Tag: Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. ‘ Colossians 3:1-2(NLT)

‘As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”’ Luke 10:38-42(NLT)

‘You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!’ Revelation 2:3-4(NLT)

Devotional Content: 

Besides raising kids, the second culprit for causing distraction in marriages is work. Obviously for most of us, work is an essential part of our lives. We have to work to pay the bills, but our marriages suffer when we allow life to get in a cycle such as getting up in the morning, working all day, coming home, eating dinner, maybe watching a little TV, going to bed, and starting all over again. We begin to drift apart. We don’t connect as often, and we don’t feel as close. Work distracts us from our marriages.

I love what I do and Nancy loves what she does, but we love each other more. For us that means that work cannot consume us. We have to keep the proper balance. When we work, we work hard; but there is a time to leave work and be together. One thing that really helps me is consciously making the transition each day from work to home. I have a short commute, but in that time I leave my workday and all its concerns behind. Prayer really helps me here. I can turn everything to God and then focus on coming home and spending time with Nancy.

Today’s Challenge: Take an honest look at how your work affects your marriage. 

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim says that our marriage suffers when we focus too much on work and not enough on our marriages. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being very distracted. How distracted are you with work?

2. When was the last time you consciously switched gears from work to home?

3.What practical step can you take this week to ensure that work isn’t becoming a bad distraction from your marriage?

4. Make a point to consciously leave work at work this week and not be consumed by it. Pray for God to give you the strength to do so.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ‘ Ephesians 4:2-3(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)

Devotional Content:

The number one distraction for many marriages is raising kids. Children are a blessing and the desire of most married couples. But children can also be a distraction. They require time and energy and money. Raising children is a huge responsibility and consumes years of our lives. None of this is bad, unless it hurts our marriages. All too often when children are born, the focus shifts completely to them and off of the marriage. There has to be balance. Sure, lives and marriages change when children come into the family; but if you do not continue to nurture your marriage, you will find yourselves drifting further and further apart. Eventually the kids grow up and leave. If you have not nurtured your marriage, you may look at each other when the kids are gone and say, “Who are you?”

Nancy and I were married six years before we had kids. We had wanted kids for so long that I really do not think we had any idea how they would affect our lives. We soon learned that we had to carve out time for each other. If we did not, we would slowly drift apart. We did a couple of proactive things that really made a difference for us. First, we set a weekly date night and held it almost as sacred. Nothing got in the way of our date night. We arranged to have a babysitter, and Saturday nights we spent time together away from the kids. Second, we found time each day to connect without any interruptions. It was not easy to find that time, but it was essential. Some days it was only a few minutes, and other days we found more time. But we made it a priority.

We have made a lot of mistakes in our marriage, but this is one area where we got it right, and it made a difference. Now it is your turn. How will you keep nurturing your marriage while raising kids?

Today’s Challenge: Plan a date night for just the two of you this week.

Going Deepers:

1. Dr. Kim shares that even though raising kids is a tremendous blessing, it is also a tremendous responsibility and can be a huge distraction in marriage. The important thing is to continue to nurture the marriage relationship. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best. How would you rate your intentionality with nurturing your marriage relationship?

2. What can you do this week to nurture your marriage?

3. Dr. Kim shares some practical ways you can nurture your marriage. List 2 of them here.

4. Sit down with your spouse this week and decide on 2 practical things you can start doing to nurture your marriage.

5. Ask 3 other married couples this week what they do to nurture their marriage. Getting ideas from others can help you find the best ways to focus on your marriage relationship.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. ‘ Mark 4:19(NLT)

‘We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. ‘ Hebrews 12:2(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

Devotional Content:

Just as you notice exit signs while driving down the marriage highway, you also notice there are detour signs. Detour signs may have the same names as many of the exit signs, but there are differences between the two of them. Detours are usually good things that we allow to distract us in our marriages for a while, but they are going in the same direction as the marriage highway and eventually actually lead us back to the highway. Unlike the exits, detours allow a husband and wife to stay in the same car.

Lots of good things can happen on detours. For example, kids are a real blessing in our lives. As a couple, raising kids together is a lot of work, but if we do it together, our marriage grows through the experience. If we do not, though, we may find ourselves getting in separate cars and heading for an exit. The same can be true for work, church, extended family—all these things can be good detours in our lives if we handle them together and not let them lead us to separate lives.

Bottom line: The marriage highway has bumps, a few potholes, and detours. If your commitment is to stay in the same car and figure out how to handle these obstacles together, you are building an awesome marriage.

Today’s Challenge: If you are in a “detour” time of your marriage, what is one way to grow your marriage in this stage of life?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that detours can be good distractions in our life if we handle them together. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being very well and together. How would you rate how you and your spouse handle the distractions in your life?

2. List out your top 3 “detours.”

3.How does your spouse fit into those detours? Do you work together?

4. What is one thing you can do this week to make sure you stay focused on working through detours together as a husband and wife team?

5. Pray and ask God to help you be united as a team when it comes to the “detours” of life.

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:9(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. ‘ Ecclesiastes 9:9(NLT)

Devotional Content:

As you drive along this highway called marriage, you inevitably begin to notice that there are road signs. Written on them are the names of the many distractions in your marriage: work, kids, fights, extended family, church, alcohol, drugs, adultery. As you take an exit, you see there is a car waiting there for your passenger (your spouse). Your spouse gets out of your car and gets in the waiting car. Now you begin driving in a different direction than the marriage highway. And after awhile, you realize you cannot remember how to get back to it, and the relationship you had when your passenger was riding with you is changing dramatically for the worst.

Most people would consider exit signs in marriage to be things that are inherently bad—things like alcohol abuse, drugs, and adultery. They are all marriage killers. My experience in working with couples where there is alcohol abuse and drug abuse is that the alcohol or drug becomes the most important thing in the person’s life, and everything else takes a backseat to it. The marriage deteriorates and eventually dies. Adultery wreaks havoc with our marriages. Less than five percent of the couples who experience adultery make it in their marriages. It is an exit sign that destroys a marriage.

But even “good” things can serve as exits for any marriage. For example, kids are great and a real blessing, but if you let them come between you, and you constantly fight over how to handle them, you can grow far apart in your marriage. The same is true for work or church or extended family. If anything comes between the two of you in marriage, it can be a marriage killer. Consider this: If a distraction is an exit from your marriage, it is bad. Be aware of distractions that serve as exits in your marriage, and avoid them at all cost!

Today’s Challenge: Think about the distractions in your life that could become exits. What is something you can do today to prevent that from happening?

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim talks about how not all “exits” are bad. Even good things can become distractions in your marriages. Take time to list out some of the distractions in your marriage.

2. Dr. Kim shares that if a distraction is an exit from your marriage it is bad. Do you have any distractions in your life that are currently driving you away from your spouse?

3. What one thing do you need to do this week to move away from the distractions that are taking you away from your marriage?

4. Make time this week to sit down with your spouse and talk about the distractions in your marriage. Work together on a plan to help you two stay on the marriage highway.

5. Will you begin praying today for God to protect your marriage from distractions?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.’ 1 Corinthians 7:35(NLT)

‘Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.’ Galatians 1:10(NLT)

‘Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.’ Proverbs 4:25(NLT)

Devotional Content:

In marriage it is the husband’s responsibility to make his wife feel that she is his. And the same applies to his wife. Distractions in a marriage can be anything that takes time and energy away from the marriage relationship: work, volunteering, church, sports, friends, kids, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, pornography, money, shopping, working out … the list could go on and on. Some of these are obviously bad for us. They are dangerous and can destroy marriages. But sometimes the most dangerous ones are the ones we would consider as “good” things in our lives. We may even be “helping” others by doing some of them.

They become dangerous when they take the focus off of our marriages and onto them at the expense of our marriages. They can deceive us because they are good. For example, church is great, but if I spend all my time there and it keeps me from spending time with Nancy, my marriage will suffer. The same is true with any of the other things on our lists.

In counseling, I often hear this from couples: “Our first years were really good, and then we just began to drift apart.” Drifting apart can happen in any marriage, and it usually begins with distractions. Building an awesome marriage is often about balancing the distractions of your life. If you do this well, you move your marriage forward. If you do not do it well, your marriage can crash and burn. Be aware of the distractions in your marriage and learn together to balance them well. As you look at the distractions in your lives and think about how they are affecting your marriage, let me give you one more thought: Anytime you are saying yes to something, you are saying no to something else. Sadly, it is far too easy to say no to your marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Commit to look together at the distractions in your life that take away from your marriage. What will you do today to fight those distractions?

Going Deeper:

1. Spend time thinking about the distractions in your life. List out your top 3 biggest distractions.

2. Dr. Kim shares that drifting apart can happen in every marriage and that drifting apart begins with distractions. How are the distractions in your life affecting your marriage?

3. Dr. Kim shares that there are “good” distractions and “bad” distractions” and that we need to keep even the good distractions in check. Are there any bad distractions in your life? What do you need to do to get rid of them?

4. Dr. Kim shares that building an awesome marriage is often about balancing the distractions of our life. Think of 2 ways you can better balance the distractions in your life.

5. How are the distractions in your life affecting your marriage?

6. Dr. Kim says that saying “yes” to something means you are saying “no” to something else. What can you do this week to say “yes” to your marriage?

from Distractions In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Dr. Kim Kimberling