speak highly of him. 

Always. 

Do you ever find yourself teasing your husband in public or putting him down in front of others? When would be a good opportunity to build him up in front of others?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

Scripture: Romans 12:10

My husband and I have a friend who could tell you nearly everything there is to know about cars. And what he doesn’t know, he can figure out. My husband, however, will be the first person to say he’s not really a car guy. At least not when it comes to fixing them or making repairs. 

But if you were curious about Winston Churchill? Or ancient archaeology? You could ask Matt, and he’d probably have an answer. He’s quite knowledgeable about such things. 

Both these guys are smart. Very smart. Just in different ways. 

Sometimes we’re quick to recognize the gifts or intelligence of that guy over there but neglect to tell the man we married how smart we find him. Maybe it’s easy for you to identify the way your guy excels, or perhaps you need to spend some time thinking about it—but be sure to say aloud how smart he is. And be as specific as you can. 

As we read in Romans 12, God calls us to honor each other as a way of being devoted in love. And your husband needs to know you respect him. I have to admit, although I’ve thought of that word—respect—a thousand times, it was just recently that it jumped out of my mouth in a conversation with Matt. I couldn’t help it. He was in the middle of a dicey situation, trying to help a married couple, and I’d been holding my breath the entire time, wondering how the whole thing was going to turn out. I knew how volatile this couple could be when they were upset or didn’t get their way—and they both were upset and hadn’t gotten their way in this situation. 

But Matt kept his cool—certainly more than I could have in the circumstance—and spoke graciously yet clearly. 

I watched him with such admiration and realized my heart was brimming with respect. Not just love, mind you, but honest-to-goodness respect. 

And so I told him straight out, “I have such great respect for you.” 

You should have seen his face! You’d have thought he’d won the lottery. 

But all he’d won was his wife’s respect.

And he needed to hear it.

So does your husband. Don’t settle for thinking the thoughts. Say the words. 

What do you respect most about your husband? When could you tell him that?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson

‘Give us today the food we need,’ Matthew 6:11(NLT)

Scripture: Matthew 6:11

It’s crazy to think that after so many years of marriage we’d still have one of those “moments.” The kind of moment when you look at each other and wonder what the other person possibly could have been thinking. 

Because there I was looking for a kiss, while he was looking for a snowplow. And we nearly missed each other’s hearts in the process. 

He’d been gone for nearly a week, and all I wanted was for him to come home and sweep me into his arms. 

He’d been gone, and all he could think about was getting our road cleared so we wouldn’t be snowed in. 

Two different ideas of love.

Man. Woman.

If you’ve ever had one (or more!) of those moments, here’s what I’d suggest: Open your eyes to see that he’s genuinely trying. That even if he’s not following the “script,” it still counts as love. Acknowledge the many—even if different—ways he shows his love for you. 

The thing is, sometimes marriage can be rather mundane—just making the next necessary decision and figuring out who needs to be where and when. “How about if I go to the grocery store and you pick up the boys from basketball practice?” “What night are the Smiths coming for dinner?” “Were you able to take care of that electricity bill?” 

But then again, I’ve been considering lately the comfort and quiet joy that comes with merely doing life together. The two of us side by side. Enjoying the “daily bread” God provides—all that we need for right now, right where we are.

Sometimes the ways your husband is trying to show his love might look very ordinary. But it’s sweeter than you might first think. Tell your husband you appreciate his partnership through even the most routine days. 

What’s your favorite kind of “ordinary” day with your husband? What routines do you enjoy doing together? What’s something mundane that he does out of love for you that you could thank him for today?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson

‘This is Solomon’s song of songs, more wonderful than any other.
Young Woman
Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. How pleasing is your fragrance; your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils. No wonder all the young women love you! Take me with you; come, let’s run! The king has brought me into his bedroom.’ Song of Songs 1:1-4(NLT)

Scripture: Song of Songs 1:1–4

Madly chopping and slicing, I never even looked up when he entered the kitchen. I felt frantic and stressed, knowing everyone was very hungry and I was very far behind in my dinner preparations. My intentions had been good, it’s only that I hadn’t anticipated that broken glass earlier in the afternoon. Nor the quarrel between the two children that soon followed. Then that last urgent phone call.

And that’s how he found me. Madly chopping and slicing. 

He came up behind me, slipping his strong arms around my waist, and leaned into me. I should have felt electricity, but mostly I felt annoyance. Irritation. He was slowing me down. 

I could immediately sense his disappointment. Could feel his arms drop. Without missing so much as a chop, I tried to explain as I kept prepping away. Explain about the day and all its stresses and frustrations. How behind I was in . . . well, in just about everything. I thought it might help him understand. 

He understood, all right. He understood that those carrots took precedence over him. That I was so busy and my tasks so important that I didn’t have a minute to acknowledge him. I couldn’t even be bothered to turn around. 

I told him I just wasn’t ready for love at that moment. 

Wasn’t ready for love?

Did that really come from my mouth? From my heart? The man needed his dinner, no doubt. But what did he need even more? A warm, welcoming wife. I was so worried about filling his stomach that it seemed I forgot about filling his heart. 

What if I’d done it different? What if I had dropped those carrots, swept the celery aside, turned around, clasped my hands around his neck, and leaned into him? 

Then he and I could have started a small kitchen fire. 

So what does a husband really need? He needs your eyes to light up when he enters the room. He needs to know how thrilled you are that he’s come home. How your heart leaps because you two are together again. 

He needs a warm, welcoming wife. 

So very warm that the two of you alone could start a small kitchen fire. 

When are you most likely to be distracted from your husband? How could you communicate to him how much you want to be warm and welcoming?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson

‘And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.’ Philippians 1:6(NLT)

Scripture: Philippians 1:6

I tend to be the talker in our marriage. Matt knows that about me. Thankfully, he likes that about me too. Sometimes we go for long country drives without even having a destination; we’re happy merely exploring the area around us. 

He’ll grab the wheel, and before we’re at the end of the driveway, he’ll say, “Okay, babe, start talking.” 

I don’t have to be asked twice. 

This is my cue to begin the download: the things I’ve been struggling with, worried about, or excited by. All the things. He drives, and I talk. 

The truth is that I enjoy these drives because I have his undivided attention and can pour out my thoughts and concerns to him as we go along. Sometimes we need to work through an issue and other times I need him to fix a situation. 

But most of the time I simply appreciate being heard. While this wasn’t always clear to him (he tends to be a “fixer”), it’s something he’s learned through our years together. For this I’m grateful, and I tell him so. 

Then one day I decided to do a long overdue experiment. What if I didn’t do so much of the talking? What if I kept quiet instead? And not an “I’m put out” kind of quiet, but more of an “I’m listening if you have something on your heart” kind of quiet. 

Sure enough, after some time had passed, he began to tell me things I’d not heard before. He shared dreams I’d not known he’d tucked away and burdens I’d not realized he carried. He only needed someone to listen, and from then on, I was determined that someone would be me. 

Perhaps your husband could use a reminder that you’d be glad to listen to whatever is on his heart or weighing on his mind. Make it clear that you’re there for him. Remember as you listen that he might have room to grow—but then again, so do you. God is finishing his good work in each of us. Leave that work to the Holy Spirit. He (the Spirit) is always so much more effective than we’ll ever be. So don’t make it your job to transform him; simply love him. 

When is the best time for you and your husband to listen to each other? On a car ride? Over a meal? Just before bed?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson

‘and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ‘ Mark 10:8(NLT)

Scripture: Mark 10:8–9

We get our milk from a nearby farm. Although when I say “nearby,” I mean about twenty-five minutes across town. 

These friends of our family milk their cows and then pour the fresh milk into several glass gallon jars marked with “J” for the Jacobsons. All we have to do is drive over there and pick them up. We’ve been getting our milk this way for many years now.

The process is quite simple and, technically, a one-person job. But when I see my husband loading the milk jugs into the truck, if I’m even remotely available, I’ll always offer to come along with him, shouting, “Wait! I’ll come with you!” He’ll shake his head and say, “I bet you’ve got better things to do.” 

But I don’t. 

I’d go anywhere with him. As long as we’re together, that’s where I want to be. 

Does your husband know there’s nowhere you’d rather be than with him? You might want to tell him. Milk run. Road trip. Hardware store. Doesn’t matter! You’re together. 

And as long as you’re together, reach out and touch him! I’m telling you, touch is like magic. Walk by him and give him a loving caress. Rub his shoulders, lean into him, or quietly linger on his arm. Sometimes when in the middle of an unresolved issue or if there’s tension between us, I’ll gently reach for him and this touch alone can thaw the chill. So reach out and touch him. Tell him how much you love the feel of him.

Along the way, remember to invest in your friendship. Find activities you both enjoy and spend time together. Do the kinds of things friends do: talk, laugh, work, and play. 

Share with him your thoughts, your dreams, your struggles, and your aspirations. Never keep anything from him. Maybe other people go through life feeling isolated and alone, but don’t let yourself be one of those people. Seek his counsel and his comfort. Let him know how much you need and appreciate his friendship. And fall in love all over again. 

What is something “extra” you could do to spend time with your husband this week, even if it is just running an errand together?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson

Love Is the Greatest
‘If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:1-13(NLT)

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13

I remember when I first met my husband, Matt, at a dinner party. It was something of a blind date, and we both knew that many people had their hopes on us hitting it off—but probably nobody more than the two of us. He and I were a bit older and had been looking for each other for what seemed like a very long time. 

So as I sat next to him on the couch, talking and laughing as if we were old friends rather than new and nervous acquaintances, I found myself looking at his big, strong arms and wishing they were wrapped around me. Which might have been a little strange since we had met only minutes before. 

I didn’t imagine then how many times those arms would hold me and under what circumstances. Hold me when I was worried sick. Hold me when I couldn’t stop crying. Hold me quietly because it was a warm summer evening and nothing more needed to be said. Hold me because he loves me and that’s where I belong. My favorite place to be. 

How about you? Do you enjoy being wrapped tightly in his arms? Then tell him how you feel. Let him know there’s nowhere you’d rather be than in his embrace. 

And don’t wait for everything to be just right. Matt and I have had low points in our marriage, but we always know that we’re in this thing together—for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health. That’s what really matters, doesn’t it? That we’re in this together. 

Occasionally, remind your husband how incredibly glad you are that you married him. Because love is above all things. And not the sentimental, feel-good kind of love, but the kind of love that puts the other person first. A 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. The kind that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. This is the powerful, persuasive love that leads to a rich and lasting marriage. 

What could you do to remind your husband today how glad you are that you married him?

from Loving Your Husband Well By Lisa Jacobson