Tag: Becoming A Better Husband

‘Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.’ Proverbs 1:7(NLT)

‘“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.#10:28 Greek Gehenna. ‘ Matthew 10:28(NLT)

‘That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. ‘ Ecclesiastes 12:13(NLT)

‘Those who fear the Lord are secure; he will be a refuge for their children.’ Proverbs 14:26(NLT)

In 2 Samuel 23:3-4, the dying King David gives advice to his son Solomon on how he is to lead God’s people. “The God of Israel said, The Rock of Israel spoke to me,” David says, “‘He who rules over men righteously, who rules in the fear of God, is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, a morning without clouds, when the tender grass springs out of the earth, through sunshine after rain.’”

If your leadership in the home is characterized by righteousness and by the fear of God, it will be like a beautiful spring morning to all who live in your home. That makes it incumbent on you as a husband to be a disciplined student of God’s Word, so that you might exercise your authority in wisdom. To the extent that you lean on your own wisdom and understanding as the source of your authority, you will be abusing your God-given office.

Again, it’s no wonder why our culture has given up on the concept of men leading and ruling in their homes. Not only have men used their authority for selfish gain, but they have failed to rule in the wisdom and counsel of God. It’s easy to understand why women have judged male leadership at home as a failure and have looked for a way to reinterpret the command of Scripture.

Even in a position of authority, a husband is not the ultimate authority. That distinction belongs to God and to his Word. We must look to him for the direction and guidance on how we are to lead our wives.

from Becoming A Better Husband

‘Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you ; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith. ‘ 2 Corinthians 13:5(NLT)

‘If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.’ Galatians 6:3-5(NLT)

‘Instead, let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the Lord .’ Lamentations 3:40(NLT)

‘But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. ‘ 1 John 1:9(NLT)

I have never forgotten what C. S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity about how we acquire virtues. “Very often,” he said, “the only way to get a quality is to start behaving as if you had it already.”

As husband and wife, it’s time to sit down and begin to discuss areas in your marriage where you as a husband need to start showing some leadership. Ask your wife to point out for you areas where you can be leading her and your family. It may be something as simple as initiating daily prayer with your wife. It may involve setting up a savings account to plan for future needs, and then making regular deposits.

Examine the major areas of your family and your life—your faith, your marriage, your family, your job, your relationships with friends, your service to the community, your physical health and well-being, your stewardship over the resources God has given you, and your recreational time—and decide where you need to begin to take some initiative and lead.

As you lead, make sure to check your heart. Are you making decisions that you believe will bring honor and glory to Christ and that will lead both you and your wife to grow in your relationship with him? How do you stand to gain from the decisions you’re making?

Remember, when you exercise your leadership for selfish purposes, you’re abusing the important responsibility God has given you.

from Becoming A Better Husband

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8-10(NLT)

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29(NLT)

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

The prophets of God in the Old Testament have gained a reputation. We see them today as men and women who stood fearlessly in the face of apostasy, announcing judgment and calling God’s people to repent.

It would be wrong, I believe, for us to assume that the men and women raised up by God as his prophets were sour, angry faultfinders. They took no pleasure in announcing God’s coming judgment or calling for repentance. We should not imagine that these were social misfits who didn’t care that their message would be unpopular or that they would be scorned and ridiculed. Jonah was a reluctant prophet. Jeremiah wept as he delivered his message. They fulfilled their duties out of obedience, not because doing so was easy or fun.

But their message always involved more than coming judgment or a call to repentance. They were continually reminding the people of God’s faithfulness, his love, and his mercy. Some of the most wonderful revelations of God’s character come from the prophets.

The sober message of the prophets was one of coming judgment for Israel. Yet the prophet was also a messenger of hope.

Most wives don’t need a constant reminder of their own sin, especially from their husbands. They are painfully aware of their shortcomings and their failures. Instead, they need to be reminded of God’s forgiveness when they stumble. They need to hear again that his mercies are new every morning. They long for encouragement.

When was the last time you reminded your wife that God is with her, and that he will take care of her in the face of difficulties and adversity (Isaiah 43:1-2)? Or that God’s love is an everlasting love, no matter what (Jeremiah 31:3)? Or that he is a forgiving God (Micah 7:18)? Or that he rejoices over her with shouts of joy (Zephaniah 3:17)?

Those prophetic messages from God are like cool water to a thirsty soul. A husband ought to make it his assignment to daily remind his wife of God’s unconditional love for her. He needs to encourage her regularly that God is cheering for her!

In a word, your wife needs to grow in her understanding of God’s grace.

The husband who concentrates on confronting sin has missed the mark. As we speak for God, we need to make sure that his message of grace and love is coming through loud and clear.

from Becoming A Better Husband

‘All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.’ 2 Timothy 3:16-17(NLT)

‘Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.’ Psalms 119:105(NLT)

‘But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”’ Matthew 4:4(NLT)

‘Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.’ Romans 15:4(NLT)

The author of Hebrews reminds us that God “spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways” (Hebrews 1:1). Without the Bible as a reference, prophets relied on hearing directly from God—in dreams, in visions, through an audible voice, or through an impression in their spirit.

Today we have the completed revelation of God to man in the pages of the Bible. Dreams, visions, and audible voices are not the ordinary ways God chooses to speak to us today. He has provided us with a more certain, more trustworthy record of his Word to his people. A prophet today does not need to hope for a “word from the Lord” about a particular subject—he has the sure Word of God as his guide.

To hear from God today, a husband must be diligent to equip himself as a student of the Scriptures. Douglas Wilson, in his book Reforming Marriage, says, “a man may not be a vocational theologian, but in his home he must be the resident theologian. The apostle Paul, when he is urging women to keep silent in the church, tells them that ‘if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home’ (1 Corinthians 14:35). The tragedy is that many modern women have to wonder why the Bible says they should have to ask their husbands. ‘He doesn’t know.’ But a husband must be prepared to answer his wife’s doctrinal questions, and if he cannot, then he must be prepared to study so that he can remedy the deficiency.”

We think of a prophet as one who proclaims God’s truth. First and foremost, he hears from God so that he can proclaim the truth accurately. A husband who would attempt to speak on God’s behalf should tremble at the assignment. False prophets in the Old Testament were stoned. The New Testament warns us to “be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15). The spiritual disciplines of a godly man begin as he reads, studies, memorizes, and mediates on the Word of God.

from Becoming A Better Husband

‘For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.’ 1 Peter 2:21(NLT)

‘Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. ‘ Matthew 16:24(NLT)

‘So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”’ 1 Peter 1:14-16(NLT)

‘My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. ‘ John 10:27(NLT)

The Old Testament records for us the multiplied failures of the kings of Israel and Judah. Dan Allender comments on how few honored their unique calling.

Far too often the kings compromised truth in making alliances that violated God’s desire. They allowed for worship of the false gods associated with the nations with which they had formed alliances. This led to grave injustice, perversion, and a loss of freedom and safety. This perversion of power was seldom condemned in the cultus, but it was roundly exposed by the prophetic community. Eventually, God cleansed the subversion of his rule by sending his people into exile.

We must be husbands who follow the calling and example not of the Old Testament monarchs, but of the King of Kings. He has called us out of darkness and into the kingdom of light. He is at work in us, conforming us to his image. He does not rescue us from every trial, but sends us through them that we might grow. He is the Servant King who willingly lays down his life for his sheep, but who calls us to take up our cross and follow him. Sometimes he leads us beside still waters; other times he points us toward the valley of the shadow of death. We can resist, but we soon learn that it is better to obey than to kick against the goad.

As husbands we have been assigned the kingly task of leading our wives on our pilgrimage through earth to heaven. We serve her not when we do everything she asks us to do, but when we understand and cooperate with the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in her life. We never see our kingly office as an opportunity for privilege, but as a divine responsibility to lead her as she grows in grace.

from Becoming A Better Husband

‘So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. ‘ John 13:34(NLT)

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ‘ Romans 12:10(NLT)

‘Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ‘ 1 John 3:18(NLT)

Just after midnight on April 15, 1912, in the middle of the North Atlantic, hundreds of men faced the challenge of going against their natural instinct for self-preservation and laying down their lives for their women and their children. As they tucked their wives and children safely in one of the few lifeboats on board the Titanic, those men bravely stepped back, waved good-bye to their families, and waited to die.

The sinking of the great ship is still today a landmark historical event, seared on our collective consciousness. Historians and sociologists have discussed at length the significance of the event. Some have seen it as a wake-up call to those who had begun to embrace the arrogance of industrial optimism. Others have called the Titanic a microcosm of man’s ongoing class struggle.

Woven in between those subplots are the heroism and the chivalry of the men who did what the Scriptures exhort husbands to do. Douglas Phillips comments, “With only a few exceptions, Titanic’s men willingly gave up their seats on lifeboats for others, this exemplifying the Bible verse: ‘Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for another.’”

The men on board the Titanic responded to catastrophe with courage and love. The lifeboats were the place for women and children. Phillips continues, “For 1,000 years this principle has guided Western civilization. Simply stated, that principle is this—the groom dies for the bride, the strong suffer for the weak, and the highest expression of love is to give your life for another. This is the true meaning of biblical patriarchy. The men aboard the Titanic recognized their duty because they had been raised in a culture that implicitly embraced such notion. Only by returning to these foundations can we ever hope to live in a society in which men will make the self-conscious decision to die so that women and children may live.”

In order to live as we were designed to live, we must be in pursuit not simply of manhood but of godly masculinity. That begins by being men who are rightly related to God, who understand what it means to fear him, and who respond to that fear by being alert, standing firm in the faith, and being men of courage.

from Becoming A Better Husband

‘Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.’ 2 Corinthians 7:9-10(NLT)

‘Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:2(NLT)

‘“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ‘ John 15:5(NLT)

‘So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ‘ James 4:7(NLT)

Frederica Matthews-Green talked about men and courage in an essay that aired on National Public Radio. “It’s part of the guy’s job description,” she said. “Whenever there’s danger, any man is expected to protect any women at any cost. This is true no matter who she is; it’s not an honor awarded only to his wife or daughter.

We hear plenty of persistent, and sometimes justified, complaining that women get a raw deal in life, that men get all the breaks. But we forget one thing guys do for us, without thinking, over and over again. It’s something we expect from them; we may even take it for granted. We expect them to risk their lives.”

Today men may still act instinctively to protect a woman from harm. What is lacking, however, is the moral courage needed to lead and protect a wife from those things that would lead her into temptation—“the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life” (1 John 2:16). Too often we lack that kind of courage and leadership because we are vulnerable to the same temptations. Taking a courageous stand in the face of moral temptation requires that we first be willing to deal with our own sinful tendencies in those areas.

Often our desire to please our wife or to keep the peace in our relationship will cause us to compromise. While we are never to be inconsiderate of our wife’s feelings or her desires, we are to courageously follow God. There will be times when she will not like our courage or our convictions. She may choose to withhold affection or to lash out in anger. The courageous man will stand firm.

When the Word of God calls us to courage, it anticipates the likelihood that we will abuse that call. So Paul writes, “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14) to remind us that our courage must always be lived out in the power of the Holy Spirit. Courage without love is nothing more than bullying. Leadership without compassion is tyranny. Many of the abuses of masculinity that we have seen throughout the years has come from men who have attempted to “act like men” without doing all that they do in love.

from Becoming A Better Husband