Tag: Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

‘You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” ‘ 2 Corinthians 9:7(NLT)

‘Giving a gift can open doors; it gives access to important people!’ Proverbs 18:16(NLT)

‘The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.’ Proverbs 11:25(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Most of the year I do not get very excited about shopping, but Christmas is different. I like to look for that “perfect gift” that will surprise and delight the receiver. I never begrudge the time it takes to shop at Christmas. Instead, it is a time of joy. For most of us, giving is part of our birthday, anniversary, or holiday celebrations. It is a way for us to express our love and care for those who mean the most to us in our lives.

So how does this apply to marriage? For me, each day is an opportunity to put those same principles of giving into my marriage. Each day I want to show Nancy how much I love her and how much she means to me. I want to do things for her that delight her. I want to look for ways to surprise her so that our marriage is always exciting. Most of all, I want all the effort that I put into my marriage to be done with joy.

As you celebrate the many birthdays, milestones, and holidays in your life, think of ways to take that spirit of giving and put it into your marriage each day. That is another part of building an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Today look for one way to joyfully surprise your spouse.

Going Deeper:

1. When do you enjoy giving?

2. Is giving something that is joyful for you or not?

3. Dr. Kim talks about daily ‘giving’ to your spouse. What are some ways you can do that?

4. Pray that God will increase your joy in giving to your spouse.

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

‘The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.’ Proverbs 24:16(NLT)

‘I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ‘ Philippians 3:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Nancy and I met on a blind date. For me, that first date was awesome; but according to Nancy, it was awful. In fact, it was so bad for her that she told her friends she would never go out with me again! But three weeks later she did, and we began a friendship that turned romantic and ended in marriage two years later.

Just like any marriage, our marriage has not been perfect. We have said things to each other that we should not have said. We have shown anger to each other. We have made terrible mistakes. In fact, our early years of marriage were so up and down that by the sixth year we were on the verge of divorce. We loved each other, but we were not making our marriage work at all. We were lost and had no idea what to do to save our marriage. Thankfully, we committed to getting help, and God began to turn our marriage around.

After everything Nancy and I have gone through, I would not trade our marriage for anything. We have both grown as we have learned from our mistakes. God has turned something that was a real mess into a truly awesome marriage. He can do the same for you.

Today’s Challenge: Since no marriage is perfect; commit to learn from your imperfections and allow God to intervene in your marriage.

Going Deeper:

1. Talk about your first date. What did you do? Where did you go? What did you think about each other?

2. What are some of the mistakes you have made in your marriage?

3. What have you learned from your mistakes?

4. Do you need help in turning your marriage around? If you answered yes. will you commit to begin praying for your marriage together daily and seek the counsel of a Pastor or Christian Counselor?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

‘Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. ‘ Romans 14:1(NLT)

‘May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. ‘ Romans 15:5-7(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Devotional Content:

I talk to a lot of couples who are dating or engaged. Often I hear the same lines from many of them: “We are so much alike.” “We like all the same things.” This is usually good and is probably one of the things that attracted them to each other. After all, we need to have things in common if we are going to make a marriage work.

But what about differences? They exist in every relationship. We just don’t always see them or we minimize them or we think they will disappear after we get married.The truth is that while two people can like the same things, they are different. The idea is not to try to marry someone who is just like you. First, that will never happen. Second, it would really be pretty boring. Differences are a part of life. The key in marriage is how we handle our differences!

Nancy and I have a lot in common—especially after more than forty years together. But we also have a lot of differences. One of the qualities I liked about Nancy when we were dating was that she was very independent. I felt that we had a healthy dating relationship, and for the most part we really did. But after we married, I wanted my independent wife to depend on me.

I wanted to take care of her, and she thought I wanted to control her. We spent too many years trying to change each other, and that was miserable. When we finally decided to accept our differences and see them as strengths for our relationship, most of our conflicts stopped. It was a long, painful process, but I had to learn to both value and embrace her independence in our marriage.

Once I finally got there, I was able to see the value her independence brought to our marriage—something I had been missing out on. Also, once I accepted her as she was, she let her guard down and we connected in a way we never had before.

Do you accept the differences between you and your spouse? You can either let your differences pull you apart and allow them to be a source of conflict or you can accept and celebrate your differences. I happen to believe that God made us all unique and that our differences are what make our marriages truly special.

Today’s Challenge: Accept and enjoy your differences instead of letting them pull you apart.

Going Deeper:

1. Name three ways you and your spouse are alike.

2. Name three ways you and your spouse are different.

3. Was there a quality that you liked in your future spouse while you were dating that has been an issue for you in marriage? How have you handled that?

4. Are there differences you are having trouble accepting in your spouse? What are they?

5. Make a list of these and then put two positive things under each of them.

6. Are you going to accept your differences and embrace them as a gift from God or are you going to let them pull you apart?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2

‘Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ 1 John 4:7-8(NLT)

‘“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. ‘ John 15:9-14(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)

Devotional Content:

We all have different needs and preferences when it comes to giving and receiving love. For example, Nancy feels loved when we spend quality time together. She feels valued and cared for in our moments together. In the early years of our marriage, it took me awhile to figure it out. I really did not understand what love languages were and how they affected a marriage.

I always wanted to show her how much I loved her but was mystified when she would respond in an unexpected way to the things that I did. She always appreciated the gifts I gave her and the help I offered with the housework. She would smile and say thank you when I affirmed her with words, but nothing made her feel loved like quality time together.

It has been important for me to carve out quality time for us to spend together each day. There are times when that is more difficult and things can get in the way. Often the things that get in the way are not bad things at all, but they just keep us from spending uninterrupted time together. I have to make sure that I give my wife what she wants and needs—my time. When I do, it serves as a building block of an awesome marriage..

Today’s Challenge: Take the time to share your love needs with each other and then discuss how to meet those needs.

Going Deeper:

1. When do you feel the most loved by your spouse?

2. What is your ‘Love Language’ as defined by Dr. Gary Chapman:

• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation
• Physical Touch
• Gifts

3. What is your spouse’s love language?

4. What are some of the ways you can connect with your spouse on their love language?

5. What will you do today to show love to your spouse?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 2