Marriage Devotional

‘Take control of what I say, O Lord , and guard my lips.’ Psalms 141:3(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

Half the battle in our commitment to build up our husbands is simply to be more aware and intentional about speaking words of life—both to our husbands and about them. In the marriages I’ve admired most, the wives seem to be aware that their words can have a positive impact on how the husband sees himself and how others see him.

For example, I’ve noticed how Susie’s eyes light up whenever she sees her husband, Bob. I’ve listened to the words she speaks to him and about him to others. She treats him as though he’s very special to her, and without even knowing it, she makes him shine. 

I once mentioned to Susie that I really liked the way she treated Bob. She replied, “I’m always careful about the words I speak. So much damage can be done by our words. I’m always telling the younger women to watch how they talk to their husbands. Once spoken, words can’t ever be taken back.”

Perhaps we’d be more careful if we knew the full impact of our words. We learned earlier about the importance of guarding our thoughts. We’d be wise to place a similar emphasis on guarding our words. The Bible encourages us to do just that: “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3 NIV).

From time to time, I do a little exercise which I call a “word fast.” I simply avoid speaking negative or critical words to or about anyone for an entire day. It’s not as easy as it sounds. A word fast causes me to carefully watch not only what comes out of my mouth but also the thoughts that give birth to those words. I’ve learned that guarding my tongue is no small matter. 

The Bible continually reminds us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Our words have such power. It’s important not only to believe in our husbands, but from time to time we need to tell them so.

• What kinds of words would tear down your husband? What words would build him up? What are some ways you can speak words of life to your husband?
• There are times to say it, and times to pray it. What are some ways to know when it’s better to pray about something than to say it?
• Are you willing to go on a “word fast” one day this week? At the end of the day, write down what you learned and apply those lessons to your life.
• When was the last time you spoke harsh words to your husband? Now that you’re not in the heat of the moment, what gentle response can you have ready next time?

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it.’ Proverbs 23:7(NLT)

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ‘ Philippians 4:8(NLT)

I believe most women truly desire to respect their husbands. And most men want to be honored and respected by their wives. So why do we as women sometimes become controlling, or worse yet, critical of our husbands? 

Perhaps you’ve struggled with this tension in your marriage. I think we’d agree that honor in the marriage relationship is a good thing. And deep down inside, we instinctively know that it just feels right to respect our husbands—to believe the best about them. 

The Bible speaks plainly about God’s design for the husband to be the spiritual leader in the home, and also that men and women are called to honor each other. 

Dare to take the first step by honoring your husband even before he honors you. I keep learning the same biblical principle over and over: God blesses us when we give away the very thing we desire. I believe you’ll discover that when you give honor to your husband, you’ll get it back abundantly in ways that may surprise you.

Honor begins in the mind. It greatly matters what we think about our husbands. What I think about David determines whether my words and actions will honor him. What we believe about our husbands can make or break our marriages.

Over the years, I’ve noticed a common theme in the marriages I’ve grown to admire. Both spouses seem to be intentional about interpreting each other in a positive light. The wives speak about their husbands with respect. The husbands find ways to honor their wives. It’s clear they treasure their partner. In short, they believe the best about each other and it shows.

I can choose how and what I think about my husband. Do I respect him? Appreciate him? Do I focus on his strengths and downplay his weaknesses? Do I take time to reflect on the many ways he sacrifices for our family? Am I there for him to support and strengthen him, especially when he feels weak? In short, do I believe the best about him?

Many people believe they have no responsibility for their thought life, but the Bible is clear: “As [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7 AMP). What do you choose to think about your husband?

• “Honor may be best expressed through words and deeds, but it begins in the mind.” Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?
• Read Philippians 4:8. In relation to honoring your husband, what are some ways you can put Philippians 4:8 to work in your life?
• A key aspect of honoring your husband is to guard your mind. What kinds of influences do you think you should guard against? What kinds of influences can you welcome?
• Martin Luther said You can’t stop birds flying over your head, but you can stop them from building a nest. When a critical thought about your husband flies into your head, what positive thought can you replace it with? 

from God’s Advice For Wives

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.’ Genesis 2:18-22(NLT)

‘“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ‘ John 15:1-5(NLT)

As I’ve studied what the Bible says about honor, and as I’ve become more intentional about honoring my husband, I’ve come face to face with an important realization. Honoring my husband demands way more from me than mere submission. 

Please understand; I’m not anti-submission with regard to the biblical framework of love and respect. It’s just that to truly honor my husband, I have to set the bar much higher.

Honor requires self-sacrifice and humility. It challenges me to bridle not just my words, but my thoughts as well. It makes me bite my tongue. Honor confronts me with my sin. Honor, even more than submission, is an imposing benchmark. It’s a sublimely powerful target. For if I take aim and hit the bullseye of honor, I am probably covering all the other virtues that make for a good marriage. 

Finally, if I want to honor David, I have to become honorable myself. So honor conforms me to the image of Christ. In short, honor requires a strong walk with the Lord. To truly honor my husband, I must first become strong.

To explore the biblical concept of honor, let’s go back to the first marriage—between Adam and Eve. If you want to understand God’s blueprint for marriage, it helps to look through the lens of what theologians call “original intent.” What did God originally intend for marriage to look like before the fall?

In Genesis 2:18-22, we see that God’s purpose for creating marriage was to provide companionship. Everything which God had made up to that point was good. But when he looked at Adam, he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (NIV). 

Something was missing. The Genesis account explains that there was no “suitable helper” for Adam, so God plans his next step: “I will make a helper suitable for him.” God goes to work to create a woman from the very stuff of man, his same substance. 

Being a helper is not for the weak. Being a wife means being your husband’s rock of support when everything around him feels like it’s crashing down. When you grasp what it means to be a support, you begin to get an image of your role as being more like a rock than a doormat. Your challenge is to become strong so that you’re a source of strength for your husband at all times.

• Marilynn says that honor requires self-sacrifice and humility. Why do you think this is the case?
• As we abide in Christ (see John 15:1-5), we’re enabled in our role as our husband’s helper. What are some practical ways you can make abiding in Christ a daily reality?
• Every husband is different. What are some specific ways you could help your husband?
• There are many ways that today’s culture encourages women to dishonor their husbands. What are some examples of this? What are some ways Christian wives can counter this?

from God’s Advice For Wives