Categories
ZZ

First Call for Alarm: Hosea 7:1-16

‘“I want to heal Israel, but its sins are too great. Samaria is filled with liars. Thieves are on the inside and bandits on the outside! Its people don’t realize that I am watching them. Their sinful deeds are all around them, and I see them all. “The people entertain the king with their wickedness, and the princes laugh at their lies. They are all adulterers, always aflame with lust. They are like an oven that is kept hot while the baker is kneading the dough. On royal holidays, the princes get drunk with wine, carousing with those who mock them. Their hearts are like an oven blazing with intrigue. Their plot smolders through the night, and in the morning it breaks out like a raging fire. Burning like an oven, they consume their leaders. They kill their kings one after another, and no one cries to me for help. “The people of Israel mingle with godless foreigners, making themselves as worthless as a half-baked cake! Worshiping foreign gods has sapped their strength, but they don’t even know it. Their hair is gray, but they don’t realize they’re old and weak. Their arrogance testifies against them, yet they don’t return to the Lord their God or even try to find him. “The people of Israel have become like silly, witless doves, first calling to Egypt, then flying to Assyria for help. But as they fly about, I will throw my net over them and bring them down like a bird from the sky. I will punish them for all the evil they do. “What sorrow awaits those who have deserted me! Let them die, for they have rebelled against me. I wanted to redeem them, but they have told lies about me. They do not cry out to me with sincere hearts. Instead, they sit on their couches and wail. They cut themselves, begging foreign gods for grain and new wine, and they turn away from me. I trained them and made them strong, yet now they plot evil against me. They look everywhere except to the Most High. They are as useless as a crooked bow. Their leaders will be killed by their enemies because of their insolence toward me. Then the people of Egypt will laugh at them.’ Hosea 7:1-16(NLT)

Idolatry was a fundamental violation of the loyalty God required of his people because it represented Israel’s treasonous submission to the false gods of other nations. According to 1 Kings 12:28, Jeroboam I established the worship of a golden calf when he founded the kingdom of Israel. And Hosea knew that this rebellion against God had only increased as the Israelites continued to mix their own worship with the idolatry of Canaanite religions. Idolatry also increased every time Israel made an alliance with another nation because international alliances in the ancient world required acknowledging the gods of other nations.

When modern readers notice in the book of Hosea that he condemns the alliances that Israel made with other nations, we sort of scratch our head and wonder what is going on there. Because when we think of forming international alliances, we think that’s a good thing. I mean, that’s what one country does with another in order to establish peace and safety and power and all those kinds of things. So, we think of it as something good. But you have to understand that in the days of the Old Testament that when one nation formed an alliance with another nation, that also involved forming associations of their gods, so that one nation would accept gods from the other and the other nation would accept gods from the one. And so, when Israel, or Judah for that matter, made alliances with foreign kingdoms, then they were de facto accepting the gods of those kingdoms. And this was a great rebellion against the God of Israel, because God demanded loyalty only to himself from his people, and he required them to depend on him only. But as soon as they made alliances with other kingdoms, that meant that they had to at least give nominal acknowledgement to the other kingdom’s gods. And in addition to that, they actually began to depend on those gods and to pray to those gods. – Dr. Richard L. Pratt, Jr. 

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
ZZ

First Call for Alarm: Hosea 6:1-11

‘“Come, let us return to the Lord . He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord ! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.” “O Israel and Judah, what should I do with you?” asks the Lord . “For your love vanishes like the morning mist and disappears like dew in the sunlight. I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces— to slaughter you with my words, with judgments as inescapable as light. I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. But like Adam, you broke my covenant and betrayed my trust. “Gilead is a city of sinners, tracked with footprints of blood. Priests form bands of robbers, waiting in ambush for their victims. They murder travelers along the road to Shechem and practice every kind of sin. Yes, I have seen something horrible in Ephraim and Israel: My people are defiled by prostituting themselves with other gods! “O Judah, a harvest of punishment is also waiting for you, though I wanted to restore the fortunes of my people.’ Hosea 6:1-11(NLT)

Hosea’s prophecies emphasized Israel’s rebellion so much and in so many different ways that it can seem overwhelming. So, it helps if we think in terms of two issues: God’s accusations and his judgments. 

On the one side, Hosea’s revelations drew attention to four types of accusations against Israel. First, he pointed out that Israel had violated the fundamental requirements of God’s covenant and law. In the section dealing with God’s lawsuits, God’s earlier lawsuit begins with categorical condemnations. In chapter 4:1, Hosea said that Israel had “no faithfulness or steadfast love” and “no knowledge of God.” In verse 2, Hosea alluded to the Ten Commandments when he said that Israel was full of “swearing, lying, murder, stealing, and committing adultery.” And in this same verse, God stressed the particularly heinous sins of violence in Israel, saying, “bloodshed follows bloodshed.” Verse 6 sums up widespread conditions in Israel by explaining that the Israelites had “forgotten the law of … God.” In God’s later lawsuit, Hosea spoke again of widespread violence. In chapter 5:2 he declared, “the revolters have gone deep into slaughter.”

Then, in Hosea’s prophecies highlighting God’s calls for alarm, God’s first call for alarm repeats this focus on God’s covenant and law. In chapter 6:7, God said that “like Adam they transgressed the covenant.” Verses 8 and 9 mention violence again, saying that “Gilead is … tracked with blood… robbers lie in wait … and even the priests … murder.” Chapter 7:1 raises another accusation of widespread violence when it says, “the thief breaks in and the bandits raid outside.” God’s second call for alarm records God’s accusation in chapter 8:1, saying “Israel transgressed my covenant and rebelled against my law.” And, in verse 12, God sarcastically concluded that Israel would ignore him, even if he wrote “laws by the ten thousands.” In fact, chapter 9:7 tells us that Israel viewed God’s covenant messengers, the prophets, with contempt, saying, “The prophet is a fool; the man of the spirit” — the Holy Spirit — “is mad.” Hosea left no room for doubt. Israel had flagrantly violated God’s covenant and his law.  

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
ZZ

God’s Calls for Alarm: Hosea 5:1-15

‘“Hear this, you priests. Pay attention, you leaders of Israel. Listen, you members of the royal family. Judgment has been handed down against you. For you have led the people into a snare by worshiping the idols at Mizpah and Tabor. You have dug a deep pit to trap them at Acacia Grove. But I will settle with you for what you have done. I know what you are like, O Ephraim. You cannot hide yourself from me, O Israel. You have left me as a prostitute leaves her husband; you are utterly defiled. Your deeds won’t let you return to your God. You are a prostitute through and through, and you do not know the Lord . “The arrogance of Israel testifies against her; Israel and Ephraim will stumble under their load of guilt. Judah, too, will fall with them. When they come with their flocks and herds to offer sacrifices to the Lord , they will not find him, because he has withdrawn from them. They have betrayed the honor of the Lord , bearing children that are not his. Now their false religion will devour them along with their wealth. “Sound the alarm in Gibeah! Blow the trumpet in Ramah! Raise the battle cry in Beth-aven ! Lead on into battle, O warriors of Benjamin! One thing is certain, Israel : On your day of punishment, you will become a heap of rubble. “The leaders of Judah have become like thieves. So I will pour my anger on them like a waterfall. The people of Israel will be crushed and broken by my judgment because they are determined to worship idols. I will destroy Israel as a moth consumes wool. I will make Judah as weak as rotten wood. “When Israel and Judah saw how sick they were, Israel turned to Assyria— to the great king there— but he could neither help nor cure them. I will be like a lion to Israel, like a strong young lion to Judah. I will tear them to pieces! I will carry them off, and no one will be left to rescue them. Then I will return to my place until they admit their guilt and turn to me. For as soon as trouble comes, they will earnestly search for me.”’ Hosea 5:1-15(NLT)

In the first division of his book, Hosea affirmed the hope that after a period of judgment God would pour out great blessings on Israel and Judah. And he made it clear that this would occur “in the latter days.” But because God’s people continued to rebel, God’s judgment remained on them for more than 700 years. Still, despite God’s prolonged discipline, Jesus and his first century apostles and prophets never gave up on Hosea’s hopeful prophecies about the latter days. Rather, time and again, New Testament authors identified the entire New Testament age — the age of the Christian church — as “the latter days,” using the Greek term eschatos. This is the term from which we get our theological expression “eschatology.” Put simply, New Testament authors taught that Jesus is the great son of David who fulfills Hosea’s prophecies about the eschatological or latter days.

The New Testament also teaches that God’s latter day blessings for his bride are unfolding in three stages. The first stage was the inauguration of Christ’s kingdom when Jesus established the foundation of the church in his first advent and in the ministries of his apostles and prophets. The second stage is the continuation of Christ’s kingdom throughout church history. And the third stage will be the final consummation of the kingdom when Christ returns in glory and makes all things new. As followers of Christ, we must apply Hosea’s early prophecies of judgment and hope in the light of all three of these stages of Christ’s kingdom. 

The New Testament gospels emphasize that Jesus himself began to fulfill Hosea’s latter day hopes for God’s bride during his earthly ministry. Jesus called a remnant of followers for God’s kingdom out of Judah, but he also gathered followers from northern Israel, especially from around the Sea of Galilee. By creating his church out of faithful followers from both regions, Jesus began reunifying Israel and Judah under his rule as David’s son. 

And more than this, the mission Jesus established for his apostles and prophets in [Acts chapter 1 verse 8] also corresponds with Hosea’s latter day expectations. Christ’s reunification of Israel and Judah under the house of David was only part of God’s plan. To fulfill God’s grand goal for the latter days, Jesus’ apostles were to be his witnesses, not only in the territories of Israel and Judah, but also “to the end of the earth.”

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
ZZ

Later Family Experiences: Hosea 3:1-5

‘Hear the word of the Lord , O people of Israel! The Lord has brought charges against you, saying: “There is no faithfulness, no kindness, no knowledge of God in your land. You make vows and break them; you kill and steal and commit adultery. There is violence everywhere— one murder after another. That is why your land is in mourning, and everyone is wasting away. Even the wild animals, the birds of the sky, and the fish of the sea are disappearing. “Don’t point your finger at someone else and try to pass the blame! My complaint, you priests, is with you. So you will stumble in broad daylight, and your false prophets will fall with you in the night. And I will destroy Israel, your mother. My people are being destroyed because they don’t know me. Since you priests refuse to know me, I refuse to recognize you as my priests. Since you have forgotten the laws of your God, I will forget to bless your children. The more priests there are, the more they sin against me. They have exchanged the glory of God for the shame of idols. “When the people bring their sin offerings, the priests get fed. So the priests are glad when the people sin! ‘And what the priests do, the people also do.’ So now I will punish both priests and people for their wicked deeds. They will eat and still be hungry. They will play the prostitute and gain nothing from it, for they have deserted the Lord to worship other gods. “Wine has robbed my people of their understanding. They ask a piece of wood for advice! They think a stick can tell them the future! Longing after idols has made them foolish. They have played the prostitute, serving other gods and deserting their God. They offer sacrifices to idols on the mountaintops. They go up into the hills to burn incense in the pleasant shade of oaks, poplars, and terebinth trees. “That is why your daughters turn to prostitution, and your daughters-in-law commit adultery. But why should I punish them for their prostitution and adultery? For your men are doing the same thing, sinning with whores and shrine prostitutes. O foolish people! You refuse to understand, so you will be destroyed. “Though you, Israel, are a prostitute, may Judah not be guilty of such things. Do not join the false worship at Gilgal or Beth-aven, and do not take oaths there in the Lord ’s name. Israel is stubborn, like a stubborn heifer. So should the Lord feed her like a lamb in a lush pasture? Leave Israel alone, because she is married to idolatry. When the rulers of Israel finish their drinking, off they go to find some prostitutes. They love shame more than honor. So a mighty wind will sweep them away. Their sacrifices to idols will bring them shame.’ Hosea 4:1-19(NLT)

After recording how judgment and hope were revealed in his earlier family experiences and in God’s first lawsuit, Hosea turned to an account of his later family experiences in chapter 3:1-5.

Hosea 3 begins with an autobiographical family narrative in verses 1 through 3. Gomer, we learn, had returned to worship prostitution. But God commanded Hosea in verse 1 to “Go again to Gomer, love a woman who is … an adulteress.” Hosea obeyed, but in verse 3, he told Gomer that she was to be without a man “for many days.” Still, Hosea was careful to balance these words of judgment with a second set of divinely inspired hopeful prophetic reflections. 

In chapter 3 verses 4 and 5 we read this:

For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods. Afterward the children of Israel … shall come in fear to the Lord and to his goodness.

As this passage indicates, Gomer’s time without a man symbolized that Israel would have to endure a long period of devastation, “without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods.” But once again, Hosea stressed the hopeful outlook that after this judgment ended, Israel would receive God’s “goodness” or blessings. 

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
ZZ

Later Family Experiences: Hosea 3:1-5

‘Then the Lord said to me, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the Lord still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them. ” So I bought her back for fifteen pieces of silver and five bushels of barley and a measure of wine. Then I said to her, “You must live in my house for many days and stop your prostitution. During this time, you will not have sexual relations with anyone, not even with me. ” This shows that Israel will go a long time without a king or prince, and without sacrifices, sacred pillars, priests, or even idols! But afterward the people will return and devote themselves to the Lord their God and to David’s descendant, their king. In the last days, they will tremble in awe of the Lord and of his goodness.’ Hosea 3:1-5(NLT)

After recording how judgment and hope were revealed in his earlier family experiences and in God’s first lawsuit, Hosea turned to an account of his later family experiences in chapter 3:1-5.

Hosea 3 begins with an autobiographical family narrative in verses 1 through 3. Gomer, we learn, had returned to worship prostitution. But God commanded Hosea in verse 1 to “Go again to Gomer, love a woman who is … an adulteress.” Hosea obeyed, but in verse 3, he told Gomer that she was to be without a man “for many days.” Still, Hosea was careful to balance these words of judgment with a second set of divinely inspired hopeful prophetic reflections. 

In chapter 3 verses 4 and 5 we read this:

For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods. Afterward the children of Israel … shall come in fear to the Lord and to his goodness.

As this passage indicates, Gomer’s time without a man symbolized that Israel would have to endure a long period of devastation, “without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods.” But once again, Hosea stressed the hopeful outlook that after this judgment ended, Israel would receive God’s “goodness” or blessings. 

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
ZZ

God’s Lawsuit: Hosea 2:1-23

Charges against an Unfaithful Wife
“But now bring charges against Israel—your mother— for she is no longer my wife, and I am no longer her husband. Tell her to remove the prostitute’s makeup from her face and the clothing that exposes her breasts. Otherwise, I will strip her as naked as she was on the day she was born. I will leave her to die of thirst, as in a dry and barren wilderness. And I will not love her children, for they were conceived in prostitution. Their mother is a shameless prostitute and became pregnant in a shameful way. She said, ‘I’ll run after other lovers and sell myself to them for food and water, for clothing of wool and linen, and for olive oil and drinks.’ “For this reason I will fence her in with thornbushes. I will block her path with a wall to make her lose her way. When she runs after her lovers, she won’t be able to catch them. She will search for them but not find them. Then she will think, ‘I might as well return to my husband, for I was better off with him than I am now.’ She doesn’t realize it was I who gave her everything she has— the grain, the new wine, the olive oil; I even gave her silver and gold. But she gave all my gifts to Baal. “But now I will take back the ripened grain and new wine I generously provided each harvest season. I will take away the wool and linen clothing I gave her to cover her nakedness. I will strip her naked in public, while all her lovers look on. No one will be able to rescue her from my hands. I will put an end to her annual festivals, her new moon celebrations, and her Sabbath days—all her appointed festivals. I will destroy her grapevines and fig trees, things she claims her lovers gave her. I will let them grow into tangled thickets, where only wild animals will eat the fruit. I will punish her for all those times when she burned incense to her images of Baal, when she put on her earrings and jewels and went out to look for her lover but forgot all about me,” says the Lord.
The Lord’s Love for Unfaithful Israel
“But then I will win her back once again.I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt. When that day comes,” says the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’ instead of ‘my master.’ O Israel, I will wipe the many names of Baal from your lips, and you will never mention them again. On that day I will make a covenant with all the wild animals and the birds of the sky and the animals that scurry along the ground so they will not harm you. I will remove all weapons of war from the land, all swords and bows, so you can live unafraid in peace and safety. I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord. “In that day, I will answer,” says the Lord. “I will answer the sky as it pleads for clouds. And the sky will answer the earth with rain. Then the earth will answer the thirsty cries of the grain, the grapevines, and the olive trees. And they in turn will answer, ‘Jezreel’—‘God plants!’ At that time I will plant a crop of Israelites and raise them for myself. I will show love to those I called ‘Not loved.’ And to those I called ‘Not my people,’ I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’ And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’ Hosea 2:1-23(NLT)

Following this balanced account of his earlier family experiences, Hosea turned to God’s first lawsuit in his book, in chapter 2:2-23. As we usually expect with prophetic lawsuits, in chapter 2:2-13, God declared in the court of heaven that northern Israel was going to suffer his curses. Like Gomer and her worship prostitution, the Israelites had been unfaithful to God, and God was going to curse them through the rise of the Assyrian Empire. But unlike most divine lawsuits, this lawsuit didn’t end with curses from God. On the contrary, in verses 14-23 God also spoke of blessings that would come after Israel’s judgment.

Consider God’s hopeful words in chapter 2:18: 

I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety.

Here we see that God expressed the certainty of a grand future after judgment by promising to make a covenant with Israel — a covenant that later prophets also predicted. Jeremiah 31:31 speaks of this covenant as a “new covenant.” And Isaiah 54:10, and Ezekiel 34:25 and 37:26 all refer to it as a “covenant of peace.” Here, Hosea’s prophecy focused on how God’s blessings would restore nature — “the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground.” And God also promised the cessation of violence from Assyria. He would “abolish the bow, the sword and war.” And Israel would “lie down in safety.” 

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
ZZ

Earlier Family Experiences: Hosea 1:1-11

‘The Lord gave this message to Hosea son of Beeri during the years when Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah were kings of Judah, and Jeroboam son of Jehoash was king of Israel.
Hosea’s Wife and Children
When the Lord first began speaking to Israel through Hosea, he said to him, “Go and marry a prostitute, so that some of her children will be conceived in prostitution. This will illustrate how Israel has acted like a prostitute by turning against the Lord and worshiping other gods.” So Hosea married Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim, and she became pregnant and gave Hosea a son. And the Lord said, “Name the child Jezreel, for I am about to punish King Jehu’s dynasty to avenge the murders he committed at Jezreel. In fact, I will bring an end to Israel’s independence. I will break its military power in the Jezreel Valley.” Soon Gomer became pregnant again and gave birth to a daughter. And the Lord said to Hosea, “Name your daughter Lo-ruhamah—‘Not loved’—for I will no longer show love to the people of Israel or forgive them. But I will show love to the people of Judah. I will free them from their enemies—not with weapons and armies or horses and charioteers, but by my power as the Lord their God.” After Gomer had weaned Lo-ruhamah, she again became pregnant and gave birth to a second son. And the Lord said, “Name him Lo-ammi—‘Not my people’—for Israel is not my people, and I am not their God. “Yet the time will come when Israel’s people will be like the sands of the seashore—too many to count! Then, at the place where they were told, ‘You are not my people,’ it will be said, ‘You are children of the living God.’ Then the people of Judah and Israel will unite together. They will choose one leader for themselves, and they will return from exile together. What a day that will be—the day of Jezreel —when God will again plant his people in his land.’ Hosea 1:1-11(NLT)

The book of Hosea begins with a personal account of his earlier family experiences in chapter 1:2-2:1. This section starts with a family narrative in chapter 1:2- 9. In verses 2-3, God commanded Hosea to marry Gomer, “a wife” — or woman — “of whoredom.” This description indicates that Gomer was one of the many prostitutes who served in Israel’s fertility worship centers. Her way of life cast a dark shadow over Hosea’s marriage. But more than this, their marriage symbolized that God had joined himself, through covenant, with an unfaithful people — the people of Israel.

Then, in verses 4-9, God commanded Hosea to give his children specific names that revealed Israel’s condition before God. Hosea’s first son was named Jezreel. 2 Kings 10 explains that Jeroboam II’s ancestor, King Jehu, had established his dynasty with horrific violence at Jezreel. Naming Hosea’s first son Jezreel revealed that violent judgment was soon to come to Israel. Hosea’s second child, a daughter, was named Lo-Ruhamah, which may be translated “not loved,” or “no mercy.” This name indicated that God was going to stop showing love and mercy to the kingdom of Israel. Finally, God commanded Hosea to name his third child Lo-Ammi, which means “not my people.” This son’s name revealed that, for a period of time, God would treat Israel as if it were a Gentile nation under his wrath.

Hosea’s earlier family experiences revealed the terrible judgment that was coming to Israel. But, Hosea immediately balanced these words of judgment with some divinely-inspired hopeful prophetic reflections in chapter 1:10 through chapter 2:1. Here, he declared that, despite the devastation that was coming against Israel, God would still fulfill the promises he’d made to Abraham in Genesis chapters 13 and 22. 

Hosea 1:10 where Hosea announced:

The children of Israel shall be like the sand of the sea, which cannot be measured or numbered. And in the place where it was said to them, “You are not my people,” it shall be said to them, “Children of the living God.” 

[We] find in the prophetic books that sometimes the Lord — in order to emphasize his determination to fulfill his promises — used symbols. He made use of symbolic actions. So, when he asked Hosea to marry a prostitute, what God wanted was to illustrate vividly the infidelity of his people, how his people had acted like an adulterous woman — even more, like a prostitute — going after other gods, the gods of other nations. But, by means of the prophet Hosea, he showed that, in spite of the prostitutions of his people, the infidelity of his people, he remained faithful to his covenant. know him, he knows them. We don’t know him personally, but they have a very close relationship. – Dr. David Correa

from The Prophetic Wisdom Of Hosea

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Is a Great Marriage Possible Without Good Sex?

‘For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.’ Isaiah 43:19(NLT)

‘Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”’ Matthew 11:28-30(NLT)

‘The Lord protects them and keeps them alive. He gives them prosperity in the land and rescues them from their enemies. The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health.’ Psalms 41:2-3(NLT)

Is a great marriage possible without good sex? That’s a question we never thought we’d have to answer. My wife and I married young and thought our sex life would be effortless and fun. We were good kids in a good marriage, so why wouldn’t that include good sex?

Within the first year, my wife was pregnant. She started experiencing stabbing pain during intercourse. We assumed it was a pregnancy complication. But the pregnancy passed, and the pain stayed.

The pain lasted four years. Even after it subsided, emotional scars remained. We would occasionally have what I insensitively called “real sex,” but it wasn’t enjoyable. She was understandably scared the pain would come back. I felt like we were a million miles apart emotionally.

It wasn’t until I learned to love my wife more than I loved sex that our relationship started to heal. When we love each other like Jesus, our marriage is unbreakable.

Here are some tips for an unbreakable marriage:

1. Keep the communication lines open. Both spouses need to feel safe enough to express their desires and fears. Listen closely to your partner and put their needs above yours. If you both do this, acceptable compromises are within reach.

2. Don’t give up. Just because your expectations aren’t being met doesn’t give you an excuse to quit your marriage. Our vows included the phrase “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” That vow is still as valid as the day we first said it.

3. Don’t look over the fence. Once you start to feel like your sex life is hopeless, it’s tempting to start looking outside your marriage for fulfillment. If you’re struggling with pornography, get help. Also, don’t share your struggles with members of the opposite sex. You may find a person who is empathetic and understanding, but that relationship can undermine your marriage.

4. Find help. Sharing your experiences together as a couple with someone who can help is vital. We struggled for so long because we were too scared to talk to anyone. Find a counselor or a therapist. If the problem is physical, talk to your doctor.

No matter how difficult your situation, I promise you it can be better than it is today. Even if sex as you see it will never again be possible, there are ways to find fulfillment and lasting intimacy. God has the supernatural ability to make all things new and that includes your sex life.

Michael

from Sex

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Myth #5: Sex should never be discussed outside the marriage bed.

‘Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance’ Proverbs 1:5(NLT)

‘Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn even more.’ Proverbs 9:9(NLT)

‘Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.’ Proverbs 13:20(NLT)

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’ Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

Sex is a sacred endeavor between husband and wife. But there are times that we need and desire the thoughts from our closest friends and trusted counselors because we struggle to navigate the uneasy waters of the sexual conversation. 

Guys, do you have a friend who honors his wife in a healthy marriage? Start there. Women, look for a friend who cherishes her husband and honors God with her marriage. Your friend should love God and be earnestly in pursuit of a relationship with Him. Who can you think of who has a solid history of fruitfully ministering truth to others, has a healthy awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses, displays self-discipline, and is unabashed in articulating the truths of God’s Word? It’s a tall list for sure. You might not know of anyone, but ask your other friends who they trust. Find a Christian counselor near you. Ask a couple who’s a little further down the road than you if they’d mentor you.

Often, symptoms such as depression and anxiety, exhaustion, and stress (just to name a few) can lead to individuals having little to no sex drive, and in the case of sexual trauma, individuals can have a mistrust of anything sexual. Partners often state a “lack of feeling appreciated,” “no emotional connection,” and even “no romance” as reasons for having little to no desire for sexual intimacy with their spouse.* 

No matter the reason, if we love our spouses and are seeking to meet their needs, just as they are seeking to meet our needs, we should be willing to seek whatever help possible to increase the satisfaction and desire to connect intimately with them.

Remember, God intends sex within marriage to be sacred and blessed for both partners. He wants you to increase in emotional and spiritual connection with one another, but these issues may widen the gap already present between you and your spouse. You are not alone, so find support and encouragement today.

My prayer is that, you begin to see sex through the amazing and satisfying eyes of God Himself. His desires should be our desires. His pleasures should be our pleasures. 

Brandon, LMFT-S, PCIT

Pray: God, align our desires with Your desires, so that our dreams align with Your purposes. Let Your will be done through us and let our love for one another grow stronger each day, bringing glory and honor to You. Amen.

*It is highly recommended that if you have an aversion to sex, pain during intercourse, a past history of sexual trauma, a low libido, or feel unsatisfied with your sexual relationship with your spouse, that you seek help immediately. Professional counselors, along with medical professionals, can help provide emotional, relational, and physiological support. 

from Sex

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Myth #4: Frequency of sex isn’t important.

‘But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:2-5(NLT)

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ‘ Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

Gulp! This is a controversial myth to write about. If I write this myth one way, the more sex-driven spouse will cheer with adulation while texting this article to the less sex-driven spouse saying, “WAKE UP AND READ THIS!” While if I write this piece in another way, the less sex-driven spouse will sigh in relief and feel justified in saying “Nope” to sex even more often. Not to mention that this might inform your expectations for marriage if you’re single. 

Regardless of whether you’re married or not, it’s always good to remember that your expectations for sex in marriage may differ from your spouse’s or future spouse’s, so it’s great to have a healthy view of how to honor and empathize with one another. 

So, let’s let the Apostle Paul speak on this one. In 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, he said the act of sex is only between a man and his wife and neither should deprive the other unless by mutual consent. Husband and wife no longer solely “own” their own bodies, but each now belongs to the other.

At the same time, Paul also wrote in Ephesians 5:25 that men are to love their wives, just as Christ loves the Church. Christ gave up everything for the Church. He wasn’t demanding or selfish. He considered our need for a Savior even greater than His own life. So, husbands are called to an incredibly high standard. They’re called to lay down their lives for their wives.

Sex is a dance of mutual love and respect. The frequency of sexual intimacy that’s healthy will be different for each couple. Ask your spouse if they’re happy with your sexual frequency. If they say they’d actually like to have more sex or less sex, don’t just laugh it off. Consider how you can mutually satisfy and enjoy each other.

Brandon, LMFT-S, PCIT  

from Sex