Marriage Devotional

‘But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. ‘ 1 Corinthians 7:2-3(NLT)

Marriage is an exclusive relationship. This point has to be settled at the beginning if we’re to understand anything at all about the biblical design for matrimony.

What does this mean in practice? Does it imply that it’s wrong for a married person to have friends of the opposite gender? Not necessarily. Obviously, many married folks enjoy healthy, non-romantic friendships with individuals of the opposite sex. But it’s crucial to handle them wisely and to keep your eyes wide open for hidden pitfalls. If you want to preserve the health of your marriage, you need to place protective “boundaries” on these relationships.

The truth is that it’s far easier than you may think to cross the line from a platonic friendship into a seemingly “harmless” romance. The danger is especially high when you and the person in question have a great deal in common. If these shared interests and a compatibility of temperament lead you to entertain “innocuous” thoughts such as, “This person understands me far better than my spouse,” you’re already treading on treacherous ground.

The Bible gives us some clear guidelines about our behavior with persons of the opposite sex. Ephesians 5:6 warns us to avoid even a “hint” of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity. Second Peter 3:11 commands us to live “holy and godly lives.” The lesson taught in these verses is plain: even where intentions are pure, a Christian who is concerned to maintain godly character and present a Christ-like example to the watching world has to be extremely careful in the way he or she manages opposite-sex friendships. Protecting one’s marriage is always the first priority.

from Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ‘ 1 Corinthians 6:18(NLT)

What do you do when you sense that you’re in the presence of serious danger? Say it’s a dark night in a big city and you see a gang of thugs emerging from the shadows of a deserted alley. Do you saunter up to them and ask the time? Do you casually observe that it’s a nice evening for a walk? Or do you turn tail and run?

The “young man” who figures so memorably in Mark’s narrative of the events of Maundy Thursday evening (probably Mark himself) didn’t have time to ponder the question. He had a pretty strong inkling of what was coming when the Temple guards, after arresting Jesus, turned and grabbed him by his linen night shirt. Under the circumstances, he didn’t wait to hear his rights read. Instead, he left his garment in their hands and took off like the wind, becoming the first (and only) streaker in biblical history. Indecent exposure was the last thing on his mind that night. This was a matter of life and death.

Affairs are every bit as dangerous as muggers or hostile soldiers. They hang above the married man or woman like clouds of death. They presage the complete destruction of his or her marriage — the end of everything that makes life worth living. How odd, then, that some folks, instead of running from infidelity, seem to get a thrill out of toying with the possibility of an extramarital dalliance. They enjoy the excitement of seeing how close to the edge they can get without crossing over. If that’s you, take fair warning: sometimes sticking your toe over the line is all it takes.

You’ve probably heard of black holes. They’re a fascinating component of outer space. The defining feature of a black hole is the imaginary boundary surrounding it. Scientists call this boundary the “Event Horizon.” On one side, an object passing by can resist the black hole’s gravitational pull. But cross that imaginary line, and the gravitational field is so strong not even light can escape its pull.

An extramarital affair has its own event horizon. You may flirt with a co-worker and believe it’s innocent fun. But if this kind of behavior is allowed to go on, it will eventually lead to lunch dates and exchanging texts and e-mails. Sooner or later, you’ll cross a boundary — just one toe over the line — and guess what? It’s too late. You’re emotionally sucked in and, for all practical purposes, there’s no escape. All pretense of innocent fun will be cast aside, and you’ll throw yourself into the relationship with no thought of the consequences.

Here’s the scariest part. You can’t see an affair’s event horizon. You won’t realize you’ve crossed the line until it’s too late. That’s why the wise choice is not to stick your toe out there in the first place. If you do, there’s a good chance that you’ll end up getting sucked in. Better to go out of your way to avoid that possibility altogether.

from Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

‘But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”’ Matthew 7:26-27(NLT)

In His famous Parable of the Two Foundations, Jesus talked about the importance of using reliable materials and building upon something solid. A house founded upon sand is almost certain to topple. So is a building whose structure is riddled with cracks and hidden weak spots. In a figurative sense, the very same thing can be said about the relationship between husband and wife.

What do you do when you see a crack developing? Ignore it? Cover it with paint? Or do you figure out the source of the problem and fix it? Your answer could make a big difference in your marriage.

In 1995, employees at a five-story department store in Seoul, South Korea noticed cracks developing around one of the support columns. Despite warnings from the engineer who built the complex, the store’s owner refused to close the building for repairs. It was a minor problem, he insisted. But, in reality, the crack was a symptom of a much larger structural failure. That became evident just a few hours later when the entire building collapsed, killing over five hundred people.

Similar catastrophes take place within marriages every day. Couples often notice the cracks in their marriage, but they choose to ignore them. The problem seems so small and insignificant. Why deal with it now and go through all that emotional upheaval for nothing? What couples fail to recognize is the crack may be the first sign of a larger issue developing within the relationship. Ignore those problems, and the structure of the marriage could weaken over time, bringing the whole thing crashing to the ground.
If you want a healthy marriage, look beneath the cracks in your relationship and address the underlying problems hiding there. Strengthen your marriage by addressing small problems before they become large ones.

from Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

‘Then Jesus began teaching them with stories: “A man planted a vineyard. He built a wall around it, dug a pit for pressing out the grape juice, and built a lookout tower. Then he leased the vineyard to tenant farmers and moved to another country. ‘ Mark 12:1(NLT)

A healthy, thriving marriage is like a grapevine or a garden: to a certain extent, it needs to be walled in and protected from outside influences that might pose a threat to its continued growth and fruitfulness. This is often a subtle and delicate business, for those threats can sometimes come disguised as opportunities for altruistic ministry to others.

Consider the case of the man whose sister-in-law was having marital difficulties and reached out to him for support, counsel, and advice. This man’s wife was uneasy about the proposed “counseling session,” and with good reason. Her feeling was that, no matter how important it might be to help this struggling woman, it’s still vital to maintain proper boundaries in marriage. She sensed that she and her husband needed to protect their own relationship. In this she was absolutely right. The kind of help the sister-in-law was seeking requires a level of intimacy and trust between counselor and counselee that simply isn’t appropriate between a woman and a man who isn’t her spouse (unless, of course, the man is a professional therapist — and even then it’s important to proceed with great care).

In a scenario like this, it would be preferable for the sister-in-law to come over and talk with the man and his wife in the context of a group discussion. That would be the best way to get his input if she really wants it. What’s more, there’s an important sense in which she’d be much better off consulting with another female. A caring Christian woman would be in a far stronger position to relate to the distress she’s experiencing.

Bottom line: nobody who finds himself or herself caught in the throes of a difficult marriage should be looking to a married friend or relative of the opposite sex for help and comfort. To do so is to place the healthy marriage in jeopardy. Thriving couples should be intentional about building walls and hedges against this sort of intrusion into the sacred intimacy they share as husband and wife.

As an alternative, they should encourage a struggling friend to engage the assistance of a Christian marriage-and-family counselor. If the institution of marriage is to be honored as God intends (Hebrews 13:4), it’s in everyone’s best interest to set and maintain appropriate marital boundaries. This is the most effective way for a healthy couple to stay on the right track and prevent the enemy of their souls from driving a wedge between them.

from Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

‘Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.’ Song of Songs 7:11-12(NLT)

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s, paints a superlative picture of a truly thriving marriage. It’s a marriage that majors in unrestrained celebration of life in its fullness — sensual pleasures, spiritual delights, and all of the beauties of God’s creation; a marriage in which the partners prioritize periodic times of shared refreshment and renewal; a marriage in which spouses regularly practice the art of extravagant verbal love-making. In short, it’s marriage as the Creator intended it to be.

This kind of marriage is the very best defense a couple can have against the threat of infidelity. Perhaps this sounds like a truism. If so, it’s one of the most neglected and overlooked truisms in the world. All too often we forget that the best way to ward off specific sicknesses is to cultivate robust general health. Spouses who are looking for ways to “affair-proof” their relationship would be wise to bear this principle in mind.

The key to the process is communication. Couples who can learn to be open, honest, and caring in the way they express their wants, needs, desires, and concerns to one another are the ones who have the best chance of going the distance in marriage. If marital longevity is your goal, you and your spouse should be as intentional as possible about building this kind of intimacy and trust. As you do so, remember that God is on your side, working within you “both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). He wants the best for you, and if you look to Him for guidance He won’t fail to show you what great things He has in store for you, your marriage, and your entire family.

It can also be helpful to seek the guidance and support of a larger community and to make yourself accountable to others who can hold you to a high standard of morality and marital commitment. Many churches offer support groups or adult Sunday school classes designed specifically to help couples build stronger marriages. It would be a good idea to get connected with a class or group of this nature and make it a regular part of your lives.
In addition, you might consider consulting with a trained marriage counselor or taking advantage of Focus’s online Couple Checkup.

This assessment tool is an in-depth set of questions that will bring out the areas where you shine as a couple, as well as help you target spots that could use a little improvement — whether you’re dating, engaged, newly married, or celebrating decades of life together. The assessment consists of between 110-130 questions, based on your particular life stage. It takes about thirty minutes to complete (both husband and wife need to participate), and when you’re finished you’ll receive a feedback report that identifies your strengths and growth areas as a couple, provides discussion starters and guidelines, and suggests recommended resources for further investment in your relationship. For the price of a nice dinner for two, you’ll receive a unique snapshot of your relationship and recommendations for ways to help your marriage thrive.

The Couple Checkup is available at http://www.family.org/couplecheckup/.

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s Help Center (http://family.custhelp.com/app/home), or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).

from Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage