Marriage Devotional

‘The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.’ Psalms 32:8(NLT)

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. (Psalm 32:8)

The famous baseball player Yogi Berra has a way with words. Of his many famous quotes, this is one of my favorites: “When you come to the fork in the road, take it.” He said it originally when giving someone directions to his home, because either way you turned at the fork, right or left, it still led to his house. Don’t you wish it was that way in life?

The truth is, you will come to critical times in your life when you must make decisions as to which way you will turn. Will you forgive or hold a grudge? Will you stay and work things out or run from your problems? Will you withdraw from your spouse when he or she offends you and go elsewhere to get your needs met, or will you pursue your spouse and fight for your marriage?

In life, there are many proverbial “forks in the road.” What you do at these times forms your character and forges your destiny. I recently met with a person who is bankrupt and has been divorced multiple times. He lamented to me that he had made every wrong choice at crucial times and wished he could go back and do it all over again.

Every marriage has problems and requires hard work and sacrifice for success. When you get to the difficult times in your life and marriage, you must forgive, commit and give of yourself in spite of your negative emotions. There will always be a little voice inside of you trying to convince you to take “the easy way”—the alternate road that looks so much more pleasing.

Also, at these times there are often supporters of that other path cheering you on and assuring you that you are justified in following your feelings. They want you to believe that the answer to all of your problems lies in the choice to do what God’s Word says is wrong, but what the majority of people say is right.

As you conclude this 52-week devotional study, I want to leave you with two thoughts: first, the easy way is never easy. It is brutal. The pretty side of the fork in the road that is lined with flowers and goes downhill actually has many sharp turns with steep cliffs you can’t see.

Second, the right way is the easiest way to live. Even though that side of the fork looks steep and rocky at first, it actually becomes a better road with every step you take. Also, as you climb higher and higher, the scenery becomes breathtaking as you see God’s promises for your life, marriage, and family come true.

Talk It Out | What advice have you been given about your marriage that you knew was contrary to God’s Word? And what voices have you had to choose to ignore in order to keep on the right path? Express to each other your commitment to continue on the road to building a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Walk It Out | Get together with another couple and share with them what this 52-week devotional experience has meant in your lives. Encourage them to begin the journey together!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing.’ Proverbs 10:28(NLT)

The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing. (Proverbs 10:28 NLT)

Research has shown that many of the more serious fights in marriage occur on a dream level. What this means is that in your heart you entertain certain deeply embedded desires and dreams. Many of them go back for many years, even into your childhood. Also, many of them are so deeply entrenched in your psyche that you don’t think of them on a conscious level.

For example, it is common for a woman to have the dream of living in a house with a white picket fence. Women also commonly dream of having a loving husband who is a present partner with them in raising a family.

It is common for men to dream of having a wife who adores them and thinks they hung the moon. Men often dream of having a wife who takes care of the house well and prepares good meals for them.

With your dreams deeply lodged within your heart, you embark upon marriage. Your hopes run high when you are dating and even during the honeymoon phase of marriage. The problems surface when you begin to violate each other’s dreams.

For example, when a man begins to work late or stay out with his friends too often, he is violating his wife in obvious ways. However, what isn’t so obvious is the fact that his insensitive behavior is actually ruining her chances of living out her dream.

On the other side, when he comes home and finds her angry and accusatory, his dream is also broken. It only makes matters worse if other areas of her behavior don’t line up with what he has hoped for.

It is important for you to realize that everyone has dreams. It helps when you are able to bring those desires out in the open and talk about them together as a couple. What helps even more is a commitment to be each other’s “dream makers” and not “dream breakers.”

I encourage you to really think about this. Do you know what each other’s dreams are? Have you made an effort to show you really care? Have you ever committed to make the other person’s dreams come true? When you begin to make the necessary changes to stop violating each other’s dreams, you’ve taken the first steps to making your marriage a dream come true.

Talk It Out | Spend a few minutes separately thinking about your deepest dreams and desires for your marriage. Then come together and share those with each other. Talk about ways you can become each other’s “dream makers.”

Walk It Out | This week, make your date night “his” night. Wives, take this chance to make your husband’s dreams come true by focusing your attention and adoration on him.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.’ 1 John 5:14-15(NLT)

Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. (1 John 5:14-15)

Research proves that the best marriages are those with high goals. It’s important that you set goals for your marriage and keep your expectations high. However, high goals must also be accompanied by realistic expectations.

There are two extremes that cause a lot of marriage problems. On the one hand, it is common to see couples who have very high expectations for their marriages but also have a fairy tale mentality that everything good is just going to fall into their proverbial laps. Unrealistic expectations set them up for heartache and disappointment.

On the other extreme are the couples who don’t want to be disappointed so they keep their expectations low. Sometimes these couples are cynical because of failed marriages in their past or chronic problems in their present marriage.

Finding balance is the key to success. You must set goals and have dreams for your marriage. You must also realize that there will be challenges along the way and enemies you must face and overcome. By the way, the journey toward the dream is as important as the dream itself. It is on the journey that you learn to depend on each other, trust in each other, pray together and ultimately become close friends and intimate lovers.

Another important issue in setting high goals is to learn to establish practical disciplines in your relationship that move you toward your goals. They need to be things your regular schedule can accommodate and things you’ll stick with. Here are a few practical suggestions:

+ Have a date night every week. Do something special and work hard on that night to keep your romance alive.

+ Commit to having a vision retreat this year (which I talked about in week 44, A Common Vision).

+ Be creative and energetic in meeting each other’s needs.

+ Brush up on your manners. Recommit to appreciating each other and honoring each other.

+ Go to at least one marriage seminar this year, and read at least one marriage book together.

Be inspired to set some new goals and keep dreaming big dreams for your marriage. God created you for greatness.

Talk It Out | What goals have you set for your marriage? Do you have realistic expectations of how to attain them? Write down your common goals and pray together, asking God to help you realize your dreams.

Walk It Out | Make this week’s date night specifically for her. Husbands, let your wife choose what you will do on your date, and put extra effort into making it special for her!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. ‘ Matthew 7:24-25(NLT)

Whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. (Matthew 7:24-25)

In almost every realm of life, success depends on precision. The examples are almost endless. Tiger Woods must hit the ball in a precise position and putt it exactly in the hole. He must do this for eighteen holes each day and for four days in a row to win a golf tournament.

Those who assemble airplanes must build them to exact specifications for safety reasons. Those who manufacture medications, especially those to treat serious illnesses, must make them to conform to the most precise mixture of ingredients and dosages. The list goes on and on as to the areas of life that must be precise for success.

Marriage is the same. It must be conducted according to God’s specific plan if it is going to work. I’m saying this for two reasons. First, I’m simply reminding you that God created man and marriage, and He is the only person who truly understands how we operate.

The Word of God is the instruction book that tells how you are designed to operate. In His mercy, God has given detailed instructions showing you how to love each other and how to build a life and marriage that will stand every test. In the Scripture above, Jesus promises that if you will obey His words, no force on earth will be able to cause you to fail.

The second reason I am addressing this issue is because of how common it is for people to try to make their marriages and relationships work on their own terms. This is true of many married couples who ignore God’s Word and try to impose their own opinions on each other to fix their problems or to alleviate frustrations.

World history and recent American history are replete with examples of how marriage is a miserable failure when you don’t follow God’s instructions. Just like most other areas of life, marriage requires precision. Thank God that He has given you every answer needed for success.

Next time you’re flying on an airplane, be thankful that those who put it together were precise. It’s what makes your flight safe and pleasant. It’s the same for marriage. Buckle up, get your Bible out and enjoy a safe and pleasant life.

Talk It Out | Talk about everyday ways that precision is important in your life—for example, measuring ingredients for a recipe, balancing your checkbook, following safety procedures at work, etc. Then discuss how that principle carries over into your marriage. In what areas could you apply God’s Word more precisely to ensure success?

Walk It Out | Watch a favorite movie together one night this week. Pop some popcorn or fix a snack you both like; then cuddle up on the couch and enjoy!

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. ‘ Galatians 6:7(NLT)

‘Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.’ Proverbs 18:20-21(NLT)

‘Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.’ James 3:2-6(NLT)

‘Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.’ Galatians 6:8-10(NLT)

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. (Galatians 6:7)

One of the most important principles in Scripture is that of sowing and reaping. From the beginning of Creation until now, the law of seedtime and harvest has been in operation, affecting every aspect of our life here on earth. For instance, in the agricultural world, in the animal kingdom, and even in human reproduction, we easily can understand how a seed implanted will produce a harvest. But do you realize the principle of sowing and reaping is always in progress in your marriage as well?

Your mouth is a seed warehouse. Words are some of the most powerful seeds you sow; they are so powerful they can have a disproportionate effect on your marriage. By that I mean your words have the ability to affect your spouse and marriage more than almost anything else (see Proverbs 18:20-21; James 3:2-6).

In addition to the words you speak, your actions and attitudes are also seeds that are being sown into the lives of those around you. And they will produce a harvest, whether good or bad. Inconsequential behavior simply does not exist.

Here is how the Apostle Paul puts it: For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:8-10)

When you notice attitudes, words, or behaviors in your spouse that make you unhappy, you need to consider the fact that to some degree you may be responsible for the negative behavior. It’s possible that you are reaping the results of what you have sown into your husband’s or wife’s life.

Of course, the same law of sowing and reaping applies when good seeds are sown. You can kill off a bad crop by simply repenting before God and your spouse for your negative words and actions. Then begin planting a new crop by carefully and purposefully sowing good seed in your marriage and all areas of your life. Your harvest then will be a good one! It may not be an instant harvest, but it is a guaranteed one.

Talk It Out | What kind of seeds are you sowing into your marriage? Repent to each other for any negative words or behavior, and talk about specific ways to change the negatives into positives.

Walk It Out | Speak out loud what the Bible says about your spouse and your marriage. Look up verses that tell of God’s blessings, and speak God’s Word over your situation. That seed has the power of God to make a profound impact in every area of your relationship.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans

‘Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:7(NLT)

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

I was at a hotel recently, and while I was checking in at the reception desk, the young lady who was helping me regularly answered the telephone and broke away from helping me to solve someone else’s problems. I have to admit, that is one of my pet peeves.

My belief is that the person who is standing before you in the flesh should take priority over someone who is calling on the phone. But in most cases—in hotels and other businesses—it is the opposite.

Likewise, I know of many people who are completely frustrated by the constant intrusion of other people into their spouse’s lives through technology. It has become a major
issue in our world today. Whether it is a cell phone call, text message, email, Facebook friends, Twitter or something else, we are being bombarded by outsiders trying to get into our lives. Just like my experience in the hotel, in many cases, the one we are with is put on hold for the one calling in.

The result in many marriages is frustration and feelings of rejection. Many spouses feel as if there is virtually no time, no place, and no person that is protected from these intrusions.

To address this growing problem, we need to first of all go back to the issue of good manners. It is simply bad manners to allow someone to intrude upon our conversations and important time together.

Make technology your servant and not your master. You need to remind yourself that you can survive without being constantly connected to everyone else at all times. In fact, you must have times when you disconnect and keep others away. Call it a “technology time out” or “electronic Sabbath.” Just do it.

I am very connected electronically and use a cell phone and email regularly throughout the day, but not at night and not when I’m spending important time with Karen. When we are together, we will many times not answer phone calls out of respect for each other. We realize the fact that we must manage the blessing of technology or it can become a curse.

Talk It Out | Does your spouse know that he or she is a priority and won’t be at the mercy of the next phone call, text message, or email? Talk about ways to prioritize and show honor to each other, and about how to keep electronic intrusions from damaging your relationship.

Walk It Out | Spend time together in the evenings without any intrusions or distractions—no TV, cell phones, computer, etc. Use this time for uninterrupted conversation, or just snuggle on the couch and enjoy each other’s company.

from One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans