Tag: Blending A Family

‘God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.’ Matthew 5:5(NLT)

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ‘ Colossians 3:12-13(NLT)

A Christian school asked us to come speak to the high school class about single-parent and blended families. Over 50% of the high school’s 130 students were living in a single parent or blended family home. As they started talking about their family dynamics their demeanors changed.

We then apologized to these young people for the lives they are living because of the decisions of the adults in their lives. We apologized for the many negative emotions they experience, for the brokenness in their hearts, for packing bags and traveling to visit their other bio-parent, and for any broken dreams. 75% of the room began to weep, including the teachers standing along the back wall.

We told them life is not fair, and we tried to help them find forgiveness in their hearts for those they had unforgiveness toward. Many of the youth came to thank us for speaking into their lives. Why? Because for many of them, our apology was the only one they had ever heard. We had nothing to do with their broken lives, yet our apology meant so much to them.

In our early marriage there was an excessive amount of tension in our new home. One Saturday afternoon Paige and I sat our family on the floor in a circle and we apologized to each child. We told them we were sorry our bio families broke down, that it was not what we planned, and it was not the life we hoped for them. We told each child that we wanted to be a family. We also apologized to them for any times we spoke harshly to them, or did not show them respect. We asked them if they wanted to say anything, and they just hugged us and cried. That day was a significant turning point in our family.

Suggestions:

Take the time to apologize to the children in your home, even if you were not the one who initiated the broken home.

Apologize to anyone who you may have mistreated or spoken harshly to.

Apologize to your spouse, and if appropriate apologize to your former spouse.

Our Prayer for you:

Father thank You for helping this family to be sensitive to each heart, and express a sincere apology to its family members. Lead and guide them Holy Spirit!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

from Blending A Family

‘Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”’ Luke 6:38(NLT)

‘The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”’ Matthew 13:23(NLT)

‘Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test! ‘ Malachi 3:10(NLT)

Some of the biggest challenges in marriage are over a husband’s opinions where to spend money vs. a wife’s opinions. 

You may be familiar with, “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman which describes how each person feels loved. God also created people with different “money languages”. Money means different things to different people with different motivations toward the use of money, such as, saving for security, or being a blessing to others, having fun,  success and prestige, or freedom from being in debt. 

Paige is motivated to give to help people, and I am motivated to save for retirement. These were conflicting goals until we discussed and developed a plan to meet both goals. Listening, understanding, and honoring your spouse’s motivations will create fulfillment and unity. 

Blended families can face financial challenges including court expenses, child support, handling child support properly, a need for a larger home, school tuition, family vacations, hiring sitters for date nights, and so on.

Some couples choose to keep their finances separate due to disagreements or lack of trust.  As mentioned before, “unity” is so important, and it comes when each spouse gives all aspects of their life into the relationship. Whatever spouses withhold from their marriage can breed contention.

In the Bible, Jesus spoke often about sowing and reaping. A farmer only reaps based on seeds he has planted. When we follow God’s model of sowing (giving), He is faithful to bring increase into our lives. Through tithing and giving we became debt free early in our marriage.

Suggestions:

Learn each other’s money languages and do not criticize them. God created everyone as a unique individual. How can you celebrate each other’s uniqueness?

We recommend Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey to help set financial goals and become debt-free. Seek out a class in your community.

Our Prayer for you:

Lord God please show this couple how they can bring honor to You in the stewardship of their income. Guide their motivations and decisions in spending and giving. Thank You for Your principle of sowing and reaping. Show this family that they “cannot out-give” You. Bless every area of their life as they follow You, in Jesus’ Name!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

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‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’ Exodus 20:12(NLT)

‘“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.’ Matthew 5:43-48(NLT)

Genesis 2:24 mentions a potentially negative influence in a marriage; parents and extended family. We believe God is warning us about the negative effect extended families can have in marriage relationships. We know of marriages that have failed due to parents, siblings, friends, children, adult children, or other interferences. Genesis 2:24 shows us that relationships in marriage and family must be thicker than your biological (blood) family.

It is difficult for a husband and wife to become one if other people are allowed to create disunity. The more opinions we allow in our relationship will make decision making and unity more difficult. Biological family is important and we are to love and honor them, but our relationship with our spouse is of more importance than all other relationships in our life.

Honor vs. Obey

Honor is defined as “esteem paid to worth, dignity.” We honor our parents every time we visit them, send a card, call to check on them, and help them with home repairs and other matters.

Obey is defined as “to comply with the commands of.” The best baseball and football players are honored when they are inducted into their halls of fame. We can honor someone without letting them control our lives. 

As we marry, we are to continue to honor extended parents and family. Yet, the highest place of honor must go to our spouse. Our goal is that our extended family would love, embrace and be a part of our new family, and that our new family would love, embrace and accept them also. We are to walk in love toward everyone, even those bringing any division in our life. One Mother’s Day we sent flowers to extended families expressing love and honor to them.

Suggestions:

What can you do to reach out to a difficult extended family member? 

• Invite them to dinner so they can get to know your new family. 
• Offer to baby-sit their children one night.
• Be there for extended family during a time of need.
• Ask God for a creative idea to honor extended family

Our Prayer for you:

Father, thank You for Your Wisdom that brings us an abundant new marriage and family. Help us to discern the things or people which are hindering our growth, and Your ways to resolve these hindrances. Thank You for Your loving guidance in our lives.

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

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‘The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the Lord your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will my people be disgraced.’ Joel 2:25-26(NLT)

‘I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.”’ Isaiah 44:22(NLT)

‘He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.’ Psalms 103:12(NLT)

‘But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. ‘ 1 John 1:9(NLT)

In 1994 our family moved from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The home we bought had no kitchen pantry, so Moe and I went to an antique auction to find a large piece of furniture to serve that purpose. We found an armoire we liked but could not inspect it before the auction started. We bid on it, and won the bid at $365!

Moe picked up the armoire two days later, and it began to fall apart in our trailer on the way home. We reassembled it in the house and built shelves in it. 

A few weeks later when a furniture repairman came to fix a bed, he saw the armoire.We told him the story. He began to educate us, informing us that it was a French traveling armoire built to come apart and be put back together. It was designed for students moving into a dormitory. He inspected it and found a signature on the bottom. He quickly appraised the armoire at $10,000!

In the life of this armoire, someone had lost sight of its value and sent it to an auction house. When our lives have fallen apart, we often fail to see the value in ourselves that God has never lost sight of. Father God has a heart to redeem, revive and restore us.

Many couples who marry and create a blended family come from other past relationships and can carry the past into the new family. We can enter the new marriage with an unrealistic expectation that our new spouse will make life better, and make us feel better.

Nowhere in the Bible do we find that God wants His children to live unforgiven and defeated. Instead, the Bible teaches that God is a God of restoration. 

Repent is defined as “such sorrow for past life as produces a new life.” When we truly repent from our sins (stopping our offensive behavior and unforgiveness toward God and others), God is gracious to redeem us and bring forth complete restoration in our lives.

Our Prayer for you:

Father God, we celebrate our redemption and restoration through Your amazing mercy and grace. We are so grateful to You and we give You thanks and praise for Your great love. Thank You for the gift of Your Son sent to give us an abundant life. In Jesus’ Name!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

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‘God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. ‘ Ephesians 2:8-9(NLT)

‘So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”’ Deuteronomy 31:6(NLT)

‘Let all that I am praise the Lord ; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.’ Psalms 103:2-4(NLT)

‘The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.’ Psalms 23:1-3(NLT)

‘The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.’ Lamentations 3:22-23(NLT)

‘And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. ‘ Hebrews 10:21-236(NLT)

‘The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.’ John 10:106(NLT)

Many people who have experienced broken relationships through divorce or the death of a spouse struggle with many overwhelming feelings. 

Let’s look at the feelings of guilt or shame.

We can feel guilt from our part in the deterioration of a relationship, or from watching the impact on our children (children reacting to their home breakup, packing their bags to visit the other bio parent, possible changes in homes, schools, friends, etc.). 

Guilt can come from becoming a part-time parent, loss of parental influence with children, loss of a home, financial status, or other reasons. A person suffering loss from death may feel guilt from observing the life changes their children may be experiencing.

God created our emotions. The guilt emotion is a warning that something is not right, and to help us correct our issue or behavior. Guilt is related to what we have done or did not do.

We have seen adults from broken homes try to help children cope by withholding discipline, or allowing children to make their own choices.

Shame is when we internalize a failure and believe we are a bad person. Our adversary the devil, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy, takes the guilt emotion from our loss, wrong behavior, or mistakes and convinces us that we “are” that mistake. He brings a guilty conscience (shame) into our hearts which breeds unworthiness.

God forgives and restores us from traumas, losses, and mistakes. And He helps us navigate the changes that a failure or loss has created.

Suggestions:

If you are carrying guilt, ask God for forgiveness and then forgive yourself. 

Receive the restoration and abundant life Jesus came to give you.

Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are God’s creation.

Our Prayer for you:

God Almighty we ask You to minister to every family member who has experienced loss and brokenness. Jesus came to heal the broken hearts. Bring Your healing and wholeness into their lives in greater measure than ever before. Thank You Lord for Your “it is finished” work of Your death and resurrection. Life in You is brighter than Noon-day! Restore to them all that has been lost. and thank You for removing their guilt and shame. Thank You Lord!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

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‘So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.’ Genesis 1:27(NLT)

‘But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.’ 1 Peter 2:9(NLT)

God created us to have healthy relationships. Yet being in relationship with others can be a struggle at times.

I recall when I corrected our young children. On several occasions their response was, ”Why are you yelling at us?” Each time I did not think I was yelling, but from repeated incidents there was obviously a roughness in my tone of voice that I was unaware of. Months later I realized I was carrying anger from former hurts that had nothing to do with our children.  A consequence of my divorce led to my children and I driving thousands of miles for the next 11 years commuting four hours for weekend visitations.

Hurting people cause hurt to other people. Jesus taught about forgiving those who hurt us, however, we often take offense, or separate ourselves from them. We could be the one causing hurt in others. Our negative attitudes, selfish actions, insensitivities, or broken promises can create broken relationships. We can cause people to walk on “egg-shells” around us.

God’s love forgives our mistakes and gives us second chances. However, many times we still live with the consequences of our choices which can be life changing. We’ve seen people blame God for tough consequences, but He is a Good Father. The blame could be our adversary the devil, or our own choices.

The phrase, “That’s just the way I am” is based on how we think. By changing the way we think we change the way we act. We are all created in God’s image and likeness. We are His prized creation. Our positive words, apologies, loving actions, gentleness, and acceptance can draw people to us and change our family.

Suggestions: 

Ask God to show you if your words and actions are causing distance in your relationships.

Ask God to show you how you can change the way you think to show each person that they are valuable to you and to God.

Treat those in your home as though you have chosen them to live life with.

Our Prayer for you:

Holy Spirit pour Your compassion and loving-kindness on each spouse as they work together to build their family! Heal any brokenness in their hearts. Give them the patience and tenacity to connect with each family member. Thank You for melding the hearts together, in the Name of Jesus!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

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‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

‘Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.’ Ephesians 6:4(NLT)

‘The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.’ Psalms 103:13(NLT)

Many stepparents have asked us, “How do I get my step child to respect me?” Often adults label step children as disrespectful when they behave disobediently. Respect and obedience are not synonyms.

Obey (defined) means to comply with the command, direction, or request of

Respect (defined) means to hold in esteem or honor

So which comes first? 

A disobedient child could be responding to feelings of disrespect. 

We believe an adult who shows respect to a child first is potentially building an obedient heart in a child.

We lack respect when:

• we are harsh or demanding toward each other’s children.
• we do not value our step children’s feelings, desires, or opinions.
• we make little effort to bond with our spouse’s children. When we bond and love our spouse’s children, we love our spouse more completely.
• we argue in front of the children. When children see us argue, they will conclude that they do not need to show respect, listen to, or be a part of their step parent’s life.

Realize that respect is earned; it is a two-way street. If we want others (adults and children) to respect us, we need to give respect first. All people (adults and children) gravitate to the hearts who show them love, value, and acceptance.

Suggestions

Set a time for you and your spouse to have a heart-to-heart talk about what is undermining the unity you are trying to build. Share what you each feel is hindering your growth. Write them down and develop a strategy.

Ask your children and step children how they want to be loved and shown respect.

Occasionally ask if you have hurt your spouse, children, or step children, and if so give a sincere apology to them.

R-eserve a place in your heart

E-mbrace

S-erve

P-ersevere with grace

E-levate

C-are for

T-ouch their heart

Our Prayer for you:

Almighty God, thank You for helping this couple to appreciate each other and grow together. Help them to show love and respect to each other’s children. Lord thank you for Your gift of family. We pray this in Jesus’ Name!

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

from Blending A Family

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

‘Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.’ Proverbs 31:23(NLT)

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.’ Proverbs 31:10-12(NLT)

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Ephesians 5:21(NLT)

‘So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:33(NLT)

In his book, “Marriage on the Rock” Jimmy Evans (marriagetoday.org), identifies the #1 need of a husband as honor and respect. 

Respect (definition) – to hold in esteem or honor; regard

Respect and honor to a man is a need, much greater than a want. Just as women need love even when they are not acting love-able, men need honor and respect even when they are not acting in a respectable way. 

When he feels respected, he rises to another level in value. Otherwise, he lives with feelings of defeat.

Realize that respect is earned; it is a two-way street. If we want others (adults and children) to respect us, we need to give respect first.

One evening at a marriage home group we asked the men what and respect mean to them, and to give examples of do’s and don’ts for their wife to show them honor and respect. The men in the group said, 

• Don’t expect me to be perfect, I’m not perfect. 
• Support me when I make mistakes, 
• Listen & understand me,
• Appreciate me, 
• Be affectionate, 
• Don’t withhold sex to punish me,
• Don’t question me every time I ask for something,
• Treat me as an adult. I want a wife, not another mother,
• Value my opinions,
• Show love and respect to my children, 
• I need more information before I can decide,
• I want to be your knight in shining armor, but I occasionally drop my sword or fall off my horse. 
• Please forgive me.

Suggestion:

Take the time to ask your husband what makes him feel honored and respected.

Ask your husband if he feels more respected at home or at work, and why.

Let your husband know, in your own words, how much his hard work means to you.

Our Prayer for you:

Almighty God, help this amazing couple to grow together and appreciate each other. We pray each wife will embrace her husband in the same way You embrace Your Bride – seeing her husband’s potential that You see. We ask You to grow the grace, patience and acceptance in their heart for each other’s imperfections. Thank You Lord for Your “gift” of marriage. Please show them how they can honor You in their marriage and family, in Jesus’ Name.

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

from Blending A Family

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ‘ Ephesians 5:28(NLT)

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.’ Proverbs 31:10-12(NLT)

‘Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”’ Proverbs 31:28-29(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

As stated in Ephesians 5, women need to feel loved, even when they are not acting in a love-able manner. In his book, “Marriage on the Rock” Jimmy Evans (marriagetoday.org) describes a wife’s #1 need is security and safety. 

Security and safety to each woman is different, but consider that your wife needs:

•  Physical safety, knowing she and her children have no fear of bodily harm,
•  Emotional security, knowing she and her children are highly valued. 

A woman should have no fear of angry outbursts or belittling words. She knows she is highly favored and valued by her husband, feels financially secure, and her dreams, goals, and opinions are valued. She senses her husband is totally committed to their marriage for life. 

“Husbands are the ‘initiator of the good will of the marriage and family’” – Jimmy Evans

Husbands are to take care of their wife and meet her needs and dreams in the same way that Jesus meets our needs and dreams.

A Woman’s Perspective

During a marriage home group, we asked wives what makes them feel loved (safe and secure). They said,

• Being listened to and understood.  
• Value her opinions. 
• Do what you say – (husbands) keep your words and promises. 
• Appreciate her for everyday things. 
• Please do not correct her or in other ways embarrass her in public, even if she’s wrong. Save that discussion for when you’re alone. 
• Support her in front of the children.  
• Don’t choose one child over the other. 
• Romance her.

Suggestions:

Husbands, take time and ask your wife what makes her feel loved. Write her words down.

Give compliments to your bride that she is beautiful and appreciated by you – leaving cards, love notes, taking her out on date nights, etc.. 

Treat your wife as your best friend.

Our Prayer for you:

Almighty God, we ask You to help the couple reading this to grow together and appreciate each other. We pray the husband embraces his wife in the same way You embrace Your Bride (us). We thank You Lord for Your “gift” of marriage, and Your loving care for this family. In Jesus’ Name.

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

from Blending A Family

‘“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! ‘ Matthew 5:43-44(NLT)

‘or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:5(NLT)

‘For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.’ Psalms 103:11-12(NLT)

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)

‘“Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”’ Matthew 18:23-35(NLT)

We know the pain and devastation from damaged and broken relationships. God knew we would offend Him and each other. 

Jesus’ new Covenant tells us to love and do good to our enemies. God has forgiven our debt that we could not pay. When we refuse to forgive we hold others accountable.

Relationships thrive when we forgive others as we want to be forgiven.

Many of us have struggled with unforgiveness. Avoidance or tolerance is not forgiveness. 

In forgiveness, we release the one who hurt us, expecting nothing from them, not even an apology.  Forgiveness can provide opportunity for a relationship to be restored. 

Steps to living a forgiving life:

1. Forgiveness is a process, it takes time, and the Holy Spirit helps us. 

2. Define the hurt causing our unforgiveness. 

3. Try to understand the one who hurt us. We judge our self by our intentions, but we judge others by their words or actions.

4. People with hurts in their heart cause hurt in others. 

5. Ask God to let us see our offender through His eyes. Jesus died to forgive everyone.

6. Just as God separates our sin from us, we need to separate the offense from our offender. Good people do bad things; everyone makes mistakes.

7. Putting our feelings in writing has a way of bringing clarity and healing.

8. Stop talking negatively or slandering. Pray salvation and blessings for them. Reach out to our offender if possible.

9. Allow yourself to grieve.

10. Look forward. God only speaks of plans for our future.

As we change our thoughts, we change our hearts. 

Suggestion

Make a list of strained relationships in your life. For each, note whether you are avoiding, tolerating, or forgiving. 

Exercise

Find a friend and let them represent the one who hurt you. Look them in the eye and release them as follows:

“(___name___ ), I do not know why you (describe how the person hurt you), but it hurt me deeply. I am tired of thinking negative thoughts when I think of you—it drains the life out of me. 

Today I choose to forgive even though you did not ask. I expect nothing from you, not even an apology. I ask God to give you rich blessings. I ask the Holy Spirit to seal my forgiveness with His love and power.”

Copyright 2019 Moe and Paige Becnel @ Blending A Family Ministry

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