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Fight Fair

‘A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.’ Proverbs 27:15(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. ‘ James 1:19-20(NLT)

‘Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.’ Proverbs 18:2(NLT)

‘Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.’ Proverbs 21:23(NLT)

‘for anger gives a foothold to the devil.’ Ephesians 4:27(NLT)

‘The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.’ John 10:10(NLT)

All couples fight. But how you fight can mean the difference between a minor disagreement and major damage. Healthy couples fight for resolution, not for victory. Conflict isn’t a relationship killer all by itself. But here are four warning signs that you may not be handling conflict in a constructive way:

1. Criticism

Are you using disagreement or conflict as an opportunity to criticize your spouse? Or are you guilty of criticizing them in front of other people? Criticism is a warning sign that you’re fighting against each other instead of for the relationship.

2. Contempt

Contempt is one of the most accurate indicators that a marriage is heading off track. Even if it’s never expressed in words, a disgusted glare, an exasperated eye roll, or a snarky mental remark is still a big red flag.

3. Defensiveness

Right now — when you’re not in the middle of a fight — you have to admit that defensiveness is not something that you’ll probably be able to see in yourself once your feathers are ruffled. You’ll have to choose to listen when it’s pointed out to you.

4. Stonewalling

If your spouse won’t seek God with you, don’t let that stop you. Your spouse is not your enemy. We only have one enemy. And he’s a thief and liar who never fights fair. Don’t fight each other. Get on the same team, and fight off the spiritual issues like pride and a hard heart that sabotage your relationship.

Let’s pray together: Jesus, please help us to keep conflict from driving a wedge into our marriage. Help each of us lay down our pride and address our own issues with criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling. Help us commit to fight in a way that brings restoration and resolution. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Seek God

‘“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’’ Matthew 22:36-39(NLT)

‘Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. ‘ 2 Chronicles 7:14(NLT)

‘“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.’ Matthew 7:7-8(NLT)

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

Modern culture tells us we should look for that perfect person: “the one.” If we just find and marry “the one,” everything afterwards is wedded bliss, right? That’s a pretty unreasonable expectation to place on someone. Just think: would you want to be “the one” to bear that responsibility? Then why force those expectations on someone else?

God is the One who completes you. He created you to love Him with your whole heart and to put Him above all else. God is your One. Your spouse is your two. And when the two of you commit to seek God together, you can build a marriage—together—on a firm foundation that will stand the test of time.

What’s something you could ask God to do in you that would make you a better partner to your spouse? Become the kind of person you would want to be married to. Seek the One with your two. Begin by committing to pray together every day, even if it’s through a text message, over the phone, or silently.

Let’s pray together: God, help us to put You first in our home and to seek You together. Help us establish a strong foundation by building our relationship on You. Help us commit to a regular time that we pray together each day. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

From This Day Forward

‘The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.’ Lamentations 3:22-23(NLT)

‘Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10(NLT)

‘Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”’ Matthew 19:26(NLT)

Whether or not you’re married now, did you ever daydream about what your marriage might look like? What kind of person your spouse would be? What sort of relationship you’d have together? Even whether you’d have children and where you’d live? Now think about the life you have today. When our realities don’t live up to our dreams, what can we do about it?

Marriage vows often include phrases like “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” Relationships contain all of those things. No matter what circumstances, choices, shortcomings, or surprises may have landed us in a less-than-dreamy present, we can’t look to the past to make it better. We can only commit to a better future starting now — “from this day forward.”

If having the marriage of your dreams were easy, you’d already have it, right? If you don’t have the strength, you’ll have to learn to rely on Christ’s strength, which is always enough. And even if you’re in a place where you feel like you’re all out of love — you can rely on His love that never runs out.

Let’s pray together: Lord, thank You that each day we have from You is a gift, another chance for a fresh start. Help us to forgive, and to let go of the past. Please help us to see Your strength in our weaknesses today, and then again tomorrow, and every day after. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

from From This Day Forward by Craig & Amy Groeschel

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven – Day 4

‘Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. ‘ 1 Peter 4:8(NLT)

‘So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.’ 1 Peter 4:19(NLT)

‘In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”’ 1 Peter 5:5(NLT)

‘So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. ‘ 1 Peter 5:6(NLT)

173. Decide to love. It will make you forget many wrongs. 1 Peter 4:8
174. You can always trust Me My child. I bless humility. 1 Peter 4:19
175. I give you strength when you humble yourself. 1 Peter 5:5
176. I will be sure you get the honor due you at just the right time. 1 Peter 5:6

Which promise stands out to YOU today? Is there a promise you want more faith to believe? Stop and talk to God now. Memorize ALL the promises.

from God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven by Drake Mariani

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven – Day 3

‘Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come. ‘ Jeremiah 33:3(NLT)

‘Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” So we can say with confidence,’ Hebrews 13:5-6(NLT)

‘The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.’ Lamentations 3:22-23(NLT)

‘Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. ‘ Hebrews 13:8(NLT)

169. Anything you want to know, just ask Me. I’ll answer you! Jeremiah 33:3
170. I’ll never leave you. You have nothing and no one to fear. Hebrews 13:5-6
171. I’ll always be kind and full of love for you. Every single day! Lamentations 3:22-23
172. I never change. Count on Me in every situation. Hebrews 13:8

Which promise stands out to YOU today? Is there a promise you want more faith to believe? Stop and talk to God now. Memorize ALL the promises.

from God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven by Drake Mariani

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven – Day 2

‘“I am the Lord , the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me? ‘ Jeremiah 32:27(NLT)

‘And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.’ Hebrews 11:6(NLT)

‘And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. ‘ Jeremiah 32:40(NLT)

‘It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. By his faith Noah condemned the rest of the world, and he received the righteousness that comes by faith.’ Hebrews 11:7(NLT)

165. Nothing is too hard for ME. Nothing. Jeremiah 32:27
166. I reward you for wanting to be close to Me. Hebrews 11:6
167. Be happy! I’ll never walk away from You. You’ll never walk away from Me. Jeremiah 32:40
168. I make you right with Me because of your faith. Hebrews 11:7

Which promise stands out to YOU today? Is there a promise you want more faith to believe? Stop and talk to God now. Memorize ALL the promises.

from God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven by Drake Mariani

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven – Day 1

‘If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. ‘ Jeremiah 29:13(NLT)

‘Here is the main point: We have a High Priest who sat down in the place of honor beside the throne of the majestic God in heaven. ‘ Hebrews 8:1(NLT)

‘“O Sovereign Lord ! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you! ‘ Jeremiah 32:17(NLT)

‘For by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy.’ Hebrews 10:14(NLT)

161. I am available to you at all times when you want to be near me. Jeremiah 29:13
162. I, your High Priest, Jesus, care about your every need. Hebrews 8:1
163. Considering I made the creation – do you expect there’s something I cannot do? Jeremiah 32:17
164. In my sight, you’re perfect. All set to come to heaven. Forgiven for everything. Hebrews 10:14

Which promise stands out to YOU today? Is there a promise you want more faith to believe? Stop and talk to God now. Memorize ALL the promises.

from God’s Promises For The Hungry Heart, Eleven by Drake Mariani

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

“Different From the Rest”

‘No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.’ Romans 8:37(NLT)

‘You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ Psalms 139:13-16(NLT)

Let me put a saying by nineteenth-century churchman Horace Bushnell in the language of marriage: “No married couple is ever called to be another. God has as many plans for married couples as He has couples; and, therefore, He never requires them to measure their life by any other couple.”

You comprise one-half of a unique couple. No other couple has your gifts, your weaknesses, your history, your dynamics, your children, your calling. There is great freedom in accepting our couple identity as it is: we might be strong in this area, weak in that, vulnerable here, impenetrable there, excelling in this, often failing in that, but we are a unique couple called forth by God to fulfill our unique purpose in this world.

God has established your home and your marriage, and that’s the life He wants you to live. Never look to other couples to measure your worth; look to God to fulfill your call. Don’t compare yourself with other couples to measure your happiness; compare your obedience with God’s design on your life to measure your faithfulness.

Become comfortable with your story, your identity as a couple. Relish it. Never compare it. Just be faithful to the unique vision God has given to the unique you (and that’s a plural you). God doesn’t need another couple just like one He already made. He is so much more creative than that. Rather, He wants to release and bless the unique couple that is you.

* What couples do you often compare yourselves against? Do you believe God has you both on a special journey for His purposes? How do you live that out?

from Breathe Spiritual Passion Into Your Marriage by Gary Thomas

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“Married Like a Monk”

‘Don’t put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there.’ Psalms 146:3(NLT)

‘Come, let us sing to the Lord ! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come to him with thanksgiving. Let us sing psalms of praise to him. For the Lord is a great God, a great King above all gods. He holds in his hands the depths of the earth and the mightiest mountains. The sea belongs to him, for he made it. His hands formed the dry land, too. Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord our maker, for he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care.’ Psalms 95:1-7(NLT)

Isn’t it true that many marital arguments result from disappointment with our spouses? We want them to be something or do something or catch something and they aren’t or they don’t, and we feel sorry for ourselves. We really do want them to love us like God loves us. We expect them to just know when we’ve had a hard day; to know that we’re lying when we say, “Don’t worry. It’s no big deal. I don’t need anything special”; to know that we need them to be strong or soft, to yield or to hold firm, just because that’s what we need them to do. If they truly loved us, they would know, right?

Be honest: Don’t you think or feel that way sometimes?

And you do recognize that’s an impossible burden for a human spouse right?

But what if I sought a “monk’s marriage”? What if I decided that I would depend on God alone, expecting nothing from my spouse but depending entirely on God for all my needs, including emotional and relational needs?

Then instead of resenting what my spouse doesn’t do, I’ll be overwhelmed (in a good way) by every little thing she does do. I’ll be filled with gratitude instead of resentment.

Isn’t the opposite exactly what happens in marriage? When you’re dating someone and he does something nice for you, you think: How wonderful! If you marry him and he doesn’t reach a certain threshold of gift giving, you think: This is all he got me? Seriously?

That’s why I want a “monk’s marriage,” the benefits of being married to a godly woman, but with a monk’s attitude, expecting nothing, depending on God, and so being genuinely grateful for whatever my spouse chooses to bless me with.

* Do you see your attitude as filled with gratitude, or filled with resentment? How would having a “monk’s marriage” improve your relationship with your spouse?

from Breathe Spiritual Passion Into Your Marriage by Gary Thomas

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

“Seek First the Kingdom”

‘Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.’ Matthew 6:33(NLT)

‘“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.’ Matthew 6:19-21(NLT)

If our mission from Christ is to “seek first the kingdom of God,” how can a successful, God-honoring marriage not be marked by mission? We’re not told to seek first an intimate marriage, a happy life, obedient children, or anything else. Jesus tells us to seek first one thing, and one thing only: His kingdom and His righteousness (the two words define and build on each other, creating one common pursuit). A successful marriage is not only supported by a kingdom pursuit, but in many ways the pursuit is a prerequisite for post-infatuation intimacy.

Life without this aim, and marriage without this purpose, is going to lose a lot of its luster. “We hunger for this today: cooperating together, meshing, working like a mountain climbing team, ascending the peak of our dream, and then holding each other at the end of the day. God has planted this hunger deep within every married couple. It’s more than a hunger for companionship. It’s more than a hunger to create new life. It’s a third hunger, a hunger to do something significant together. According to God’s Word, we were joined to make a difference. We were married for a mission.”

Being “married for a mission” can revitalize a lot of marriages in which the partners think they suffer from a lack of compatibility; my suspicion is that many of these couples actually suffer from a lack of purpose. Jesus’s words given to individuals in Matthew 6:33 are perhaps even truer in marriage. When we give away our life, we find it. When we focus outside our marriage, we end up strengthening our marriage.

* Is your marriage one with mission? How can you and your spouse more fully live a life of mission as a couple?

from Breathe Spiritual Passion Into Your Marriage by Gary Thomas