Marriage Devotional

Gideon Becomes Israel’s Judge
‘The Israelites did evil in the Lord ’s sight. So the Lord handed them over to the Midianites for seven years. The Midianites were so cruel that the Israelites made hiding places for themselves in the mountains, caves, and strongholds. Whenever the Israelites planted their crops, marauders from Midian, Amalek, and the people of the east would attack Israel, camping in the land and destroying crops as far away as Gaza. They left the Israelites with nothing to eat, taking all the sheep, goats, cattle, and donkeys. These enemy hordes, coming with their livestock and tents, were as thick as locusts; they arrived on droves of camels too numerous to count. And they stayed until the land was stripped bare. So Israel was reduced to starvation by the Midianites. Then the Israelites cried out to the Lord for help. When they cried out to the Lord because of Midian, the Lord sent a prophet to the Israelites. He said, “This is what the Lord , the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of slavery in Egypt. I rescued you from the Egyptians and from all who oppressed you. I drove out your enemies and gave you their land. I told you, ‘I am the Lord your God. You must not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you now live.’ But you have not listened to me.” Then the angel of the Lord came and sat beneath the great tree at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash of the clan of Abiezer. Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of a winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!” “Sir,” Gideon replied, “if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? And where are all the miracles our ancestors told us about? Didn’t they say, ‘The Lord brought us up out of Egypt’? But now the Lord has abandoned us and handed us over to the Midianites.” Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!” “But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” The Lord said to him, “I will be with you. And you will destroy the Midianites as if you were fighting against one man.” Gideon replied, “If you are truly going to help me, show me a sign to prove that it is really the Lord speaking to me. Don’t go away until I come back and bring my offering to you.” He answered, “I will stay here until you return.” Gideon hurried home. He cooked a young goat, and with a basket of flour he baked some bread without yeast. Then, carrying the meat in a basket and the broth in a pot, he brought them out and presented them to the angel, who was under the great tree. The angel of God said to him, “Place the meat and the unleavened bread on this rock, and pour the broth over it.” And Gideon did as he was told. Then the angel of the Lord touched the meat and bread with the tip of the staff in his hand, and fire flamed up from the rock and consumed all he had brought. And the angel of the Lord disappeared. When Gideon realized that it was the angel of the Lord , he cried out, “Oh, Sovereign Lord , I’m doomed! I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face!” “It is all right,” the Lord replied. “Do not be afraid. You will not die.” And Gideon built an altar to the Lord there and named it Yahweh-Shalom (which means “the Lord is peace”). The altar remains in Ophrah in the land of the clan of Abiezer to this day. That night the Lord said to Gideon, “Take the second bull from your father’s herd, the one that is seven years old. Pull down your father’s altar to Baal, and cut down the Asherah pole standing beside it. Then build an altar to the Lord your God here on this hilltop sanctuary, laying the stones carefully. Sacrifice the bull as a burnt offering on the altar, using as fuel the wood of the Asherah pole you cut down.” So Gideon took ten of his servants and did as the Lord had commanded. But he did it at night because he was afraid of the other members of his father’s household and the people of the town. Early the next morning, as the people of the town began to stir, someone discovered that the altar of Baal had been broken down and that the Asherah pole beside it had been cut down. In their place a new altar had been built, and on it were the remains of the bull that had been sacrificed. The people said to each other, “Who did this?” And after asking around and making a careful search, they learned that it was Gideon, the son of Joash. “Bring out your son,” the men of the town demanded of Joash. “He must die for destroying the altar of Baal and for cutting down the Asherah pole.” But Joash shouted to the mob that confronted him, “Why are you defending Baal? Will you argue his case? Whoever pleads his case will be put to death by morning! If Baal truly is a god, let him defend himself and destroy the one who broke down his altar!” From then on Gideon was called Jerub-baal, which means “Let Baal defend himself,” because he broke down Baal’s altar.
Gideon Asks for a Sign
Soon afterward the armies of Midian, Amalek, and the people of the east formed an alliance against Israel and crossed the Jordan, camping in the valley of Jezreel. Then the Spirit of the Lord clothed Gideon with power. He blew a ram’s horn as a call to arms, and the men of the clan of Abiezer came to him. He also sent messengers throughout Manasseh, Asher, Zebulun, and Naphtali, summoning their warriors, and all of them responded. Then Gideon said to God, “If you are truly going to use me to rescue Israel as you promised, prove it to me in this way. I will put a wool fleece on the threshing floor tonight. If the fleece is wet with dew in the morning but the ground is dry, then I will know that you are going to help me rescue Israel as you promised.” And that is just what happened. When Gideon got up early the next morning, he squeezed the fleece and wrung out a whole bowlful of water. Then Gideon said to God, “Please don’t be angry with me, but let me make one more request. Let me use the fleece for one more test. This time let the fleece remain dry while the ground around it is wet with dew.” So that night God did as Gideon asked. The fleece was dry in the morning, but the ground was covered with dew.’ Judges 6:1-40(NLT)

Gideon Defeats the Midianites
‘So Jerub-baal (that is, Gideon) and his army got up early and went as far as the spring of Harod. The armies of Midian were camped north of them in the valley near the hill of Moreh. The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many warriors with you. If I let all of you fight the Midianites, the Israelites will boast to me that they saved themselves by their own strength. Therefore, tell the people, ‘Whoever is timid or afraid may leave this mountain and go home.’” So 22,000 of them went home, leaving only 10,000 who were willing to fight. But the Lord told Gideon, “There are still too many! Bring them down to the spring, and I will test them to determine who will go with you and who will not.” When Gideon took his warriors down to the water, the Lord told him, “Divide the men into two groups. In one group put all those who cup water in their hands and lap it up with their tongues like dogs. In the other group put all those who kneel down and drink with their mouths in the stream.” Only 300 of the men drank from their hands. All the others got down on their knees and drank with their mouths in the stream. The Lord told Gideon, “With these 300 men I will rescue you and give you victory over the Midianites. Send all the others home.” So Gideon collected the provisions and rams’ horns of the other warriors and sent them home. But he kept the 300 men with him. The Midianite camp was in the valley just below Gideon. That night the Lord said, “Get up! Go down into the Midianite camp, for I have given you victory over them! But if you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah. Listen to what the Midianites are saying, and you will be greatly encouraged. Then you will be eager to attack.” So Gideon took Purah and went down to the edge of the enemy camp. The armies of Midian, Amalek, and the people of the east had settled in the valley like a swarm of locusts. Their camels were like grains of sand on the seashore—too many to count! Gideon crept up just as a man was telling his companion about a dream. The man said, “I had this dream, and in my dream a loaf of barley bread came tumbling down into the Midianite camp. It hit a tent, turned it over, and knocked it flat!” His companion answered, “Your dream can mean only one thing—God has given Gideon son of Joash, the Israelite, victory over Midian and all its allies!” When Gideon heard the dream and its interpretation, he bowed in worship before the Lord . Then he returned to the Israelite camp and shouted, “Get up! For the Lord has given you victory over the Midianite hordes!” He divided the 300 men into three groups and gave each man a ram’s horn and a clay jar with a torch in it. Then he said to them, “Keep your eyes on me. When I come to the edge of the camp, do just as I do. As soon as I and those with me blow the rams’ horns, blow your horns, too, all around the entire camp, and shout, ‘For the Lord and for Gideon!’” It was just after midnight, after the changing of the guard, when Gideon and the 100 men with him reached the edge of the Midianite camp. Suddenly, they blew the rams’ horns and broke their clay jars. Then all three groups blew their horns and broke their jars. They held the blazing torches in their left hands and the horns in their right hands, and they all shouted, “A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!” Each man stood at his position around the camp and watched as all the Midianites rushed around in a panic, shouting as they ran to escape. When the 300 Israelites blew their rams’ horns, the Lord caused the warriors in the camp to fight against each other with their swords. Those who were not killed fled to places as far away as Beth-shittah near Zererah and to the border of Abel-meholah near Tabbath. Then Gideon sent for the warriors of Naphtali, Asher, and Manasseh, who joined in chasing the army of Midian. Gideon also sent messengers throughout the hill country of Ephraim, saying, “Come down to attack the Midianites. Cut them off at the shallow crossings of the Jordan River at Beth-barah.” So all the men of Ephraim did as they were told. They captured Oreb and Zeeb, the two Midianite commanders, killing Oreb at the rock of Oreb, and Zeeb at the winepress of Zeeb. And they continued to chase the Midianites. Afterward the Israelites brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon, who was by the Jordan River.’ Judges 7:1-25(NLT)

Gideon Kills Zebah and Zalmunna
‘Then the people of Ephraim asked Gideon, “Why have you treated us this way? Why didn’t you send for us when you first went out to fight the Midianites?” And they argued heatedly with Gideon. But Gideon replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you? Aren’t even the leftover grapes of Ephraim’s harvest better than the entire crop of my little clan of Abiezer? God gave you victory over Oreb and Zeeb, the commanders of the Midianite army. What have I accomplished compared to that?” When the men of Ephraim heard Gideon’s answer, their anger subsided. Gideon then crossed the Jordan River with his 300 men, and though exhausted, they continued to chase the enemy. When they reached Succoth, Gideon asked the leaders of the town, “Please give my warriors some food. They are very tired. I am chasing Zebah and Zalmunna, the kings of Midian.” But the officials of Succoth replied, “Catch Zebah and Zalmunna first, and then we will feed your army.” So Gideon said, “After the Lord gives me victory over Zebah and Zalmunna, I will return and tear your flesh with the thorns and briers from the wilderness.” From there Gideon went up to Peniel and again asked for food, but he got the same answer. So he said to the people of Peniel, “After I return in victory, I will tear down this tower.” By this time Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor with about 15,000 warriors—all that remained of the allied armies of the east, for 120,000 had already been killed. Gideon circled around by the caravan route east of Nobah and Jogbehah, taking the Midianite army by surprise. Zebah and Zalmunna, the two Midianite kings, fled, but Gideon chased them down and captured all their warriors. After this, Gideon returned from the battle by way of Heres Pass. There he captured a young man from Succoth and demanded that he write down the names of all the seventy-seven officials and elders in the town. Gideon then returned to Succoth and said to the leaders, “Here are Zebah and Zalmunna. When we were here before, you taunted me, saying, ‘Catch Zebah and Zalmunna first, and then we will feed your exhausted army.’” Then Gideon took the elders of the town and taught them a lesson, punishing them with thorns and briers from the wilderness. He also tore down the tower of Peniel and killed all the men in the town. Then Gideon asked Zebah and Zalmunna, “The men you killed at Tabor—what were they like?” “Like you,” they replied. “They all had the look of a king’s son.” “They were my brothers, the sons of my own mother!” Gideon exclaimed. “As surely as the Lord lives, I wouldn’t kill you if you hadn’t killed them.” Turning to Jether, his oldest son, he said, “Kill them!” But Jether did not draw his sword, for he was only a boy and was afraid. Then Zebah and Zalmunna said to Gideon, “Be a man! Kill us yourself!” So Gideon killed them both and took the royal ornaments from the necks of their camels.
Gideon’s Sacred Ephod
Then the Israelites said to Gideon, “Be our ruler! You and your son and your grandson will be our rulers, for you have rescued us from Midian.” But Gideon replied, “I will not rule over you, nor will my son. The Lord will rule over you! However, I do have one request—that each of you give me an earring from the plunder you collected from your fallen enemies.” (The enemies, being Ishmaelites, all wore gold earrings.) “Gladly!” they replied. They spread out a cloak, and each one threw in a gold earring he had gathered from the plunder. The weight of the gold earrings was forty-three pounds, not including the royal ornaments and pendants, the purple clothing worn by the kings of Midian, or the chains around the necks of their camels. Gideon made a sacred ephod from the gold and put it in Ophrah, his hometown. But soon all the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshiping it, and it became a trap for Gideon and his family. That is the story of how the people of Israel defeated Midian, which never recovered. Throughout the rest of Gideon’s lifetime—about forty years—there was peace in the land. Then Gideon son of Joash returned home. He had seventy sons born to him, for he had many wives. He also had a concubine in Shechem, who gave birth to a son, whom he named Abimelech. Gideon died when he was very old, and he was buried in the grave of his father, Joash, at Ophrah in the land of the clan of Abiezer. As soon as Gideon died, the Israelites prostituted themselves by worshiping the images of Baal, making Baal-berith their god. They forgot the Lord their God, who had rescued them from all their enemies surrounding them. Nor did they show any loyalty to the family of Jerub-baal (that is, Gideon), despite all the good he had done for Israel.’ Judges 8:1-35(NLT)

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

4. FIGHTING

5. RESILIENCE 

If you have made it to the final day of this devotional, it is likely that you showed some resilience to get here. Our modern world does a great deal to distract us, and we individually fill up our lives with things that take our time and attention away from the things that we know are more important. With that said, thank you for sprinting through the finish line. Thank you for taking the time to invest in yourself, your bride, and your marriage. 

To remind you, Undaunted.Life exists for the purpose of cultivating manly resilience. Specifically, we provide content and experiences that build spiritual, mental, and physical RESILIENCE. If we could pick one word that describes what we want our men to have in this world, it would be resilience. The main reason for that is because many of us do not naturally have the opportunity to cultivate resilience on a day-to-day basis. The majority of us live very cush lives devoid of truly difficult challenges, which is in stark contrast to what men were required to do in the past. We don’t have to hunt for our food day-in and day-out; we just go to the grocery store. We don’t have to defend the boundaries of our property; we have a military and police force to take care of that. We don’t have to crush workouts and eat clean; we have medical procedures and miracles-in-a-pill that will keep us “healthy” if we need it.

It is circumstances like these that have created an environment of malaise and softness, especially for modern men. Our society has also moved towards a hyper form of feminism that regularly attacks the core of masculinity, even going so far as to call masculinity “toxic” in most situations. The modern-day church doesn’t get a pass here either, fellas. Most churches today actively tamp down any displays of true, robust, aggressive masculinity. We look on stage and see effeminate lead pastors and worship leaders that are easy for women to digest and level with but repel strong, vigorous men, and yet they have the gall to lambast men regularly for “not stepping up” or “not honoring their commitments” when they do nothing to cultivate and environment of honorable, great men in their congregations.

By the way, we’re not talking about the cartoon caricature 4-wheel drivin’, skeet shootin’, Natty Light drinkin’, woman chasin’ “manhood” that we’ve been influenced to see as real. I’m talking about real men: Men that don’t run off with their Assistant and leave their wife and kids behind to deal with the wreckage… Men that chase after the hearts of their children daily… Men that honor the commitments they make in the business world… Men whose word is worth more than gold… Men that honor the covenant (not contractual obligation) of marriage. This is what we need to strive to be, but it takes resilience to do that.

So, how are we to cultivate manly resilience, and how can that apply to our marriages?

An easy way for us to do that would be to lean on real stories of men that showed unbelievable resilience. There are so many incredible stories of resilience that men can use to this end. One of our favorite stories of resilience is that of Navy SEAL Chief (SOC) Adam Brown. We suggest that you read a more robust description of Adam Brown’s life on Day 2 of the Undaunted.Life: A Man’s Devotional  and by reading his biography by Eric Blehm entitled Fearless: The Undaunted Courage and Ultimate Sacrifice of Navy SEAL Team SIX Operator Adam Brown. Another favorite of ours is the incredible true story about the life of Louis Zamperini; the Olympic runner turned US POW turned Christian evangelist. You can learn more about him by reading Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. Today’s scripture reading goes into the story of Gideon, the coward turned conqueror. 

The story of Gideon starts in West Manasseh near the Sea of Galilee. During this period, the Israelites had turned away from God, and for that God delivered them into the hands of their enemies, the Midianites. The Midianites ravaged the land and massively impoverished the Israelites. Finally, the Israelites turned away from the pagan gods they had been worshipping and turned to God for help. God’s answer? Gideon. 

We first meet Gideon while he is threshing wheat in a winepress. Now, if you are reading this, that part could be easily skipped over, but here is why it’s important: threshing wheat was a process that normally took place above ground because the wind was used to help with the method of separation. However, Gideon was so afraid of the Midianites and what they might do that he is actually performing this action in a winepress: UNDER GROUND. In other words, he’s hiding like a coward. This is when it all changes for Gideon…

Verse 12: “When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, ‘The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.’…” (ESV)

Obviously, this is kind of ironic because Gideon is actually hiding. He’s scared! But God was calling him a “mighty warrior.” This is so important. Now, Gideon starts to complain about his current circumstances, and he even goes so far as to say that the Lord had abandoned him and his people. We see the angel’s response in verse 14: “… ‘Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?’…” (ESV). Gideon’s response reveals to us what he thinks about himself…  

Verse 15: “… but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’…” (ESV)

He’s speaking from a spirit of fear, diminishment, and cowardice. He definitely doesn’t see himself as a mighty warrior. But, the angel answers back to try and embolden Gideon… 

Verse 16: “… ‘I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites leaving none alive.’” (ESV)

Obviously, Gideon was blown away by what God was asking him to do. However, he did not just jump right in. This message directly from an Angel of God wasn’t enough. This Angel, on three separate occasions, had to overcome objections from Gideon before he was convinced that this was something he had to do. His first step towards what God called for him to do? He destroys the pagan god Baal’s altar… at night… under cover of darkness… because he was scared. Not a bad first step, but he definitely wasn’t as bold as God was calling him to be.

Eventually though, through Gideon, God does exactly what He promised: He helped the Israelites crush the Midianites. However, in order to show that it was not the Israelites that accomplished this feat by themselves and with their own strength, God made Gideon whittle down his fighting force of over 32,000 men to only 300 warriors. These 300 men routed thousands of enemy Midianites, chasing them from their lands.

Gideon certainly didn’t start out resilient, but he cultivated it along the way. However, he did not cultivate it based on his own strength and white-knuckled stick-to-itiveness. No. He cultivated it because God was FOR him and God DIRECTED him.

So, again, the question…  how are we to cultivate manly resilience, and how can that apply to our marriages?

An Undaunted Husband will cultivate manly resilience for his marriage in three ways:

1. Depend on God’s direction/prompting and then follow through.

Yes, you might be a great man with a knack for leadership and timing, but you pale in comparison to God (duh). Look to Him to guide you. Look to Him to help you find the path you should be on. Then, don’t be one of those morons that can see the path but doesn’t go down it. Follow through. Execute. Make it happen. 

2. Seek out difficult tasks and crush them.

You lack resilience because you lack experience staring down difficult or impossible tasks and going forward and crushing them anyway. Stop shying away from the difficult and unfamiliar. The cultivation of manly resilience is a daily task. There is no finish line. Don’t be a wuss. Seek out challenges and destroy them. You’ll eventually become good at it.

3. Treat your marriage as a covenant worth honoring and not a contractual obligation worth nothing.

This may seem a bit harsh, but marriage has become just an extension of dating. This is true in both Christian and non-Christian circles. The divorce rates are just about even in those two categories, unfortunately. If you treat your marriage like a contractual obligation, don’t be surprised if it is unfruitful, unbearable, and eventually ends. Treat your marriage relationship as a pledge, promise, and guarantee to God and your bride. 

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

4. FIGHTING

5. RESILIENCE 

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage

‘A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them.’ Proverbs 15:18(NLT)

‘Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.’ Proverbs 16:32(NLT)

‘Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.’ Proverbs 20:3(NLT)

‘An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.’ Proverbs 29:22(NLT)

‘Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.’ Ecclesiastes 7:9(NLT)

‘Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. ‘ 2 Timothy 2:23-24(NLT)

‘But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong. When he first arrived, he ate with the Gentile believers, who were not circumcised. But afterward, when some friends of James came, Peter wouldn’t eat with the Gentiles anymore. He was afraid of criticism from these people who insisted on the necessity of circumcision. As a result, other Jewish believers followed Peter’s hypocrisy, and even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. When I saw that they were not following the truth of the gospel message, I said to Peter in front of all the others, “Since you, a Jew by birth, have discarded the Jewish laws and are living like a Gentile, why are you now trying to make these Gentiles follow the Jewish traditions?’ Galatians 2:11-14(NLT)

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

4. FIGHTING

I’m sure that most of you were likely confused or caught off guard when you saw the fourth element of an Undaunted Marriage. Up to this point, headship, direction, and discipline should all make sense to have in your marriage. Where does fighting come in? 

Let’s be real, guys… every marriage contains fighting to some degree. Every. Single. One. 

Now, I’m sure you immediately thought about a marriage where the two people “literally never fight.” Perhaps you even thought about your own marriage in this way. However, when people say that they never fight with their spouse, there are only a few options: 1. they’re lying, 2. they’re clueless, or 3. they’re stupid. Likely, they’re lying to save face in a public setting, they’re clueless to the signs around them that point to the contrary, or they’re stupid because they’re literally so dense that they could never comprehend what fighting even is. 

With that established, let’s look at fighting within the covenant relationship of marriage. When you think of fighting within a marriage, you think of the typical things (i.e., bickering, nagging, arguing, yelling, etc.). Perhaps you even take it a step further to include verbal or physical abuse. While all of those things are not equal (and some require an intervention of some sort), they can all be put into the same category: Fighting AGAINST. Additionally, all of these pointless fights usually stem from the same key ingredient: UNRIGHTEOUS anger.

If we’re being honest, most of the fights we get into with our brides are completely worthless. Furthermore, every single meaningless fight you have can be placed in the Fighting AGAINST column… Fighting over where to go to dinner… Fighting over who can take the kid to baseball practice… Fighting over who does what house chores… Fighting over which family you’ll eat Thanksgiving dinner with first… Fighting over how much money can go towards guns and ammo vs. decorations and furnishings… You get the point. These are all worthless fights. They seem like great hills to die on at the time, but it doesn’t take much internal reflection after the fight to realize how insignificant the fight actually was. 

If internal reflection isn’t enough to do the trick, today’s scripture references help shed some more light on how damaging Fighting AGAINST can be:

“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” – Proverbs 15:18 (ESV)

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” – Proverbs 16:32 (ESV)

“It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” – Proverbs 20:3 (NIV)

“An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” – Proverbs 29:22 (NIV)

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.” – Ecclesiastes 7:9 (ESV)

“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil…” – 2 Timothy 2:23-24 (ESV)

Pretty straightforward, right?

So, we’re intimately familiar with Fighting AGAINST. Now, let’s talk about the thing that every Undaunted Marriage has: Fighting FOR. We realize that this won’t sound earth-shattering to some, and that’s not point. The difference between AGAINST and FOR in this context may seem minute, but it is actually huge. When we’re Fighting AGAINST, you can almost guarantee that the conflict will end in anger, disappointment, abandonment, and more conflict. Contrastingly, when we’re Fighting FOR, you can almost guarantee that the conflict will end in satisfaction, understanding, closeness, and less conflict. In stark contrast to Fighting AGAINST, Fighting FOR almost always includes this key ingredient: RIGHTEOUS anger. Unrighteous anger leaves a garbage trail of regret and hurt. Righteous anger blazes a trail for resolution and improvement. 

One of our favorite stories of righteous anger in the Bible is one that many people glaze right over. We likely miss this story because it’s only a whopping four scriptures long. I’m talking about the righteous anger shown by the Apostle Paul in the direction of the Apostle Peter as described in Galatians 2:11-14. 

Paul’s home base for much of his ministry was the ancient Greco-Roman city of Antioch, which is in modern-day Turkey. This city was also where Peter spent a great deal of time in the first century. Inherently, this meant that both men had a tremendous amount of influence on the inhabitants of Antioch. However, when Paul left Antioch to spread the Gospel in other places around the Mediterranean rim, members of the Judaizers aka “The Circumcision Party” (yeah, seriously, that’s what they’re called) began to have a big impact on Peter.

Here was the rub… Based on the teachings of Jesus, Paul correctly taught that salvation came only by faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior; the gospel of justification by faith alone. This meant that Jews that became Christians were no longer required to observe the tenets of the Mosaic Law, and Gentiles (non-Jews) that became Christians would only need to have faith in Christ to have salvation. On the other hand, the Judaizers taught that salvation came by faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior AND by honoring the tenets of the Mosaic Law. Specifically, they believed that any Gentile that decided to become a Christian would need to follow the Jewish ceremonial laws that included required circumcision, cumbersome dietary restrictions, and holiday observance. 

So, imagine being a 40-year-old male, uncircumcised Gentile that decides to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and one of the first things you’re required to do, according to the Judaizers, is get circumcised… Yeah. That would suck. That would require a certain level of EXTRA consideration and dedication. But we digress…

Paul was staunchly and correctly in the justification by faith corner. He knew the clear mandates of Jesus required faith in Him, and that’s it. No works. No acts. No extras. Just faith.

Peter was staunchly and incorrectly in the justification by faith PLUS works corner. He was intimately aware of the teachings of Jesus, but at some point along his path he obviously decided on his own that justification by faith alone seemed a bit incomplete; there just HAD to be something more that we all needed to do. 

This was a conflict that needed a resolution, and Paul wasn’t going to back down or remain silent. He did not want anyone spreading a false version of the Gospel that could directly lead to someone turning away from Jesus and the salvation that comes with Him. 

So, filled with a belly of righteous anger, he made his way back to Antioch and confronted Peter publicly for his hypocrisy. There are varying reports as to the resolution of this conflict, but we know for certain that Paul fought directly for what was right. He did not fight AGAINST Peter for no reason. He fought FOR Peter because he had been led astray and was putting the souls of so many at risk.

Paul was justified in his fight and in his anger. His fight was worthwhile and necessary. Can you say that about the last fight you entered into with your wife? How about your last 10? What about your last 100? How many of your fights are in the Fighting AGAINST category and not the Fighting FOR category?

So, great… We’ve defined that Fighting AGAINST is bad and that Fighting FOR is good. Now, how do we go about Fighting FOR our brides and marriages? 

An Undaunted Husband will enact Fighting FOR in the following three ways:

1. Categorize

We’ve given you the categories, and you’re smart enough to figure out if the impending fight will end up as Fighting AGAINST or Fighting FOR. Just ask yourself: “In this conflict, would I be fighting AGAINST my bride and marriage or would I be Fighting FOR my bride and marriage?”

2. Prioritize

As a general rule of thumb, not every hill is worth dying on. Even some justified fights where you would be Fighting FOR your bride and marriage aren’t always appropriate at the time. Just ask yourself: “Which imminent fight is worth getting after right now, and which can be dealt with later?”

3. Galvanize

You have to be a man of action that is willing to enter the fray for the right reasons at the right time. If you’re normally a passive pansy, then stop being one. If you’re normally the guy who is always looking for conflict, then stop doing that. Shock the situation. Execute a plan. Ask yourself: “How can I fight in a way that will galvanize my marriage and bring me closer to my bride?”

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage

‘So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. ‘ Galatians 5:16-17(NLT)

‘Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. ‘ 1 Peter 5:8(NLT)

‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. ‘ 2 Timothy 4:7(NLT)

The Elements of an Undaunted Marriage:

1. HEADSHIP

2. DIRECTION

3. DISCIPLINE

“Discipline equals freedom.”

That is the mantra of one of Undaunted.Life’s favorite Americans and thought leaders: retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink. 

Jocko is a highly respected member of the SEAL community. He was in the Navy for 20 years, and he was awarded the Silver Star and the Bronze Star for his role in the Iraq war. Furthermore, he was the commanding officer for SEAL Team THREE, Task Unit Bruiser, in Ramadi, Iraq; a unit that included Chief Petty Officer Chris Kyle, the deadliest sniper in American military history.

In addition to his military exploits, Jocko is an avid Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt, podcaster, powerlifter, reader, business owner, and author. In fact, in 2015 Jocko co-authored a book with retired SEAL Team THREE Task Unit Bruiser member Leif Babin called Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win, which has since gone on to be a best seller. In the final chapter of Extreme Ownership, Jocko goes into great detail about where the concept of “Discipline Equals Freedom” comes from. 

He introduces the theory by describing some issues his team was having while performing missions in Baghdad, Iraq. Almost all of the operations Jocko’s Task Unit performed were direct-action, capture/kill missions that took place under the cover of darkness. Basically, the team would utilize intelligence gathered from previous missions or by other headquarters to decide when and where to hit certain targets. The team would maneuver to the target location, breach the facility in some way, neutralize enemy combatants, perform battlefield questioning of surviving suspected terrorists/insurgents, and then move on to intelligence/evidence gathering. This is where the issues started to arise for Jocko’s crew…

You see, these men were all tactically squared away when it came to direct-action combat, but things had a tendency to get loose after the most dangerous parts of the mission were behind them. To put it simply, they would get a little sloppy when it came to gathering evidence. They had more of a ransack approach as opposed to a deliberate organizational one. This caused inefficiency when the same room would be searched multiple times by different SEALs, and it also caused ineffectiveness when the SEALs would miss rooms entirely within the target facility because of confusion. Especially when the Iraqi court system began to crack down on the evidence that was gathered during these raids, Jocko knew that something needed to change and fast. 

So, he tasked his Assistant Officer in Charge (AOIC) with developing a new way for their team to efficiently and effectively gather intel. The plan the AOIC came up with seemed rather difficult at first, and the team pretty much fought the new tactics wholesale citing concerns with timing and safety. Essentially, the AOIC devised a plan where individual team members would have individual tasks and that each room would have a designated “Room Owner.” When that individual team member’s room search was complete, the Room Owner would put an “X” on the room label, signifying that the room had been searched. To make a long story short, while the new plan seemed to be complex at the beginning, it was actually very simple once they put it into practice. The simplicity of the plan actually led the team to gather intel in a much more efficient and effective manner, and it cut down the time it took them to complete the intel-gathering phase considerably, which allowed them to better prepare for any potential counterattacks. 

Jocko wraps up the story in this chapter with the following statement: “Our freedom to operate and maneuver had increased substantially through disciplined procedures. Discipline equals freedom.”

Later in the chapter, he writes the following to further the point: “But there was, and is, a dichotomy in the strict discipline we followed. Instead of making us more rigid and unable to improvise, this discipline actually made us more flexible, more adaptable, and more efficient. It allowed us to be creative. When we wanted to change plans midstream on an operation, we didn’t have to recreate an entire plan. We had the freedom to work within the framework of our disciplined procedures. All we had to do was link them together and explain whatever small portion of the plan had changed. When we wanted to mix and match fire teams, squads, and even platoons, we could do so with ease since each element operated with the same fundamental procedures. Last, and perhaps most important, when things went wrong and the fog of war set in, we fell back on our disciplined procedures to carry us through the toughest challenges on the battlefield… So the balance between discipline and freedom must be found and carefully maintained. In that, lies the dichotomy: discipline—strict order, regimen, and control—might appear to be the opposite of total freedom—the power to act, speak, or think without any restrictions. But, in fact, discipline is the pathway to freedom.”

The concept of discipline is something that many of us relegate to the “self” category. When we want things to change in our life, we almost always see self-discipline as the way to achieve that (whether we actually follow through or not). However, I’ve witnessed a nefarious attitude in a lot of men. We will utilize self-discipline when it comes to our physiques: we’ll train hard, we’ll eat clean, and we’ll set goals. We will utilize self-discipline when it comes to our careers: we’ll work diligently, we’ll develop our acumen, and we’ll beat the competition… But what about our marriages?

If we’re being honest, most of us don’t utilize our self-discipline in our marriages. We just don’t. For some of us, we may never have even thought about our marriages in a context that could even include our self-discipline. We just see our marriages as this nebulous thing that just happens, this arrangement that we somehow have to try and make work, or worse, as a chore. But, what if we treated it as something that required effort on our end? What if we looked at our discipline within marriage as something that leads to freedom?

Have you lacked the discipline to eliminate porn from your life? If so, that has created a roadblock to the freedom that couples can experience without the bondage of explicit sexual imagery. You’re letting your flesh drive when you should let the Spirit lead (Galatians 5:16-17). When we think of our heroes, we certainly aren’t thinking of men sitting in front of a computer screen with their pants around their ankles. 

Have you lacked the discipline to have a regular date night with your bride? If so, you are eliminating an incredible opportunity for you to connect with your bride on a regular basis. We know we’re supposed to seek our bride’s hearts and attention, but we just don’t do it. It’s in that laziness where we leave the door open for our Adversary. 

You have an enemy that wants to do nothing more than destroy you (1 Peter 5:8). Beyond that, we’ve already established that the relationship and love that we show to our spouses is the closest thing on earth that we have available to compare to Jesus’ love for His bride (the Church). Thus, it’s easy to surmise that Satan would love nothing more than to tear your marriage to pieces. God is glorified by the holy love you show your bride; Satan is glorified by the ashes of failed marriages. 

Don’t be a fool. Don’t be a loser. Be the man that can say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7, ESV) without even a hint of irony. 

Be disciplined. Seek freedom. Discipline equals freedom.

Directional action steps for the Undaunted Husband:

1. Define the discipline you need to add to your repertoire.

What is a discipline that you need to add for the sake of your marriage? 

2. Make a plan for how you will get that part of your life under control.

What is the first step you need to take that will help you be more disciplined?  

3. Execute step one of the plan.

What step can you take TODAY that will springboard you on the path to freedom for your marriage?

from Undaunted.Life: An Undaunted Marriage