Tag: I No Longer Love My Spouse

‘“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!’ Matthew 18:22(NLT)

‘And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”’ Matthew 19:9(NLT)

‘“For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”’ Luke 16:18(NLT)

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?’ 1 Corinthians 7:12-16(NLT)

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

Of course, when we discuss marriage, people often point to biblical exceptions that allow divorce. That is true. There are instances in the Bible when the husband or wife is allowed to divorce. First of all, we need to remember that feeling unloved by our spouse or not feeling love towards our spouse is not one of those exceptions. At the same time, the exceptions themselves need to be viewed in the context of other Scriptures and also in light of God’s heart. They should not be used as an excuse to end the marital commitment.

For example, in the Book of 1 Corinthians, it talks about abandonment as one of the reasons for divorce. It says that if a Christian is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever wants a divorce, the Christian is permitted to end the relationship. However, if the unbeliever wants to stay in the marital covenant, the believer is encouraged to remain married. In other words, God loves marriage and allows divorce only as a matter of exception. 

Another very commonly discussed reason for divorce is sexual infidelity. Of course, this is a very painful situation if one of the spouses fails to stay faithful in marriage. First of all, it is a sin that the Bible says God will judge. We need to stay away from sexual sin and stay faithful to our spouse as much as we can. However, the instances that do involve sexual sin should be treated on a case by case basis. Here are some questions that need to be asked: Is the person consistently unfaithful? Or is this an isolated sexual failure? Is the individual repenting and willing to work things out in marriage? The Bible encourages the affected spouse to forgive. Of course, this is a difficult matter that might require counseling to be fully resolved. 

Nevertheless, marriage is a place where we need to practice all of the biblical principles. In marriage, we need to exercise such attributes as love, forgiveness, faithfulness, grace, self-control, and others, to the fullest. Marriage is an example to the world. It is an example to our relatives and friends. It is also an example to the Church. This is where we really live out our salvation daily. Marriage is an example of what true love is.

from I No Longer Love My Spouse

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.’ Isaiah 54:5(NLT)

‘let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:9(NLT)

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ‘ Ephesians 5:22-32(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
All Christians
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.’ 1 Peter 3:7-11(NLT)

‘Then I heard again what sounded like the shout of a vast crowd or the roar of mighty ocean waves or the crash of loud thunder: “Praise the Lord ! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.” For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” And he added, “These are true words that come from God.”’ Revelation 19:6-9(NLT)

Marriage is not only a covenant between the spouses and the Lord. From the very beginning, God designed marriage to represent something greater. The biblical conception of marriage includes knowing that the almighty, omniscient, and sovereign Creator had planned before time for this human relationship to speak of something greater than itself. In the New Testament, we are told that marriage is a reflection of the union of Christ with His Church. 

In other words, our marriage is a testimony of God’s love to this unbelieving world. It is a reflection of Christ’s love for the believers. The Apostle Paul calls this a great mystery because in the Bible the Church is referred to as the Bride of Christ. We are waiting for our marriage supper with Jesus in heaven. In other words, the Bible uses the language of marriage to refer to our relationship with our Lord. That is why Christians are encouraged to reflect the love of Christ in their marital relationship.

This means that to unbelievers our marital covenant is a testimony of the Gospel. That is why the Bible says that husbands must love their wives and take care of them as they would of their own bodies. This testifies to the love of Christ who gave His own life for our salvation. Wives should respect and honor their husbands in a way that testifies to the love of the Church for the Lord. 

This is a beautiful biblical mystery that God planned for a fallen human relationship to represent His love for His creation. Of course, we cannot do that in our own flesh. That is why we need to pray daily for the Lord to give us strength to love our spouse. We should also surround ourselves with other godly couples who can counsel us through the storms of life. We need to read God’s Word daily. It is our marital contract. God’s Word will give us instructions on how to love each other in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part. When we stand on the Word of God as Christians, we can be a reflection of the love of Christ to the world. We can also show our society, our family, and our children what a happy, godly marriage looks like. 

from I No Longer Love My Spouse

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.’ Song of Songs 8:6-7(NLT)

‘Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.’ Matthew 5:37(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

It is very important for us to keep our marriage vows. Marriage is a relationship that affects the entirety of our lives. First of all, it affects us as individuals. But it also affects others. Our marriage affects our extended families. It also affects our children. They say the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love one another. There is, however, even more to marriage. It builds character.

Marriage is a commitment that reflects our integrity as individuals. It is the greatest commitment that we make in life. If we are able to keep our marital commitment, it shows everyone that we are able to keep other promises and commitments that we make. However, if we sever the commitment of marriage, how can we keep the commitments in other areas of our life? If we are not able to love the closest person to us in this life, our spouse, how are we able to love other people? Staying committed to marriage shows to ourselves and others that we are a committed person, able to keep our promises.

Moreover, marriage develops our character. Becoming one with another individual is a difficult task. If it were not so, the Bible would not warn about divorce so sternly. God knew that marriage is not easy. However, it is worth it. In marriage, we need to lay down our pride. We need to learn how to work with another person. We learn to compromise in marriage. We also learn patience. In other words, marriage prepares us for other areas of life. If we are patient with our spouse, we can be patient with a difficult person in church. If we learn to stay married even when things are hard, we build a muscle of endurance that can help us to stay in difficult work environments.

Finally, marriage is a primary relationship where we can learn to view others as more important than ourselves. The secret of staying happy in marriage is a commitment to the other person’s happiness. When viewed this way, marriage can be a gift that keeps on giving. It is a commitment that teaches us how to stay committed. It is a love that teaches us how to love. It is a relationship that fortifies us for life with all its ups and downs. Marriage done God’s way is a commitment to a life-long happiness. 

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‘I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth. ‘ Genesis 9:13(NLT)

‘Now if you will obey me and keep my covenant, you will be my own special treasure from among all the peoples on earth; for all the earth belongs to me. ‘ Exodus 19:5(NLT)

‘You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.’ Malachi 2:14(NLT)

‘Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.” But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:2-9(NLT)

‘That is why he is the one who mediates a new covenant between God and people, so that all who are called can receive the eternal inheritance God has promised them. For Christ died to set them free from the penalty of the sins they had committed under that first covenant.’ Hebrews 9:15(NLT)

Another reason why marriages are in such turmoil in our society today is because we have lost a sense of covenant in our culture. Marriages are looked at as temporary agreements. If something changes in the terms of the agreement, an individual wants to get out of marriage. This is not how the Bible looks at marriage. In other words, we not only need to change our concept of love, we also need to change our concept of marriage. 

We need to decide to view marriage in biblical terms instead of our cultural terms. According to the Scriptures, marriage is a covenant. When people made covenants in the Old Testament, they would swear to keep them with their own lives. God’s faithful relationship with us is called a covenant. The Bible presents an Old Covenant between people and God that was based on law. Now, it also contains a New Covenant between people and God that is based on the death of Christ. The Lord views marriage as a covenant as well. Moreover, it is a covenant where He is a witness. It is a holy union where God pronounces the two individuals to be one.

God is called to witness a marriage covenant promise. That is why we have our weddings in church and call them holy matrimonies. This means that when we make the promise to stay married to our spouse, we make it before God. In other words, our promise is not just to our spouse. Our promise to remain faithful in marriage is a promise to God. We are responsible before God to keep our covenant. 

This covenant relationship is meant to last for a lifetime. It lasts for good, for better, and for easy; it must last for worse, for tough, and for ugly. We are obligated to our spouse. Obligation is not a bad word. We are obligated by the Word of God to stay faithful to our spouse for a lifetime. When we enter marriage with such understanding, it will help us to weather the storms that life and our spouse’s personality might bring our way. Marriage is a covenant among three persons: God, the husband, and the wife.

from I No Longer Love My Spouse 

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘“A newly married man must not be drafted into the army or be given any other official responsibilities. He must be free to spend one year at home, bringing happiness to the wife he has married.’ Deuteronomy 24:5(NLT)

‘Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.’ Proverbs 5:18(NLT)

‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:3-5(NLT)

‘Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.’ 1 Corinthians 13:13(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

In our marriages, we all go through different seasons. Sometimes, our relationships feel great and fulfilling. We feel that we are really in love with each other. We are in a good place together. At other times, life happens. We feel stressed and frustrated. We may even be angry with our spouse. What do we do when we do not feel love towards the person we married? 

The problem is that we have a cultural concept of love: we think that love is a feeling. From the biblical point of view, love is not primarily a feeling. Our affections can be influenced by love; however, love is mainly devotion. It is a commitment. We can choose to love. In fact, the Bible commands us to love our enemies. Surely, when we are commanded to love our enemies, we can choose to love our spouse. Some days, you might not feel like loving your spouse. On those days, you need to remind yourself to choose to love your spouse. Since we are commanded to love, to choose not to love is a sin. We must obey God and obey the Scriptures whether we feel like it or not.

We also need to understand that we live in a culture where dating and courtship are how the two people “fall in love” before they get married; the individuals choose their spouse. Throughout human history, however, marriages were arranged. Of course, some parents would allow their children to have a say in the matter. Nevertheless, the Word of God also required love in an arranged marriage. Love is faithfulness. If believers were commanded to stay faithful to the person they were arranged to marry, surely we need to stay faithful to the person we chose to marry. 

Love is a choice to stay faithful day in and day out. It is a decision to do the right thing when we feel madly in love with our spouse. To love them back on the days that they bring us roses or cook us a really good meal that we like. We also need to love them on the days that they offend us. Love is a choice to do the right thing. We choose to love first; then, our feelings will follow. We need our choices to dictate our feelings, not the other way around.  

from I No Longer Love My Spouse

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 6:3(NLT)

‘When the crowds heard him, they were astounded at his teaching.
The Most Important Commandment
But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees with his reply, they met together to question him again. One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”’ Matthew 22:33-40(NLT)

‘and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ‘ Mark 10:8(NLT)

‘There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ‘ John 15:13(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Do you remember the day you first met your spouse? You had butterflies in your stomach. What about your first date? You thought, “I can talk to this person forever!” You might have stayed up till the wee hours of the night just thinking about your beloved. You thought, “This is the most attractive guy or gal I have ever met.” You thought you would always feel that way about each other.

Then, you got married. In the beginning, it was all romantic and fun. But you lived a long life together. You had children. Each of you aged a little and, maybe, gained some weight. The next thing you know is that the initial attraction is gone. There are no more butterflies. You feel like you have lost that first romance. Does that mean that you no longer love each other? Should the husband and wife still stay in a relationship if they feel that there is no attraction there anymore? Are they out of love? 

No, because love is not just an attraction. It is more than that. It goes deeper. Love is a companionship. It is a relationship, a friendship. Some days, you might still feel the butterflies in your stomach. Other days, you might not. But you need to remind yourself that your spouse is your best friend. You have built a life together. You have mutual values and mutual goals. That is the substance of your love. Of course, this does not mean that it has to be boring. If you feel like the flames of your love are dwindling, you need to remember what made you attracted to your spouse in the first place.

Remember the qualities in each other that you fell in love with at the beginning. Remember the things you loved to do together. Go on a date night. Do something that you enjoy together. Have fun together again. As you do those things, you will rekindle the initial romance. Sometimes, life gets in the way of our feelings or our feelings transition from the initial attraction to a deeper love. Married partners should not give up on each other in either case. Marriage is for a lifetime. 

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