Tag: [#Life] Marriage

‘Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.’ Ecclesiastes 9:10(NLT)

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)

Nowadays the words “work hard” or “hard work” put together scares us. We want to run away from anything that requires a little bit of effort, consistency or hard work. 

Why is that? Because we are living in a world where everything is momentary, disposable, and fast-fading. We are convinced that if something does not bring us instant joy, it is not worth it. Yet, the Bible teaches us the opposite. It teaches us to endure hardships, to work hard, to have faith and courage, to fight for what is right and what we believe in. God and His word lasts forever. They are not temporary or something that is good for now but in a few years will mean nothing. They do not change. They do not become obsolete or go out of fashion.

Hard work in a relationship adds value. Marriage was never supposed to be easy. Nothing in life worth having comes easily. Theodore Roosevelt said this about it: “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, [and] difficulty. . . I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” 

If something requires effort and hard work, it adds value to it. The more value it has for us, the more we will want to protect it. 

The Bible instructs us to be patient, to forgive, to protect and to trust those we love. We are not to be angry or selfish, but to be kind. All of this requires some effort from us. It is not the easiest thing in the world to be loving, forgiving and patient. It’s hard work. However, when we see what we reap from sowing good things in our marriage, we are going to be more than willing to put up with all of the hard work and just do it.

Thought of the Day

Work hard in forgiving your spouse. Work hard in finding new ways to enjoy your life together. Work hard in breaking predictable patterns and having fun. Work hard in finding time every day to pray together and in encouraging each other. 

You will find that it is all worth it.

from [#Life] Marriage

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:12-14(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

‘Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!’ Romans 12:16(NLT)

‘Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.’ Proverbs 31:11-12(NLT)

When we encourage someone, we are giving them support, confidence and hope. Constant lack of encouragement leads to people feeling discouraged and defeated. Add to that equation the constant complaints and critiques that come with unhealthy marriages, and you have a recipe for disaster. 

Have you ever tried to encourage your spouse instead of complaining about them?  When you feel like you have to tell them what they are doing wrong or what they need to change, stop, take a deep breath, and say something good and encouraging to them. Say something that will break a predictable pattern of behavior from you. 

It might be difficult at first. And if it is, pray about it and ask God to help you. 

Practice it. The more you practice something, the better you become at it. 

Be intentional. Try to start with a three to one ratio on compliments and encouraging words, versus critiques or complaints. Then grow it to a five to one ratio. You will see that, with time, it will become easier for you to compliment your spouse rather than to complain about them and it will do wonders for your marriage. 

Start small. Say things like: “Honey, you look beautiful today,” or “Darling, I love the way you smell when you come out of the shower,” or “Thank you for helping me with the dishes last night even though I know you were tired.” 

Do not follow any of those nice words with a complaint. Your spouse may not do the dishes the way you like them, but for once be thankful that they helped you with them. Whatever compliment you give your spouse, mean it and do not just say it to say it.

Even when you do not feel like saying something nice, convince yourself, and say it from your heart.

There is not one person who goes to a marriage counselor and says they are tired of hearing their spouses complimenting them, encouraging them, or saying good things about them. It does not happen because words of encouragement build us up, they bring us joy and happiness and they fill our hearts with happy feelings. 

I love the old country and western song by Alabama, called “Close Enough to Perfect.” 

It says: “Sometimes her morning coffee’s way too strong,

And sometimes what she says she says all wrong,

But right or wrong, she’s there beside me

Like only a friend would be

And that’s close enough to perfect for me.”

Can you imagine how different life would be if we were to apply that little sentence to things in life? “It is close enough to perfect.” 

It would probably do a lot in our parenting with our kids, do a lot in our business with our employees or employer, and do a lot in our marriages. 

It is close enough to perfect that we would speak compliments and words of encouragement instead of complaints.

Thought of the Day

Every time you feel the need to complain about something to your spouse, forgive their mistakes and try to speak compliments instead. It will change your marriage. It will change your life. 

from [#Life] Marriage

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

‘Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18(NLT)

‘“When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! ‘ Matthew 6:5-8(NLT)

Studies and polls reveal that, nowadays, divorce rates inside the church and outside of it are practically the same. It means, apparently, it makes no difference if you are a Christian or not, the vows taken might be considered as negotiable as the divorce rates look the same. 

However, there is a huge gap between couples who pray together and those who do not pray together. Praying together does not mean sitting in church together with your heads bowed in silence while the pastor is praying as you hold hands with your spouse. It does not mean to pray for your spouse when you are in the shower, driving somewhere, or doing the dishes. 

It is not praying for your spouse. It is praying with your spouse.

It means to pray out loud, together. It does not have to be some grandiloquent prayer with words taken straight from a theology book. 

Just pray. Talk to God about your spouse, thank God for them, ask Him for forgiveness or for guidance. Tell God about your plans for the day and pray for your marriage and for your family together. Pray for everything you are thankful for and for everything you feel like you need. Pray about anything and everything and share that special time with your spouse. It will make a difference in your day and in your relationship with both God and the person you are married to.

When we pray, it changes us. It humbles us and connects us with God. It increases our faith, improves our mood and makes us more positive and perceptive. Imagine what it can do for your marriage. Prayer places both the husband and wife on the same level. 

The more we pray together, the more we will need to pray together. C. S. Lewis said this about prayer: “I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God. It changes me.” 

Many issues in our married lives can be solved by living a lifestyle of prayer. When we want things to be different, we should not pray that God would change our spouse; we should pray for God to change us. In doing so, out loud, next to our spouse, it will bring healing, admiration, humility and the willingness to be better and do better.

Thought of the Day

Let prayer be a priority in your marriage. Every day, hold hands together and pray – even if it is only for a few minutes before falling asleep. It will improve your lives and your marriage in ways you cannot even imagine!

from [#Life] Marriage

‘But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. ‘ Colossians 3:8-10(NLT)

When my wife and I were on the edge of a little fight, she said this: “We do not have the time or the energy to fight about this.” And if you think about it, there are times when fighting is a waste of time, but we do not stop to realize it until it is too late and we have been fighting for an hour. 

“We do not have the time”: we are busy right now, I am supposed to pick the kids up from school, I have food in the oven, I was about to take a shower. 

“We do not have the energy”: we are both tired, we woke up early, it is late, we should be sleeping right now. 

It is OK to fight and even necessary in some cases. But it should lead to us solving things, not bickering over something with zero results.

We need to learn to fight fair. My wife and I are both human and we will see things differently and have fights and disagreements. However, there are a few things that we can learn to apply to our marriage in order to fight fair which can be applicable to you and your spouse as well. 

We need to make sure our fights deserve being fought over. Some things are insignificant and we should learn to let go and let God take control of it all! 

When you consider something to be so important that you feel the need to fight with your spouse over it, learn to fight fair. Let me give you three applications in fighting fair:

· Timing and tone are crucial. Ask yourself: is this the best time to say what I want to say? Unsolicited advice is usually the worst kind. Do not have serious conversations when you are tired or hungry. 

· Try to talk about the issue outside of the issue because it is not as emotionally charged then. For instance, when one person is always on time, and the other one is never on time, sometimes that is God’s way of working on both of them at the same time. But when someone is late, right as they come through the door is not the best time to have it out with your spouse over punctuality.

· Try to solve the problem and not the person. There are some things we have to get over. If our spouse talks a lot, we need to learn to get over it. If one is an extrovert and the other one an introvert, then at a party one is going to have to stay a little bit later than they prefer, and the other one leave a little bit earlier. It’s about compromising. Be more like Jesus when He said to the Father, “Not my will but yours be done,” (Luke 22:42).

Thought of the Day

Fighting is not always a bad thing if we learn how to fight fair, and find out when something is worth fighting about. 

from [#Life] Marriage

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’#19:5 Gen 2:24. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:5-6(NLT)

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ‘ Ephesians 5:28-29(NLT)

There will always be something we have to do next in life. There will always be one more thing we need to get done before heading home, before going on date night with our spouse, or before taking that much-needed vacation together. Yet, those things may not be a real priority. 

We need to learn to choose our priorities wisely. We should make ourselves and our spouse a priority in our marriage. 

Why should we make ourselves a priority as well? Because you and your spouse are one unit. So both of you are a priority. 

Equally. 

Many times we put our needs and our desires first which leads to our marriage suffering when we want things to go our way. Other times, we forget to take care of ourselves, and as our physical and mental health start to suffer, so does our marriage. That is why it is important to prioritize both you and your spouse to have a healthy, fun and long-lasting marriage.

When Jesus talks about marriage, when He says no one or nothing should separate what God has joined together, He means it. 

Do not let anything come between you and your spouse.. Do not let division arise within your marriage – not a person or a wrong priority. 

Having a job is important. Having children is a blessing from God. Having the house of your dreams is wonderful. Hanging out with friends and family is fun and many times necessary. 

Yet none of those things should become our number one priority. They can never become an excuse to spend time apart from your spouse. There will be times when your job will require more time and attention, but it can never become your number one priority. Having the house of your dreams can never be your number one priority. All of the things that are added to your married life are blessings from God, but those things are not supposed to take the place of your spouse. 

Thought of the Day

There are many fights that can be avoided if we learn to embrace our priorities as a married couple. God and your spouse are your number one. Once we understand this concept and embrace it, we will begin to enjoy our marriage and our spouse like never before!

from [#Life] Marriage

‘“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:18-19(NLT)

‘That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! ‘ 2 Corinthians 4:16-17(NLT)

‘So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.’ Genesis 1:27(NLT)

Often, after a few years of marriage, couples go from being soulmates to being roommates. We get into ruts. Instead of marriage being something celebratory and new—date nights, surprises, exciting times together—we end up in predictable patterns. You get to know each other so well you may end up getting mad at each other before even doing the thing that makes the other person mad, just because you knew they were going to act that way. You know each other so well your partner’s response to a situation is predictable. You expect each other to act or respond in a certain way because that is how they always respond. Sometimes, we start to fight before the fight because we know the fight is coming. To break a predictable pattern, we can start to respond differently.

When we start getting older, fun becomes a choice. Remember when you were a kid and fun seemed to find you anywhere? When we are young children we do not have to plan to have fun, we just have fun. It comes effortlessly. We start doing something, and there it is, we are having fun, without even looking for it. Once we get older, we need to make an effort to have fun. We have to decide and plan for it to happen. We start saying things like “Let’s do something fun,” and,  “What can we do to have fun?” Many times in order to have fun we have to get out of the rut we are in and do something new and different.

God does different things every day as his mercies are new every morning. He breaks predictable patterns all the time. 

Have you ever thought about what it means to be made in God’s image? It means , we too, have the ability to do new things every day and to break with the old, predictable patterns and do things differently. Not only that, but the Lord also tells us in His Word to enjoy our lives and our spouse during the days of our life. We do not have to wait to do something different, to break with predictable patterns or to have fun. 

The time is now!

Thought of the Day

Do something new with your spouse and have fun together even if being a little “crazy”. If you never order dessert when you go out to eat, next time order some dessert. If you do not hold hands when you go out for a walk, next time hold hands. Work out together. Dance together. Do something you have never done before with your spouse every week or every month.

from [#Life] Marriage

‘So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this! Wear fine clothes, with a splash of cologne! Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.’ Ecclesiastes 9:7-10(NLT)

Marriage was God’s idea. God intended for man and woman to be together since the beginning of creation. He wanted to make something great out of it. Marriage can be awesome and incredible. Sometimes, it can be difficult, but it can be enjoyable and amazing at the same time. The Bible teaches us to enjoy life and our marriage. “To enjoy” means to take pleasure or satisfaction in the possession or experience of something. It also means to live in happiness. When we start enjoying something, we start seeing it differently. We might eat a similar meal every day, and it can feel boring and bland, but when we decide to start seeing it as a blessing of God, we will begin to enjoy it. We can see our spouse every day and not get tired of them if we decide to see them differently every day. 

There is one primary thing we need to make sure we are doing well in our lives, especially in our marriage the number one relationship in our lives should be the one we have with Jesus Christ. From our relationship with Him will spring every other relationship we have. This means in order to enjoy our relationship with our spouse, we need to learn to enjoy having a relationship with the Lord.

Marriage should be fun. It is something we are supposed to really enjoy. Why not try to look at it from that perspective? I want you to have fun thinking about marriage and the things that come with it. 

Men and women think and feel differently by the way we see things or communicate. For instance, when a man says something, he probably means what he just said, right? Yet, most times, when a woman says something, she means something else. If, during an everyday conversation, the husband says: “I like our small, cozy kitchen,” he means that he likes their small kitchen. If the wife says: “I like it too, even though it is small,” she might mean  she wants to move to a new house with a bigger kitchen. That should not be something to get upset about. It should be something  we understand and use to our advantage. 

Understanding differences can make our marriage grow and be more interesting.

Thought of the Day

Try and find something different you like or appreciate about your spouse every morning when you wake up. 

from [#Life] Marriage