Tag: Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

‘So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.’ Ecclesiastes 3:12-13(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

After finding out from people what things in their marriages made them sad, I countered with this question: “What things in your marriage make you happy?” Here were some of their answers: “my husband’s cooking,” “when we are being considerate of each other,” “knowing that my husband is a godly man,” “holding hands,” “finding ways to please my wife,” “I love how we communicate, even if we do not agree,” “I love our commitment to our marriage,” and “snuggling up to each other.”

As I look at these answers, I am hit by an incredible reality about marriage: The things that make people the happiest in their marriages are the simple things. Contentment in marriage is not about money or power. It is not about possessions or elaborate vacations. It is about those things that connect a husband and wife.

I have said for a long time that marriage is not rocket science. We don’t need to understand something as complicated as the science that goes into propelling a rocket into space when we try to explain what sends a marriage soaring. What fuels a marriage are the daily, simple, purposeful things that we do for and with our spouses. That is awesome!

Today’s Challenge: The simple things are what keep a marriage moving forward. Have you hugged your spouse today?

Going Deeper:

1. What things in your marriage make you happy?

2. How do you define ‘contentment’ in your marriage?

3. Name two things in your marriage that really connect you.

4. What are some of the things that you would like to do for and with your spouse?

5. Will you commit to begin doing some of those today?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

‘Better to live humbly with the poor than to share plunder with the proud.’ Proverbs 16:19(NLT)

‘You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!’ John 14:13-14(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Recently I asked a number of couples this question: “What things in your marriage make you sad?” The answers were varied: “taking each other for granted,” “my spouse’s words and actions due to drinking,” “my husband’s family hurting him,” “the thought of losing my wife,” and “not listening to each other.”

Some of these are situations we can do something about, and some are really out of our control. My advice is this: If there is something you can do about a situation, do it. Do it now. Don’t waste another day.

On the other hand, if the situation is out of your control, you must first learn to accept that fact. Secondly, set boundaries that are healthy for you if needed. Finally, pray. We sometimes forget the power of prayer. Seek God’s help, wisdom, and intervention. One of the many amazing things I have learned about God is that He always shows up!

Today’s Challenge: Trust God to reveal to you the things you have control over and the things you have zero control over in your marriage.

Going Deeper:

1. What things in your marriage can make you sad?

2. Which of these are in your control and which are out of your control?

3. Will you commit to work on the things that you have some control over?

4. Will you commit to let go of the things that are out of control?

5. Dr. Kim says, “God always shows up.” Are you willing to lay both the things you can control and the things you cannot control at His feet for His input, His guidance, and His miracles?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ‘ Colossians 3:12-14(NLT)

Devotional Content:

What are you as a couple doing right now to purposefully make your marriage better? If you’re not actively doing anything, you might want to consider setting some reasonable goals for your marriage in order to get you started. One idea is to create a list together of the things that are important to you in your marriage. Add to the list anything that you want to exist in your marriage that is not there now.

Next, separate the items on your list into three groups—daily, short-term, and long-term. Daily items are the things you can do each day to show love, help each other out, and enrich each other’s lives. Short-term items are the things you would like to build into your marriage over the next year. And long-term items are the things that you want to build into your marriage over the next five to ten years.

Discuss what each of you will specifically do to build all these goals into your marriage. Use your lists as a guideline. Encourage each other in what you are doing. Every six months, look at your lists and see how you are doing. You can always change or update your lists.

Just remember, there is no better time than now to put your marriage as a priority and work together to make it awesome.

Today’s Challenge: If, when, and how you want to improve your marriage is a choice. What will you choose to do?

Going Deeper:

1. Discuss some of the things you have done in the past to make your marriage better.

2. Make a list together of the things that are important to you in your marriage. Then separate theM into the categories of Daily, Short-Term, and Long-Term.

3. Use your list as a guide as you discuss what part each of you will play in improving your marriage.

4. Commit to following through.

5. Evaluate and update your list every six months.

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1

‘Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:6(NLT)

‘Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”’ Matthew 19:8-9(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Nancy and I dated for two years before we married, but we were pretty young. When we got engaged, Nancy was nineteen and I was twenty. Not only were we young, but we had no clue how to do marriage. Our premarital counseling consisted of two sessions with the pastor who married us. The first session was spent planning the wedding, and the second was spent listening to the pastor tell funny stories about Nancy’s family.

As I look back at this, the sad thing is that I thought our premarital counseling was great! My idea of marriage was to just live life together and everything would be perfect. I had no idea you had to work at marriage to make it work. Nobody ever told me that.

So we jumped into this swimming pool of marriage thinking we knew how to swim—and soon realized that not only did we not know how to swim but we did not even have a life preserver. We had more good days than bad days for the first couple of years, but then the bad days began to outnumber the good days. We tried to fix things on our own, but we didn’t know where to start.

I wish I could give you a three-step formula to what worked to save our marriage. It wasn’t that simple. But what I can give you is this: Things began to improve only after we committed to make it work. That was a huge step for us. At one point we even promised each other to never again use the word divorce in our marriage. We took the “D” word off the table for good. Fixing our marriage was still a lot of work, and the process was slow, but we were finally both working together.

Wherever you are in your marriage, do not give up. Move a giant step in the right direction by taking the “D” word off the table and committing to each other to make it work. That step alone will make a difference.

Today’s Challenge: Eliminate the “D” word from your marriage conversations, thoughts, and vocabulary; commit to making your marriage work.

Going Deeper:

1. What did you do individually and as a couple to prepare yourselves for marriage?

2. Would you do anything different today if you could have a ‘do over?’

3. Define the phrase “working at your marriage.” How can you apply that to your marriage?

4. In your marriage, what is a ‘good day’ and what is a ‘bad day?’

5. Have you taken the ‘D’ word off of the table in your marriage? If not, will you commit to do that today?

6. Finally, are you both willing to recommit to your marriage for the long haul?

from Growing Your Marriage – Part 1