Tag: 14 Keys To Lasting Love

‘Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word.’ Psalms 119:37(NLT)

‘The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. ‘ Luke 12:2(NLT)

‘Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.’ 1 John 2:15-17(NLT)

Devotional

The internet is amazing. It is such a big part of our lives today. It has made our world smaller. Connecting with someone on the other side of our planet is almost instant. Think about the ways it can help your marriage. You can send an email to your spouse and eliminate the middleman. We can enjoy streaming entertainment together on demand. Online shopping is a daily part of our lives so we can order that perfect gift for our spouse and have it delivered to our door as soon as today. You can read and study the Bible together with an unlimited number of resources. You can have your favorite love song played for the two of you as soon as you request it. The internet is amazing.  

Yet, as with so many good things there are also some negatives. There are things we need to be aware of if we are to have the marriages that we want and desire. One of the things that most of us don’t have enough of is time. Time is precious. The time we can spend together as a couple is priceless. Letting the internet eat into time with our spouse can be dangerous for our marriage. Sitting in front of a computer or mobile device blocks out everything else around you and that can include your spouse. I have found that I have to unplug. I have to get away from technology. Only then can I be truly present with Nancy. She needs that, I need that, and our marriage needs that. Then there is the issue of money. With everything we ever dreamed of and more online, the temptation to buy is always there. It is so easy to put something in your cart and then buy it. Yet, every time the cart wins over your budget, your marriage can be in trouble. 

Finally, the internet brings us two marriage killers. The internet has brought pornography into our homes in ways that were not possible in the past. I know so many men that never had a problem with porn until the internet. It makes going there way too easy. The other killer can be the people you meet online. Today one of the top three starting places for an affair is online. The reality is that porn and affairs are not going away.  They will always be temptations. The consequences of both can be devastating. They will damage many marriages and end many others. The marriage that you can have the most influence on is your own. You can control how you use your time and how well you follow the family budget. You can choose not to click on certain sites or connect with certain people. The internet can enhance and grow your marriage or do the exact opposite. It’s your choice. What will you choose?

Today’s Challenge

Together make a list of “no click” places to go online.

Going Deeper

Where are you vulnerable online? What are you doing or what can you do to protect yourself and your marriage?

Resource:

Discover the 14 secrets to a lasting and loving marriage.

In this fresh, insightful marriage book, Dr. Kim talks directly to couples, showing you that marriage isn’t just meant to make you happy but to make you holy. Over the years, through his ministry, he’s conducted countless couples surveys. He knows what you struggle with and what areas of marriage scare you. He knows what you want and what you don’t want. By looking at 14 major areas of marriage, Dr. Kim shows couples how to stay on the right track. Through chapters on empathy, personal health, conflict behavior, talking, intimacy, sex, and more, you’ll learn how to have the happy, connected marriage you’ve dreamed of.

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

‘May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. ‘ Romans 15:5(NLT)

‘Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ‘ Hebrews 10:24(NLT)

Devotional

Two of my favorite things to talk to couples about are “being on the same team” and “fighting together for your marriage.” The two go hand in hand. When you and your spouse see yourselves as a team, it addresses one of the main issues with conflict: selfishness. If the two of you are fighting together instead of fighting each other, the problem is no longer separating you because you are working to solve it together.  

These concepts are great in theory and when applied consistently they really do work.  The issue for each of us then is being consistent. We can rock along with things really going well. We can almost get lulled into thinking that we finally have this conflict thing conquered. Then a problem comes up. Now we are faced with at least three choices.  

• When things are going well, our tendency can be to minimize a problem that should be dealt with because we do not want to rock the boat. So we let it go, but it usually comes back around. Or,  
• We can fall back into old patterns and let the problem come between us. That won’t work now, just like it did not work then. Or,
• We can set a time to talk about the problem and solve it together with the resolve that the problem will not come between us. We will fight it together. 

I hate to admit that Nancy and I can still fall into choices one and two. It makes no sense. I know better but sometimes I go to “me first” instead of “God first.” That is really the bottom line isn’t it? If I go to God first, my choice will always be number three. He reminds me that Nancy is my best friend and not my enemy. He helps me be honest and humble. He takes away the obstacles of my pride and selfishness. He tells me that the three of us (God, Nancy, and me) have got this. Remember that you always have a choice, and you always have a God who has all the answers.

Today’s Challenge

Is there anything that gets in the way of the two of you being on the same team? What is it? What is your next step in solving that problem together?

Going Deeper

What does “fighting for your marriage” look like when the two of you are fighting together? What is a battle that you need to be fighting together today? What is your first step in beginning the fight?

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights! You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit. I said, “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine—
Young Woman
Yes, wine that goes down smoothly for my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth. I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own. Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.’ Song of Songs 7:6-12(NLT)

‘Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.’ Genesis 2:25(NLT)

Devotional

When I am counseling a couple and we talk about their sex life, one question almost always comes up. “How often should we be having sex?” This question actually bothers me. It’s like we are either looking for a quota to meet or making a checklist for sex in our marriage. What if we changed the question to something like this, “How often do we get to enjoy each other sexually?” That puts a different spin on things doesn’t it?  

When we see sex as a gift from God to be enjoyed in the marriage relationship, why would we not enjoy it as much as we can? Sure there are barriers that get in the way.  We get tired; we have kids; our libido changes and our testosterone level gets low, but none of those need to keep us from making our sexual relationship a priority. Are there seasons of marriage when frequency is more often than others? Of course, which goes back to my question: how often do we get to enjoy sex together? 

I think the quality is just as important, if not more important, than the quantity. That does not mean that every time you have sex there has to be candlelight and soft music and whatever. Quality means that you are both really present with each other in every way – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You can have that with the romantic candlelight sex, or sex in the shower, or a quickie while the kids are napping. When both of you make sex a priority, see it as a gift from God, and are really present in every way with each other, I think the quantity question takes care of itself.  What do you think?

Today’s Challenge

Make one decision together that will make sex a priority in your marriage.

Going Deeper

Identify one hurdle that you need to work on together to improve your sex life in your marriage.

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.’ Matthew 6:21(NLT)

‘Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test! ‘ Malachi 3:10(NLT)

‘Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! ‘ Ecclesiastes 5:10(NLT)

Devotional

Today let’s look at a topic that usually makes the top two or three of every list about problems in marriage. Money. My take is that money, in and of itself, is not bad. The problems come with how we look at money. Do we see it as a tool that God provides to help us meet our needs and some wants and desires? Or is it a god that we elevate above everything else in our lives?

Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:24 that we “can’t worship God and money.” When we elevate money above its rightful place, money becomes an idol called mammon. Most of us would say that it would never be a god in our lives, but the step between money and mammon can be a small one, especially in a culture that is very money- driven. This is what Nancy and I have learned that has helped us keep the money issue under control. We see that God owns all we have. He is the owner and He entrusts us to manage it. 

That perspective was a game changer for us. It helped us commit to tithing. It has strengthened our marriage because we don’t fight over money anymore. We regularly pray over big money decisions. Does that mean that we never struggle with money? No. Can we get caught up in all the things money can buy? Yes. The difference is that we made a commitment to do money God’s way. We are not perfect in this but when we fail we have a reference point to get back to. What about you? Is it money or mammon? Does it control you or do you control it? Can you begin to see that all is God’s with Him as the owner and you as the managers? What is your next step?

Today’s Challenge

If you adopted the concept that God is owner and you are the managers, how would that change the way you handle money in your marriage?

Going Deeper

Begin seeking God’s wisdom with your money and how you use it.

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT)

‘Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way! “My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.” Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”’ Matthew 11:26-30(NLT)

‘But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.’ Luke 5:16(NLT)

Devotional

I don’t think we often recognize the importance of taking care of our health in taking care of our marriage. I look at “issues in marriage” lists all the time and have yet to see personal health crack a list. Yet, when we surveyed couples in writing this book, it was one of the areas of concern. The problem is that we just don’t talk about it very much as it relates to marriage.  

Look at it this way. If you are working on your marriage (and you are, or you would not be reading this plan), you want it to be better. The better it gets, the more time you want to have together. Right? So taking care of yourself is really good for your marriage. It starts with a daily routine of good hygiene which makes routine checkups with the doctor and dentist a lot easier. Then how would you rate your physical conditioning? If you are in pretty good shape, keep doing what you are doing. If you aren’t, start somewhere! Take a walk. Join a gym. Get a personal trainer. Do push ups. Any exercise is better than none. Hopefully, as you get in better shape, you will feel better and and that will motivate you to keep it up.  

In the United States, many people don’t eat well. I get it! Unhealthy food can taste a lot better than healthy food – until you get used to it. It’s really about balance. I love a good hamburger and fries but I can’t eat that every day. So Nancy and I eat healthily during the week so we can splurge a little on the weekends. It works well for us.  

This next point is really for the guys because, in general, I don’t think we do this well. If you are having a health issue, go see a doctor. Most likely it is an easy fix and if it needs more, the sooner the better. Taking this whole idea of taking care of yourself seriously  will help your marriage. You will look better and feel better and you can get back to pursuing each other like you used to. That is a key to a lasting relationship.

Today’s Challenge

Take time to answer these questions together:

How much sleep do you get on average? Is it enough?

How healthfully do you eat? Do you need to make changes?

How often do you exercise? Is it adequate to keep you healthy?

When was the last time you had a medical checkup? Do you need to make an appointment?

How can you support each other in developing a plan for the best personal health possible?

Going Deeper

As part of taking care of yourself, set a time each year to evaluate yourselves on personal health issues. Hold each other accountable. Most of all, enjoy the fruits of your hard work!

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ‘ Genesis 2:18(NLT)

‘For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:22-25(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Devotional:

Nancy and I were married five years when our son was born. Almost three years later, our daughter was born. Both were answers to prayer as we had waited a long time to be a mom and a dad. Going into parenthood, we had a good marriage. We had worked through a number of our issues. It was far from perfect, but we were headed in the right direction. 

We had two goals as we entered into this stage of life together. We wanted to be the best parents we could be, and we wanted to have the marriage God had for us. It seemed like the right plan, and we set out with confidence, but with no clue how difficult both would be. At times, there were temptations to put all of our time and energy into the kids. They were active and involved in so much, and we loved it all.  

We had a choice. We could put our marriage on hold and live for the kids, or we could keep our marriage strong and work at balance. We choose number two. Why? First, God tells us to put Him first and our marriage second. There is no addendum that says “put kids above marriage while they are in the home.” Second, we knew from five years of working on our marriage that we could not coast. Our marriage needed consistent attention, and the absolute last thing we wanted was for our kids to grow up in a broken home. 

The pressures to have a child-centered home were probably as strong then as they are today. We saw couples we knew make that choice. Sadly, many of those marriages did not survive. It is not much fun being married to a stranger. This is what we experienced. God honored our decision. I have no doubt that we were better parents because we followed His plan and our marriage was better too. We received the best of both worlds. How about you? Which plan will you choose?

Today’s Challenge:

If someone on the outside took an honest look at your family, would they see it as child-centered or as balanced, with the marriage as first priority? Share your answers with each other.

Going Deeper:

Culturally, most of us feel pressure to put our marriage on hold while raising kids, at least to some extent. What are those pressures for the two of you? How will you navigate them together?

Resource:

Discover the 14 secrets to a lasting and loving marriage.

In this fresh, insightful marriage book, Dr. Kim talks directly to couples, showing you that marriage isn’t just meant to make you happy but to make you holy. Over the years, through his ministry, he’s conducted countless couples surveys. He knows what you struggle with and what areas of marriage scare you. He knows what you want and what you don’t want. By looking at 14 major areas of marriage, Dr. Kim shows couples how to stay on the right track. Through chapters on empathy, personal health, conflict behavior, talking, intimacy, sex, and more, you’ll learn how to have the happy, connected marriage you’ve dreamed of.

from 14 Keys To Lasting Love by Dr. Kim Kimberling