Categories
Devotion for Men Devotion for Women Step Father-mother ZZ

Your Target

‘Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.’ Proverbs 22:6(NLT)

The mounted archer was one of the most feared warriors on the ancient battlefield, dominating with a combined mastery of riding and shooting. It is perhaps the most difficult form of archery there is. The world is flying by in a blur. You must control your horse, compensate for being jostled in your saddle, and hit a target, which may itself be moving.

If you are a parent, you can probably relate. The pace of life is fast, and distractions are everywhere. Many of us are holding onto the reins with all we have, just trying not to fall. Yet somehow, we must also successfully launch our children at the right target.

This is not easy.

To be successful, we must master two different skills. Before a mounted archer can ever consider successfully launching an arrow at a target, he or she must first learn to control the direction and speed of their horse.

In life, this might mean saying no to certain activities to slow the pace. It might mean practicing certain spiritual disciplines such as prayer, Bible reading, or meditation to gain more self-control. If your own life is running out of control, it will be hard to be the parent that your child needs.  

The second skill is shooting the arrow, even while life is going full speed ahead. Being able to find and focus on the target is crucial. But what is the target that we should launch our children toward? Do we work to launch them toward a good education, financial success, moral behavior, or some combination of all three? There are so many contradictory messages that it can be hard to know where to focus.  

Dennis Rainey, co-founder of FamilyLife says, “Your most important job as a parent is to pass on a living faith—from parent to child.” While education, success, and morality are good things, they are not the most important. Your child’s relationship with God is the most important thing. It is the only thing that is eternal.  

But, prioritizing God isn’t always easy. What if your child had to choose between studying God’s Word or for the math test tomorrow? Would you be okay with a lower test score if it meant a deeper love for God? What if the choice were between a high-paying job and a ministry opportunity?

Our choices may not always be so drastic, but knowing which target we are ultimately aiming for can make decisions like these easier.

Pray: Father, help me to better control the pace of my life so that I can keep my focus clearly on You and pass on a living faith to my child.  

from Like Arrows

Categories
Devotion for Men Devotion for Women Step Father-mother ZZ

Quiver Full

‘Children are a gift from the Lord ; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.’ Psalms 127:3-5(NLT)

I remember the first time I shot an arrow. After a very brief lesson, I stood at the line, pointed my arrow at the target, pulled back firmly, and fired. I would love to say that I hit the bullseye on the first try. Actually, I would love to say that my arrow hit anything. Much to my embarrassment, my arrow flopped off my bow, tumbled briefly through the air, skirted along the ground, and stopped a few feet away. My second arrow didn’t fare much better.

After about 30 minutes of frustrating practice, I managed to get my arrow to fly in an awkward sideways trajectory and barely stick into the wooden frame holding the target. Clearly, this would take some effort to master.

When the psalmist compares children to arrows in the hands of a warrior, he evokes images of strength and power. He makes us feel as though we are in a battle and that our children can help us win.  

But there are other ways that children are like arrows. An arrow must be carefully crafted, well balanced, and straight. The archer must see the target clearly. He must apply the proper tension on the string, making constant adjustments for wind and distance. And, when the moment is right, he must properly release the arrow to fly.

As parents, we must work to shape and form our children’s character and values. We must discipline them and make constant adjustments to our approach in response to our environment and various headwinds.  

The problem is, most of us get even less training in parenting than I did at archery. The doctor hands us our child, gives some basic instructions, and before we know it we’re on our own, making mistake after mistake.

Over the course of the next 18 years, we stand at the firing line, tensioning the string and aiming, all in anticipation of the eventual release.

But unlike archery, we only get one shot.

If we pull too tightly, our children might soar right past the target. Pull too loosely, and they might fail to fly at all. To do it right, we need training.  

Thankfully, God has provided everything we need in His Word. Will you join us?

In our next session, we will talk about focusing on the target.

Pray: Lord, thank You for trusting me with such an amazing responsibility. I want to launch my children well, but I confess that I often don’t know what I’m doing. Please speak to me over these next eight days. Give me the humility to admit my mistakes, the courage to learn new ways, and the strength to submit to Your will. Help me to be the parent that my children need. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

from Like Arrows

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Love Daily

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

When we love others, it goes way beyond feeling an emotion that makes us smile and feel tingly inside. The love God showed toward us is our guide in showing love toward others. Loving our spouse daily includes actively putting their needs above ours and honoring them even when we don’t feel like it. Some days it’s easier to love our spouse, and some days it’s a choice. Here are some ideas that will help you truly love your spouse.

Shared Activity 

One of the things that may have attracted you to your spouse is that they’re completely different than you. Whether that’s the case or not, finding activities in common will build the friendship and bond you have. Consider serving at your church or a non-profit together. Maybe there’s a sport you could watch or an activity you could do. It’s not necessarily what you do, but that you find a shared activity to enjoy together. If this isn’t something you’ve ever considered, spend some time with your spouse and discuss some different options.

Prioritize Your Spouse

In the world we live in, there are a million different things vying for our time. We say yes to things that we probably shouldn’t have. When we do, it’s typically our spouses who get pushed to the back of the priority line. We assume they’ll understand, and they might, but consistently doing this will cause a rift that’ll be hard to overcome. So, choose your spouse over every other earthly relationship. Prioritize your time with them so they’ll feel valued, cherished, and loved. Take some time to ask your spouse this question: Do you feel like you’re my priority? Then, listen without defenses raised, and be willing to make some changes. 

Display Affection 

The word affection means a strong fondness, which can be displayed in a variety of ways. We aren’t all created equal when it comes to our needs, so it’s wise to learn how your spouse receives and feels loved by you. It could be words, or it could be hugs. Maybe your spouse feels how fond you are of them when you do something for them because it shows they were on your mind. Have a conversation with your spouse about what makes them feel that you are displaying affection toward them, and then make a daily plan to do just that. If you already know, what are you waiting for?

Reflection

In what area do you need to improve in your marriage? Sharing an activity, prioritizing your spouse, or displaying affection?

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Protect Daily

‘Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. ‘ Galatians 6:2(NLT)

‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:31-32(NLT)

‘Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. ‘ 1 John 3:18(NLT)

Protecting others comes easily for some, but not so easily for others. This isn’t just about physical protection, although that’s part of it. Protecting our spouse will also protect our marriage. So many things are vying for our time, attention, and hearts that it’s wise for us to go into protection mode in our marriages. Here are a few thoughts as to how you can protect your spouse. 

Grow Through Conflict 

Conflict is inevitable, because we’ll disagree and become annoyed. Yet, conflict helps us grow deeper in our marriage because we’ve learned how to navigate that relational hurdle. How well couples repair the damage from their conflict is a vital component to a long and successful marriage. Don’t try to push an issue aside and avoid challenging situations. As you experience conflict, choose to fight for your spouse, not against them. Your spouse may feel hurt during conflict, but don’t intend to do that. Walk through conflict in a healthy way in order to protect your spouse. Spend time analyzing your marriage when it comes to conflict. Ask each other, “Do you feel that we fight fairly and handle conflict well?”

Gentle Honesty 

A marriage should have a culture of honesty. This is only built if both believe that being honest is absolutely necessary. Often, we don’t want to be completely honest for fear that we’ll be rejected by our spouse. It also could be that we don’t want to hurt our spouse with the truth. We think avoiding the truth will prevent pain, but in the end, it only causes more. Being honest with our spouse protects our marriage from deception. If we’re honest in the little things, that will lead us to be honest in all things. Take an honest look at your marriage. Discuss the culture of your marriage with your spouse as it relates to honesty or deception. Assess areas that need an adjustment. 

Be a Step Ahead 

This particular area of marriage is so very simple, yet it can make a significant impact. Each spouse has their own load to carry, burdens to bear, and hardships to endure. Seeking to be empathetic in order to see the responsibilities your spouse has will help you learn how to serve them. When you do this, you’ll be a step ahead and they won’t have to even ask. Look for ways you can protect their schedule from being overwhelmed. Surprise them by doing a chore they normally do, and do it for them. Incorporating these small things into your marriage will show your spouse that you truly care and desire to protect them. 

Reflection

In what area do you need to improve in your marriage? Growing through conflict, honesty, or being a step ahead?

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Support Daily

‘Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ‘ Romans 12:15 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/ROM.12.15

‘Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.’ Ephesians 4:29 https://my.bible.com/bible/116/EPH.4.29

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

The world we live in isn’t always friendly. You’ll find disagreements and division about every single topic. Because of that, our spouse should be our closest earthly relationship, and we should be their greatest source of support. We are the ones who “have their back,” and who are “on their team.”  Here are a few suggestions on how to be your spouse’s greatest support.

Speak In Love 

Words carry a lot of weight. When we speak to others, we can delight or depress, compliment or condemn, help or harm. The words that leave our mouths typically do one of two things: build up or tear down. When voices everywhere chip away at our spouse’s heart, we get to be the one who speaks love, joy, and hope into their lives. Ask the Holy Spirit to be your internal alarm when words leave your lips that don’t build up your spouse. You’ll be amazed at the person they become simply because you adjust how you speak. As you go through each day, consider the words you speak to, over, and about your spouse, and let them know you plan to be their greatest fan. 

Display Empathy

Empathy is a quality that doesn’t come easily or naturally for most people. What is it? It’s simply the ability to see another’s viewpoint and attempt to understand their feelings by stepping into “their shoes.” When we do this, it allows us to adjust our actions in any given situation. Even though it’s typically unnatural for us, it can be cultivated and learned. All it takes is effort on our part to see its importance in our relationships. Your spouse isn’t you, and vice versa. When your spouse shares something with you or acts in a certain way, understand the history, experiences, and difficulties guiding their actions. Seek to understand why they do and say what they do because that will give you more compassion when you find it challenging to understand them. Before the day is over, ask your spouse how they feel you’re doing in understanding them. 

Champion Dreams

Everyone has dreams and desires, and that includes your spouse. Some dreams appear attainable and within reach. Others might seem monumental and beyond our abilities. As mentioned, this world can be ugly and people can say and do things to squish our dreams. Spend some time asking your spouse what their dreams and desires are, and truly listen to them. Encourage them to step out of their comfort zones and also let them know you’re willing to help. Sometimes their dreams will inconvenience us, which is an amazing opportunity to show them we support them and are willing to walk with them to achieve those dreams. 

Reflection

In what area do you need to improve in your marriage? Speaking in love, displaying empathy, or championing dreams?

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Connect Daily

‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 4:6-7(NLT)

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6(NLT)

Truly connecting with our spouse each day is essential for our marriage. Without it, we’ll see our relationship become stagnant. When we aren’t intentional and don’t invest in our spouse, this will eventually cause us to grow apart and become nothing more than roommates and co-parents. Daily connection with our spouse requires proactivity. Here are a few fundamental practices we should incorporate each day. 

Pray 

Praying for people isn’t typically difficult for followers of Jesus. But making a commitment to pray with someone else, especially our spouse, seems to be one thing that many couples neglect. It’s easy to voice an occasional prayer to God for our spouse to get the job or to get over a sickness, but to actually pray aloud with them? This can be scary and embarrassing because people don’t think they don’t do it right. The goal of praying together isn’t to sound super spiritual, but to connect at the deepest possible place with our Creator. If praying isn’t something you’ve done consistently with your spouse, make the decision to begin today. Start slowly with just asking God to give you strength for the day and alternate who leads the prayer each day. As you make this a daily spiritual practice, not only will your connection to God and your spouse grow stronger, but your prayers will grow in depth and become broader in topic. 

Communicate 

Communication in a marriage is incredibly vital. It prevents us from drifting from our spouse. When we talk about our day, share our experiences, and tell our spouse about the things that concern us, it connects us to each other and makes our marriage stronger. When we take it a step further and share about our relationship with God and what we’re learning, the connection takes an even deeper dive toward intimacy. Make time to communicate each day with your spouse by not only sharing your heart but by being a great listener when they’re doing the same. Discuss the health of your communication with your spouse and make strides to improve. 

Be Thoughtful

When we first begin a dating relationship, it takes no effort to think about the person. But, as time passes, especially into marriage, sometimes it doesn’t come as easy for us. That means we have to make an effort to be thoughtful. Maybe we set reminders each day to call or text. We might even leave notes for them to find. Or we make the call or send the text when we see something that reminds us of them and makes us thankful. It may not feel as romantic to have to schedule a reminder, but the alternative is to neglect our spouse altogether. Ask your spouse if they feel cared for in this way and then make the effort to meet their needs.

Reflection

In what area do you need to improve in your marriage? Prayer, communication, or being thoughtful?

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Am I Being Intentional In My Marriage?

‘Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ‘ Galatians 6:7-9(NLT)

‘Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.’ Philippians 2:1-4(NLT)

Have you seen the married couple that just seems to always be happy and strong? The couple who just seems to know how to be married? It appears to require little to no effort as they finish each other’s thoughts and find ways to serve each other. They not only love each other, but they like each other, too. So, what makes a married couple have this kind of relationship? One vital key is intentionality.

A healthy, strong marriage doesn’t happen by accident and doesn’t just appear because we felt all the tingly feelings when we dated. When a married couple displays intentionality, they are being deliberate in their actions, purposeful in their plans, and voluntarily acting in the best interest of their marriage, not themselves. 

Let’s say you notice a happily married couple and want what they have. You want the depth you see in their relationship. Any couple will tell you that having that takes effort—just ask them. 

  • You see how happy they appear together, but what you don’t see is the conflict they’ve endured and navigated in order to get to a deeper place in their relationship. 
  • You see how thoughtful they are with one another, but what you don’t see is the effort they’ve invested to prioritize each other over every other earthly relationship. 
  • You see how united they are, but what you don’t see is the choices they’ve made to lay down their own plans to make plans that will benefit the marriage.

If you’re thinking that this type of relationship is beyond your reach, it’s time to revise your thoughts. It is possible to have the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. In this Plan, we’ll spend the next four days learning how to connect, support, protect, and love deeply in our marriages. For when we do, the joy, peace, love, and camaraderie we’ll feel toward our spouse will skyrocket. 

Reflection

Am I intentional in showing my spouse my love for them and devotion to them?

Do I feel that my spouse is intentional in showing his/her love and devotion for me? (Discuss answers with your spouse.)

from Being Intentional In Your Marriage

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 6

‘For what gives you the right to make such a judgment? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift?’ 1 Corinthians 4:7(NLT)

Key Verse: “Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.” 1 Corinthians 13:6

Devotional: 

From David: Love does not delight in evil, which means love does not look for a payback. Love doesn’t hope that something is done wrong so that God can teach them a lesson. Love doesn’t pray that they lose their job so that they can spend more time at home with the kids. Love doesn’t wish evil on your spouse or anyone else in your family, because, ultimately, love is going to make sacrifices without looking for a return.

From Tamela: Love always protects, so anytime my spouse is in harm’s way, I vow to cover him. Love always trusts—and this is hard, particularly when trust has been broken—but love is willing to rebuild even after the walls have been torn down. Love always believes in the best version of their spouse. Love always encourages their spouse to believe in themselves. Love always hopes that tomorrow will be a brighter today, and love always perseveres. On the good days and on the bad days, love is there to stay.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 5

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5b 

Devotional: 

From David: Love is not easily angered. As a child, I saw how men mistreated my mother. I saw irritable men take their anger out on her. But that isn’t love. Love expresses itself in a loving way. Now that I’m married, I’ve learned to say what needs to be said, let go of the anger, and enjoy the day. I’ve learned not to let one day turn into a bad life. When I am too angry to communicate on my own, I use my lifelines, whether a counselor, a pastor, or a trusted third-party listener. I now know it’s important to get to the core of my anger so I am not making my wife uncomfortable.

From Tamela: Here’s a tough one! Love keeps no record of wrongdoing. Another version of this scripture says, “Love . . . doesn’t keep score” (The Message). I can’t speak for all ladies, but many of us are guilty of tabulating in our heads how many times our husbands said something and didn’t keep his word. Sometimes we can even fall into the trap of guilting our husbands for the things we said we forgave them for. But I’ve learned to stop keeping score. If anything, I would rather keep score of the good things David does instead of rehashing the bad things. The way I see it, God loves us unconditionally, and if God can forget all the wrong we’ve done to him, surely I can do the same for my husband.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann

Categories
1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love – Day 4

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

Key Verse: “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…” 1 Corinthians 13:5a

Devotional: 

From David: Love does not dishonor others. Sure, Tam has made me upset before, but when she does, I don’t run to her family and friends to tell them every little thing she did that bothered me. Married or not, I don’t believe anyone wants to feel dishonored. How much more should a wife feel honored by her husband? I always remind myself that God allowed me and Tam to get married for a reason. God put us together as a reflection of his love. When I honor my wife, it builds a stronger relationship between us, and it pleases God. For example, whenever I speak at an event, I make sure to introduce my spouse to the group. I would never knowingly embarrass Tam. I honor her. So I always try to make sure that at the end of every day, she knows that I love her, and I want my children to see honor in our marriage as well.

From Tamela: Love is not self-seeking. Amen! My job as David’s wife is to be considerate of his needs. Sure, I will have needs. But my goal is to spend time meeting his needs and trust that he is doing the same for me. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. As I am focused on him, David is focused on me. When we go out on dates, I’m not just thinking about what I would enjoy. I’m also thinking about what he would enjoy as well. In your marriage I encourage you to do the same. If both of you are trying to outdo the other with love and kindness, there will always be joy and mutual respect there. Remember, you are one flesh. Love and serve your spouse the same way you would your own needs and desires.

from US AGAINST THE WORLD: Biblical Love by David & Tamela Mann