Marriage Devotional

‘The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.’ 1 Corinthians 7:3-4(NLT)

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)

When God created marriage, He created foundational laws for it to be guided and guarded. One of those laws is the Law of Possession. It is stated in Genesis 2:24: “They shall become one flesh.” Once you are married, you are no longer two but one.

Certainly, this relates to the beauty of sexual intimacy that is unique within the marriage relationship. But it also goes far beyond that; in fact, it is a profoundly important concept to understand. The law of possession means that for marriage to work, you must share everything and possess nothing apart from one another.

The words of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians reveal how God created marriage to produce the deepest intimacy and bonding possible in a human relationship. Once a couple is married, each one must yield the rights over his or her own body. This isn’t a license for abuse; it is a guarantee of use for both husband and wife to get their needs met.

In God’s design, you can’t withhold from each other. You must give everything you have to each other and share everything. This is why it is called “the law of possession.” The only way two different individuals can become one is if both are willing to take what was theirs individually and now surrender it to the common cause.

Marriage is about sharing your lives with each other. That requires giving of yourself and caring for each other. It means you don’t make decisions without the agreement of your spouse. It means you don’t withdraw sex or anything else in the relationship to punish or control. It means all of the money and assets of the family belong to both of you equally, regardless of where they came from or who worked to earn them.

Selfishness and independence destroy the spirit of marriage. Giving and sharing create the strongest bond of intimacy possible. This intimacy is so powerful that the word used to describe it is “one.” Two people becoming one heart, one home and one mind as they lay aside their individualism and selfishness—that is what marriage is all about.

Talk It Out | In your marriage, how well are you following the principles of the Law of Possession—surrendering it all and sharing everything equally? Talk about any areas you feel you need to work on. If a more detailed explanation would be helpful, see chapter five of my book Marriage on the Rock.

Walk It Out | Find a time to have a special intimate night together. Send the kids to a babysitter’s or family member’s house, or plan an overnight getaway for just the two of you.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. (Genesis 2:24)

This week we are going to talk about the second law of marriage—the Law of Pursuit. I underlined the words be joined in the Scripture above because these words are very important in understanding marriage. Even though the words look mundane on the outside—they are dynamic. They literally mean that a man is to “cling” to his wife for a lifetime. It also includes women in their relationships with their husbands.

The Hebrew word for “joined” or “cling” is the word dabaq. It is a very energetic word that means “to pursue with great zeal.” In the very beginning God told us the truth about marriage—it is work! That’s right! Marriage is work, and it only works when you work at it.

Couples fall in love because they work at the relationship. They try hard to impress each other, are careful to be sensitive to each other, and try to please one another. But then, once they are comfortable in the relationship, they start taking each other for granted and change the energetic behaviors that caused them to fall in love in the first place. The result is lost passion, boredom, and tension.

This is exactly what Karen and I did when we first got married. Our relationship began with an enormous amount of passion and goodwill that lasted for years. However, the more comfortable I became with the fact that Karen was going to stay with me, the more I took her for granted and the more I turned my attention to work, friends, and the pursuit of money.

The result was constant fighting that left us passionless and on the brink of divorce. The resurrection of our marriage didn’t come through any emotional breakthrough. It came as we realized what caused the breakdown—laziness, apathy, and taking each other for granted. When we realized this, we changed and started working at the relationship. As we did, the feelings slowly returned. Over time, they grew deeper and deeper and they have never stopped.

That was over thirty years ago, and today we have a very passionate marriage—because we work at it. Even after all of these years we know that if we don’t keep exerting effort toward each other and keep our marriage first—we will start experiencing problems.

Talk It Out | Do you feel that you sometimes take each other for granted? In what ways? Talk about some practical steps you can take to begin pursuing each other the way you did when you were dating.

Walk It Out | Next time you’re in the car together, reach for your spouse’s hand. The simple act of holding hands communicates an active interest in pleasing your spouse.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Genesis 2:24(NLT)

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

When God created marriage, He had a plan. In order to understand God’s plan, we must begin by realizing the importance of priority in our lives. The first thing God ever said in the Bible concerning marriage was that a man would have to leave his father and mother to be joined to a wife.

Leaving our father or mother doesn’t mean that we can’t see them anymore or that they aren’t important to us. It simply means that they must be reprioritized in our lives and that our spouse must take the number-one spot—with the exception of our relationship with Christ.

Marriage only works if it is first in our lives. In my book Marriage on the Rock, I call this The Law of Priority. God created marriage to operate as the most important human relationship in our lives, and it only succeeds on that level. It is more important than children, work, friends, or anything else except for God Himself.

When marriage is first, it thrives. In fact, it’s how you fall in love and stay in love. Because you prioritize the relationship and focus on each other first, there is a great deal of passion and good will in the relationship.

Priority means you give each other the first and best of your time, energy, and focus. Lack of priority means you are transferring your best to someone or something else.

In marriage, this creates legitimate jealousy and problems. Whether it is a husband who is distracted by work or a wife who is too absorbed in the kids—it is going to cause trouble.

By the way, most things that violate the law of priority are actually good and necessary things—like work or children. The problem is they should never take priority over the marriage.

Priority must be proven daily in real terms and not just in words. Good intentions mean very little in marriage. The only thing that matters is what you do and continue to do consistently. For your marriage to work, you must establish it as the first priority and be willing to protect it against good or bad things that try to distract you.

Talk It Out | If you recognize that you have made mistakes in this area, apologize and ask your spouse to forgive you. Talk about ways you can rearrange your individual schedules and priorities to protect your time and energy for each other.

Walk It Out | Take a break from your usual responsibilities at least once this week and take a walk together or go out for coffee or dessert. Make it a time to let your spouse know your relationship is the most important priority in your life.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!’ Galatians 5:22-23(NLT)

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, selfcontrol. (Galatians 5:22-23)

There is an odd truth concerning love and marriage. Understanding it is an important key in making marriage and other relationships work. The truth is this: we don’t have the ability to really love without the power of the Holy Spirit working through us. Our capacity to love is based on God giving us that ability, supernaturally, as we surrender to Him.

So how are people able to “love” when they don’t know God? They can’t. At least they are not able to love with God’s type of love. God’s love is a special love the Bible calls agape. It is a love that flows out of the will and does not change. It is the most stable and predictable kind of love and the only type that can provide a lasting foundation in marriage.

Often, when people say they love someone, they are just talking about sexual desire (the Greek word eros, from which we get the word erotic) or a passionate feeling (thumos, from which we get our thermos). These kinds of feelings come and go. When they go for very long, many people give the old line, “I don’t love you anymore,” and they are out the door.

Agape love, however, is a committed and sacrificial love that is modeled after Jesus. When Jesus tells us He loves us, He isn’t talking about a feeling that comes and goes. He is telling us He is committed to us forever and will not change. Whether His feelings for us are positive or negative, it doesn’t change His commitment to us.

Consider what you mean when you tell each other, “I love you.” Are you saying that you are experiencing a fleeting feeling, or are you saying you are committed to each other forever and will demonstrate love regardless of bad feelings or negative circumstances? It isn’t wrong to express a feeling, as long as when that feeling isn’t there anymore, you can still say, “I love you,” and do the right thing regardless of the situation.

The most stable and dependable people in relationships are those who are submitted to the influence of the Holy Spirit. They are empowered by a supernatural love that will do the right thing through thick and thin. God’s agape love is the highest form of love and it will transform any person, relationship, or marriage under its influence.

Talk It Out | Think of a time that you made a choice to do the right thing, even though it was difficult (telling the truth, standing up for another person, etc.). Talk about those experiences and what you learned from them.

Walk It Out | Be intentional about building agape love. Schedule a weekend to kindle the love and romance in your marriage by attending a live or simulcast marriage event in your area. For more info visit marriagetoday.com/events

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”’ John 4:13-14(NLT)

Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life. (John 4:13-14)

In the fourth chapter of John’s gospel, Jesus ministered to a Samaritan woman who had been married five times and was currently living together with a man. She was at a well near her hometown, drawing water. She was there by herself, a clear indication that she was an outcast in her community—other women avoided associating with her.

But Jesus loved her. He didn’t approve of her lifestyle—but He valued her as a person. He also knew the root cause of her marriage problems and was there to help her solve her chronic issue with men. The problem was that she was looking for men to meet needs within her that only God could meet.

We have four basic human needs that drive all of us at all times. Those needs are acceptance, identity, security, and purpose. Even though we can get these needs met on a human level to a degree, only God can truly meet these needs on the deepest level. This was the water Jesus was referring to that would completely satisfy the inner thirst that men had never been able to quench.

The most important issue in marriage is our personal, daily relationship with Christ. If we will look to Him to meet our deepest needs, we will be satisfied and be able to relate in a healthy way with our spouse and others. However, if we are not in relationship with Jesus in a meaningful way, we will naturally transfer to our spouse the expectation of meeting our needs. The result is that we are set up for disappointment and our spouse is set up for failure.

The best thing you can do for your marriage is to cultivate your relationship with the Lord. Spend time with the Lord every day—praying, reading your Bible, and asking for God’s help in everyday decisions in your life. Also take time regularly to pray together over important issues. Practicing
these simple principles will go a long way in building a solid foundation for your marriage.

Talk It Out | Share with each other about the time you chose to begin a personal relationship with Christ. Talk about what that relationship means to you today.

Walk It Out | Designate a time this week to spend a few minutes praying together about issues you are facing as a couple. End by praying a special blessing over each other.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”’ Genesis 1:27-28(NLT)

‘Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.’ Genesis 1:31(NLT)

God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them. (Genesis 1:27-28)

If you could ask God to do anything for you—what would it be? It’s my hope that one of the first things you would think to ask Him to do would be to bless your marriage. After all, in God’s heart, marriage is a priority. We know that because of this passage from the Book of Genesis.

Here we find that God created man and woman, and then He immediately established marriage. Marriage was God’s idea, and He blessed Adam and Eve’s. Verse 31 tells us: “God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.” Adam and Eve’s marriage was very good as a result of God’s blessing—they had the perfect marriage!

The word blessed in this passage of scripture means “to endue with power for success, prosperity, fertility and longevity.” When God blessed them, His Spirit came upon Adam and Eve and empowered them to succeed in every area. God was an active participant in their lives. As long as they followed His will for their marriage, they experienced great blessing. Their marriage was very good!

However when Adam and Eve rejected God’s involvement and made decisions solo, they moved out from under His blessing and experienced the curse instead. The same thing happens in marriages today—some marriages are wonderfully blessed while others are miserable. This isn’t because God has favorites. It’s due to the fact that some couples are following God’s will, while others aren’t. Really, it’s a choice.

When you yield your life and marriage to God’s will, you can expect Him to bless it. That’s also when you begin to experience a little bit of heaven on earth!

Talk It Out | Spend a few minutes identifying the areas of your marriage in which you are experiencing God’s blessing. Are there other areas that might be lacking in blessing because you haven’t asked or God’s involvement or sought His will in the decisions you’ve made? These areas might include finances, communication, your friendships, sensitivity to each other’s needs, etc.

Take a few minutes to pray together and recommit every area of your marriage to God.

Walk It Out | Make a special gesture to your spouse this week that tells what a blessing he or she is in your life.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans