Marriage Devotional

‘And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.’ Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)

Scripture: Romans 12:1-2

Five years ago, my wife and I realized that we disliked each other. We knew we couldn’t get divorced. We weren’t about to be unfaithful. But we knew we couldn’t stay where we were. So, we looked at each other, and we said, “Do we really wanna live like this for another 30 years?”

Paul learned the lesson of contentment in extenuating circumstances. As he wrote Philippians, he was in jail, had no money, and was near execution; but he still found joy in Christ. Paul’s joy didn’t come from improved circumstances. It came from living according to the truth rather than buying into the lies of the world, the flesh, and Satan. It’s the same for you and your marriage. Remember, the secret of marriage is two people walking in the Spirit, loving one another. Let’s do something about that, following the pattern Paul laid out in Romans 12:1-2:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Out of the eight marriage lies we’ve uncovered, identify the ones that are most pressing on your marriage right now:

• Marriage is irrelevant
• Marriage is the only way to be happy
• Your spouse will complete you
• You two can handle it on your own
• Divorce is an option
• Divorce is better for your children
• Your marriage is hopeless
• Marriage isn’t worth it

Read the truths that replace the lies that you find directly affecting you:

• Marriage is divine, timeless, and significant
• Singleness is a gift to cherish or a season to enjoy
• Christ is the only one who can complete you
• You need outside help to handle your marriage
• Divorce is only an option in certain extreme cases
• Married parents are far better for your kids
• God offers hope and restoration for your marriage
• A godly marriage will bring Him glory and bless the married immensely

Now, take both the lies and the truths to the Holy Spirit and ask that He would do the work that only He can do.

Spirit, show me, right now, the lies that are oppressing my marriage. In the name of Jesus, I rebuke Satan who is the father of those lies. I reject the lies as destructive and wrong. Renew my mind. Replace the lies with life-giving Truth. Reveal to me now specific changes that You want to make in my attitude and my actions. I surrender to You now. Live through me, moment by moment today, according to Your truth. Amen!!!

Reflection:

What lies about marriage have I believed?
What is God specifically saying to me about these lies?
What will I do about it?
What does God want me to share with someone who’s struggling in their marriage?

from Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage by Pete Briscoe

‘Wise words bring many benefits, and hard work brings rewards.’ Proverbs 12:14(NLT)

‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord .’ Proverbs 18:22(NLT)

‘There are three things that amaze me— no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.’ Proverbs 30:18-19(NLT)

‘Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.’ Proverbs 31:10(NLT)

Scripture: Proverbs 12:14

Lie #8 – Marriage isn’t worth the bother. 

This lie is really just a sub-lie of one of Satan’s other favorite lies that “easy is better than hard.”

Whenever I have a struggling couple in my office, I pitch a very simple vision for them. I tell them to picture themselves sitting on the porch of their house in rocking chairs with an iced tea or lemonade. It’s Thanksgiving. Their children are there, grandkids are running all over their yard. They glance at each other, “Boy, remember year 13 when we almost called it quits? Glad we didn’t. Year 27 was a doozy, too! Oh, thank you, Jesus. 50 years, and I’m so glad we didn’t.”

Honestly, easy is seldom better than hard. The truth is that marriage is one of God’s best ideas, and a good marriage is an inexpressible joy. Work? Yes. Pain? Yes. Blood, sweat, and tears? Yes, all of that too… but it’s worth it.

From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things, and the work of their hands brings them reward. —Proverbs 12:14

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. —Proverbs 18:22

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman.” —Proverbs 30:18-19

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. —Proverbs 31:10

I’m asking you to make a new marriage with the spouse you promised to stay with. Reaffirm your commitment to follow through on it, and agree to engage fully to restore and build the marriage that God has for you. As He works in you, consciously look at how you’re changing into God’s image with your spouse. It’s a process and it will never be perfect (don’t expect that), but know that you’re in God’s will, and that your marriage is worth every bit.

The lie is that marriage isn’t worth the bother.  The truth is that your marriage is worth the effort.

God, renew my mind according to Your Truth. Take my worn-out heart and strengthen it. I can’t fix this on my own, so I ask You to be at work in my married life. Use it all, good and bad, to conform me to Your Son and give me the conviction that it is worth it. Amen!

from Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage by Pete Briscoe

‘The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.’ Joel 2:25(NLT)

‘You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!’ Isaiah 26:3(NLT)

Scripture: Joel 2:25

Lie #7 – Your marriage is hopeless.

Farmers are scared to death of locusts. A single swarm can cover over 100 square miles and might contain hundreds of millions of ravenous insects that can totally strip land of plant life. The most recent major infestation was in 1915 near Jerusalem – a place where it’s difficult to grow food in the best of circumstances. When an enormous swarm of locusts swept through, it caused a major famine, devastated the population, and left a wasteland void of all hope.

Right before marriage blooms into what it’s supposed to be, most (if not all) of us come right to the edge of hopelessness. I know. I was there. My wife and I felt bitter anger towards each other, so much that we wished we could be done. Had we not burned the bridge of divorce, it might have been a legitimate option on our list.

In the Batman sequel, “The Dark Night,” Harvey Dent said, “The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.” Let me say the same thing. If you feel that you are at the end of your marriage, if you’ve gone to the way of your flesh, or if you look across the table at night saying, “I don’t even like you anymore.” You’re right on the doorstep of what God has for you. Don’t give up now. Reach for the promises of God.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. —Isaiah 26:3

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” —Joel 2:25

It’s a beautiful image! If your marriage is like that utter wasteland, God says, “You see that devastation? I will restore everything that is lost. I will bring it back to life, new life in Me.” Never believe your marriage is hopeless – believe God’s promise that He will make all things new.

The lies is that your marriage is hopeless. The truth is that Jesus can revive EVERYTHING!

God, in the midst of these troubles, I trust in You and You alone. Heal my heart and give me hope for my relationship. I fix my hope on You, focus my mind on You, and depend on You to live through me so that I can walk in Your Spirit today. Amen.

from Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage by Pete Briscoe

‘Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NLT)

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Lie #6 – The kids will be better if we divorce.

Several studies have proven the devastating effects divorce has on children showing that children of all ages deal with negative impact on their emotions, behavior patterns, compliance with rules, and self-image, to name a few. And that’s just short-term. The truth is the kids will be worse off if you divorce.

Instead of seeing a couple give up on each other, it is far better that children see parents who:

• Focus on Christ – Christ is the only one who can mold the heart fruitfully. Kids need to see authorities be faithful to Christ and see how He is conforming them to Himself.
• Seek outside help – It’s often hard for people to look for help from others. Kids need to know that it’s okay not to know all the answers. They need to see parents seeking out and confiding in others who can help bring answers.
• Crucify their flesh – Our fleshly desires for personal satisfaction come at the expense of people around us. Kids need to see adults look to others with compassion, even if it’s inconvenient and painful.
• Break old patterns – Things don’t have to be the same. Kids need a role model that removes their bad habits and focuses on Jesus and the things He has planned for their lives.
• Forgive forever – Often our hearts and love are compromised by grudges towards our spouse. Kids need to see parents who forgive and forget, who are willing to work on past hurts, even to the point of forgiving despite lack of regret on the other person’s part.
• Trust in Christ – It’s easy to try meeting our own spiritual needs with “stuff” or “better circumstances.” Kids need to learn that Christ is the only one who always provides and always supports us.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up….
…A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
—Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Our kids need to live in a loving, nurturing home with both parents working through the hardship of marriage together. Surrendered to Christ, they exemplify for their kids that marriage is hard (just like life), but so, so very worth the commitment now and in the long run.

The lie is that the kids will be better if we divorce. The truth is the kids will be worse off if you divorce.

God, for the good of my kids and everyone around me, I place myself in Your hands now. I hold my children dear in my heart. Reveal to me how I can be a better spiritual leader to them by walking in Your Spirit today. Amen.

from Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage by Pete Briscoe

‘Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Matthew 19:3-6(NLT)

‘But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.’ Matthew 5:32(NLT)

‘Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:12-14(NLT)

Scripture: Matthew 19:3-6

Lie #5 – Divorce is an option.

I mean, jeez. Really? What happened to “till death do we part”? Entertaining this idea puts a cap on the commitment you’re willing to give to your spouse and will allow other distractions to take away concentration from your relationship. If that little idea’s in the back of your mind, it’s killing your marriage, guaranteed.

In Matthew 19:3-6 a group of Pharisees came to test Jesus and asked: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “‘Haven’t you read,” he replied. “That at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Jesus doesn’t have a category for divorce because the married couple is no longer two people. They’re one. How do you separate one person from one person?

Now, there are allowances in Scripture for divorce in extreme circumstances…

• Matthew 5:32: Jesus said, “Except for sexual immorality.” He made an exception for people whose spouses were acting out sexually. In some of those cases, you can move forward with divorce.
• 1 Corinthians 7:12-14:  If you become a believer and your spouse is a non-believer, remains a non-believer and they leave you, divorce is allowed.
• Death probably counts too… But not if you cause it! (There is that commandment about murder, but let’s not go there.)

Just remember: An exception, by definition, is exceptional for extreme cases. It’s normal for marriage to get tough – even so tough that you don’t think you can handle it anymore. But your two options are not “stay in this miserable marriage, or get divorced.” Your two options are: 1) disengage, be unhappy, numb, and live separate lives under the same roof, or 2) actively engross yourself in whatever is necessary to bring life to your marriage by letting Christ handle what you can’t handle anymore.

The lie is that divorce is an option. The truth is that your marriage will suffer if you think you have an option to get out.

Holy Spirit, You are the great Counselor and by Your counsel, I burn my bridges. I’m all in until death do we part. Jesus, I no longer live, but You live in me. I fully surrender to Your leadership. Father, the battle belongs to You. I rest in You and trust in You to bring us to a point of victory over the world, the flesh, and the devil. Amen.</

from Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage by Pete Briscoe

‘Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.’ Hebrews 10:23-25(NLT)

Scripture: Hebrews 10:23-25

Lie #4 – You and your spouse can handle marital struggles on your own. 

Satan ‘s strategy is to divide and conquer. He wants you to think that you are the only ones going through this stuff (Ha!). He wants you to feel more embarrassed than you feel motivated to get help. He wants you to avoid the people who speak truth and love into your life. He wants you to disobey one of the foundational principles in Scripture:

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching. —Hebrews 10:23-25

You need that. I need that. We need that. It’s a lie to think otherwise. It’s called loving biblical community.

What’s going on in your key relationships? What’s up in your marriage? Are you trying to handle it on your own? If you want to go it alone, I suppose you can try, but why? Maybe it’s time to flush some pride and ego and get connected like God designed it?

The lie is that you can get through the tough times in your marriage alone.  The truth is that a marriage surrounded by loving biblical community will do better than a marriage experienced in isolation.

God, I accept that I am not an island. I need You. I need what You provide through others when things are tough. I confess my prideful, independent flesh patterns. Make me willing to accept Your grace, wisdom, and support through others. Show me whom You want me to connect with today. Amen.

from Lies That Can Ruin A Marriage by Pete Briscoe