Tag: Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. ‘ John 14:6(NLT)

I will be with you always… -John 14:6

Ten years ago a young wife and mom of two very small children made a crucial decision.

Her husband had just begun his intense four-year residency program in a new city. She unpacked all the boxes in their new home, wandered around town looking for the nearest grocery store, researched local pediatricians, and prayed to make a few friends.  He was focused on learning a new routine with doctors and fellow residents.

It was the perfect setup for marriage trouble. Medical residency brings grueling hours and separateness that many marriages do not survive.

This wife was determined, though, that she and her husband would not be all-too-common casualties. She devised a marriage keeping plan.

Presence was her first line of defense.

As many nights as possible, she made dinner. Packed it in a box. Changed two little boys’ diapers. Loaded the car.  Drove to the hospital. Hauled in food balanced precariously atop a double stroller, diaper bag and purse dangling from each shoulder.

Why would she go to all that trouble?

The easier decision would have been to stay home. But those on-call nights when he couldn’t get home, she took home to him.

She wanted her husband to get time with their kids. She wanted her boys to be with their dad. She wanted her husband— and everyone else in that hospital—to know that her man had a wife who cared enough to be present in his world.

Our modern world is so focused on the moment, on individual needs that living for the future, serving each other, and sacrificing for marriage is almost a foreign language.

Didn’t we promise on our wedding day to stay together?

Did your promise sound anything like, “I will be with you forever”? Jesus spoke these words to His disciples before He left for heaven. Jesus’ promise is repeated in the Bible at least 40 times to make sure we get the point: presence matters. Jesus promises His presence to us forever.

You spoke these words the day you solemnly said, “Till death do us part.” Your presence matters in your marriage too, just as much as it did for this young couple.

Your presence is an invaluable gift. Like my daughter (the young wife who took dinner to her husband) I pray you too will be present—in your marriage, with your children, in your home.

May you give yourself generously and sacrificially, knowing your future happiness and your family’s is at stake.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? ‘ John 14:2(NLT)

In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.  -John 14:2

At creation, “the Lord God planted a garden toward the east in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed” (Genesis 2:8). Of all the geographic options on the globe, God chose one spot as home for Adam and Eve.  We know that Eden was a specified place with borders because after Adam and Eve sinned, God drove them out and stationed cherubim on guard so they couldn’t return.

Home as a place was also a significant theme in Jesus’ last words to His disciples before He went to the cross. He talked to them about His departure and described their future home: “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2).

As intended, these words of Jesus impart great hope and comfort. Think about God having a house and inviting you to live there with Him! I feel loved and cared for at the sound of a place just for me. Do you too?

Having a place to come home to, a place to belong, gives value to your life and to your children’s. It doesn’t matter how big or small, how fancy or plain: a tiny apartment in New York, a hutong in China, a tin shack in Africa, or an upper middle class ‘mansion.’ What matters is that you and your children have a home and each other.

When we understand the unseen value of home, we worry less about how clean or up to date our place of residence is. And focus more on home as the nucleus of meaning and stability for all who dwell within.

Our experience of home and place today is a preparation for a better home in the future. Our earthly comfort of home defines the concept of a future home awaiting us in heaven.

Be encouraged. Your home, even with its many imperfections, is still a crucially important place.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:6(NLT)

What God has joined together let no man separate… -Matthew 19:6

When parents divorce, the kids will not get over it. The holidays will not get easier. Life will not be more peaceful. Divorce matters.

But let’s be honest, marriage is HARD. We cannot pretend that there aren’t a multitude of complexities that creep in to complicate the marriage relationship.

We aren’t saying it’s easy. We aren’t even saying that we’ve never wanted to quit.

God says, “I hate divorce.” And on top of that divorce doesn’t solve any of your problems. Divorce raises a multitude of practical issues.

Financial Cost

In the year following a divorce, the woman’s standard of living falls, on average, by 73 percent.

A recently divorced woman recounted, “I had to find a place I could afford to rent that me and three children can live in that feels safe as a single mother. I need to start learning how to pay bills and to live on budget. I need to stop this, stop that, cut back here, give this up.”

Emotional Cost

There’s the trauma of losing the relationship. Then sell your home, where one of your children was born, where you felt safe for five years.

Compound that with all of your friends moving furniture out of your home, looking around, going what happened? There’s a social embarrassment involved, even in a culture that accepts divorce. 

Physical Cost

It’s like a car wreck that wreaks havoc on your body. Decades later your back goes out, your knees creak “from an old car wreck.”

Same with divorce: you never fully outgrow its effects.

One woman shared, “After finally not being able to sleep more than two hours at a time, I called the doctor and said, ‘I’ve got to have some help. I can’t do this.’ I was dying inside, outside, physically, emotionally, mentally.”

Divorce feels like death because it is death— of a marriage, of a family, of a legacy.

Cost on Children

What increases the likelihood of a child living in poverty, dropping out of school, and becoming a juvenile delinquent?

What increases the probability of a child abusing alcohol, taking drugs, becoming sexually promiscuous, and committing suicide?

What creates fear, insecurity, and a higher likelihood that a child’s marriage will not last a lifetime?

It’s divorce, divorce, divorce, and divorce.

Somebody has to tell the truth: divorce matters.

Keeping your vows will take work. Keeping your vows will take time. Keeping your vows will not be easy. But keeping your vows will certainly be worth it. 

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘The Lord has given them special skills as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple, and scarlet thread on fine linen cloth, and weavers. They excel as craftsmen and as designers.’ Exodus 35:35(NLT)

And He has filled them with skill to do every sort of work done…by any sort of workman or skilled designer. – Exodus 35:35

It’s great fun to cooperate with God in creating.

George Washington Carver invented many things from the peanut. He talked to God constantly in his laboratory. “Lord God, you made the peanut. You know every molecule. You know all that can be done with this little nut. Give me your ideas and help me make many uses from it.”

Imagination is the well-spring of creativity. It is a gift given to every person as part of our “made in God’s image” genetics.  But we need to foster this trait in our families.

Here are 5 ways to nurture creativity in your home:

1. Model creativity. It’s not just for your kids, so experiment with new foods, take a pottery class, plant a garden. It will be easier for you to encourage your kids if you are experiencing the joy of creativity. Ask God to give you new ideas because every thought comes from Him!
2. Be okay with the mess that creativity makes. The constant disaster in my house was worth it. My kids wrote books, made gifts, cooked, baked, built forts, acted as ballerinas, thespians, and superheroes charging a quarter for admission to pretend performances. I had to coach myself that there was something more important than tidy. There are decades ahead for you to live without sticky or play-doh encrusted floors. Give thanks for this season of your life.
3. Remember that imagination is a God-given gift. Your encouragement is crucial for creativity to grow in your children, rather than become dulled. Give thanks for their gift to keep perspective.
4. Make your home inspiring. Hang posters of God’s creation, play music, and have supplies on hand for experiments.God put His first children in an inspiring, wonder-filled environment, so we can follow His model. The more you can expose your children to lofty sights and sounds, the more their creativity will flourish.
5. Limit media. It is a creativity killer. Kids need to experience God is His world—climb trees, make forts, dig in the mud, and collect bugs and flowers in jars.

May you have an imaginative, creative family so that our artistic Creator is put on display in your home.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.” For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” And he added, “These are true words that come from God.”’ Revelation 19:7-9(NLT)

The marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife [the body of Christ] hath made herself ready… -Revelation 19:7-9

Did you know the story of the Bible begins and ends with a marriage? Marriage matters to God.

Our marriages are all about a wedding and an eternal marriage yet to be that will overshadow the most glamorous wedding you’ve ever seen. But there are some similarities of earthly weddings and the heavenly wedding ceremony to come:

• “Will you marry me and spend your life with me?” mirrors Jesus’ offer of eternal life with Him.
• An engagement ring reflects the price Jesus paid for us by His sacrifice on the cross.
• The waiting time between the engagement and the wedding resembles our waiting for Jesus’ promised return.
• A glittering white gown represents the “fine linen, bright and pure,” which will clothe the saints, the bride, on the day Jesus returns.

Our husband-wife relationship continues to show the unseen relationship between God and His Son, Jesus, and also show the relationship of Jesus to His bride, all believers.

• A husband who sacrificially serves his wife shows what our Savior’s love is like.
• A wife who helps her husband demonstrates the work of the Holy Spirit.
• A wife’s willingness to follow her husband’s lead mirrors the sheep Jesus called to follow Him.
• A husband’s desire to understand his wife is like the gentle Spirit of God who is our counselor and friend.

Your home’s stability and health depend on this God-created design working as He intended. Of course, we will make a multitude of mistakes. God doesn’t expect perfection. He has given us His Spirit to guide us, strengthen us, and help us do what we are totally unable to do on our own.

Knowing my marriage is a picture of an eternal one makes how I celebrate my anniversaries very important. Yours too. Because of this eternal love story and God’s relentless pursuit of our hearts, our marriages point to Him and the imminent marriage of the Lamb!

So make celebrating your anniversary an important occasion this year and for a lifetime to come. Each anniversary is worth the time, energy, and effort to say: our marriage will last as our promises said, “Till death do us part.” Promises kept today point us to His promises that will never change.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)

Watch today’s clip as Nancy Horton shares her renewed commitment to her husband.  

This passage in 1 Corinthians is often read at weddings because regardless of the couple’s religious commitment, their goals for love can be found in the 15 concepts listed in these four verses.

• Patience

• Kindness

• No envy of the other

• No selfish boasting

• No selfish pride

• No dishonor of the other

• No self-seeking

• Not easily angered

• No record of wrongs kept toward the other

• No evil

• Committed to truth

• Always being protective

• Always trusting

• Always hoping

• Always persevering

The stark reality is these qualities cannot be attained without the life of Christ being manifested in the marriage. One of the ways we can know this truth is to replace the word “love” with the name of “Jesus” in this passage and, suddenly, it all makes sense. Because God is love and as verse 8 begins: “Love never fails,” because He never fails. 

The context of a marriage relationship that will both experience and display these 15 qualities can only be in and through both spouses having a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Let’s close out this study by looking at three ways Christ’s brand of love can help us to see, think, and live differently than our culture to have extraordinary marriages.

• Christ’s love gives us a different place to look.

The hope of a future in Heaven encourages us to keep looking forward and fix our eyes on Jesus, not on this world. For the Christian, the best really is yet to come.

• Christ’s love gives us a different way to think.

Focusing on eternity creates a positive, optimistic, “glass half-full” mindset. The person with an attitude of hope will not only be a healthier person, but also draw others to Christ by their very being.

• Christ’s love gives us a different life to live.

We all desperately want to enjoy life. We want to feel contentment and live in the hope of a good day and a brighter tomorrow. New life in Christ is not only a different way to live, but also the best way to live. 

Review today’s list of qualities from 1 Corinthians 13. Zero in just one that you struggle with and ask God to help His love overcome you in that area.

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:6-9(NLT)

In this passage, Jesus was connecting Moses’ words as to how God created male and female to be distinct creations to the “one flesh” concept for how God views the marital commitment. Christ connected this picture of a man and a woman committing fully to one another before the Father.

A great example of how we convey this concept today is in our social communication. Here’s an example: “We’re going to dinner tonight with Bob-n-Nancy.” We do not separate the male and female out distinctly any longer, but often voice their names as if it is one phrase.

To give you a proper analogy of this one flesh idea, consider a roll of duct tape. Imagine tearing off two pieces that are each six inches long. Separate, these two pieces of tape are very sticky. They are two individual components ready to bond. If you take those two pieces and carefully connect those sticky sides together, matching up corner to corner all the way around both pieces, you will quickly and effectively no longer have two pieces of tape, but one single unit. Why? Because the two have now bonded as according to their purpose. This is a simple picture of “the two will become one flesh.”

Watch today’s clip displaying the challenges couples face and how different goals can work to try and separate the one flesh union. 

Now, back to our duct tape analogy. An interesting fact about two pieces of this tape is that once they are stuck together, you can never separate them again without destroying both pieces. In fact, once they are joined together no one, regardless of strength or dexterity, can effectively separate the two. It is impossible. This is such a great representation of the same impossibility of “what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

The union between a man and woman in marriage is sacred. From Genesis to Revelation, we find no other option or substitution offered, suggested, or given other than this one flesh union for marriage.

What is one way you could make your own one flesh union more “sticky” today to bond deeper with your spouse?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:1-2(NLT)

The first action Paul encourages us to take is to respond to what God has done for us by offering ourselves as living sacrifices to Him. But for a sacrifice to be given, yet still remain alive, it must be in a continual state of dying while also living. This is also a very healthy commitment for a spouse to make in marriage because one can then continually practice putting God first and the marriage second before self.

The second action is experienced when sacrifice begins to produce personal holiness. This spiritual growth will then result in a greater opportunity for an extraordinary marriage. When a couple committed to Christ grows together in holiness, amazing worship is produced in and through their relationship, thereby glorifying God.

The third step is transformation through Christ from the mind being renewed. A couple who centers their marriage on the truth of God’s Word will both transform to the image of Christ as well as experience renewal in who they are, both individually and corporately.

The final outcome for the believer is testing and approving God’s will through the transformed life. A marriage that regularly experiences daily sacrifice, growth in holiness, true worship, transformation through Christ, and constant renewal through the Word will indeed be extraordinary.

Now, let’s consider these biblical concepts as we look at the difference between happiness and holiness. For many years, the word “happy” has been used to describe a successful marriage. But you also hear many people use that same word for the disintegration of their relationship in describing how they are no longer “happy.” The problem with “happy” is it is conditional and variable, dependent upon external circumstances and internal moods. So we must ask the question: Is God’s intention for marriage simply to make us happy?

Holiness is far more likely to be the goal God has for us. When we seek to be “holy and pleasing to God” then we focus on Him and our spouse, therefore we can better weather our varying conditions and selfish preferences.

Watch today’s clip depicting the common struggles so many marriages deal with today in balancing happiness and holiness. 

Is there an area in your marriage where you are focusing more on your personal happiness than on passionate holiness? How can you surrender to allow Christ to transform your heart and renew your mind today?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”’ Matthew 7:24-27(NLT)

A congregation was constructing a new church building at another location in the city. The pastor decided to go out and visit the job site for the first time. As he walked up and put on his hardhat, he saw three bricklayers working alone on three different walls. 

The pastor went to the first bricklayer and asked, “What are you doing today, sir?” The man answered in a frustrated tone, “I’m setting this brick.” He then went to the second bricklayer and asked, “What are you doing today, sir?” The man answered, “I’m trying to get this wall built.” He then walked to the third and final bricklayer and asked, ‘What are you doing today, sir?” The man smiled and answered, “I’m building a great cathedral!” 

You could walk up to three different husbands or wives today to separately ask them about their marriages and quite possibly get very similar answers as the bricklayers gave. Some will just be co-existing, trying to merely survive another day. Others seem happy and satisfied at simply doing life together. But then there will be a precious few that realize they are building something beautiful and extraordinary as a couple. Something they could never build alone. And something they could never build without God being right in the midst of their relationship.

Watch today’s clip of David Horton explaining how He knows that God is the foundation of his family life to his new Russian friend. 

So many marriages today have built their relational foundations on sinking sand, not on the stability and firm foundation that Christ offers to any couple that will surrender their lives to Him. That is exactly why when the storms of life threaten, their “house” crashes down around them. 

But then there are the extraordinary marriages that choose together to build on Christ, making Him the Rock that keeps their “house” safe and secure. Not that these couples don’t have problems — they most certainly will as all marriages experience — but they have simply decided where they will go together and on Whom they will depend.

Where is there too much “sand” in your marriage today? How can you exchange that area for the solid rock of Jesus Christ?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)

In this passage, the apostle Paul paints a beautiful word picture of the delicate balance of mutual submission in marriage. Our twenty-first century culture has skewed this biblical concept to seem archaic, if not downright offensive, and the health of our marriages in this nation reflect this attitude.

Watch today’s clip, showing the mutual give and take, servant-hearted relationship that David and Nancy Horton came to re-discover. 

Consider this analogy for Paul’s mutual submission in biblical marriage:

Picture a large, darkened ballroom dance floor. The spotlight focuses on a couple strolling out to the center. He is in his tux and she in a beautiful, flowing gown. They look amazing. They clasp hands, embrace, and begin the dance. They move all around the floor with style and grace, giving the appearance of floating. They hover about effortlessly, both smiling and enjoying the experience. They are having fun, proud of what they have accomplished and what they are experiencing.

Now, at any point, does anyone watching this couple ask: “So, who’s leading?” No. In ballroom dancing, everyone knows the man leads and the woman is following. 

Now, if the man decides he is tired of leading and stops, or if the woman decides she is sick of following him, what happens? You got it. The dance is not so pretty anymore. Suddenly, those watching begin to concern themselves with the issue of whose at fault and what has gone wrong.

But when a couple is great at this style of dancing, you can’t tell who is leading. Why? Because if both take their respective roles while dancing, you are so mesmerized by the corporate and cooperative effort of the two moving about as one that you aren’t concerned or distracted by the question of who is leading or following. It doesn’t matter to anyone, because what is on display is simply beautiful to watch and enjoy. In fact, it is extraordinary! That’s what the heart of Ephesians 5 is all about in regards to marriage.

What is one practical step you can take today to allow Christ to lead your life? If you are married, how can you better submit to Christ in your role with your spouse?

from Experiencing An Extraordinary Marriage