Tag: Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.’ Proverbs 3:5-8(NLT)

‘We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.’ Proverbs 16:9(NLT)

There’s a difference between a good choice and a God choice in relationships. Not just in the choosing of your life partner, but in navigating the challenges of marriage. Just because you say I do doesn’t mean that the fairy tale begins. There’s no such thing as a problem-free philosophy. Happily-ever-after is a fantasy, but when we allow God to direct our lives, fulfillment and joy are the rewards and realities.  

As we seek God’s direction for our lives and practice surrendering our will to Him, He’ll show us the way to go. In Genesis Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son, Isaac. The servant prayed and asked God for a sign. “When I ask for a drink at the spring, let your chosen one be the one who offers water for my camels as well.” This wasn’t a haphazard re­quest. The servant was searching for a woman of character, a woman with a heart to serve. When the servant met Rebekah at the well and she offered to water his camels, he knew she was the Lord’s chosen. The match was obvious to Rebekah’s family as well. 

I know our culture doesn’t practice arranged marriages where the father picks out a spouse. But what if you allowed your heavenly Father to choose your mate? He has His absolute best in mind for you. 

Choosing a mate and submitting to God’s lead in marriage are difficult, but there are things you can do to strengthen your ability to trust His guidance. Ask God to show you something you can surrender that is just beyond the measure of faith you currently have. It’s difficult to let go of some­thing significant if you’ve never yielded something small. 

You can also pray for vision. Ask God to give you a vision for your future so that you can align the purpose for your life with His plans. When God wants us to believe, He sends many convincing proofs, so pray that He will confirm it in such a way that your hope and confidence is anchored and unwavering. 

When you pay close attention to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, you’ll be able to discern His direction. And like a dance, the closer you are to your partner, the easier it’ll be to feel His lead and surrender your will to His. 

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson

‘The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.’ Proverbs 12:26(NLT)

‘To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.’ Proverbs 19:8(NLT)

Apart from your commitment to Christ, the investment of your heart into a romantic relationship is one of the most important commitments you’ll ever make in life. Why then, do so many women enter without the consent and approval of those who know them best? Why do they risk the most valuable asset they own to the limited insight of their emotions and intellect? Because when it comes to romance we all have blind spots—areas of vulnerability that jeopardize our judgment.  

That’s why it’s important to guard your heart in the beginning of a relationship. Before you get your emotions involved, take enough time to evaluate his character. Once chemistry takes over, your discernment is compromised. When your emotions are detached, however, it’s easier to notice areas of concern and potential char­acter flaws. 

Counsel and accountability can also help protect you from making unwise choices in relationships because others can see red flags you may have overlooked.  When you’re driving a vehicle you have to look over your shoulder before switching lanes. Without checking your rearview mirror you may crash and burn. The same is true in relationships.

Rushing into romance is risky, but a wise woman is cautious in relationships so do your homework. Follow him on social media. Watch, observe, and trust your instincts. In your conversations ask lots of questions. Not just for conversation. Not to create an emotional connection. That comes later. Right now you’re asking intentional questions for the purpose of evaluation. If his answers are vague and full of non-disclosure, stay away. Otherwise, store the information. 

Don’t be so gullible that you believe everything he says. Wait to see if his words agree with his actions. Ask mutual friends you respect about him. You may feel like you’re snooping, but you’re not. Snooping is something you do when you have no reason other than sheer curiosity. You’re taking an honest look at relationship suitability. Notice who he hangs out with. Ask to meet his friends. After all, a man is best known by the company he keeps. 

Your heart is the most valuable asset you own, so don’t give it away just because the chemistry feels good. Character is more important than chemistry. Chemistry is short term, but character provides longevity. Play it safe and protect your heart. Delay emotion­al involvement until you have sufficient time to evaluate whether or not his character is worthy of your love. Then you’ll be able to build your relationship on a solid foundation of trust and commitment.  

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson

‘When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful.’ Proverbs 29:18(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution that didn’t make it past January? You’re not alone. Most of us fail to keep our resolutions because we try to maintain them based on our own willpower. If our resolve isn’t empowered by divine vision, our restraint fails when temptation taunts us…even more so in relationships. 

That’s why revelation is vital. When we rely on our own wisdom to make wise choices in love we set ourselves up for failure. Revelation is important because Satan knows our weaknesses better than we do. He delivers our greatest temptations when we are most vulnerable. 

The devil waited for an opportune time to tempt Jesus when he was hungry, alone and tired in the desert, and he does the same with us. But Jesus had a revelation. He refused to make decisions with his natural mind. Instead, he made choices from a deeper place—a revelation anchored in His spirit. 

You may have heard well-meaning friends and family advise, “Just follow your heart.” This common counsel, however, contradicts what the Bible says about our heart—no one can understand it. It’s deceitful and beyond cure. Things we only understand in our head are no match for temptation. Besides that, our own desires are often in direct conflict with God’s will. However, there are things we can do to bring increased revelation and prevent relationship mistakes. 

Use the acronym HALT to remind yourself not to make decisions when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Postpone decisions until you have a chance to get refreshed so you don’t give the devil a foothold.

You can also protect your vulnerabilities in other ways. Revelation comes with guarded focus so fill your schedule and remove unnecessary distractions. When we’re idle, we give the enemy a chance to strike, but purpose protects vulnerability. You might consider exercising, volunteering for a church or non-profit group, or taking a class to further your education. Satan waits for an opportune time to tempt you, but will leave you alone when you’re strong. 

It’s also helpful to find a focal point to fix your gaze. It might be a scripture, an encouraging thought, or a goal that you can concentrate on. A focal point in times of temptation draws your attention back to your resolve. 

We all need divine direction to guide us. God’s revelation helps us triumph over areas where we’ve failed in the past. Our struggles make us stronger and we experience a powerful principle—when we refuse temptation, it loses its power over us. 

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson

‘Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come. ‘ Jeremiah 33:3(NLT)

‘If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ‘ James 1:5(NLT)

Often women who settle for unhealthy re­lationships have learned to ignore their inner witness. When their gut feeling tells them something isn’t right, they discount or minimize it. When a woman ignores her instinct, or the witness of the Holy Spirit guiding her with discernment, she is headed for trouble. 

God longs to speak to you about your relationships and everything else that concerns you. That’s why it’s so important that you learn to hear His voice. Hearing, however, is not the same as listening. Let me explain. 

For years I kept my television on all day just to keep me company. Most of the time I never sat still long enough to hear anything. I could be in the same room with the television and not hear a word because I tuned it out. I gave God as much attention as I did my TV. I didn’t have a hearing problem—I had a listening problem. I also had a lot of other misconceptions about prayer. 

I thought prayer was only a time where I made requests or spoke my heart. It never occurred to me that God wanted to talk back to me. I had also reduced prayer to a silent routine, thinking the only way God could hear me was if I bowed my head and closed my eyes. There’s a time for reverence, but there’s so many other ways He speaks.

Prayer means communication with God. It’s a two-way dynamic conversation where God reveals Himself in a variety of ways—through His word, through dreams and visions. Through worship and prophecy. Through signs and circumstances. 

God longs to talk to you so don’t make the same mis­take I once did and reduce prayer to a silent monologue. Consider taking a walk outside and listen for His voice. When the beauty of His nature surrounds you it shoves out the distractions of life. Maybe you hear God’s voice when you sing or lis­ten to music. Crank up the stereo and talk to God. Read your Bible, listen to sermons or journal your prayers and write down what you hear Him say back to you. Whatever helps you hear His voice, do that. 

Prayer is a dialogue with your creator, an exchange of thoughts between a loving God and His child—and an essential part of becoming a soul-healthy woman. As you learn to hear His voice you’ll also learn to trust your instincts and inner witness. Prayer does wonders for your confidence too. And the more confident you are, the better chances you have for a healthy relationship.

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson

‘They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it.’ Proverbs 23:7(NLT)

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ‘ Philippians 4:8(NLT)

‘We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:5(NLT)

Most of us have heard the expression, “You are what you eat.” In a similar way, the Bible tells us we are what we think. Thoughts are the seed that we use to create our God-given destinies. 

Our imagination is a powerful tool, but pointed in the wrong direction, we perish. Without vision and divine guidance we succumb to the giants in our lives. The devil knows how important our imagination is. That’s why he took one of the greatest weapons we have and perverted it into his counterfeit version—fantasy. 

He may dilute your vision by causing you to obsess over romance and engage in mind affairs. He may steer you in the wrong direction by filling your mind with defeating thoughts of shame and unworthiness. If that’s you, it’s time to take your thoughts captive. 

Replacing our thoughts takes determination. A number of years ago the National Science Foundation estimated that our brains produce as many as 50,000 thoughts per day. While the majority of them are the same as the day before, many experts agree that about two-thirds of them are negative thoughts. If we want to change our thoughts and eliminate negative repeat offenders, it will require discipline, focus, and determination. 

When a police officer plans an arrest, she first has to plan a strategy for the stakeout. Once she apprehends the of­fender, she handcuffs him and locks him up. A lot of force is involved. It’s a hostile situation. In the same way, it requires force to apprehend our thoughts. 

Taking our thoughts captive is difficult in the beginning, but when we bring our imagination into alignment with His truth, an incredible thing happens. As we think, we become. And not only will we feel better about ourselves, but others will begin to treat us different. What we believe about ourselves is contagious. 

Empowered women know they will go in the direction of their most prominent thoughts.  They understand that their thoughts create what they become so they’re careful what they think. Likewise, God wants you to imagine truths that produce success for your life, not defeat. When you discipline your mind to see the victory in your spirit before it mani­fests, you develop a champion mentality and position yourself for a victorious life. So focus on the things God has revealed to you. Use your imagination to see life through His eyes and watch His goodness unfold.

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson

‘Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.’ Proverbs 19:11(NLT)

‘Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. ‘ Hebrews 12:15(NLT)

‘for I can see that you are full of bitter jealousy and are held captive by sin.”’ Acts of the Apostles 8:23(NLT)

‘I am making this covenant with you so that no one among you—no man, woman, clan, or tribe—will turn away from the Lord our God to worship these gods of other nations, and so that no root among you bears bitter and poisonous fruit.’ Deuteronomy 29:18(NLT)

Did you know that unforgiveness is not a word? What we so often call unforgiveness, the Bible calls bitterness. And bitterness is a poison. It not only affects our emotions, but left untreated, the toxins produced by bitterness seep into our body as well. The resentment left behind can cause all kinds of physical ailments. 

Sometimes we hang onto a grudge because we want to punish the other person. When we do this, it only causes us to suffer. We may know how destructive bitterness can be, but it’s difficult to release because it goes against our sin nature. We want to be in charge. We want to dole out the consequences. Instead, our bitterness backfires. We become like an angry rattlesnake. If infuriated and threatened enough, a rattlesnake will bite itself and die from its own poison. Likewise, our own anger is self-inflicted venom. We may not die, but we feel devoid of joy and become the walking wounded. 

It’s often easier to forgive someone with whom we don’t have history. We don’t have a deep emotional bond with them. That’s why so many women jump from one bad rela­tionship straight into the arms of another guy. The new man looks so good that you think he has no baggage, but it’s an illusion. His issues haven’t had time to surface yet.

In the Bible, Joseph exemplifies someone who was able to forgive horrible offenses. After being sold into human trafficking by his jeal­ous brothers, being accused of rape and thrown in prison, Joseph could have justified his anger and bitterness. His brothers’ actions were wrong, but he chose to overlook their offense. In a gripping encounter twenty-two years later, Joseph said to the brothers who sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20).

What if we looked at offenses from a different perspective? When we overlook an offense, glory comes. And the more we practice forgiveness, the easier it becomes to tear down the walls of bitterness. Just like the habit of hanging onto re­sentment releasing forgiveness is a decision and a choice. Who do you need to forgive? Ask God for His help. He is able to help you escape the bondage of bitterness and walk in total freedom. 

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson

‘It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people.’ Psalms 118:8(NLT)

‘But they delight in the law of the Lord , meditating on it day and night.’ Psalms 1:2(NLT)

Many of us live to please the men in our lives. We spend a lifetime calculating our own worth through their perceptions of us. If we think our boyfriend or husband has a low opinion of us, we may struggle with a low self-esteem. If our mate has a high opinion of us, it’s also possible to have an inflated opinion of ourselves. Either way, we totter on an unstable platform of worth. 

Our society places great emphasis on appearance, acquisition, achievement and associations. That’s why it’s so easy to put our confidence in places other than Christ, but it’s not secure. A man-made image can come crumbling down at any point. On the other hand, a Christ-centered identity is shatter-proof. 

If you’ve been in church circles long at all, you’ve no doubt heard how important it is to place your identity in Christ. But since the word identity is not in the Bible, what does that mean? To confuse the matter more, the Bible doesn’t even use the words self-esteem or self-image or self-confidence. These are modern-day terms to describe what the Bible refers to as trust, hope, or confidence. 

With so many influ­ences trying to rob our identity, how can we transfer our hope, confidence and trust from our relationships and the opinions of others and put it in Christ? 

One of the best ways to secure our identity in Christ is to start with meditating on His truth. It’s one of the most powerful tools we have to help us improve our soul-health, but meditation is far more than just thinking. The word meditate used in the Old Testament comes from the Hebrew word hagah which means to mutter. In truth, most of us mutter about things that we are don’t like. That’s why the word mutter has a negative connotation. When we grumble about things we don’t like, we end up discontent. 

I want to challenge you to tame your tongue and mutter about good things. True things. What you declare produces life. When you speak God’s truth out loud it also causes your vision to increase. Choose your words with care and watch your faith explode. There’s power in the spoken truth, because the Word declared out loud creates life!

from Love Junkies: Break The Toxic Relationship Cycle by Christy Johnson