Tag: Christian Courtship And Dating.

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7(NLT)

‘Then Naomi said to her, “Just be patient, my daughter, until we hear what happens. The man won’t rest until he has settled things today.”’ Ruth 3:18(NLT)

In concluding this 7-day devotional plan, I want to say that you will not attract to you what you are not. I hope you say, “I want to marry a person one day who loves the Lord loyally, who will love me faithfully, who will be pure in this relationship with me, and will guard the sanctity of our marriage.” If you desire that kind of spouse, then you need to be that kind of person. Like attracts like. You reap what you sow. If you put certain seeds on the ground, that’s the crop you get. You and I can’t go out tomorrow, plant tomatoes and get apple trees. If you plant tomatoes, what are you going to get? Tomatoes! If you sow a life of disregarding the Word of God and disregarding His plans for relationship and marriage, don’t be surprised when you reap the whirlwind in your own relationship. 

Pray for your future husband or wife. We’re certainly not a model, but it is a joy for my wife to be able to tell our children that she prayed for God to give her a husband who would love Him and as a result love her. She had not been in church very long (she first set foot in a church at the age of 16 and married at age 18), but she practiced that very early on when she was taught that at her youth group. Pray that you can gain discernment to know between right and wrong when it comes to deciding who you want your spouse to be. Pray for God to give you wisdom and discernment and to send that person your way, in His timing. 

In the book of Ruth, we see how she is submissive and obedient to her mother-in-law’s orders and plan for her when she requested marriage. Yet even when she did everything her mother-in-law, Naomi, asked her to do, Boaz still sent Ruth back home. Naomi’s response to Ruth after she came home to tell her everything was, “Sit back and relax, my dear daughter, until we find out how things turn out.” As difficult as it can be, sometimes we need to do the same: sit and relax. Wait on the will of God to be done. He knows the desires of our hearts. He hears our prayers. Let’s wait for the Lord’s way to be revealed. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

‘One day Naomi said to Ruth, “My daughter, it’s time that I found a permanent home for you, so that you will be provided for. Boaz is a close relative of ours, and he’s been very kind by letting you gather grain with his young women. Tonight he will be winnowing barley at the threshing floor. Now do as I tell you—take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking. Be sure to notice where he lies down; then go and uncover his feet and lie down there. He will tell you what to do.” “I will do everything you say,” Ruth replied. So she went down to the threshing floor that night and followed the instructions of her mother-in-law. After Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he lay down at the far end of the pile of grain and went to sleep. Then Ruth came quietly, uncovered his feet, and lay down. Around midnight Boaz suddenly woke up and turned over. He was surprised to find a woman lying at his feet! “Who are you?” he asked. “I am your servant Ruth,” she replied. “Spread the corner of your covering over me, for you are my family redeemer.” “The Lord bless you, my daughter!” Boaz exclaimed. “You are showing even more family loyalty now than you did before, for you have not gone after a younger man, whether rich or poor. Now don’t worry about a thing, my daughter. I will do what is necessary, for everyone in town knows you are a virtuous woman. But while it’s true that I am one of your family redeemers, there is another man who is more closely related to you than I am. Stay here tonight, and in the morning I will talk to him. If he is willing to redeem you, very well. Let him marry you. But if he is not willing, then as surely as the Lord lives, I will redeem you myself! Now lie down here until morning.” So Ruth lay at Boaz’s feet until the morning, but she got up before it was light enough for people to recognize each other. For Boaz had said, “No one must know that a woman was here at the threshing floor.” Then Boaz said to her, “Bring your cloak and spread it out.” He measured six scoops of barley into the cloak and placed it on her back. Then he returned to the town. When Ruth went back to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, “What happened, my daughter?” Ruth told Naomi everything Boaz had done for her, and she added, “He gave me these six scoops of barley and said, ‘Don’t go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.’” Then Naomi said to her, “Just be patient, my daughter, until we hear what happens. The man won’t rest until he has settled things today.”’ Ruth 3:1-18(NLT)

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.’ Proverbs 31:10-31(NLT)

In the book of Ruth, we learn about a godly woman who desires marriage. We also see Boaz, a godly man of integrity who desires the will of God.  We see God put a marriage together through the life of Ruth and Boaz. I encourage you to read it, especially chapter 3, which gives us the opportunity to think about decisions that are made regarding marriage.

Let’s go through characteristics and qualities that we see in both Ruth and Boaz that we can apply to our lives.  Ruth and Boaz were individuals who were known in the city as people of virtue and integrity

In the MacArthur Study Bible, there is a comparison of Ruth and the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman. Each was…

· Devoted to her family

· Delighting in her work

· Diligent in her labor

· Dedicated to godly speech

· Dependent on God

· Dressed with care

· Discreet with men

· Delivering blessings.

Ruth was loyal, virtuous, and pure.  

Boaz had the Lord firmly before his mind and expressed the love and kindness of God in his affection for Ruth. He was a protector who protected Ruth’s reputation. No one really loves you if they’re willing to do something that would harm your reputation in the Lord or if they are leading you into sin. When someone loves you, they want to protect your testimony. 

Boaz was also a provider who took care of Ruth. This is something that is lost in our culture, but I’m absolutely confident and stand on firm Biblical ground that it is the husband’s God-given responsibility to supply the material needs of his family.

Although Boaz wanted to be married, he would not violate the Word of God. There’s a higher priority than love for a person, and that’s love for the Lord. That is the foundation for a great marriage. It’s not love for each other first, but loving God supremely. If you don’t love the Lord more than you love the person you’re marrying, you’re off on the wrong foot right away. If you would violate the Word of God to marry that person, then you don’t love the Lord more than you love them. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

‘And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.’ 1 Timothy 2:9-10(NLT)

‘She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.’ Proverbs 31:22(NLT)

‘Now do as I tell you—take a bath and put on perfume and dress in your nicest clothes. Then go to the threshing floor, but don’t let Boaz see you until he has finished eating and drinking. ‘ Ruth 3:3(NLT)

There are some practical matters to consider when it comes to meeting the person the Lord wants you to marry. There are practical things to keep in mind. I know we can place too much emphasis on appearance. In our culture, if we’ve been out of balance, it’s certainly been on the side of putting too much stress and importance on how we look. On the other hand, sometimes within the church we get the impression that it doesn’t matter how you present yourself or it doesn’t matter about your appearance. I believe we need to teach that appearance does have some importance. 

Your appearance can certainly say that you’re vain, but it can also say that you’re lazy. What we want our appearance to say is that we are neat, orderly, and godly. Whether male or female, we need to be encouraged to present a good testimony in the way we take care of ourselves. The Bible does not neglect the matter of appearance. The Bible does put more stress on how we look on the inside, than how we look on the outside, which should be our emphasis as well, but it doesn’t teach us to neglect our appearance. 

Paul says in the book of 1 Timothy, “Women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety.” We need that message in our churches; modestly and discreetly. Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous woman as dressed in fine purple linens. She didn’t go out wearing a burlap sack. These are practical things to consider. You can be naïve if you want to and say that appearance makes no difference, but even in the Bible, godly virtuous Ruth took her mother-in-law’s advice and paid attention to the way she appeared when she presented herself to Boaz. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re a young woman who doesn’t take care of her appearance, and every time a young man sees you, your hair is all messed up, and you look like you’re ready to wrestle him; it’s no wonder he doesn’t take any notice of you. You may think, “Well, what’s wrong? I love the Lord.”  You look like you love wrestling. That’s what’s wrong. There’s something to be said for taking care of yourself. These are practical matters to consider when dating and during courtship. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.’ Proverbs 31:10-31(NLT)

Proverbs 31 is an acrostic poem. This is God’s truth, and it’s very skillfully written. The Hebrew word translated excellent is used 244 times in the Old Testament. Its basic meaning is strength. In fact, some have translated it as valor. Think about the strengths that are found in manhood, those strengths that may be physical in nature and turn into someone’s character. When used of a woman, the word communicates virtue. That is the excellent wife: a woman who is strong, worthy, virtuous, and a crown to her husband. 

Interestingly, if I were to ask you, when you think about Proverbs 31 verses 10 to 31, do you think these verses are instructions for a man or woman? How would you categorize it? I think we all tend to categorize it as instructions for women. However, I believe this was written as instructions for a son and for a man. This speaks to men greatly. These instructions tell a man what kind of woman is excellent, virtuous, and desirable. This woman that is described in Proverbs 31 is the type of woman you should marry. My point is that this poem is not only for women, but for both man and woman. Men should read it as instructions to not only look for, but pray for. Then trust and wait on the Lord for her. 

Obviously, it is also instructions for a woman. I’m very grateful that God has given me a wife who embodies the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman. She’s not perfect, no woman is, but has those characteristics in her, and that’s God’s grace to her and to me. My wife Jackie was raised in a non-Christian home. She came to Christ in her late teenage years. I share this to encourage anyone who has not been raised in a Christian home, nor has been set with this as a model. My wife didn’t have this kind of model, and so it is good for women who are believers to know that you have everything you need to live this out. God has given you the new nature and the capacity for truth, and He has given you the desire to be who He wants you to be. God will produce these things in your life if you desire it and are teachable. 

I encourage you, man or woman of God, to read Proverbs 31 to have a deeper understanding of who God wants you to be or pray for when it comes to dating and the potential of marriage. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

‘Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.’ Proverbs 15:22(NLT)

‘Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.’ Proverbs 11:14(NLT)

We live in a Tinder app culture where dating over a long period of time or dating multiple people is accepted and expected before actually finding the one. Is this dating style biblically ideal?

The conventional way over the decades has been of joining and unjoining. Are you teaching yourself divorce by dating and breaking up with different people repeatedly? We could forget that question about methods and look at the principle behind that. The main problem with dating and never settling is that you’re starting with a flawed principle by looking for someone who will make you happy. It’s a carousel ride.  “You make me happy, but then I’m not, so I’m going to go.” And when you find someone who you think makes you supremely happy, then you marry them—and now you’re just waiting for when he or she doesn’t. That’s the carousel dating life. It’s not that if you’ve ever dated more than one person you’re broken beyond repair. It could definitely go the other way, where we pressure people to go from interest, to courtship, and immediately to marriage. That could be paralyzing, but don’t keep looking for someone who excites you more. 

There’s discretion and wisdom. In the Tinder and millennial culture, we have privatized too much. Relationships have become private to us in an app. Even though you have godly Christian friends and a Christ-exalting church, and hopefully and prayerfully godly parents or older influences in your life, you may be keeping your dating life separate from them. That violates the wisdom of Proverbs that says, “In many counselors there are good decisions.” So instead of keeping it private on your phone or on some app or having an attitude of “I don’t want to tell anybody,” why aren’t you involving the church, the greater body of believers, in this colossal decision of marriage or potential of marriage? Seek their advice. Know their thoughts and wisdom as they pursue the Lord, so they may be able to see something that you’re blind to. You don’t want to be in a position of dating someone, and all your friends don’t like that person and that person doesn’t go to church, doesn’t believe like you, but now you have an emotional connection and blinders are up. Why wouldn’t you involve God’s people on the front end, and save yourself heartache from the beginning?

from Christian Courtship And Dating 

Instruction on Marriage
‘Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife. Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. For instance, a man who was circumcised before he became a believer should not try to reverse it. And the man who was uncircumcised when he became a believer should not be circumcised now. For it makes no difference whether or not a man has been circumcised. The important thing is to keep God’s commandments. Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you. Are you a slave? Don’t let that worry you—but if you get a chance to be free, take it. And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ. God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world. Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you. Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are. If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems. But let me say this, dear brothers and sisters: The time that remains is very short. So from now on, those with wives should not focus only on their marriage. Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away. I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this.’ 1 Corinthians 7:1-40(NLT)

‘A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:39(NLT)

Let’s look inside the church. It’s always amazing to me. You’ve got maybe 20 singles in the church, and they’re all praying to find someone to marry. And I want to say, “Look around the singles’ group. That one’s not married, and that one’s not married! So how about going out with each other? Explore that.” I think for that to happen in churches, we’ve got to lower the expectations and pressure. Sometimes young men and women within the church don’t want to go out with each other, because there’s an immediate expectation of marriage. They can’t even get to know each other. Let’s lower the pressure. If I ask you to coffee, it doesn’t mean I want to marry you. It means I want to go have coffee with you, and I want us to get to know each other better. 

The One

“The One.” It’s a term used not only by Christians, but also in our society. How do you know that person is the one? In the church and as believers I would say first, don’t date anyone that you wouldn’t want to marry. That’s a good place to begin–from the standpoint of character. When I was a youth pastor many years ago, I would tell young people, “You’re not in a position to date until you have worked out for yourself a set of principles from the Word of God.” There are no Bible verses on dating. However, work out a set of principles from the Word of God that you won’t compromise even if it means you don’t have any dates. If you’re not willing to lose dates to uphold those standards, you’re not ready to date. You’ll compromise somewhere else. Once that’s in place, it really becomes a matter of desire. Do you desire to spend the rest of your life with this person? It’s wise to go to your parents because they know you very well. Ask them, “What do you think of this person?” Go to your siblings who also know you well and ask them what they think of the person. Go to mature leaders of the church. But above all, look to the Lord. My wife was the second woman I ever dated, and I asked her to marry me on the second date. So, there you go, that’s the way to do it. Not! That’s not the way to do it. We’ve been married for 34 years and love each other with all of our hearts. We’re looking to God. Just like in raising children, we’re dependent on Him. Jackie and I were very young in the faith when we were dating. We didn’t know a lot. 

Do not knowingly violate His word. Take those principles you have set to heart and do not violate or compromise them. If you desire to marry a person and they’re in the Lord and their character is godly, you are free to marry them. In 1st Corinthians 7, Paul was talking about widows saying a widow can marry anyone she wants, but only in the Lord. That’s the standard. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating

‘A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:39(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.
Husbands
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:1-7(NLT)

A frequently asked question is, “How would you counsel concerning Christian courtship and dating?” Whether it be a single man pursuing a woman or a single woman dating, I would advise you to never compromise what you believe, in order to have a relationship with a person. That’s one of the first things I would say. You need to measure any relationship you desire by the standards of Scripture. We learn in 1 Corinthians 7 that a believer can marry anyone they want, but only in the Lord. That is the standard–someone who knows Jesus Christ; that you have fellowship with them. What fellowship does Christ have with Satan or does a believer have with an unbeliever? So your standard from the beginning is: I’m not going to be with anyone who doesn’t know Jesus.

Second, you need to understand what’s most important. This is true not only in dating but even in marriage. What is most important in a relationship is being with someone who loves God genuinely, so that they have the capacity to love you. In the same sort of way, you will love them out of your love for God. When my four kids were growing up, I told them “I’m not really praying for someone to love you, although I obviously want them to love you, but I’m praying for you to find someone who loves the Lord genuinely and sincerely; because if they love God, they will love you, as long as they walk faithfully with Christ.”

Sometimes I think our young people get caught up on things that are secondary in nature instead of thinking what’s primary in nature: praying and hoping for someone who’s going to love God and can serve the Lord together with them. I’m not ruling out the idea that you find the person you’re going to marry attractive and that you have things in common with them. But it’s amazing how those things change over time anyway. You marry someone that you think is beautiful. Yet there’s no guarantee that our temporal beauty is going to remain. I’m thinking about 1st Peter 3 where a godly woman is taught to win her husband through her godly behavior and to set her attention on the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. So even there, the woman is taught to set her attention on internal and spiritual beauty. Now if she’s to set her attention there, how about the guy who’s going to marry her? Is his attention there? Look for someone who’s beautiful in the Lord, who’s going to love Christ and love you. And don’t be so picky. 

from Christian Courtship And Dating