Tag: But I'm ONLY The Stepmom!

‘I will teach all your children, and they will enjoy great peace.’ Isaiah 54:13(NLT)

‘For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.” ‘ Romans 15:3(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

One of the things I enjoy about my unique step-parenting assignment is that I get the honor of mentoring women all over the world. Women that are in different seasons of marriage, co-parenting, and step-parenting.  One of the misconceptions of step-parenting is that you will begin to love the child simply because you love your husband. What I have found is that it takes time and intentionality to love a child as your own, but even then, you will love them uniquely. Love is a result of relationships and honor. 

That said, often when coming into the picture in a parental role, we parent as we were parented and we expect the child to operate under our parental guidelines. When this doesn’t happen and our spouse seems uncaring or unsupportive, we tend to internally question their seeming lack of support for our rules and expectations. This lack of communication inevitably leads to us questioning the marriage.

This can be heartbreaking and devastating to the home and marriage. 

One of my favorite parenting scriptures is Isaiah 54:13. This scripture depicts the very way we should parent. Let me first tell you what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say, “My children will be taught what I was taught.” Nor does it say, “My children will be taught by my spouse only.”

It says, “My children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.” That means a consequence of being taught by the Lord is peace. So if we believe the scriptures to be true, we then have to ask, “Who is doing the teaching if I’m not experiencing peace?”

Yes, we can be followers of Jesus and still not be allowing the Lord to teach us and teach our stepchildren. Going to church teaches them some of the ways of the Lord, but it’s not them being taught by the Lord. They are taught by the Lord through a personal relationship with God and that relationship is cultivated with our help.  

Our marriages and home will be shaped by how we honor the words that God has spoken. His Word is our best teacher and from it, our stepchildren see how to be taught by it as well. God will give us direction on how to parent our easy and our challenging stepchildren and from that, the love in our home will begin to flourish naturally. Our home doesn’t have to suffer because we don’t have to parent with our own understanding. We can invite God into the process. 

So today I want to encourage you to seek God regarding how He wants you to step-parent and invite your spouse into the process. Once you do this, peace, love and honor will be present.  

from But I’m ONLY The Stepmom!

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

‘“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’’ Matthew 25:23(NLT)

In business, I like to say that there is no competition in the Kingdom. I believe that what I do (my assignment), although it may seem similar to someone else, is uniquely designed for me. I also believe that same truth applies to being a stepmother that walks in her assignment.   

What do I mean by this? I mean that there is no need to be threatened by the biological mother or anyone else in the child’s life because my assignment is unique and something only I have been called to do. The problem is that if I don’t seek first the kingdom, I don’t know what my assignment is, so I start fulfilling what I think it may be and that’s how the pressure of competition typically creeps in. 

I remember a time when my stepson was having a challenge in school, and quite frankly, he had become lazy at home. It was so frustrating to watch. I complained to my husband, friends, and my stepson—but nothing changed. It seemed like it wasn’t a big deal to anyone but me. Finally, I decided to take another approach. For about three days I fasted and prayed for him, telling God my concerns.  

In less than a week after my fast, things began to change. First, we found out that the concern regarding school was resolved. Following that, he was offered a job which gave him some responsibility and got him up and moving. After that, we were able to enter into a season of celebration for him. It was beautiful to see my prayers manifesting good fruit.

It was then that I realized that competition and kingdom couldn’t coexist in my step-parenting.   

Our role as a stepmom has eternal ramifications and we would do well to seek wisdom from God as we walk in it. Each day we get to choose competition or Kingdom. If God’s “Well done my good and faithful servant” was based on how well you followed Him in your step-parenting, would you hear those words? Let’s make every effort to hear Him speak that our labor was not in vain. 

Today take a moment and repent for not allowing God to lead you on this step-parenting journey. Then ask him to begin to show you what it looks like for you to walk it out with Him leading. 

from But I’m ONLY The Stepmom!

‘Show me the right path, O Lord ; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.’ Psalms 25:4-5(NLT)

‘In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.’ Romans 12:6-8(NLT)

What are your step children’s spiritual gifts? 

You may be saying, “I have no clue. I could probably get to figuring that out if I could focus on something besides all the chaos surrounding them.” I get it, but you have to take a step back and see why the enemy is creating all the confusion. I have learned that often it is to keep you distracted and out of the will of God in your step-parenting assignment. 

Here is the thing: you have a responsibility to help identify and cultivate your step children’s spiritual gifts. I know it seems minor but it is essential that while everyone else is fighting for the affections of their heart, you are petitioning God on behalf of their spirit and soul. It is in knowing what gift needs to be birthed, that you will better understand the adversity that seems to invade your home through them. 

Remember, God has a plan for their lives but the enemy does too.  

This became clear to me after walking through a difficult season with my stepdaughter. To put it mildly, she had mastered the art of backbiting and one day, I’d had enough of being the target. After an incident in which it became clear she saw no error in this behavior, I decided to expose that spirit and when I did, it began to lose power. 

Shortly after this incident, I noticed she had decided to go a different path with her college career. Since I had known her, she always wanted to be a nurse, but after she and I had a heart-to-heart about life, future plans, and what she enjoyed, her career direction changed to wanting to be a counselor. She explained that the reason was because she loved to encourage and talk to people. 

That’s when it clicked—she had the gift of encouragement. She often did this through words and deeds. I began to put two and two together.

Before our conversation, the enemy was cultivating the counterfeit gift of backbiting. After I decided to walk in my assignment as a stepmother and exposed the counterfeit, the true gift was able to come forth. It corrected the negative behavior and gave her clarity of assignment. She was now walking in her gift.

Here is the thing: we have been called to cultivate our step children’s spiritual gifts through prayer, petition, conversation, and awareness. So, let’s learn to spend less time entertaining the counterfeit and more time cultivating the gift.   

from But I’m ONLY The Stepmom!

‘“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord . “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’ Isaiah 55:8-9(NLT)

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11-12(NLT)

‘My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. ‘ John 10:27(NLT)

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

I am a stepmom and after watching all those movies that tell of an evil stepmother and having met a few myself, I understand how we can raise an eyebrow at the idea of being known as one. 

There are so many challenges with step-parenting. A friend once explained it as being a mother without the recognition or rewards. Honestly, if we are fully immersed in our step-mothering role, we may do many of the same things as a biological mother with much less honor or appreciation shown for our efforts. This can be discouraging, to say the least. 

On this journey, one thing I have learned is that if we are not aware of what and who God has called us to be as a stepmother, we can quickly become uninterested in the role of wife and stepmother. 

For a time, I took on the role of being the stepmother that fixed all the wrong with my stepchildren that I assumed no one else saw or cared to work on. I was supposed to be their other mother and that’s what another mother would do, right? In my case, the biological mother was deceased which seemingly intensified my obligation to be mother number two but the grandmother was the leading lady in their lives. I thought I was supposed to do all the things the mother would have done to relieve the grandmother of some of her duties.  But I was wrong, I was ‘Just the Stepmother.”

Eventually, I realized that if I was, “just the stepmother,” I’d spent a lot of time trying not to, “step on toes” and not enough time walking in my greater purpose and assignment.  

I began to realize that I had not been given this stepmother role simply to fix the child or replace the mother. I was given it by God to help birth forth their God-ordained assignments. Anything outside of that is simply me walking out my agenda rather than being led by God’s.

When I am choosing to be led by God as a stepmother, I have clarity regarding what it looks like to stepparent my specific stepchildren. I no longer feel the pressure to fit the mold of someone else’s expectations of me. No more ‘Stepping on toes,” because my assignment is unique.

Here is the truth, in order to effectively stepparent and enjoy my marriage I need to walk in my assignment. The question is, what is my assignment as a stepmother?

Glad you asked! We will begin discussing this in more detail tomorrow but for now, I want you to consider how your journey has been shaped by expectations and how that has impacted you hearing God’s voice as a stepmom.

from But I’m ONLY The Stepmom!