Tag: How to Save Sex for Marriage?

‘Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.’ 1 Corinthians 7:1-2(NLT)

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7(NLT)

‘The Son radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the mighty power of his command. When he had cleansed us from our sins, he sat down in the place of honor at the right hand of the majestic God in heaven. This shows that the Son is far greater than the angels, just as the name God gave him is greater than their names.’ Hebrews 1:3-4(NLT)

‘But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.”’ Matthew 15:18-20(NLT)

‘Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. ‘ Ephesians 5:3(NLT)

‘Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:9(NLT)

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.’ 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT)

If you are doubting the benefits of saving sex for marriage, allow us to briefly summarize a few findings. Did you know a recent survey found that the highest levels of sexual satisfaction are linked to marriage and traditional sexual ethics? 

That is, the ­ people most apt to report that they are very satisfied with their current sex life are not singles who freely flit from one sexual encounter to another, but married ­ couples who “strongly” believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. In fact, “traditionalists” rank an astounding thirty-one percentage points higher in their level of sexual satisfaction than singles who have no objection to sex outside of marriage. The findings contribute to a growing body of research linking sexual satisfaction to marital harmony, fidelity, and permanence.

These researchers found not only that sex is better in marriage, but it is best if you have had only one sexual partner in a lifetime. 

“Physical and emotional satisfaction started to decline when ­ people had more than one sexual partner,” the researchers stated. A study at the University of South Carolina revealed that ­ people who engaged in premarital sex were more likely to be involved in extramarital affairs once they were married. David Larson, a senior researcher with the 

National Institute of Health, in a review 

of existing research summed it up this way: ­ “Couples not involved before marriage and faithful during marriage are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriages compared to those who were involved sexually before marriage.”

And did you know that research from Washington State University revealed

marriages, “Cohabiting ­ couples compared to married ­couples have less healthy relationships”? Researchers at UCLA explained that “cohabitors experienced significantly more difficulty in [subsequent] marriages with adultery … than ­ couples who had not cohabited.” In fact, marriages preceded by living together are fifty percent more likely to break up than those marriages where ­ couples did not.

Abstinence, research has clearly shown, makes the heart grow fonder. But long before studies and statistics pointed to the practical reasons for saving sex for marriage, biblical wisdom tried to steer us clear of the emotional aftermath of having sex-too-soon (see I Corinthians 7:1-2; I Thessalonians 4:3-7; Hebrews 13:4; Matthew 15:18-20; Ephesians 5:3; and I Corinthians 6:9). 

The Bible ­doesn’t say premarital sex is wrong just to test our self-discipline. We too often view God’s principles as a list of rules set up to test our determination. The Bible says premarital intercourse is wrong for our own protection, because sex-too-soon is certain to hurt us. Ask anyone who’s broken up with someone they slept with. Three reasons: Research, God’s loving mandates, and the potential for personal pain. Each of these should be reasons enough to just say wait.

Are you worried about waiting? God isn’t. He recognizes how hard it is to fight temptations and wants to give you a way out. 

Remember, God doesn’t expect you to be faithful to Him without first being faithful to you!

…God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 

1 Corinthians 10:13, emphasis mine

Ask your faithful God to help you be faithful to save yourself for marriage. Evidence proves that His best is worth it. 

from How to Save Sex for Marriage?

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

‘When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, ‘ Galatians 5:19(NLT)

‘But ‘God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:6-9(NLT)

Considered the following scale of physical contact and drawn a line where you think it belongs for you. In other words, after seeking God’s wisdom, where do you draw the line?

The objective isn’t just to abstain from something good because you were told it’s wrong. Abstaining from sex before marriage – which God created and is good – honors God and benefits your marriage long-term. 

Surrendering your passions temporarily to God eliminates guilts, helps you focus on connecting in other ways, and builds up blessings for you in the future. 

We could tell you in specific terms where we think you should set your boundaries. We could point out that anytime you move past stage five it becomes exponentially more difficult to maintain control. But telling you what to do makes little difference unless you hold the belief with conviction. We ­can’t be your conscience. 

This is a decision that requires serious thinking, clear understanding of where your values are based, and quite a bit of soul-searching on your part. “Examine yourselves,” Paul says in 2 Corinthians 13:5, “to see whether you are in the faith.” You need to carefully consider what you and the person you are dating mutually agree is acceptable, given your values and goals. 

You need to decide exactly what is off-limits when it comes to physical touch, and you need to decide what settings (being alone in an apartment together, for example) are off-limits when it comes to how you express your passionate feelings. You also need to consider the kinds of clothes you wear on a date and whether they might make sticking to your decision more difficult.

Setting boundaries is a decision you need to make on your own and eventually talk over with your partner. You both need to know what the boundaries are.  

from How to Save Sex for Marriage?

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—’ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4(NLT)

‘You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.’ Ephesians 5:5(NLT)

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:18-20(NLT)

Sexual intercourse is a “life-uniting act,” as our friend Lewis Smedes calls it. That’s why sex outside of marriage is “sex-to-soon.” It violates the intended purpose of sex. “It is wrong,” according to Smedes, “because unmarried ­ people thereby engage in a life-uniting act without a life-uniting intent…. Intercourse signs and seals—and maybe even delivers—a life-union; and life union means marriage.”

Scripture clearly states that sex is for marriage and marriage is for sex. Jesus quoted from Genesis (1:27, 2:24), when he asked: “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?'” (Matthew 19:4-5). The writers of Scripture use sexual purity and faithfulness between spouses as an image of our relationship with God (see Song of Solomon and Hosea, as well as the 16th chapter of Ezekiel). 

So if you want to reserve sexual intercourse for marriage, the $100 question is how? How do you abstain from sex without shutting off your sexuality? 

Granted, it’s not easy, it can be down right excruciating—but it’s possible. We know plenty of happy ­ couples who have saved sex for marriage. In case you are wondering, we abstained from premarital sex ourselves. In seven years of dating we had our share of passionate moments and plenty of tempting situations, but we stayed true to our decision to wait. Looking back over our entire relationship, it remains as one of the best decisions we ever made. We had plenty of time to evolve through the natural stages of physical intimacy as our permanent commitment to each other progressed.

The secret to saving sex for marriage is found in a single word: boundaries. ­Couples who abstain from sex without shutting off their sexuality have learned to set specific boundaries and stick to them. They have made intentional, deliberate, and conscious choices about how far they will go.

 from How to Save Sex for Marriage?