Tag: Dos And Don'ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

‘Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.’ Philippians 2:12-13(NLT)

‘Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.’ Ephesians 3:20-21(NLT)

As we seek to restore and build our relationship with our spouse, ultimately we must first build our relationship with the Lord. We must remember that He is God and only He transforms hearts. He is the only one who can ultimately transform our heart or our spouse’s heart. We must keep in step with Him, walk with Him and listen; carefully obey His Word and ask Him to teach us how to love Him and love our spouse. 

That is the goal of this plan. And it is not something you can accomplish by sheer force of will in your own strength. You must be careful not to be results oriented. Keep your eyes and your heart fixed on God and leave all of the results up to Him to accomplish in His own way and in His own time. He is sovereign and in complete control of every moment of every day. Trust Him. He knows what He is doing. Do you believe that God is all you need? Do you believe that He is the only one that can transform your marriage?

Give yourself and your marriage to the Lord. Walk forward by faith believing that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in you. Say no to your sin and turn toward Christ. Step forward in obedience entrusting it all to Him. Daily, intentionally, deliberately, obediently, sacrificially, faithfully, and humbly DO the dos and DON’T do the don’ts. 

DO:

1. Turn your eyes to Jesus. 

2. Thank the Lord and praise Him.

3.  Take ten to twenty minutes with the Lord in His Word.

4. Take every thought captive.

5.  Treat your spouse as more important than yourself. 

DON’T:

1. Do not correct your spouse. 

2. Do not complain to them, around them, or about them.

3. Do not make comments. 

4. Do not control. 

5. Do not criticize.  

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:29-32(NLT)

‘When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.’ Galatians 5:19-26(NLT)

‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.’ Psalms 139:23-24(NLT)

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. ‘ James 1:19-20(NLT)

Today let’s unpack the don’ts.

1. Do not correct your spouse. Do not discount, discredit, or devalue what they say. No matter how wrong you think they are. Don’t backseat drive, nag, or pick, pick, pick. When they are telling a story, don’t interrupt them to make sure they get the details right. If they say it was seven years ago, and you know it was only five, let it go. Let these little things go as you work toward the big goal of love and mercy and grace.

2. Do not complain to them, around them, or about them. A discontented spirit is a complaining spirit. A prideful spirit is a complaining spirit. Don’t complain. Period. 

3. Do not make comments. Little comments. In-passing comments. Sarcastic comments. Guilt and shaming comments. Make-you-feel-really-bad comments. Under your breath comments. “Just sayin'” comments to “subtly” get your point across, blow off some steam, or indirectly vent your frustration. Don’t make comments with your body language either. It’s amazing how one can make a comment without even saying a word. Eye rolling, shoulder shrugging, a heavy sigh. What are your comments? Make a list.

4. Do not control. Do not try to make your point, get your way, make something happen, or do whatever you can to stop something from happening.* Think about any of the things that you try to do in order to make your point or get your way. Things like putting up a wall. Being unapproachable, indisposed, or distant. Using the silent treatment. Hiding or sulking in the other room. Stomping. Slamming doors. Banging plates. You get the general idea.

5. Do not criticize.  Do not put your spouse down with accusations.  “You are never satisfied”; “You always find something to be upset about”; and “No one likes you because you are so negative.” Do you have a sharp or negative tone? You may think you aren’t being critical, but it could be the way you are communicating your point. Speak with gentleness. 

At the root of many of these bad habits what we are seeking to combat is pride. Pride is subtle but very destructive and divisive. It is the arch enemy of love. We all struggle with it to one extent or another. It is a universal sin. So being aware of the danger of pride in your own heart, daily be QUICK to hear and SLOW to speak.

Close in prayer asking the Lord to help you hear what you are communicating to your spouse with your words and deeds. Ask the Lord to help you grow in love.

*We encourage those in abusive situations to seek help to stop the abuse.

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.’ Philippians 2:1-11(NLT)

‘A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.’ Ephesians 6:10-18(NLT)

Today we will finish unpacking the rest of the dos.

4. Take every thought captive. Watch over your heart and mind. Don’t let it run wild. Be careful to think on truth and things that are holy and right.

The enemy, Satan, would want nothing more than to lie and distort and make matters worse. Remember, that you and your spouse are on the same side. Your fight is not against them. Our warfare is not against flesh and blood, but against the evil principalities and powers in the spiritual realm. So make sure that you are listening to Christ and His word rather than to the devil and his lies.

Identify where you are most prone to be discouraged, deceived, or detoured. Ask the Lord to help you choose Scriptures that would specifically help you stand firm and not give in to wrong thinking. Be sure to lovingly speak truth to yourself so that you will not be led by the enemy down a dark alley of lies.

5. Treat your spouse as more important than yourself. Serve your mate each day. Honor your spouse. Consider them first. 

Prayerfully read through Philippians 2. Consider what it means for you to put your spouse before yourself. What would it look like for you to humble yourself as Jesus did? Be a servant of the Lord and a servant to your spouse. 

Maybe you are concerned about all of the things that you have to get done during the day, and you wonder how you would be able to add something else. But serving your spouse in love doesn’t have to mean adding a long list of to-dos to your day. It can be as simple as being thoughtful and considerate and kind in each and every interaction. A little kindness goes a long way.

Close today in prayer.

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

‘O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory.’ Psalms 63:1-2(NLT)

‘It is good to give thanks to the Lord , to sing praises to the Most High. It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening,’ Psalms 92:1-2(NLT)

‘“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. ‘ John 14:1(NLT)

Just knowing the word is not living the word. We want to be doers of the word. So today let’s look at how to DO some of the dos. 

1. Turn your eyes to Jesus and off of yourself, and off of your spouse. Fix the eyes of your heart and your mind upon the Lord and keep them there. 

We want to look to Jesus and fix our eyes upon Him and set all of our hope on Him. We want to put our faith in Him and in His power to accomplish His work in our heart and in our marriage. Going forward each day, look to Christ and Christ alone. 

2. Thank the Lord and praise Him throughout each day. Thank the Lord and praise Him in the morning when you get out of bed, at noon, and again at night before you go to bed. 

Set the alarm in your phone to remind you several times each day to stop for a minute and thank and praise the Lord. Choose a worship song for each alarm. This might take time to set up but it is an intentional way to turn from focusing on your way of thinking to meditating on praiseworthy things. Thank the Lord that you are not alone even though you may feel alone. Affirm that He is in control rather than you or your spouse.

Practice praying for your spouse specifically and lovingly. Trust in God to help you and to help your mate.

3. Take ten to twenty minutes with the Lord in His Word. Plan strategically to spend at least ten to twenty minutes a day reading and praying through the Scriptures listed in this plan.

Set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier in the morning to spend extra time in the word. 

Make a list of the Scriptures in this plan and read through them over and over for the next several weeks. Pray through them and contemplate the truths in them.

Choose one scripture each day to text to yourself and read it throughout the day.

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

‘Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.’ Psalms 73:23-26(NLT)

‘I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!
Pressing toward the Goal
I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.’ Philippians 3:7-14(NLT)

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.’ Colossians 3:1-4(NLT)

As we begin to walk this out we must make sure that our focus and our foundation is in Christ. He must be your one and only, your sole priority. So let me ask, where is your focus? What fights for your attention or your heart’s affection? Is it work? Your marriage? Your children? Your social life? Your failure? Food? Alcohol? Self? What is it?

The bottom line is this. The Lord wants you, and He wants all of you. He wants all of you all of the time.  So confess to Him each thing that fights to take His place in your heart. Ask Him to help you by grace to set your mind on Him and on things above. Ask Him to help you turn away from all that you want to control and anything that you treasure or desire above Him and turn towards Him instead. Delight yourself in the Lord. Repent from delighting in anything more than you delight in Him.

Confess your dependence on the comforts and pleasures of this world, the security of wealth, the affections of your spouse, the companionship of your children and friends, and the value of success to bring you peace, joy, and satisfaction. Confess treasuring other things and other people above Christ. Consider it all nothing, absolutely nothing, in light of knowing Christ and His presence and His power and His resurrection. 

Then going forward each day, taking one day at a time, look to Christ and Christ alone. Look to Jesus and fix your eyes on Him. Set all of your hope on Him. Put your faith in His power to accomplish His work in your heart and in your marriage. 

Praise Him for He alone is God with the Father and with the Spirit and He is worthy of all of our worship and all of our praise. He rules and reigns both in heaven and upon earth. Nothing and no one can prevent Him from doing His will. And nothing can separate us from His love.

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

‘Take control of what I say, O Lord , and guard my lips.’ Psalms 141:3(NLT)

‘Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. ‘ Philippians 4:2(NLT)

‘Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.’ Proverbs 4:23(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
All Christians
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil.”
Suffering for Doing Good
Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong! Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.’ 1 Peter 3:1-18 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/1PE.3.1-18

Today we are going to look at the list of the don’ts and pray through them. We will unpack each one later in the week, but today we will just read through the 5 Daily Don’ts and pray.

The 5 DAILY DON’TS

1. Do not correct your spouse. Do not discount, discredit, or devalue what they say. No matter how much you feel that they are wrong. 

2. Do not complain to them, around them, or about them.

3. Do not make comments. Little comments. In-passing comments. Sarcastic comments. “Just sayin'” comments. 

4. Do not control. Do not try to make your point, get what you want, get your way, or make something happen.

5. Do not criticize.  Do not put them down with accusations. You know the ones: “You are never satisfied”; “You always find something to be upset about”; and “No one likes you because you are so negative.” 

You are going to have to watch yourself very carefully in order to avoid these 5 Don’ts. You may not even be aware of all of the things you do and say. So be watchful over your heart, take every thought captive, and carefully consider each action. We encourage you to pray the suggested prayer below as you close today. 

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your mercy and grace upon me. I praise You for You are God Most High, my Maker and Redeemer. I affirm that You are working even now on my behalf. I believe that Your ways are higher than my ways. I ask You now to search my heart and reveal any sinful way in me. Help me confess and repent of my sin as soon as I become aware of it. Thank You for all You have done and all You are doing and all You are going to do. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage

A psalm of David, regarding the time he pretended to be insane in front of Abimelech, who sent him away.
‘I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the Lord ; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord ’s greatness; let us exalt his name together. I prayed to the Lord , and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him! Fear the Lord , you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing. Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord . Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken! Calamity will surely destroy the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be punished. But the Lord will redeem those who serve him. No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.’ Psalms 34:1-22(NLT)

‘We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ‘ 2 Corinthians 10:5(NLT)

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.’ Philippians 4:8-9(NLT)

‘O Lord , you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord . You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.’ Psalms 139:1-8(NLT)

‘Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.’ Psalms 69:30(NLT)

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:3-4(NLT)

‘As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him?’ Psalms 42:1-2(NLT)

‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. ‘ Hebrews 12:1-3(NLT)

Maybe you feel like your marriage in on the rocks. Perhaps you have tried and tried to piece things back together, but you feel like your spouse is unengaged or checked out. The Lord knows you and your situation. You are not alone. He hears the cry of your heart. Before we begin, let’s pray the following suggested prayer.

Abba Father, thank You for Your mercy on sinners like myself. Please have mercy on me. Thank You for Your grace. I praise you, Lord of heaven and earth, Creator and Redeemer, God of love, who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-seeing. I put all of my hope and trust in YOU and Your grace. I affirm that You are working even now on my behalf. I ask You now for Your help and Your grace. Thank You for all You have done and all You are doing and all You are going to do. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Many of us do not like to be told what to do or what not to do, particularly if we don’t understand why, even more so if we don’t think it will make any difference, and definitely if it goes against what we want to do! This may describe your response when you read through the dos and don’ts. But don’t let negative thoughts or feelings deter you. There is great blessing available in these daily habits.

Today we are going to look at the list of dos and pray through them. Later in the week we will unpack each one to see what it looks like practically.

The 5 DAILY DOS

1. Turn your eyes to Jesus and off of yourself, and off of your spouse. Fix the eyes of your heart and your mind upon the Lord and keep them there. 

2. Thank the Lord and praise Him throughout each day. Make it a point to thank the Lord and praise Him in the morning when you get out of bed, at noon, and again at night before you go to bed. 

3.  Take ten to twenty minutes with the Lord. Plan strategically to spend at least ten to twenty minutes with the Lord each day reading and praying through the Scriptures listed in this plan.

4. Take every thought captive. Watch over your heart and mind. Don’t let it run wild. Be careful to think on truth and things that are holy and right. 

5. Treat your spouse as more important than yourself. Serve your mate each day. Honor your spouse. Consider them first. 

from Dos And Don’ts: A One-Week Plan To Help Your Marriage