Tag: Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:3-4(NLT)

‘For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.’ James 3:16(NLT)

‘For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”’ Matthew 20:28(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Let’s talk about what an awesome marriage is not! An awesome marriage is not built on selfishness, and that may be the toughest obstacle any of us have to overcome. Selfishness can be one of the biggest and most damaging distractions to a marriage.

What is selfishness? To me, it is when I put my wants, my desires, and my needs above Nancy’s. It is when I want her world to revolve around mine. And although this is really hard for me to admit, there are times I think it should. That is just crazy thinking on my part. A marriage can never be built on selfishness.

Sometimes I can think that I have been a pretty good husband and it is her turn to serve me. I can build a pretty good case in my mind about this. The problem is that a healthy marriage does not work that way. A healthy marriage is not one person getting their way at the expense of the other. A healthy marriage is two people who each day purposely seek to serve each other. And amazingly enough, when both the husband and the wife do that, they each end up getting their needs met.

Bottom line: Serving works; selfishness does not. Serve your spouse each and every day. That is an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Ask God’s help in putting Him first and your spouse second today. Consistently making that your top priority will take care of your selfishness!

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that an awesome marriage is not built on selfishness. In what ways has selfishness crept up in your marriage?

2. Dr. Kim shares that a healthy marriage is not one person getting their way at the expense of the other but rather that a healthy marriage is two people who purposely seek to serve the other. What can you do this week to serve your spouse?

3. Selfishness creeps up when we are not careful. What can you do to be intentional about remaining selfless in your marriage?

4. Pray and ask God to help you serve your spouse and to not let selfishness creep in.

Resource: 

Use mundane moments for Godly purpose in your marriage with our House Prayer Cards.

Prayer is the single BEST thing you can for your marriage. God is the one who can ultimately change your hearts and your marriage for the better, so inviting him in to do those things is the single best thing you can do for your marriage.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Comedians worldwide seem to get much of their material from in-laws. We stereotype mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law. We can paint pretty negative pictures of them. But I truly believe most parents want the best for their son or daughter and the marriage. But are there times when a couple needs to set boundaries with their in-laws? Yes.

In young couples, this is what I often see. Parents do not see the young couple’s marriage as a separate entity. They seem to want to immerse the new marriage in the family circle. A daughter-in-law or son-in-law can feel like they have lost their own identity within the world of the in-laws.

In some situations, this can be a fine line. But ultimately, every married couple needs to have their own identity separate from their families of origin. If they do not, it can stifle the marriage, and the marriage never gets a chance to grow and develop into all it can be. In this way, in-laws can be a distraction to a marriage.

So if you are the in-law, give the couple the space they need to grow their marriage into everything God would have it be. If you are the couple, together set clear boundaries that allow your marriage to prosper and grow.

Today’s Challenge: What do you think God is leading you to do after reading today’s devotional?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr.Kim shares that every couple needs to have their own identity separate from their family origin. What boundaries do you need to set in place with your in-laws to make sure that you as a couple have your own identity?

2. List 2 ways you can be intentional about having your own identity as a couple apart from your families?

3. Have you ever had a conversation with your in-laws about boundaries? Do you need to?

4. Pray and ask God to protect your marriage from distractions.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

‘But if you refuse to serve the Lord , then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord .”’ Joshua 24:15(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Ephesians 5:21(NLT)

Devotional Content:

My wife Nancy and I grew up in very different homes. I liked the way my parents did things. They were not perfect, but overall they had a great marriage and provided us with a great home. My parents passed down to me the “textbook” for how a mother and a father, a woman and a man, and a wife and a husband are to relate.

The same was true for Nancy. She had a “textbook” from her home. Hers was very different from mine. Our problems came when she took a page from her textbook that was not in mine and I took a page from my textbook that was not in hers. We both thought we were right because we were going by the book—our separate books. Our families of origin were distractions that were killing our marriage, not because they were bad, but because they were different.

We realized we had to work together to write our own textbook of how we were going to live as husband and wife. Over the years of our marriage, we have progressively written our own unique textbook. At times we have brought forward some of the good from each of our families and blended it together. Sometimes we still bring in some of the bad, but we recognize it a lot more easily now and set it aside. When we are on the same page from the same textbook, it makes all the difference for our marriage.

Going Deeper: If there is something from your family of origin that is distracting you from your marriage, commit to working on that today!

Next Steps:

1. What was your family origin like growing up? List 5 characteristics of your family origin.

2. Take time this week to ask your spouse about their family origin. List 5 things you learned about your spouse’s family origin.

3. What negative things from your family origin should you set aside and not add to your new family origin that you are creating with your spouse?

4. Dr. Kim shares that our family origin influences us greatly and that the key is to not let that family of origin distract us from growing our marriage. What can you do to make sure your family origin doesn’t separate you from your spouse and the new family origin you are creating together as a married couple?

5. Write down 3 things you want for your new family with your spouse. What new traditions can you start that will help your marriage grow?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols. ‘ 1 Corinthians 10:13-14(NLT)

‘A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls.’ Proverbs 25:28(NLT)

‘You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Another distraction that most of us have to deal with is technology. It is a big issue for me. A lot of my work is accomplished through my computer and my phone. I love being able to connect with people all around the world through technology. It has opened up all kinds of opportunities.

My problem is that it is too easy to connect. I can pull my phone out of my pocket and instantly connect. I can sit down at my computer and be in touch with someone on the other side of the world in seconds. What I have to remember is that the person who is most important to me is in the next room.

I have to put down the phone and walk away from the computer and connect with her. I have taken some practical steps to lessen my temptation to become distracted by technology. Most days I cut myself off from technology at the end of my work day. I try to be “unplugged” one day a week. If Nancy calls or walks into my office, I want her to know she is my priority, and I do what I can to communicate that to her. These steps have helped me. What will you do?

Today’s Challenge: Purposely avoid some of the distractions of technology today and give that extra time to your spouse.

Going Deeper:

1. What are the ways that technology affects your life every day?

2. How much time on an average day do you spend “connected” through technology?

3. When does technology distract you from your spouse?

4. What does “unplugged” mean to you?

5. What is one step you can take today to show your spouse that they are more important to you than “technology?”

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 2