Tag: Being Real In Our Marriages

‘Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Make sure that no one is immoral or godless like Esau, who traded his birthright as the firstborn son for a single meal. You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears.’ Hebrews 12:14-17(NLT)

‘For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ‘ Romans 3:23(NLT)

‘Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.’ Colossians 3:1-15(NLT)

‘And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:13-14(NLT)

A Christian principle advised to those  getting ready for marriage is, to find someone who has the same Christian faith and goals in life – equally yoked. The advice is practical but what happens when there is a conflict in our beliefs. We see this situation in the life of Job and his wife. 

The Bible mentions Job as a devout man of God  but is silent about his wife, except that when disaster struck she wanted Job to curse God and die –  a normal response to disaster in our lives. There is no further mention of Job’s wife, did she repent…? Did she have any consequences to face…? Speculation is that she was blessed with a double portion of the blessing that Job received. 

The lesson we learn from Job’s life is, that even when our spouse chooses to be angry and move away from God, we need to hold steadfast to God like Job. In doing so we would be a channel of blessing for our spouse and ultimately our family. This is why Paul in Corinthians mentions, ‘For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage.’ (NLT version)

When we start applying this principle in our  lives instead of finding faults with our spouse, we start showing love to them just as Christ loved them. The earthly love is usually guided by actions and feelings. The love God wants us to have for our spouse is beyond what we can show them in our human strength. 

Many a times we may love our spouse but they may not feel it because of circumstances. Job’s wife must have felt frustrated with Job holding on to God in the hopeless situation. The fear and love for God prevented Job from following the advice of his wife. God is our hope and guide when the fear, and love for God, prevents us from showing behavior expected by our spouse. 

We cannot change our spouse or their attitudes but we can definitely change ourselves to reflect and respond with God’s love. Let us be the spouse who is willing to go the extra mile, God being our helper. Only when both spouses choose to take instruction from God can they be equally yoked. 

As we end this devotion may our lives reflect God in our marriages as we strive to become more like Him… 

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ‘ Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)

‘The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.’ Psalms 28:7(NLT)

‘I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.’ Romans 15:13(NLT)

‘In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.’ 2 Corinthians 6:4-10(NLT)

‘So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.’ 1 Peter 1:6-9(NLT)

‘Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.’ James 1:2-4(NLT)

Losing happiness in our marriage brings frustration and discontentment to our lives. We then start blaming circumstances, our spouse, in-laws and we make life miserable for us and those around us. We tend to believe that life has given us a raw deal. Today social media dictates what happiness in a marriage looks like. Days become miserable when our marriages don’t look the same or better. 

An important lesson we need to apply in our marriages is that every person is unique. So is every marriage. God brings two people together with a plan and a purpose which is more than just satisfying their emotional, physical and mental needs. No two marriages are the same, they may have similar parts.

Growing up with fairy tales, every bride wants to meet prince charming who will sweep her off her feet. Every young prince wants to sweep up his beauty even as they ride along. All fairy tales end with ‘they lived happily ever after’. Though marriages start as a fairy tale for many, ‘the happily ever after’ is not the reality we face in our marriages… 

A young orphan girl in the Bible suddenly finds herself as the queen of a large kingdom. When things were going fine, she  was daunted with the task of saving her people. There are valuable lessons to be learned from the life of queen Esther, which can be applied in our marriages.

First, get God’s approval before you discuss the matter with your spouse. When Esther had to go to meet the king she did not use that charm that made her queen but she fasted and prayed. This is a good discipline to follow— checking with God before we discuss with our spouses. God gives us wisdom to handle issues realistically. 

Second, she risked her life to do what God wanted her to do. There may be some who will risk their marriages to do what God wants them to do. Let not our marriages take precedence over what God wants to do through our lives. 

Even as we strive to fulfill God’s purpose in our life though our marriages let us remember to 

Trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding;

in all our ways submit to Him, and He will make our paths straight.

Are we doing our part, fulfilling God’s plan for humanity through our marriages?

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam

‘Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ‘ 2 Corinthians 12:9(NLT)

‘Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.’ Psalms 51:10(NLT)

‘This is what the Sovereign Lord , the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.’ Isaiah 30:15(NLT)

‘Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. ‘ Acts of the Apostles 3:19(NLT)

Christian living is usually considered as a life filled with rules defining ideal standards. The fact that we tend to fall short of the standards brings a sense of insecurity, judgment, or depression making life miserable. The Bible is filled with stories of hope in spite of our shortcomings.

David committed adultery with Bathsheba. When Bathsheba became pregnant, he tried hiding his mistake instead of admitting it. Eventually he planned a murder to hide his mistake. He then took Bathsheba as his wife and the baby born to them died immediately. God still blessed David and Bathsheba with another son, Solomon, who became the heir to the throne. 

When David was confronted by God through his prophet, he repented and went through the consequences of his action. Yes, he had to live through seeing his son rape his daughter and then leaving her. He had to see murder inside his own family. He had to run away from his palace, in fear of his life from his own son. He had to hear how his son slept with his concubines so all could see. Instead of rejoicing the death of his son who was trying to wipe him out, he grieved. He brought confusion to his men and the kingdom as his family losses overwhelmed him. He failed to encourage the men who risked their lives for him against his son. His life seemed a mess. 

This same David was called “a man after God’s own heart” because of his response. David accepted and confessed his mistake when God confronted him through His prophet. He did not blame anyone or give excuses but took responsibility. Like David we need to pray ‘create in me a clean heart … and renew a right spirit within me”. We need to start taking responsibility for our actions and accepting our mistakes. This should lead us to repentance and reconciliation. 

David willingly went through the consequences with God’s help. He did not get angry with God but went through life getting his strength from God. There can be healing in our marriages when we respond to God’s call with repentance . Even after our bad choices, God will help us find healing and purpose in life when we start trusting Him with our choices. 

Are we ready to take responsibility for our actions leading to repentance and reconciliation, that God can heal our marriages? 

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam

‘For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven.’ Matthew 22:30(NLT)

‘For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven.’ Mark 12:25(NLT)

‘Then Jesus was approached by some Sadducees—religious leaders who say there is no resurrection from the dead. They posed this question: “Teacher, Moses gave us a law that if a man dies, leaving a wife but no children, his brother should marry the widow and have a child who will carry on the brother’s name. Well, suppose there were seven brothers. The oldest one married and then died without children. So the second brother married the widow, but he also died. Then the third brother married her. This continued with all seven of them, who died without children. Finally, the woman also died. So tell us, whose wife will she be in the resurrection? For all seven were married to her!” Jesus replied, “Marriage is for people here on earth. But in the age to come, those worthy of being raised from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage. And they will never die again. In this respect they will be like angels. They are children of God and children of the resurrection.’ Luke 20:27-36(NLT)

‘For example, when a woman marries, the law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive. But if he dies, the laws of marriage no longer apply to her. So while her husband is alive, she would be committing adultery if she married another man. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law and does not commit adultery when she remarries.’ Romans 7:2-3(NLT)

‘If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. ‘ Romans 14:8(NLT)

When my seven-and-a-half-year-old younger son died of leukemia, my faith as a Christian made me believe I will be reunited with my son in eternity. My final conversations with my son gave me the assurance that he had made it to heaven. What was left was for me to run my race, true to my faith to meet him there. As a family this became our hope.

In my mind I started looking forward to the day when we would be a family of four again. Soon it stopped making sense to my logical mind. As a mother I wanted my elder son to live till he got married and would have a family of his own. But wait … which family will he be part of – us or with his wife ?…… This meant it would still be just three of us….

I was reminded of my marriage vow.

I, Sherene, take you, John, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s Holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.

It suddenly dawned on me—my marriage would end the day one of us died (I am aware that this is not the only possible way). This changed my outlook of life and family. Yes, I will see my son and my husband in heaven but we may not be part of a unit called family. Three gospels give a glimpse of this with no ambiguity that, ‘At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.’ What does it mean to us living? 

Marriage is an earthly relationship that is ordained and instituted by God to fill our lives with joy and purpose. If marriage is a purpose that God wants us to enjoy on earth, each of us will have to give an account of our actions and responses in marriage to fulfill God’s purpose. This brings life and purpose to our marriage on earth. Marriages are to be lived and cherished on earth, every day with joys and happiness in spite of the challenges and sadness…

Are we fulfilling God’s purpose in our marriages today or are we waiting for situations to become ideal? 

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you. ” And to the man he said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made. For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.”’ Genesis 3:16-19(NLT)

‘But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac. So she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son. He is not going to share the inheritance with my son, Isaac. I won’t have it!” This upset Abraham very much because Ishmael was his son. But God told Abraham, “Do not be upset over the boy and your servant. Do whatever Sarah tells you, for Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted. ‘ Genesis 21:9-12(NLT)

‘Now Samuel died, and all Israel gathered for his funeral. They buried him at his house in Ramah.
Nabal Angers David
Then David moved down to the wilderness of Maon. There was a wealthy man from Maon who owned property near the town of Carmel. He had 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats, and it was sheep-shearing time. This man’s name was Nabal, and his wife, Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was crude and mean in all his dealings. When David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep, he sent ten of his young men to Carmel with this message for Nabal: “Peace and prosperity to you, your family, and everything you own! I am told that it is sheep-shearing time. While your shepherds stayed among us near Carmel, we never harmed them, and nothing was ever stolen from them. Ask your own men, and they will tell you this is true. So would you be kind to us, since we have come at a time of celebration? Please share any provisions you might have on hand with us and with your friend David.” David’s young men gave this message to Nabal in David’s name, and they waited for a reply. “Who is this fellow David?” Nabal sneered to the young men. “Who does this son of Jesse think he is? There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters. Should I take my bread and my water and my meat that I’ve slaughtered for my shearers and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?” So David’s young men returned and told him what Nabal had said. “Get your swords!” was David’s reply as he strapped on his own. Then 400 men started off with David, and 200 remained behind to guard their equipment. Meanwhile, one of Nabal’s servants went to Abigail and told her, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master, but he screamed insults at them. These men have been very good to us, and we never suffered any harm from them. Nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us. In fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep. You need to know this and figure out what to do, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He’s so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!” Abigail wasted no time. She quickly gathered 200 loaves of bread, two wineskins full of wine, five sheep that had been slaughtered, nearly a bushel of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 fig cakes. She packed them on donkeys and said to her servants, “Go on ahead. I will follow you shortly.” But she didn’t tell her husband Nabal what she was doing. As she was riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, she saw David and his men coming toward her. David had just been saying, “A lot of good it did to help this fellow. We protected his flocks in the wilderness, and nothing he owned was lost or stolen. But he has repaid me evil for good. May God strike me and kill me if even one man of his household is still alive tomorrow morning!”
Abigail Intercedes for Nabal
When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed low before him. She fell at his feet and said, “I accept all blame in this matter, my lord. Please listen to what I have to say. I know Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay any attention to him. He is a fool, just as his name suggests. But I never even saw the young men you sent. “Now, my lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is. And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord ’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life. “Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch! But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling! When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me, your servant!” David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord , the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. For I swear by the Lord , the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.” Then David accepted her present and told her, “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.” When Abigail arrived home, she found that Nabal was throwing a big party and was celebrating like a king. He was very drunk, so she didn’t tell him anything about her meeting with David until dawn the next day. In the morning when Nabal was sober, his wife told him what had happened. As a result he had a stroke, and he lay paralyzed on his bed like a stone. About ten days later, the Lord struck him, and he died.
David Marries Abigail
When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Praise the Lord , who has avenged the insult I received from Nabal and has kept me from doing it myself. Nabal has received the punishment for his sin.” Then David sent messengers to Abigail to ask her to become his wife.’ 1 Samuel 25:1-39(NLT)

‘And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.’ John 13:14-17(NLT)

‘But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.’ 1 Corinthians 11:11-12(NLT)

“God created man in His own image, male and female He created them equal”. The Bible has an order of Christ, husband and wife. God wants an individual relationship with the husband and wife separately. This relationship supersedes the relationship between husband and wife. 

There are valuable lessons to learn from the life of Abigail. Her intelligent and thoughtful actions protected her family from danger and her community. Abigail acted on her own. She must have been a respected and an intelligent, approachable woman. A servant was able to discuss with her the dangers the community faced, because of her husband’s action. Abigail acted quickly to save the situation. She was not in haste to take this issue up with her husband but waited for the right time. Lastly the Bible mentions about Abigail only telling Nabal, “…when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, ….”. There is no emotion mentioned… unlike other places in the passage where emotions were described. As women we need to control our emotions and give careful thought to what we tell our husbands.

In the life of Abraham we see that he took Hagar as his concubine on Sarah’s insistence. A few years later when Sarah asked Abraham to send Hagar away, God told Abraham , “Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because ….”. Here we see God endorsing Sarah. 

God gave separate punishments for Adam and Eve. The husband and wife, though they are one are individually responsible for their actions before God. Let not our actions be like Ananias and Saphira who were found to be conspiring together to test the Spirit of the Lord.

On the day of judgement, it is each man to himself and not as a family. 

Christian life is an unique relationship with God. It is good to have Godly Bible-based guidelines. We need to be careful that these guidelines do not become rules which would enslave us. Many marriages are in bondage of the rules which take away the joy and freedom God has given in our marriages. 

Let not our individual compromises in our marriage make us uncomfortable on the day of judgement.

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam

‘“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:4-6(NLT)

‘Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. ‘ Matthew 19:10-11(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” So we can say with confidence,’ Hebrews 13:4-6(NLT)

Marriages may be made in heaven but they have to be lived on earth. The reality of a marriage is finding a solution to the everyday annoyance that we are to our spouses and they to us. The focus in a Christian marriage is not the husband or wife but Christ. Taking the relationship of Christ out of the equation makes it a set of rules. Marriage can also be described as a battle of desires and egos between two individuals trying to find common ground. There is enough material to describe what an ideal family should look like. This has given us an excuse to judge our spouses according to the standards applicable to them while justifying our actions. 

In all this chaos, there will be days when we are faced with situations where we need to compromise our beliefs. Sometimes the purpose for which God created us  seems lost. In our desire to be accountable to God, and practically living in this world, we may lose out on what God wants us to do. As a daughter, wife, and mother I have come across times in my life where I had to willingly choose to be in the uncomfortable and sometimes confusing place of hurting my family to pursue what God wanted me to do. It’s’ not easy—over time we learn to see God’s bigger picture. 

As Christians we have the yard stick of Christ to measure our worth, not our spouses’. We need to realize that however bad we believe our spouse is, they are an integral part of God’s plan in our life and precious to God. The God of the Bible hates divorce. 

Instead of looking to see how we can change our spouses, we need to channelize our energy in responding to them the way Christ wants us to. When we start working with Christ on the planks in our lives, God will heal our marriages and help us live with the speck in our spouse’s life. We should learn to accept our spouse with their imperfections. Our purpose in life is not for us to be a good spouse but to be the spouse God wants us to be.

Are we ready to seek God for His plans concerning our marriages and walk accordingly?

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam

‘And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:21-33(NLT)

‘So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”’ John 13:34-35(NLT)

‘So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.’ Galatians 5:1(NLT)

‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.’ 2 Timothy 1:7(NLT)

In today’s Christian world loving is associated with the husband and submitting to the wife. A husband’s love for his wife cannot be measured. Whereas a wife is considered not submissive if she goes against what the husband desires/believes. 

An important phrase ‘…as Christ loved the church…’ is overlooked. How did Christ love the church? Christ’s love is not because of who I am or what I do. God loves us even when we willingly choose to reject and move away from Him. He does not force himself upon us. He gives us the space and free will to do what we want. When we repent, God’s love does not reject us. He is always there for us. This love is “inspite of”—it’s an unconditional love. Every Christian is expected to have this kind of love for all human beings. How much more relevant is it in the context of a husband and wife?

‘…Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…’is another overlooked passage. When every situation to submit to my spouse is an act of me submitting to what God wants me to do, it is doable. The issue  with submission comes when there is the issue of ‘ego’. Submission involves letting go of our egos and rights. When we lay our egos and rights at the Lord’s feet we will be submitting automatically without considering it a big deal. I would like to rephrase this verse saying that “let not your egos and rights prevent you from doing what the Lord wants you to do”. Submission is not exclusive for women.

Though a husband is asked to love and a wife to submit, God protects wives who live lives pleasing God, with the command to husbands . 

“in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, 

and treat them with respect as the weaker partner 

and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, 

so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

God wants wives to please Him through their submission and husbands through  their loving

Loving and submitting is for all  

In today’s Christian world loving is associated with the husband and submitting to the wife. A husband’s love for his wife cannot be measured. Whereas a wife is considered not submissive if she goes against what the husband desires/believes. 

An important phrase ‘…as Christ loved the church…’ is overlooked. How did Christ love the church? Christ’s love is not because of who I am or what I do. God loves us even when we willingly choose to reject and move away from Him. He does not force himself upon us. He gives us the space and free will to do what we want. When we repent, God’s love does not reject us. He is always there for us. This love is “inspite of”—it’s an unconditional love. Every Christian is expected to have this kind of love for all human beings. How much more relevant is it in the context of a husband and wife?

‘…Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…’is another overlooked passage. When every situation to submit to my spouse is an act of me submitting to what God wants me to do, it is doable. The issue  with submission comes when there is the issue of ‘ego’. Submission involves letting go of our egos and rights. When we lay our egos and rights at the Lord’s feet we will be submitting automatically without considering it a big deal. I would like to rephrase this verse saying that “let not your egos and rights prevent you from doing what the Lord wants you to do”. Submission is not exclusive for women.

Though a husband is asked to love and a wife to submit, God protects wives who live lives pleasing God, with the command to husbands . 

“in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, 

and treat them with respect as the weaker partner 

and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, 

so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

God wants wives to please Him through their submission and husbands through  their loving. Loving is not possible without submission or submission without loving. 

My prayer for everyone reading this devotion, is that they would seek God’s help to discover and be the person God wants them to be in their marriages.

. Loving is not possible without submission or submission without loving. 

My prayer for everyone reading this devotion, is that they would seek God’s help to discover and be the person God wants them to be in their marriages.

from Being Real In Our Marriages by Sherene Ellen Rajaratnam