Tag: Becoming The Husband She Needs

‘Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you? Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:12-17(NLT)

‘This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth. ‘ 1 Timothy 2:3-4(NLT)

‘And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.’ 1 John 5:14-15(NLT)

Agape. Philia. Eros. Serve your wife. Be her friend. Celebrate your holy union with passion.

Of course, this is all much easier to do when your wife follows Jesus, too—which is why God’s Word warns Christians not to marry non-Christians—but, even if your wife isn’t a follower of Christ, it is important that you continue to approach your marriage as the opportunity to glorify God that it is. If your wife is lost, your allowing God to love her through you could actually lead to her salvation.

Keep on keeping on. No matter how your wife responds, love her like Jesus loved the Church. Give yourself up for her. Lead her by example. Recognize your marriage for the blessing it is and make it a priority.

If your wife doesn’t know Jesus yet, ask God to draw and rescue her and He will. How can you be sure that He will? The Bible tells us that God doesn’t want anyone to die separated from Him and perish in Hell. It also tells us that He answers prayers of His faithful ones, the prayers that line up with His will, with a great big, “Yes!”

• Is your wife a Christian?
  • If not, what do you need to pray for?
  • If so, what do you need to thank God for?
• How might loving your wife well advance the Gospel?
• Is it worth the effort?

Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-17, 1 Timothy 2:3-4, and 1 John 5:14-15.

from Becoming The Husband She Needs

‘As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:31-33(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:2-6(NLT)

When people think of love and marriage, sex invariably comes to mind. This is understandable considering the fact that husbands and wives are the only ones permitted and encouraged by God to engage in sexual activity with one another. Funny, isn’t it? The human relationship chosen to represent Jesus’ relationship with the Church is the only human relationship allowed and encouraged to engage in sex. Why?

What in the world does sex have to do with Jesus and the Church? Good question.

Sex is the ultimate expression of eros, or romantic love driven by desire and passion. It requires emotional and physical give and take from both partners in order to satisfy mutual desire, making it the most intimate and personal expression of love that two human beings can share.

Your relationship with Jesus Christ as a member of the Church is one of mutual give and take also, intimate and personal. He gave first by dying on the cross for your sin and continues to give most through His Holy Spirit at work in your life. Although your eternal salvation is a free gift from God that can’t be earned, God does require your obedience in response to His amazing gift. To fully know and experience the love of Christ, you must put in emotional, spiritual, and physical effort. Just as His presence in your life brings you satisfaction and joy, your cooperation brings Him satisfaction and joy.

See? Jesus’ passion for the Church stirs Her passion for Him, and both are satisfied. It’s a holy union, just like the one you share with your wife.

Handled correctly and in the right spirit, the expression of eros between you and your wife can be uplifting, beneficial, and reassuring to both of you, a fitting celebration of your commitment to one another, one that portrays literally the figurative mingling of your souls that marriage is, speaks to the permanence of your relationship, and reflects Christ’s passion for the Church.

• Remembering that your marriage is a metaphor for the relationship between Jesus and the Church, why is it so important that you and your wife remain faithful to one another, emotionally, mentally, and physically?
• Is the way that you express eros to your wife selfless or selfish?
• Would she agree?
• Does the way that you interact with your wife physically glorify God?

Read Ephesians 5:31-33, Hebrews 13:4, and 1 Corinthians 7:2-6.

from Becoming The Husband She Needs

‘God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 1:8(NLT)

‘You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.’ 1 Peter 1:22(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
All Christians
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. ‘ 1 Peter 3:7-9(NLT)

Although Jesus demonstrated agape love to everyone, He feels philia for the Church, those who have put their faith in Him for salvation and surrendered their lives to follow Him.

Philia is affectionate friendship with those who share similar goals and values formed through common experience.

During His life on earth, Jesus felt philia for his disciples and for everyone who sought to please God, as God’s glory was His number one goal, and people who head toward the same goal share not only common motivation, but similar experiences, good and bad. Even now, Jesus feels philia for those who love God and obey Him. Christians know Him not only as Savior, but also as friend, one that understands both their hearts’ desires and their struggles.

Now, all husbands and wives have the opportunity to share philia in one form or another, as marriage requires couples to “do life” together, side by side, as they cooperate to build a family and establish a legacy, whether or not they have children.

However, husbands and wives who are also brothers and sisters in Christ have the opportunity to share philia love. As their mutual goal is God’s glory, when things get tough or they can’t see eye to eye on temporal or personal matters, they are able to put those things aside and focus on that greater goal. This ability to step outside of themselves and their relationship and view things from God’s eternal perspective gives their relationship meaning beyond their mutual benefit and makes it easier for them to find inspiration, contentment, and joy in their marriage even when their flesh tells them to be lazy or selfish.

Because human passion waxes and wanes and circumstances sometimes make it difficult to serve your wife to the extent you would like, be sure to invest in the friendship you share with your wife. Become a team in setting family goals and determining what kind of legacy you want to leave. If your wife is a Christian, go one step further and become a team in figuring out how to use your marriage to glorify God, so when you don’t feel like trying for yourselves, you will still try for Him.

Read Philippians 1:8, 1 Peter 1:22, and 1 Peter 3:7-9.

from Becoming The Husband She Needs

‘It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us.’ 2 Corinthians 1:21-22(NLT)

‘For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”’ Mark 10:45(NLT)

‘In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.’ Matthew 5:16(NLT)

How does Jesus love the Church? Well, first of all, He serves her

Even before the Church became the Church, Jesus demonstrated agape love to all people, those who cared about Him and those who didn’t, meeting their needs not because they deserved it, but because His doing so glorified God, or directed their attention to God’s perfection.

Jesus’ obedient death on the cross was the ultimate act of agape love, love based not on the merit of the receiver, but on the noble intentions of the giver that may or may not involve emotion. A hopeless sinner, you didn’t deserve the sacrifice that sinless Jesus made for you, but He did it anyway, making your spiritual rescue possible and glorifying God in the process. After your salvation, His Holy Spirit continues to equip, comfort, teach, encourage, convict, guide, and empower you, etc. even when you make mistakes.

If you belong to Jesus, He expects you to extend the same level of mercy, grace, and forgiveness to others—friend or foe—that He extends to you, first in His death on the cross and now in His continued involvement in your life through the Holy Spirit. Surely, this includes your wife!

The world says to give only as much as you get, but Jesus says to give everything, expecting nothing in return. Serve your wife. Sacrifice for her. Demonstrate Jesus’ humility as you do so, not because she deserves it—she may not sometimes—but because your loving her the way Jesus loves the Church glorifies God.

• How might your understanding that you don’t necessarily have to feel loving to express love free you up to be the husband God wants you to be?
• Is it possible to act your way into feeling?
• What encouragement can you draw from the fact that your expressing agape love to your wife pleases God, no matter her response?

Read John 13:34-35, Mark 10:45, and Matthew 5:16.

from Becoming The Husband She Needs

‘It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us.’ 2 Corinthians 1:21-22(NLT)

‘And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life.
Conclusion
I have written this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life. ‘ 1 John 5:11-13(NLT)

‘Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’#19:4 Gen 1:27; 5:2.” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’#19:5 Gen 2:24. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.#19:9 Some manuscripts add And anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Compare Matt 5:32.”’ Matthew 19:3-9(NLT)

The Bible tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. That’s a tall order! How in the world are you supposed to do that? You’re just human, after all.

That’s just it! You’re going to need supernatural help. If you have put your faith in Jesus Christ for salvation from sin, then you already have it. Jesus’ Holy Spirit came to live in your heart the moment that you surrendered control of your life to Him, and He will guide, direct, and empower you to do God’s will even in what can sometimes prove to be a tough arena, your marriage.

If the Holy Spirit lives in your heart, He’s there to stay. His presence is proof of the permanence of your status as a permanently adopted child of God. God doesn’t want you to doubt your salvation or spend most of what could be an otherwise productive life worrying about where you stand with Him or where you’re headed. He wants you to feel safe and secure so that you can grow to your full potential and impact the Kingdom. Cool, huh?

Your job is to do the same for your wife.

See, marriage is a metaphor for the relationship between Jesus and the Church, those who have put their faith in Jesus for salvation. In this metaphor, you represent Jesus, and your wife represents the Church. What Jesus did/does for the Church, you must also do for your wife.

Living out the metaphor begins with establishing the permanence of your marriage. The Holy Spirit’s presence in your heart is your proof that Jesus will never leave or forsake you. By the same token, make sure that your wife knows that divorce is not an option as far as you are concerned and that you will never leave or forsake her either. Spend your life proving your resolve through your words and actions. Make her feel safe and secure so that she can grow to her full potential and—whether or not she is a Christian yet—impact the Kingdom according to God’s will for her life.

• Do you have the Holy Spirit living in your heart, or are you trying to do this marriage thing alone?
• Does anything need to change?

Read 2 Corinthians 1:21-22, 1 John 5:11-13, and Matthew 19:3-9.

from Becoming The Husband She Needs

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.’ Ephesians 5:25-33(NLT)

Contrary to the image of marriage often portrayed by the entertainment industry, your marriage is a blessing from God, one that He intends for you to use for His glory.

Yes, the personal benefits of marriage are countless—especially when you depend on God for guidance as you navigate the relationship and obey Him in every detail—but your marriage is about so much more than what you get out of it. It’s about Jesus and the Church, love and sacrifice. Big stuff!

That’s why it’s so important that even when you seem to be getting nothing out of the vows you made, you consciously submit to God’s will and ultimate purpose for your marriage, opening your heart and mind to Him, giving Him permission to mold and shape your thoughts and attitudes to match His will and nature, and doing whatever it takes not only to make your marriage work, but to see it whole, healthy, and thriving, a living illustration of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church made possible by His sacrificial death and resurrection.

• Where your marriage is concerned, is your focus narrow and selfish or broad and altruistic?
• Do you care enough about God and His purposes to make your marriage work and thrive even in the face of challenge?
• How might acknowledging your marriage as the illustration of Jesus’ relationship with the Church that it is, strengthen your resolve to love your wife well?

Read Ephesians 5:25-33.

from Becoming The Husband She Needs