Tag: Fresh Fire For Couples

‘That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing.’ Romans 4:17(NLT)

‘The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:21(NLT)

Do you know any stubborn people? You know that person that when they’re convinced of something, you cannot change their mind? We do! Richard’s mother. When his mother is sure of something, you cannot talk her out of it. She will stand on the Word, and she will declare the Word. She is relentless. 

I (Richard) remember one day she told me I would become a preacher. When she said this, I did not believe her because that was not what I wanted to do with my life. I had other things in mind. I wanted to be a music producer, but God had other plans. However, year after year, she continued to declare that one day I would become a preacher. And guess what? That one day finally happened. It took years to come to pass, but she continued declaring it. 

What I love about my mom is that my circumstances never changed her declaration, but her declaration changed my circumstances. 

Imagine what would happen if we learned to declare God’s promises over our relationships. Imagine what would drastically change if we stood on and declared the Word of God. We would get our fire back! We would also get our joy and peace back. This happens when we declare the Word. Romans 4:17 (CSB) says, “God, who gives life to the dead and calls things into existence that do not exist.” This passage is a clear reminder to keep declaring what you want to see, as though it existed. 

If you want to see your relationship be full of joy, then declare words of encouragement. If you want to see your relationship unified, then declare words of unity. If you want to see your relationship get its sexy back, then declare words of love. You need to sow the seeds you want to see grow. Remember, your future is in your mouth and it is directly linked to the words you are declaring in the present. 

Ponder

What words have you been speaking into your relationship / marriage? Are your words creating life or death in your relationship? What do you want to see occur in your relationship and what words do you need to start speaking to see the fruit of your desires?

Prayer

Heavenly Father, You are the giver of life! You call things that are not as though they are. As Your child, I was to create life in my relationship and I also want to call things that are not as though they are, just as You do. Help me to do so and reveal to me toxic words that I need to eradicate from my vocabulary, so I may edify my partner and create life in my relationship. In Jesus’ name.

from Fresh Fire For Couples

‘or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:5(NLT)

‘Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!’ Micah 7:19(NLT)

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ‘ Romans 3:23(NLT)

‘But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ Matthew 6:15(NLT)

Have you ever met a person who is always negative? You know, the one who never has anything positive to say and they repetitively want to talk about everything that is going wrong in their life? Isn’t that draining? Well, the same is true when it comes to relationships. 

When all you do is bring up everything your partner does wrong, you drain the life out of your relationship. It’s hard to enter the future when all you do is bring up the past. We’ve learned if we want to follow our future then we must unfollow the past.

We love what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV). It says, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” Paul is teaching us that if our relationships are going to be prosperous, we must let go of our partner’s mistakes. For example, when your partner makes a mistake, forgive them and don’t bring it up again. When we do this, we follow in the trend of our Heavenly Father. 

Micah 7:19 teaches us God forgets our sins, throwing them into the depths of the sea. We should strive to do the same. We understand there are different levels of pain a significant other may cause. For instance, if you’ve been cheated on, but still want to work it out, it will be a process. It will take spending much time in God’s presence and possibly even counseling, but strive to move forward. 

Don’t dwell in the past; if you’re choosing to stay in the past, it’s because you want to live there. In relationships, we are meant to grow, but we can’t grow if we are still holding onto our partner’s wrongs. 

Romans 3:23 (ASV) says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” In relationships, mistakes will be made, and accidents will happen; it’s inevitable. It is how we process the mistakes with our partner that often becomes the make or break of the scenario. If you want to be in it for the long haul with your partner, you need to make them feel safe coming to you. 

Your partner shouldn’t feel like they are going to get ridiculed, or that you’re going to “forgive, but never forget.” That’s not Christ, and that’s not you. Let’s be people who encourage and edify our partners’. Let’s bring out the best in them, because love always covers and encourages.

Ponder

Have you been one to hold grudges or to remind your partner of the mistakes they’ve made? Why do you think that is? If you have been known to do this, how will you practice showing your partner grace?

Prayer

Heavenly Father, Your word says if I don’t forgive others, You won’t forgive me. I don’t want to be the type of person who can’t forgive my partner. Help me to remind my partner of everything they do right, rather than wrong, so I can be a voice of love and encouragement in his/her life. In Jesus’ name.

from Fresh Fire For Couples

‘Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.’ 2 Corinthians 4:4(NLT)

‘As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”’ Luke 10:38-42(NLT)

‘Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.’ Proverbs 4:25(NLT)

‘But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.’ Luke 5:16(NLT)

Distractions are everywhere, and they are Satan’s tactic to steal, kill and destroy. Unfortunately, Satan is the god of the world we live in (2 Corinthians 4:4), which is why we need to be extremely careful to make sure he does not become the god of our relationships and marriages. Satan is not creative. He uses the same tactics today that he used many years ago. 

As we read the Bible, we learn Satan distracted Martha with busyness. She was so busy serving that she didn’t have time to listen to Jesus’s teaching, and then got upset that her sister Mary wasn’t distracted and was doing what was important…listening to the teaching of Jesus. Martha was unable to discern what was truly important, and we see this happen often today. 

Satan is killing marriages, but as God’s people, we have power against the enemy and what God has brought together, no one shall separate.

We love what Proverbs 4:25 (MSG) says, “Keep your eyes straight ahead: ignore all sideshow distractions.” In other words, in our everyday lives, we need to learn to keep our relationships in focus by ignoring anything that has the potential to distract us. 

One of the many distractions we face today is social media because you might find yourself spending countless hours connecting with others, while disconnecting from your partner. We’ve become a generation that stays connected to what’s meaningless while disconnecting from what’s meaningful. If you transfer the countless hours you spend on social media into your relationship with your partner and God, we wonder how much deeper and connected you would be. You might be one disconnect away from a major-breakthrough. 

If our Lord and Savior recognized the importance of disconnecting, then we need to do the same. Luke 5:16 (NLT) says, “Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.” One moment Jesus was with people, and in the next He would disconnect for prayer. Jesus knew how to connect and disconnect, which would recharge and refuel Him for His next assignment. As followers of Jesus, we should follow His leading in this. 

We need to learn when to connect and when to disconnect, because the two go hand-in-hand.

Ponder

Take a moment to think what might be disconnecting you from your relationship. Is it busyness with life, friends, or even ministry? Is it your cell phone? Could it be worry? What are some things you can disconnect from to grow a greater connection with your significant other?

Prayer

Heavenly Father, forgive me if I have piled way too much on my plate, or have been distracted with the meaningless. Help me to reorganize my schedule if needed, and help me to grow a deeper sensitivity to Your spirit, so I can be led by You in every area of my life. I thank You that as I disconnect from whatever may be disconnecting me, my relationship with my partner and with You will flourish like never before. In Jesus’ name. 

from Fresh Fire For Couples

‘Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ‘ Romans 12:15(NLT)

‘Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. ‘ Philippians 4:11-13(NLT)

‘And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.’ Philippians 1:6(NLT)

‘Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires.’ Psalms 37:4(NLT)

Comparison is stealing joy from people all over the world. In fact, we live in a society that has made it easy for us to compare one another with the use of the internet and social media. If we aren’t careful we will allow the enemy to make us feel like we’ve fallen behind in life. This is easy for him to do. 

Think about it. One moment you feel great and then while scrolling through social media, you notice your friends just announced they are having a baby, yet you’re struggling to conceive. Or when your co-worker purchases a house and you don’t know where your rent check is going to come from. Or when your friends are living out their dreams, but you don’t see how you’ll ever walk out yours. 

If we aren’t careful, these scenarios have the potential to make one feel like they aren’t good enough, or that they’re behind in life. 

A passage that helps us steer clear from being consumed by comparison is Romans 12:15 (NIV) which states, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.” This passage teaches us how to celebrate others. When you rejoice with others you eradicate the spirit of comparison. This is so necessary because Satan would love to compare God’s plans for your life with His plans for another couple’s life. 

Do you want God’s plans for another couple’s life? Or do you want God’s perfect plan for your life? Just because someone gets what you’ve been hoping for before you, doesn’t mean God doesn’t have that in store for you. It just may not be your time, yet. 

Remember, God is never late. He is never early. He is always right on time. 

In the Bible, we are often inspired by the words written by Paul, while in a prison cell we might add. In Philippians 4:11-13 (NLT) he writes, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

Paul was a free man because he could be content whether he had more, or less than those around him. Can you say the same for yourself? If Paul can speak this way while in prison, then we can speak this same way regardless of our present circumstances; because our contentment isn’t found in what we have. It’s found in who we have, Jesus.

Be encouraged! God will finish the good work He has begun in you and your partner. What is called to you, will find you. God won’t leave you empty-handed. He is our great provider. 

So, the next time someone announces they received what you’ve been hoping for, congratulate them! And take delight in the Lord, because in His perfect timing, He will give you the desires of your heart.

Ponder

Have you struggled with rejoicing with others? Have you ever lost contentment because someone else received what you’d been praying for? In the future, how do you plan on protecting yourself from losing joy over this? How will you celebrate another couple’s blessing while you’re still waiting?

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You for the life You have given me. I am grateful for all I have and do not have. I trust that in Your perfect timing, You will bring forth the desires of my heart. Help me to desire You more than anything and give me the ability to genuinely be happy for others. In Jesus’ name.

from Fresh Fire For Couples

‘At one time all the people of the world spoke the same language and used the same words. As the people migrated to the east, they found a plain in the land of Babylonia and settled there. They began saying to each other, “Let’s make bricks and harden them with fire.” (In this region bricks were used instead of stone, and tar was used for mortar.) Then they said, “Come, let’s build a great city for ourselves with a tower that reaches into the sky. This will make us famous and keep us from being scattered all over the world.” But the Lord came down to look at the city and the tower the people were building. “Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.” In that way, the Lord scattered them all over the world, and they stopped building the city. That is why the city was called Babel, because that is where the Lord confused the people with different languages. In this way he scattered them all over the world.’ Genesis 11:1-9(NLT)

‘God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.’ Matthew 5:9(NLT)

‘But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!’ Galatians 5:22-23(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

Let’s face it, men and women communicate differently. Some would even say we speak different languages. Never have we found this statement to be truer until marriage. 

When men communicate they often communicate with the “give them the meat, throw away the bone mentality.” However, women often want the meat, the bone, the fat, the seasoning, the marinade, the cooking temperature, and the cook time type of conversations. 

Problems will arise in relationships / marriages if we don’t learn to communicate on a level that our significant other best receives from. Ladies, this means at times we must be okay with giving our men the short version of the story. 

Men, if your lady wants all the details, then we must be okay with giving her all the details. The struggle with communication is communication requires patience. We all come from different backgrounds and were all raised differently. Which is why we can’t assume the way we communicate is the same way our partner will communicate. 

Therefore, we need to learn to build the bridge to communication, so our communication can be unified. Have you ever asked your partner, “What’s the best way to communicate with you?” Some people shut down when the tone of one’s voice becomes too loud. Some need you to be extremely choosey with your words, while others need you to be direct with them. You’ll only understand the level of communication your partner best receives from through communicating with them. 

In Genesis chapter 11 when everyone had the same language, they could build effectively. However, the moment God confused their language, they could no longer build. We know this passage refers to God confusing their language because they wanted to build their name rather that His. This isn’t something we condone, however, there is wisdom to reap from this passage. 

When you’re in unison with your speech, there isn’t a goal you cannot reach. Most goals lay by the wayside because of misplaced communication.

While counseling couples, we’ve found communication is one of the biggest struggles many couples face. There is no better place to turn for help with this struggle than the Bible. There are a few scriptures that have helped us and many others learn to communicate effectively, especially in times of dispute. They are Matthew 5:9, Galatians 5:22-23, and James 1:19.

Ponder

Read through the scriptures we have listed above and ask yourself, “Have I been communicating with my spouse according to these scriptures?” If not, why and how can you fix that the next time a disagreement arises? 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, I don’t know it all, but You do. I pray for the wisdom to communicate effectively with my partner. Let my words be grace-filled, edifying, and inspiring so we can glorify Your name and build our God-given dreams. In Jesus name.

from Fresh Fire For Couples

‘When Jesus had finished telling these stories and illustrations, he left that part of the country. He returned to Nazareth, his hometown. When he taught there in the synagogue, everyone was amazed and said, “Where does he get this wisdom and the power to do miracles?” Then they scoffed, “He’s just the carpenter’s son, and we know Mary, his mother, and his brothers—James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas. All his sisters live right here among us. Where did he learn all these things?” And they were deeply offended and refused to believe in him. Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.” And so he did only a few miracles there because of their unbelief.’ Matthew 13:53-58(NLT)

We are very routine couple. Richard wakes up every day at 5am to grab a coffee and to seek the Lord. I (Brittni) on the other hand am routine when it comes to health and fitness. I work out 5-6 days a week and eat the same types of foods meal after meal. The other day my husband came along to the grocery store with me, and I felt horrible when he asked, “Do we have to have salad for dinner AGAIN?” I thought, “Wow, I am boring my husband with the types of food that I love.” This conversation opened my eyes. I realized that to keep my husband satisfied in our marriage and keep him from growing bored (which in this case he already had), I must break the routine. 

Repetitive dinners are an easy fix, but the real caution lies when our love life becomes routine. What once may have won your partner’s attention doesn’t ensure that it will forever keep their attention. Therefore, we must learn to break the routine. 

When you break the routine, you break away from familiarity. If there’s one thing that will destroy a relationship-it’s familiarity. 

The Bible teaches us in Matthew 13:58 (NLT) “And so he did only a few miracles there because of their unbelief.” Jesus couldn’t do many miracles in his hometown because the people grew familiar with him. Their familiarity hindered Jesus from doing miracles because they grew comfortable with him. 

Could the reason why your love life might need a miracle is because things have become too familiar? 

Here’s what familiarity does: It causes you to value others more than you value your partner. 

Familiarity will cause you to find excitement in things over your relationship. Familiarity will also cause you to grow comfortable with each other. Comfort is the enemy of growth. If you aren’t growing, then your relationship is slowly dying and that’s why we need to break the routine. 

I bet you’re asking yourself, “What does that look like for me?” Switch things up. Instead of going out to eat you could cook your partner their favorite meal. Instead of watching an action movie you could switch it up and watch a romantic flick. 

Ladies, if you’re married, we would suggest you get dolled up for your husband and show him just how much you love him (wink wink). What man wouldn’t love that? 

Our point is, do something out of the ordinary. You can’t sow the same seed and expect a different harvest. If you want a fresh fire, stir up the fire and break the routine. 

Ponder

Have you become routine in your relationship? If so, what could you do differently to stir up the fire? 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, help me not to grow familiar with my partner. I acknowledge my partner is a gift from you and I don’t want to grow comfortable in my relationship / marriage. Give me wisdom to break the routine in my relationship / marriage. In Jesus name.

from Fresh Fire For Couples

‘“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:31-33(NLT)

 One day, we asked a friend of ours who was struggling in marriage, “When do you read the Bible?” She responded, “I read it at the end of the day, before bed, because it gives me peace and puts my mind at rest.” What we found interesting about our friend’s logic was even though she was going through trials, she put God at the end of her day as opposed to the beginning of her day. 

Imagine if she would have put God before her battles and not at the end of them. If she had only put God at the beginning of her day, He would have given her the wisdom, joy and peace she needed to combat her battles. 

Instead, she faced her battles each day without a word from God. 

Can we remind you all it takes is one word from God to change the trajectory of your relationship? One thing we understand is that if we aren’t spiritually fed, we will be emotionally led. When we’re emotionally led, we can’t make wise decisions. Therefore, we can’t afford to make God optional, He must be a priority in our lives.

God has always taken first place in our relationship and now in our marriage. When we were dating, we each sought God first, and then we would schedule a phone call before work to talk about how God spoke to us that morning. This unfading trend has transferred into marriage with us. 

We now seek God one-on-one followed by a discussion over breakfast. 

We understand our marriage is destined to succeed when God is the foundation we build on. Often, when we counsel other couples, they express that they don’t have time to seek God. They insist their schedules are too busy. 

Here’s what we’ve learned, you’ll always make time for what you value. If you value it, you’ll make room for it and if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

Matthew 6:33 (NJKV) says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Notice this scripture says to first seek God’s kingdom and your necessities will be added to your life. What does your marriage / relationship need? Are you in need of peace? Are you in need of provision? Are you in need of fresh fire? Because as you first seek God, He will not leave you empty-handed. He is our provider and is willing to provide for your every need. It is God’s desire to see your marriage prosper. 

He wants to see you win in life, but to receive what He has for you, you must be willing to seek Him.

Ponder

Have you made time for God daily? If not, what is your struggle in doing so and how can you make the time to have daily appointments with God? 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, forgive me if I haven’t always been intentional about seeking you. From this day forward, I will make the time for you. I pray that as I seek you, you will fill me with wisdom and revelation that will greatly bless me, my relationship / marriage, and others. In Jesus name.

from Fresh Fire For Couples