Tag: God's Design For Sex

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Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

SEX AND SINGLES

‘But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.’ 1 Corinthians 7:7-9(NLT)

These days, many young men and women seem to be delaying marriage as long as possible. Some have decided that, for now, it’s more important to earn a degree, establish a career, and see the world than it is to “settle down” to the “dull routine of domestic life.” Others are writing marriage off altogether, concluding that the single life is freer, easier, and more exciting than matrimony.

There’s just one problem with these perspectives: most of these healthy young adults still have a strong sex drive and a deep desire to know what it’s like to become “one flesh” with another person.

The solution for many is to keep sex and marriage separate – that could be everything from “hooking up,” to casual date-night sex, to cohabitation. But all of these choices have one thing in common: they seek to satisfy the normal human sexual urge without tying it to marriage, parenting, family, or permanent commitment.

But no one who believes the Bible to be the Word of God and who seeks to follow Jesus Christ can easily ignore the importance of chastity or disregard Scripture’s link between sex and marriage.

The Bible does allow for another alternative, of course: a faithful, celibate life of complete sexual abstinence. But both Paul and Jesus indicate that celibacy is a rare gift. God grants this gift only to a few special individuals (Matthew 19:10-12; 1 Corinthians 7:7). For the rest of us, the challenge of living a completely asexual life is a difficult standard to achieve. That’s why marriage is such an important part of the divine plan for the average believer (1 Corinthians 7:2).

Some Christians may feel compelled to conclude that God is “calling them to the single life.” In some cases, they may be right. But it can be difficult and painful to find oneself caught between this conviction and the realities of a healthy sex drive. If you have to fight too hard to suppress your feelings, it’s easy to end up believing that God is cruel and capricious.

The scriptural solution may not be easily achievable, but it is about as plain and straightforward as it can be: those who are wrestling with sexual temptations and urges need to give a lot of serious and intentional thought to the option of marriage.

They need to set their faces like flint to live in a manner that runs counter to the assumptions of modern society and find ways of seeking out potential partners who share their convictions and subscribe to their worldview, whether that means joining a singles fellowship group at a local church or making use of online Christian dating services.

Most of all, they need to submit the matter to prayer and trust God to provide for all their needs. It’s a question of fixing your eyes on Christ and making up your mind to keep sexual fulfillment exclusively connected with marriage.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from God’s Design For Sex

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

SEX AND MORALITY

‘God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. ‘ 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5(NLT)

When it comes to sex, we enjoy God’s gifts of sensuality and “fleshly” pleasure to the fullest extent only when they’re experienced within the proper context: marriage.

Though the notion of Christian sexual morality is often criticized as “repressive,” it’s actually a matter of restraining and channeling the power of sex to make it as effective as possible to our lives.

Are you familiar with the word “dissipation”? It refers to the wasteful squandering and loss of positive energy that results when a substance is not properly contained. When water is forced to flow through a narrow channel, for example, it generates incredible power. But if it bursts outside of those boundaries and spills out across the land, that power is lost.

That’s dissipation, and the word has a particular relevance to the question of sexual morality. This is what the writer of Proverbs had in mind when he penned the following verses:

Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?
Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
(Proverbs 5:15-20)

Clearly, these are not the words of someone who is “uptight” about sex, who “fears” the world, or who rejects the beauties of creation. Such poetry does not flow from a “repressed” mind that “avoids the joys of life,” as some critics of sexual morality would have it.

On the contrary, it expresses deep and ecstatic appreciation for the vibrancy and vitality of sexuality that is under control. This is what has inspired those who believe in God and who keep His commandments to declare, “You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).

This is one of the best kept secrets of the “straight-laced religious life”: all the best research indicates that the most sexually satisfied people in modern society are not the adventurous swingers, but rather faithful, monogamous married couples.

This, then, is what Christian sexual morality is really all about. It’s not a set of restrictive rules designed to prevent us from having fun. It’s the key to total fulfillment of our sexuality. It’s the doorway to a truly satisfying and abundant life in the realm of marriage and male-female relationships.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from God’s Design For Sex

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

SEX AND MARRIAGE

‘And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:16-18(NLT)

Sex is for marriage, and marriage is for sex. Exclusively.

That’s because sex is not just a matter of casual recreation. It’s not just a pleasurable way of expressing mutual love. As discussed in our previous section, “Sex and the Trinity,” it’s God’s nature expressed through the union of two people who become one flesh.

Most critics and skeptics of Christian chastity argue that the Bible has “nothing to say” about pre-marital sex. The problem, they say, is nothing negative is ever mentioned “condemning” the practice or suggesting a “thou shalt not.” But the Bible expresses its perspective on this matter primarily in positive terms.

“[Jesus] answered, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’” (Matthew 19:4-5; quoting from Genesis 1:27, 2:24).

The point here is obvious: marriage and the “one-flesh union” of Genesis 2 – which is sealed by the sexual act – are one and the same. You can’t have the one without the other.

This fits in perfectly with the apostle Paul’s warning in 1 Corinthians 6:16: “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” The same concept underlies Jesus’ unbending position on divorce: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6)

It is also implied in the commandment against adultery (Exodus 20:14). In the biblical view, adultery includes any sexual activity carried on outside the bonds of committed marriage. This is why the writer to the Hebrews tells us “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4)

It’s vital to add that God wants us to reserve sex for marriage not because it’s “bad” or “dirty,” but precisely because it’s such a unique, exclusive, and wonderful thing. Sex is a holy mystery. It’s a powerful bonding agent that shapes and affects the relationship between a man and a woman as nothing else can.

To take sex outside of marriage is like taking the wine consecrated for Holy Communion and using it for a drinking party at a frat house. This is why the writers of Scripture so often compare idolatry to the sin of fornication or adultery.

It also explains why they use sexual purity and faithfulness between spouses as an image of our relationship with God. (as, e.g., in Song of Solomon, the Book of Hosea, and the 16th chapter of Ezekiel)

To paraphrase the old song, sex and marriage go together “like a horse and carriage.” And the reason for this should be clear not only from a spiritual perspective, but also from a purely social point of view. Marriage involves a public commitment to build a strong and lasting relationship.

This relationship is supposed to serve not merely as a foundation for the nurturing of children, but also as a building block of social stability. It’s the couple’s contribution to the well-being of the broader human community. That’s why sex, which carries within itself the potential to create new life, belongs solely and strictly within the marital bond.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from God’s Design For Sex

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

SEX AND THE TRINITY

‘In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.’ John 1:1(NLT)

Charles Williams, close friend of C. S. Lewis and member of that illustrious group of intellectuals known as the Inklings, had a deep understanding of God’s design for human sexuality. In writing about Dante’s portrayal of romantic love in The Divine Comedy, Williams says that that the poet’s vision signifies three things.

First, it’s a picture of the Trinity: One God “subsisting” in Three Persons. Second, it’s a reminder of the Incarnation: humanity and divinity seamlessly bonded in the Person of Jesus Christ. Third, it’s a symbol of something Williams likes to call the “mystery of co-inherence”: the intimate communion of me in you and you in me.

Jesus expressed it this way in His high priestly prayer: “As You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, [I pray] that they may be one in Us …” (John 17:21).

This is what the Image of God in man is really all about. The God we worship does not exist in isolation. On the contrary, He has been in community for all eternity. The three Persons of the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – interact with one another in perfect communion. That truth helps us better understand what the apostle John had in mind when He said that “God is Love” (1 John 4:8).

It’s also why God said that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). After all, how could one man, who was by himself, reflect the full Image of a God whose very nature exists in communion? That only became possible when Adam saw Eve advancing toward him in the full splendor of feminine beauty and said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).

All of this leads to an inescapable conclusion with regard to our sexuality. In a profound and wonderful way, our sexual lives are intended to mirror the reality and beauty of the Trinity in our marital relationships.

As theologian George Weigel explains, when we view God’s directives for our sexuality in this way, “the first moral question shifts from ‘What am I forbidden to do?’ to ‘How do I live a life of sexual love that conforms to my dignity as a human person?’”1 Sex, then, rightly understood and practiced, is in a very real sense fundamental to mankind’s function, purpose, and destiny within the miracle of God’s creation.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

George Weigel, The Truth of Catholicism: Ten Controversies Explored (New York: Cliff Street Books, 2001), 104-105.

from God’s Design For Sex

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Dating Devotion for Men Devotion for Women ZZ

PURITY

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.’ 1 Peter 3:1-2(NLT)

Chastity isn’t a concept you hear much about these days, but it’s been an important Christian virtue for more than twenty centuries. Chastity is usually defined as sexual abstinence before marriage and sexual fidelity within marriage.

It reflects the biblical worldview that we have no inherent right to sex. The privilege of sexual union with another person is conferred upon us only by the wedding ceremony.

But chastity takes the idea of purity beyond the sexual sphere alone. It’s a crucially important piece of Christian faithfulness and discipleship. Its implications reach across the entire spectrum of Christian experience and touch every area of our lives.

That’s why the apostle Peter was able to tell women that it would be through their chaste conduct that unbelieving husbands would be won to faith in Christ. Peter wasn’t simply exhorting Christian wives to avoid extramarital affairs. He was suggesting that a life of single-minded discipline, focus, and devotion makes a deep impression on those who are not yet personally acquainted with the Lord.

We often talk in the church about the devastating consequences of having extramarital sex – life-altering troubles such as the possibility of STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and the cheapening of something that God intended us to share with just one other person.

But the most essential truth about chastity and purity is that turning away from unhealthy expressions of sexuality and romanticism better enables us to focus on God in a way that otherwise isn’t possible. “Blessed are the pure in heart,” said Jesus. And why? Because “they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). Sexual immorality inhibits us from focusing on our truest Lover, the Lord.

Chastity, then, is first and foremost a spiritual discipline. Like prayer, fasting, study, silence, charity, and giving, it’s something God asks us to practice, not because it will get us into heaven, but because it will help transform us into new creatures.This kind of purity is not the mere absence of illicit sex, but an active conforming of one’s body, soul, and mind to the image of Christ.

For more help, visit Pure Intimacy or Focus on the Family’s main website .You can also call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from God’s Design For Sex