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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

An Intimate Heart

‘And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’’ Mark 12:30(NLT)

‘Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? ‘ 2 Corinthians 6:14(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

2 Cor. 6:14 (TLB) “Don’t be teamed with those who do not love the Lord, for what do the people of God have in common with the people of sin? How can light live with darkness?” It really does not make sense for believers to get attached to or marry unbelievers because it is God’s Presence in the marriage equation that unites and solidifies the union. The thrill is usually short-lived but the pain and sorrow lasts longer. 

The image included is to help you visualize the indispensable role of Jesus in the marriage equation. At the base of the triangle, the distance between the man and the woman is wide. But as the man and woman move closer to Jesus, the distance between them shortens. God’s ideal is for the man and the woman to become one with Christ. When this happens, the distance between them disappears. That is why God’s Word says in Eccl. 4:12 (TLB) “…a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Christ is the third person in the relationship and He unites and binds it together. 

If love is going to last I must listen with all my heart, I must forgive with all my heart, I must be humble with all my heart, and I must love God with all my heart. However, the truth is that none of us can do this by our own strength. We need God’s help. For people that have a challenge listening because they love the sound of their own voice, you need to ask God for help to listen with all your heart. Some of us need to ask the Lord to help us forgive with all our hearts and ask for the grace to be humble with all our hearts. Or perhaps your prayer today is to ask God for help to love Him with all your heart. The truth is none of us can do these things in our strength. Take loving God, for example, no one can come to God unless He draws him or her. The objective is to be one with Christ and then listening, forgiving, being humble, and loving becomes possible.

Prayer: Father, give me the grace to listen with all my heart, to forgive with all my heart, to be humble with all my heart, and to love You with all my heart, in Jesus’ Name. Amen!

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

A Loving Heart

‘And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ ‘ Mark 12:30(NLT)

‘Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.’ Psalms 127:1(NLT)

Still on the thought; each time there is a space between you and the person you are in a relationship with and you are faced with the question, who should move. The answer is you. Now let us take this thought a step further, into God’s heart. What God wants is that both of you will become mature in God and will both collide with each other on the seat. That both of you will be so into your relationship that once there is a space in whatever area, you both will collide in the space moving to close the gap. Our marriages will be so beautiful if we just obey God. 

Marriage is one institution where two people have the golden opportunity of making themselves the happiest on earth. But in many cases, couples make themselves the most miserable people on earth. I said to my wife some time ago, “choose one; are we going to fight or are we going to be happy?” And she said, “let us be happy”. So we forgot about “the issues” and we closed the gap between us. Believe me, it is as simple as that. Human beings like to complicate things. I pray your marriage will be filled with happiness.

If love is to grow and love is to last in our relationships, we must listen with all our hearts, we must forgive with all our hearts, we must be humble with all our hearts, and we must Love God with all our hearts. I must love God with all my heart. You have to personalize this commitment because everyone must take responsibility for his or her actions in a relationship. I must love God with all my heart. Mark 12:30 “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” [with emphasis]. 

Marriage was and is still God’s idea. Marriage was not man’s idea. And the closer you get to God, the closer you would get to your spouse. Nothing else solidifies and sustains relationships like intimacy with God. If God is not the priority to the two people in a relationship, they can never be intimate. It is a mistake to think that as long as two people are together and they love each other, intimacy will happen. Anyone that has been married long enough will tell you that it does not work like that. The only thing that unites and solidifies is God. Psalm 127:1 [ERV] “If it is not the Lord who builds a house, the builders are wasting their time. If it is not the Lord who watches over the city, the guards are wasting their time.”

Prayer: Father, I declare in the Name of Jesus that I [say your name] will love the Lord, my God, with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength for all my days. Amen! 

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

A Submitted Heart

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT)

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ‘ Philippians 2:3(NLT)

Today, we will continue with the closing story from yesterday. It would do us a lot of good if we spend more time with our thoughts and more often too. That is why meditating on God’s Word is so powerful. Think about that. So the seat that was between the couple at the end of the pastor’s message was now filled and the question was, who moved? The answer is, the person that should move is the person that is closer to God. The person that should move is the person that remembers this Scripture – Phil.2:3 “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves”. 

The person that should move is the person that is more submitted to God. And in most cases, you would discover that that is the more spiritually matured person. Spiritual maturity has nothing to do with how frequent you are in church. Spiritual maturity is about being submitted to the authority of God’s Word. Imagine a Christian couple that whenever there is a dispute, the woman who is more frequent in church activities and speaks in tongues louder than her husband never apologizes. But the man is the one always apologizing. Who would you say is closer to God? 

The truth is, the person that yields to God is the more spiritually mature person, not the person that prays the loudest. Every time you ask yourself the question “who should move”, the answer is you! If your excuse for not moving is because you moved yesterday, then you have missed the point. If you are keeping score in marriage, you have already lost. But how many times should I move? You move every time there is space between both of you. 

Inevitably, over time, in your communication and in your intimacy there is going to be a seat between you. That is just how life is but the question is who should move? Will there be days when you both face different sides of the room and are tugging at the duvet? Of course! Every time you are faced with the question of who should move, the answer is you! 

Prayer: Precious Holy Spirit, mature me in love that is patient and kind, love that does not keep a record of wrong or is boastful. Help me have a truly submitted heart, in Jesus’ Name. Amen!

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

A Selfless Heart

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ‘ Philippians 2:3(NLT)

‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ‘ 1 Corinthians 13:4(NLT)

Selfishness is a huge destroyer. A person cannot be selfish and humble at the same time. It does not work that way. Selfishness is one of the major cankerworms destroying the fabric of relationships today. Phil.2:3 “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves”. Thinking of the other person as better than yourself does not mean you are not important. God’s Word is simply telling us to think of the other person as more important. 

Treat your wife or husband as more important than yourself. A practical expression of this would be, if you get home before your spouse and you discover that there is only one piece of meat left in the stew, you leave it for the other person. Husbands, if you can do this for your wife, she will bless you, and you will be greatly rewarded. I am not saying this should be your sole objective for being unselfish. Your relationships are not a transaction. God says “consider the other person as better than yourself”. 

It is good to do things for each other but we are also doing it because that is what God requires of you and I. And because God and His Word is the focus, you find that it really has nothing to do with what the other person does or does not do. While preaching, a pastor noticed that a certain couple that would normally sit with their arms around each other in church now had a seat in between them. And as God would have it, the pastor was preaching about 1Cor.13:4 “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud”. God worked on their hearts and by the time the pastor looked up the space between them was gone and they were holding each other again. The question is who moved – the man or the woman? I think that what matters most is not necessarily who moved, but that the space between them is gone. 

Prayer: Father, help me not to be selfish but rather be humble and think of others as better than myself. Help me to do the things You require of me, in Jesus’ Name. Amen!

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

A Humble & Forgiving Heart

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

If love is to last in our relationships, we must listen with all our hearts and forgive with all our hearts. In day two, we explained the difference between acceptance and forgiveness. However, some issues in marriage are actually forgiveness issues. Understand this; relationships are between two imperfect people. They are going to step on each other’s toes and say hurtful things sometimes. Someone is going to be careless and be outright nasty but God wants us to forgive. Not with a part of our hearts but with ALL of our hearts. God wants you to forgive all with all!

Eph.4:32 “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” [with emphasis]. After reading this scripture, I said to the Lord, can this Scripture be adjusted from “forgiving one another” to perhaps read, “not offending one another”. But God knows that we are imperfect people living in a broken world. God knows that it is impossible for us not to offend each other so He says to forgive. “Marriage is a union of two great forgivers” – Anon. You have to forgive and keep on forgiving. Make up your mind in advance to forgive no matter what and to forgive with all your heart.

For love to last, the third thing I must do is be humble with all my heart. You and I need to be unselfish with all our hearts because it is a subsect of being humble. Selfishness is a major destroyer of marriages. When two people in a marriage label things as ‘mine – do not touch!’, there are bound to be issues. The man decides to drink a cup of coffee and the wife insists he must not use her mug. Or the woman is eating her dinner and the man insists she must not use his spoon. As simple as that is, sometimes it can get worse because it magnifies selfishness. 

The painful thing is that even when you confront some people with their selfishness and try to help them see how it is destroying their relationship. Sometimes such people choose self over their relationships and the other person ends up hurt. Sometimes we think that because we are Christians and God hates divorce, we can do anything we want. It is plain foolish to live like that. If you insist on being selfish, you will terminate your marriage yourself. Selfishness is a huge destroyer; like a cankerworm.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, help me listen with all my heart, forgive with all my heart and be totally selfless in my relationships, in Jesus’ Name. Amen! 

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

An Accepting Heart

‘Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. ‘ Romans 15:7(NLT)

The second thing that you and I must do if love is to last in our relationships is we must forgive with all of our hearts. The challenge most times is we confuse acceptance with forgiveness. Acceptance is not forgiveness. There is a difference between acceptance and forgiveness. In every relationship, you can expect that there will be acceptance issues and there will be forgiveness issues. But you need to see an acceptance issue as an acceptance issue and a forgiveness issue as a forgiveness issue.

For instance, in a marriage relationship, the man repeatedly leaves the toilet seat up. Then his wife says to him, “I forgive you for not putting the toilet seat down”. That is not a forgiveness issue. It is an acceptance issue; sometimes he will remember to put the toilet seat back down but sometimes he would not. Just accept it! I like to squeeze my toothpaste tube from the bottom towards the outlet. But my wife just grabs the tube and squeezes it from the middle. I have tried to explain the importance of order even in things like the toothpaste tube. But that did not change anything. I chose not to get upset over toothpaste, so I went out to the store and bought two tubes of toothpaste – one for her and one for myself. 

I admit this is funny but the reality is these kinds of things have a way of getting under your skin in marriage. There was peace in the house for a while until one day I found my toothpaste tube squeezed from the middle. Then I decided to hide my toothpaste but then I grew tired of always having to wait for the coast to be clear before I access it. There is only one solution, accept it as your portion until you see Jesus. I had to admit to myself that it was an acceptance issue. 

Should your husband remember your birthday? Well yes, but he probably forgot because he was thinking hard about how to take care of you. Rom.15:7 “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory” [with emphasis]. When we accept each other, God is glorified. So make up your mind to accept the other person and give God glory.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, help me to accept and forgive the people You have put in my life with all my heart, in Jesus’ Name. Amen!

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

A Listening Heart

‘You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.’ 1 Peter 1:22(NLT)

‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘ James 1:19(NLT)

1 Peter 1:22 “You must keep on loving with all your heart.” [CEV, with emphasis]

Paul says, “You must keep on loving with all your heart”. When I read this passage of scripture, I immediately asked God for help. I asked for help because I realized that what God is instructing us to do is to love, not with a part of our hearts but with all of our hearts. Many questions also sprang up in my head. How can I do this? How do I keep on loving with all my heart for a lifetime? How do I make love last? What choices do I have to make? What do I have to do if love is going to last? I learned [and will be sharing with you] that there are four things you and I must do to make love last in our relationships. The first thing I must do to make love last is, I must listen with all my heart. Interestingly, listening is one thing that a lot of people do not like doing. Some people are even more interested in talking because they enjoy hearing their own voice. 

However, our relationships will be so different if we would listen to one another. James 1:19 “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” If only couples would implement these three things – be slow to speak, be slow to get angry, and be quick to listen. The depth of guidance God gives us in His Word is just amazing. God’s Word says, be quick to listen but sometimes we struggle with listening because we really do not know how to listen. One of the keys to listening is you have to listen to people like they want to say it and not like you want to hear it. We often prefer that people would talk the way we want to hear it. But God’s Word is telling us to listen to people the way they want to tell it.

In the marriage relationship for example, you have to listen to your spouse the way he or she prefers to talk. In most cases the man is very direct with this communication while the woman loves to tell stories. Women mostly thrive on telling the details that led up to the event and beyond. The way most men will respond to the question, “how was your day”, is very different from the way most women will respond. But regardless of who is doing the listening and how the storyteller wants to tell it, to listen with all your heart means to listen to the story the way the storyteller wants to tell it. The good news for you and I is that we can learn to listen with all our heart.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, give me a patient heart and a listening heart, in Jesus’ Name. Amen!

from All My Heart

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Are You Building a House or a Home?

‘starting from the time I appointed judges to rule my people Israel. And I will give you rest from all your enemies. “‘Furthermore, the Lord declares that he will make a house for you—a dynasty of kings! ‘ 2 Samuel 7:11(NLT)

‘Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.’ Psalms 127:1(NLT)

‘But if you refuse to serve the Lord , then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord .”’ Joshua 24:15(NLT)

‘But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me. If you keep to my path, I will reveal to you the salvation of God.”’ Psalms 50:23(NLT)

King David’s dream was to build the Lord a house in Jerusalem, going so far as to amass finances and supplies for it. But God told him, “Sorry, David, you’re not going to build Me a house; your son will. Instead, I’m going to promise you something with incredible lasting value: I’m going to build you a house” (see 2 Samuel 7:11).

God wasn’t speaking of a material house but a spiritual legacy. His plan was to build David something that would outlast a manmade structure: in this case, it would be a dynasty that would rule Israel and eventually produce the greater son of David, Jesus Christ.

In the same way, we can’t lose sight of spiritual priorities as we take care of the material and relational concerns in our marriages. Ultimately, we need to trust God to help us succeed in following the good plans He’s laid out for us in His Word. As David’s son Solomon—who ended up building the temple for the Lord—wrote in Psalm 127, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain” (v. 1).

So keep these three principles in mind as you and your spouse build a home together:

1. God’s best gifts are people, not property or projects.

2. No amount of human effort can accomplish as much as God’s blessing. Unless the Lord builds, it’s in vain. Unless the Lord guards, it’s in vain. All of your toil can’t accomplish what God can do.

3. Godly relationships will turn your house into a home. So take a minute to think about your priorities: Are they things, like projects and property, or are they people?

If you’re building your life and your marriage apart from God, it’s vanity. If you’re adding worry on top of that, it’s insanity. But if you’re building upward to God and outward to people, that’s a valuable commodity. I pray you would choose to build a home on values, not a house on vanity.

 Robert Anderson said, “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” Practice the principles in this devotional and rely on the Lord for strength, and you can put your marriage back on solid ground. You can keep calm and marry on.

Tip #10: Hands are for holding and folding. It’s been said that the couple that prays together stays together. So take everything to God in prayer, and remember to always thank Him for His goodness. “Whoever offers praise glorifies Me” (Psalm 50:23). Praise keeps the sunshine in your soul and God’s smile on your marriage.

from Keep Calm and Marry On by Skip Heitzig

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

How to Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse

‘Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.’ Proverbs 5:15-23(NLT)

‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.’ Hebrews 13:4(NLT)

‘Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges ; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.’ Philippians 2:3-8(NLT)

‘My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.’ Song of Songs 2:16(NLT)

Nothing binds a married couple together more closely and deeply than sex. That’s why words like satisfy and enraptured are used to describe it in passages like Proverbs 5. But sex is more than a physical act. It involves the total person: emotion, intellect, and spirit. That’s why we read that “Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived” (Genesis 4:1, emphasis added). Yes, this meant they had sex and she got pregnant, but their lovemaking was also a means of getting to know each other in one of the deepest ways possible.

Now, when you and your spouse experience sexual problems, that’s often indicative of other problems in your marriage, like a light going off on the dashboard of your car. When that happens, you don’t replace the dashboard; it’s just telling you there’s an issue somewhere else. In marriage, the issue usually isn’t sex itself but things like irresponsibility, bitterness, lack of affection or time spent together, poor communication, or even infidelity. Without addressing those issues, you can’t reasonably expect to have a healthy sex life.

Forgive my bluntness, but the act of sex doesn’t take very long. If you want a vibrant sex life, try a little tenderness the other twenty-three and a half hours of the day. But don’t use kindness just so you can have good sex; that’s a backwards approach. And keep in mind, too, that men are like microwaves and women tend to be slow cookers in this area. When you and your spouse are consistently gracious, kind, and respectful to each other, then a healthy sex life will naturally follow.

When intimacy in marriage is easy, natural, and mutual, it produces joy. When it’s pressured, demanding, and selfish, it’s devastating. Whatever you do, don’t ignore the warning light on the dashboard. Be brave, address the issues—getting professional Christian counseling if necessary—and trust God to help you work out those issues. The rewards for your perseverance are truly delightful.

God made the first husband and wife male and female, naked and unashamed, and it was good. He commanded them to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. Sex is sacred within the marriage relationship, a coming together of body, soul, and spirit that brings such joy. Choose now to make true intimacy with your spouse your holy pursuit.

Tip #9: Keep the romance alive. Flirt with your spouse. Make yourselves attractive and appealing to each other in dress and actions. The Song of Solomon proclaims, “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (Song of Solomon 2:16). The way you courted your spouse is the same way you keep them 

from Keep Calm and Marry On by Skip Heitzig

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1st Marriage 2nd Marriage ZZ

Homemaker or Homebreaker: A Wife’s Role

‘These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.’ Titus 2:4-5(NLT)

‘A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.’ Proverbs 14:1(NLT)

‘In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.’ 1 Peter 3:1-6(NLT)

‘And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.’ Colossians 3:15(NLT)

In Titus 2, the apostle Paul expounded on the role of wives in the marriage relationship: they are “to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (vv. 4-5). Let’s look more closely at those directives.

To start with, the word Paul used for love comes from the Greek phileó, a term of affection and friendship. In other words, ladies, delight in the time you spend with your husband. Your bitterness can cause him to wither, but your affectionate love will cause him to blossom. What begins with love continues with being discreet, which simply means to be wise or to use common sense, and being chaste, which indicates you’re a woman of pure intentions.

A wife is also to be obedient to her husband, or submissive, as we’ve already seen. Think of this like two lanes of traffic merging: to prevent a crash, one car is simply going to have to get behind another one. In the same way, you’re going to have to choose to get behind your husband and support his decisions, even if you think he’s wrong. He will answer for those decisions, right or wrong, and you will answer for your submission.

Maybe you’re thinking, Well, I’m kind of into the dual-headship thing. You know what has two heads? A monster. So if you don’t want your marriage looking like a horror film, remember this: Christ submits to God the Father, your husband is to submit to Christ, and you are to submit to your husband. That will make things flow smoothly so your relationship can flourish.

Let’s go back to a word from Titus 2 I intentionally skipped over: homemaker. To be a homemaker is actually the farthest thing you can imagine from being barefoot and pregnant. It doesn’t mean the home is to be your dwelling place 24/7, your prison. Rather, the home is to be your priority.

In the Greek, a homemaker refers to the keeper of the house, a particular job that’s much greater than all the tasks and events that comprise it. Being a homemaker has real value and power. And it’s God’s design for a wife, so that she might bring His light and life into her home.

In an age where women are gaining recognition for all the wonderful different things they can do, the role of wife, mother, and homemaker is in peril of being diminished completely. A woman has more opportunities and capacities than ever in which to use her God-given talents, but could there ever be a more meaningful application of those gifts than to bless her husband and children and in turn be blessed by them, truly making her home a shining city on a hill?

Tip #8: Don’t forget to thank your spouse for the little things. Did your husband mow the lawn? Did your wife sew a button on your shirt? Be grateful. And when your spouse expresses appreciation, respond warmly. Paul wrote, “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful” (Colossians 3:15). 

from Keep Calm and Marry On by Skip Heitzig