Tag: God’s Advice For Wives

‘I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.’ 3 John 1:4(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

Your home can be a wonderful laboratory in which to cultivate honor. The tone we set in our homes when we honor our husbands can inspire our children to honor him and each other. It feels good to get respect. To be honored. But it feels even better to honor someone else. We find that as we give honor away, we get it back.

Deep inside, we’re all more vulnerable when honor is lacking, and we know it. When honor is gone, so is our shield against danger and shame. We all desire to be known, to be accepted by others. Sometimes we try to fulfill those longings by striving for fame or popularity. But there really is no substitute for honor.

Cultivating a home where honor is present and faith can flourish is a key way to respect your husband. This really hit home for me when David said that our kids’ choice to walk with the Lord was the greatest honor in his life (see 3 John v. 4).

The kind of culture we create in our homes naturally spills over to the culture around us. But it takes time and intentionality, because when we create a culture of honor, we’re going against the grain of the surrounding culture. That’s why we need God’s help. It takes faith, hard work, and lots of grace.

This leads me to return to the topic of prayer. I believe that when you pray and read the Bible together as a couple, you’re inviting Christ’s presence into your marriage. The Bible teaches that “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV). In our case, I like to think of those three strands as the Lord, David, and me. Inviting the presence of Jesus into our marriage and our home changes everything.

Creating a culture of honor in our home also involved hard work. Work is a gift from God. We honor him by giving our best effort. By being faithful in the small things. “Whatever you do,” Paul wrote in Colossians 3:23, “work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord” rather than for men. 

David and I share the belief that hard work is vastly underrated in today’s world. We talked about the importance of big dreams, but without plenty of hard work, they remain just dreams! So we work hard and have done our best to teach our children to work hard. 

While reflecting on ways to honor my husband, it dawned on me that the simple behaviors that go hand in hand with honor are like God’s “channel markers” for my marriage. By treating David with honor and respect, guarding my thoughts and words, believing the best about him, building him up as the spiritual leader of our home, and staying strong in my own walk with the Lord, I’m protected from hidden dangers and obstacles that could threaten our marriage. 

I believe these very same choices are key to helping you create a culture of honor in your home as well. 

• Why would honor be more desirable than fame or popularity?
• One of the Ten Commandments instructs children to obey their parents. What are some long-term benefits children can gain from learning to show honor in the home?
• What are some ways you can make obedience and hard work attractive to your children?
• What are some ways that you can help cultivate an atmosphere of honor in your home?

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’ Ephesians 2:10(NLT)

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NLT)

“We grow great by dreams,” said Woodrow Wilson. “All big men are dreamers.” I wonder if the opposite is true. Do men fail to achieve greatness when they stop dreaming? Most dreams aren’t fulfilled without a fight. I find I’m fiercest in my helper role when defending David’s dreams—especially through prayer.

David and I have discovered that our dreams can motivate us and guide us toward God’s purposes for our lives. When we dream together, we grow closer to each other. Our shared dreams, and especially the tests and trials that go along with those dreams, knit us together like comrades in war. 

This was especially true when we were raising our children. We were both passionate about the shared dream of launching our kids to glorify God. It’s no wonder God designed marriage and the family as the best vehicle for propagating the human race.

Let’s go back to Genesis 2:18, our key verse on marriage from the Bible. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (NIV). It was God himself who said it was “not good” for humans to be alone.

To solve the problem of aloneness for Adam, God didn’t create a club, a classroom, a corporation, social media, a team, or an army. He made a “helper,” a corresponding but equal companion and a rock of support. He also created a lifelong covenant relationship called “marriage” between a man and a woman. Male and female. One flesh. Until death. Together a couple would be capable of creating more humans and nurturing them to adulthood. A chore made easier because they would discover a sacrificial love for each other that was fiercer than the love they felt for themselves.

Perhaps you’re thinking about your own family right now. Or the family you hope to have one day. You and your husband have been uniquely gifted for the family God has given you. The Bible says you are “God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). There is nothing like creating a home and family together to inspire big dreams. The point is to find ways you can dream big together.

As much as I believe that individual success is rewarding, seeing a shared dream come true, in my experience, is sublime. 

• “Dreams can motivate us and guide us toward God’s purposes for our lives.” Can you think of examples when this has been true in your life?
• What are some of your husband’s dreams? How does Ephesians 2:10 inspire you to show support for those dreams? 
• How does Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 encourage you to work together with your husband to support each other and your shared dreams?
• What are some specific prayers you can lift up to God to support your husband’s and children’s dreams?

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘“Remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God. On that day no one in your household may do any work. This includes you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, your livestock, and any foreigners living among you. For in six days the Lord made the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and set it apart as holy.’ Exodus 20:8-11(NLT)

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

Many marriages today are running on empty. Finding tangible ways to help our husbands guard against overload is a good place to get fierce with our role as helpers. 

Rest is one way to help our husbands (and all of us, for that matter) be their best. Today’s world is busy, noisy, and draining. We need to lighten up and enjoy our marriages, not just endure them.

Just how tired are you? And how tired is your husband? Do you ever take a vacation? And are you getting enough sleep? 

Did you know that sleep deprivation makes us more prone to accidents, weight gain, diabetes, and even heart disease? Researchers tell us that people now fantasize about sleep more than sex. It would seem that the average person today is very, very tired.

But it’s hard to help my husband rest if I’m exhausted myself. I’ve had to ask myself how effective I am at finding rest for my own soul. I can’t give away what I don’t have.

Even the ways we try to rest don’t really rest us. Sometimes we drift into addictive or numbing behaviors that deaden our senses rather than rest our souls. Too much social media, work, alcohol, or exercise leads you to work harder, run faster, climb higher, grow richer, get thinner, and accomplish more, but leaves little time for resting your soul.

Do you long to do more than just damage control to manage the swirl of life? We have to get to the root of the problem if we truly want to lighten our load and guard our marriage against exhaustion. I try to help David read his emotional and physical energy gauges, and he helps me read mine. I’ve noticed that most of our arguments spring up when we’re both exhausted. 

It’s been said that “fatigue makes cowards of us all.” I believe this applies to marriage as well. When husbands and wives are exhausted and our faith becomes weak, we’re left vulnerable to enemies from within and without.

Don’t you wish we had a warning system that would alert us when we begin to drift into patterns of living that are dangerous to our soul? Overload is that signal. Be alert to it and ready to lighten the load.

• Remember that rest is a command (Exodus 20:8-11). Ask your husband: What helps you slow down and rest? (Even simple answers—like “a nap”—are fine!) 
• Do you have a weekly day of rest? How can you create a day of rest together? 
• Consider the promise found in Matthew 6:33. How could trusting in this promise and cultivating contentment honor your husband and lighten his load?
• What are some things you and your husband could do to lighten up, enjoy your marriage, and find real rest for your souls?

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7(NLT)

‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.’ 1 Peter 5:7(NLT)

One of the most practical ways I’ve learned to support David is simply through the environment I create in our home. Our surroundings, daily routine, and even our health habits will either build him up or weigh him down. 

Even more than the physical surroundings of our home, I’m mindful of what happens here. How do we treat each other? What are our conversations about? How hectic is our schedule? What kinds of movies do we watch? When do we find time to connect? You get the point.

So what does it mean to guard your home? What exactly do we guard against? Enemies from within and without attack our families. And since these enemies often fly under the radar, we need to be more discerning, more watchful, and wiser than ever. Peaceful homes nourish your soul and renew your energy. But if I want a peaceful home, I have to guard against those enemies. 

Peace is not passive. To have peace in our home, I have to work for it and make it a priority. I’ve noticed that the quickest way to rob the peace in our home is through worry. Anxiety can drain our family’s energy and quench its calm faster than just about anything. On the other hand, when I refuse to be anxious, when I trust God and remain peaceful, I help create a climate of peace.

I’ve learned to be ruthless with worry because it’s the enemy of peace. And through God’s grace, lots of prayer, and David’s encouragement, I have wrestled most of my fears to the ground. I’m not completely worry-free, but I can tell you that I no longer feel imprisoned by fear.

There are some who suffer a more extreme version of anxiety—perhaps even full-fledged panic attacks. I’ve seen friends and extended family members caught in its grip. Sometimes the battle is too fierce to wage alone, and a good Christian counselor can help you take steps to get at the root of the anxiety.

The twin invaders, fear and anxiety, can wreak havoc on a home and a marriage. God doesn’t treat fear and worry as small things. He tells you to “cast all your anxiety on him” because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7 NIV). As with any stubborn problem, the first step is to confront anxiety head-on and call it out for the enemy that it is.

• What kind of environment do you want to create in your home? What types of things can you do in your home to show support for your husband?
• What kinds of “intruders” can threaten the peace in your home? How can you apply the wisdom of Philippians 4:6-7 to bring peace to your heart and your home life?
• Would your husband say you worry too much? In what ways could you communicate your trust in him? 
• What fears or anxieties are you battling right now? How does 1 Peter 5:7 encourage you today?

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.’ Ephesians 6:11-17(NLT)

‘Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. ‘ 1 Peter 5:8(NLT)

You may be wondering why I am talking about having a warrior mentality in a study on marriage. It’s because I believe we’re at war. Marriages today are falling apart at an alarming rate. Some experts now say that as many as two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by wives. 

It’s time we take seriously our job to keep watch over our marriages and our families. And it’s time to stay strong in our faith. Just the other day, I heard about four more broken marriages in my circle of acquaintances. Sadly, the list of casualties keeps growing.

Let’s remember that we’re emphasizing honor—something we find in short supply these days. I’ve discovered that honoring my husband in today’s culture requires something of a fight. It should sober us to realize we have enemies. Not just enemies of our soul, but also of our marriage. 

We wage war on several fronts. Some of our fights are against our own selfish nature, our “flesh.” Honoring our husbands can sometimes go against the grain of our flesh. So our battle for a strong marriage is a battle against our own selfish tendencies, such as self-centeredness, pride, disrespect, laziness, and impatience.

We also find ourselves up against a world that degrades and disrespects marriage. God calls us to resist the world’s wrong messages about marriage and even about men—including the generally disrespectful treatment of men in the popular media.

Finally, we wrestle against the spiritual forces of darkness who would seek to divide our home. The devil is an accuser and a divider who’d love nothing more than to break up our marriages. The Bible tells us he “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV). 

Quite simply, the enemy wants your mind and your marriage. Another version of the same verse warns us to “Stay alert!” and “watch out for your great enemy, the devil” (1 Peter 5:8 NLT). We’re to remain ready and prepared to fight.

This reality is a call to prayer. If you were to ask me what’s the single most important thing you can do to strengthen your marriage and to honor your husband, I would simply say this: Pray for him. Pray like you mean it. Pray like you believe prayer works. Pray like you believe God works through your prayers. And make prayer for your husband a priority.

• Part of being your husband’s helper is having a warrior mentality that desires to protect your marriage. What are some of the “enemies” that threaten to tear down your marriage?
• What weapons do we have to defend ourselves and our marriages?
• The single most important thing you can do to strengthen your marriage and honor your husband is to pray for him. How does your husband need your prayers today?
• What are some ways you can be more intentional about praying for your husband? Commit to one or two of those ideas and make them a daily practice—starting today.

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘Take control of what I say, O Lord , and guard my lips.’ Psalms 141:3(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

Half the battle in our commitment to build up our husbands is simply to be more aware and intentional about speaking words of life—both to our husbands and about them. In the marriages I’ve admired most, the wives seem to be aware that their words can have a positive impact on how the husband sees himself and how others see him.

For example, I’ve noticed how Susie’s eyes light up whenever she sees her husband, Bob. I’ve listened to the words she speaks to him and about him to others. She treats him as though he’s very special to her, and without even knowing it, she makes him shine. 

I once mentioned to Susie that I really liked the way she treated Bob. She replied, “I’m always careful about the words I speak. So much damage can be done by our words. I’m always telling the younger women to watch how they talk to their husbands. Once spoken, words can’t ever be taken back.”

Perhaps we’d be more careful if we knew the full impact of our words. We learned earlier about the importance of guarding our thoughts. We’d be wise to place a similar emphasis on guarding our words. The Bible encourages us to do just that: “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3 NIV).

From time to time, I do a little exercise which I call a “word fast.” I simply avoid speaking negative or critical words to or about anyone for an entire day. It’s not as easy as it sounds. A word fast causes me to carefully watch not only what comes out of my mouth but also the thoughts that give birth to those words. I’ve learned that guarding my tongue is no small matter. 

The Bible continually reminds us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Our words have such power. It’s important not only to believe in our husbands, but from time to time we need to tell them so.

• What kinds of words would tear down your husband? What words would build him up? What are some ways you can speak words of life to your husband?
• There are times to say it, and times to pray it. What are some ways to know when it’s better to pray about something than to say it?
• Are you willing to go on a “word fast” one day this week? At the end of the day, write down what you learned and apply those lessons to your life.
• When was the last time you spoke harsh words to your husband? Now that you’re not in the heat of the moment, what gentle response can you have ready next time?

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it.’ Proverbs 23:7(NLT)

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ‘ Philippians 4:8(NLT)

I believe most women truly desire to respect their husbands. And most men want to be honored and respected by their wives. So why do we as women sometimes become controlling, or worse yet, critical of our husbands? 

Perhaps you’ve struggled with this tension in your marriage. I think we’d agree that honor in the marriage relationship is a good thing. And deep down inside, we instinctively know that it just feels right to respect our husbands—to believe the best about them. 

The Bible speaks plainly about God’s design for the husband to be the spiritual leader in the home, and also that men and women are called to honor each other. 

Dare to take the first step by honoring your husband even before he honors you. I keep learning the same biblical principle over and over: God blesses us when we give away the very thing we desire. I believe you’ll discover that when you give honor to your husband, you’ll get it back abundantly in ways that may surprise you.

Honor begins in the mind. It greatly matters what we think about our husbands. What I think about David determines whether my words and actions will honor him. What we believe about our husbands can make or break our marriages.

Over the years, I’ve noticed a common theme in the marriages I’ve grown to admire. Both spouses seem to be intentional about interpreting each other in a positive light. The wives speak about their husbands with respect. The husbands find ways to honor their wives. It’s clear they treasure their partner. In short, they believe the best about each other and it shows.

I can choose how and what I think about my husband. Do I respect him? Appreciate him? Do I focus on his strengths and downplay his weaknesses? Do I take time to reflect on the many ways he sacrifices for our family? Am I there for him to support and strengthen him, especially when he feels weak? In short, do I believe the best about him?

Many people believe they have no responsibility for their thought life, but the Bible is clear: “As [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7 AMP). What do you choose to think about your husband?

• “Honor may be best expressed through words and deeds, but it begins in the mind.” Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?
• Read Philippians 4:8. In relation to honoring your husband, what are some ways you can put Philippians 4:8 to work in your life?
• A key aspect of honoring your husband is to guard your mind. What kinds of influences do you think you should guard against? What kinds of influences can you welcome?
• Martin Luther said You can’t stop birds flying over your head, but you can stop them from building a nest. When a critical thought about your husband flies into your head, what positive thought can you replace it with? 

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.’ Genesis 2:18-22(NLT)

‘“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ‘ John 15:1-5(NLT)

As I’ve studied what the Bible says about honor, and as I’ve become more intentional about honoring my husband, I’ve come face to face with an important realization. Honoring my husband demands way more from me than mere submission. 

Please understand; I’m not anti-submission with regard to the biblical framework of love and respect. It’s just that to truly honor my husband, I have to set the bar much higher.

Honor requires self-sacrifice and humility. It challenges me to bridle not just my words, but my thoughts as well. It makes me bite my tongue. Honor confronts me with my sin. Honor, even more than submission, is an imposing benchmark. It’s a sublimely powerful target. For if I take aim and hit the bullseye of honor, I am probably covering all the other virtues that make for a good marriage. 

Finally, if I want to honor David, I have to become honorable myself. So honor conforms me to the image of Christ. In short, honor requires a strong walk with the Lord. To truly honor my husband, I must first become strong.

To explore the biblical concept of honor, let’s go back to the first marriage—between Adam and Eve. If you want to understand God’s blueprint for marriage, it helps to look through the lens of what theologians call “original intent.” What did God originally intend for marriage to look like before the fall?

In Genesis 2:18-22, we see that God’s purpose for creating marriage was to provide companionship. Everything which God had made up to that point was good. But when he looked at Adam, he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (NIV). 

Something was missing. The Genesis account explains that there was no “suitable helper” for Adam, so God plans his next step: “I will make a helper suitable for him.” God goes to work to create a woman from the very stuff of man, his same substance. 

Being a helper is not for the weak. Being a wife means being your husband’s rock of support when everything around him feels like it’s crashing down. When you grasp what it means to be a support, you begin to get an image of your role as being more like a rock than a doormat. Your challenge is to become strong so that you’re a source of strength for your husband at all times.

• Marilynn says that honor requires self-sacrifice and humility. Why do you think this is the case?
• As we abide in Christ (see John 15:1-5), we’re enabled in our role as our husband’s helper. What are some practical ways you can make abiding in Christ a daily reality?
• Every husband is different. What are some specific ways you could help your husband?
• There are many ways that today’s culture encourages women to dishonor their husbands. What are some examples of this? What are some ways Christian wives can counter this?

from God’s Advice For Wives