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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 7

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ‘ Ephesians 5:25-31(NLT)

God modeled human marriage after the relationship Christ has with us. Marriage is an illustration of the way God loves us—being totally committed to us, forgiving us, making us holy, spotless, and righteous through His sacrifice. 

On their wedding day, a bride and groom look as radiant and perfect as they ever will. The groom is perfectly attired and awaits his bride’s entrance with great hope and great desire. The bride is flawlessly coiffed. She shines with adoration and expectancy. She is even becoming a different legal entity: her name will change. 

However, after the name change and after the honeymoon, the couple will not appear as flawless to one another. So how can two imperfect people maintain the radiance? The Apostle Paul tells us how: the husband must cleanse his bride with the washing of the Word, so she can maintain the holy and blameless position of her wedding day. It is only through the Word of God that we enrich our understanding of God. As the husband and wife read the Bible together, the transforming power of the Holy Spirit will increase the Christ-likeness in both people. As each reflects Christ to the other, the radiance and beauty of Jesus will shine through, and the commitment, forgiveness, holiness, and righteousness will inspire many, many more honeymoons. 

Pray for the intentional washing of the Word together and extended honeymoons inspired by sacrificial love for each other.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 6

‘For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ‘ Ephesians 5:25-31(NLT)

Husbands, love your wives. If I were sending an old fashioned telegram, this is where I would say, “Stop.” You don’t have to be a Bible scholar to get this. It is all about L-O-V-E. Husbands, that is your job. 

Now here is where it gets tricky. In the Greek, the verb love is in present tense, which means it is a continuous action. Before I lose you guys, let me translate: You have to keep showing her love. Christ came into this world with intention and purpose – to show us His love. He came to sacrifice. His actions and His words demonstrated His sacrificial love. You must be intentional and purposeful or YOU WILL MISS THE MARK. 

Scripture sets the example, because dealing with the opposite sex can be tricky. We are created differently. Therefore, if a man follows the Apostle Paul’s example, “Love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her,” he will be connecting with her on the right level. Go for it guys, and be prepared to be amazed! 

Pray today for intentional and purposeful demonstrations of love in your marriage.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 5

‘A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.’ Proverbs 15:1(NLT)

Nobel Peace Prize nominee Carl Rogers was a leading psychologist of the twentieth century. He is known for his therapeutic technique called unconditional positive regard. Basically, he believed that individuals come into a counseling office with all kinds of emotional and spiritual hurts. The one thing each and every person needs is for someone to give total empathy – or unconditional positive regard. 

I believe this is a wonderful tool for marriage. Your spouse is the one person who should offer you unconditional openness and positive and authentic empathy. Empathy is a word that is often confused with sympathy. However, the term is very different from having pity on someone. Empathy is the ability to come alongside another in a certain situation as if it were your own. Webster’s Dictionary defines empathy as “vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” 

Jo Beth demonstrates this in our marriage and in our family. She comes alongside me and takes on my issues as her own. When I have been hurt, she hurts. When I have a success, she is ecstatic. When I need to vent, she is the ear that I seek, hands down! Over the years, we have grown into each other’s best counselor. Second only to the Lord, it is her gentle answer and gentle listening I seek most. 

By the way, Carl Rogers was not nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in psychology. Instead, his nomination was for his efforts to bring peace to the peoples of South Africa and Northern Ireland. His theory, much like our scripture today, was one of peace. 

Ask God, through His Holy Spirit to give you unconditional positive regard for your spouse.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 4

‘Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.’ Ephesians 4:32(NLT)

Do you want the secret to a Happy Home? Then you need to follow one verse: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” This one command is the single most important verse regarding marriage and the home. 

I knew a godly man who had been married over fifty years, which at the time seemed like an eternity to me. The interesting thing was the joy, exuberance, and sweet flirtation I always observed in his marriage. I have never forgotten something he practiced. Each morning, he rose very early to go to work. He would fix the coffee pot and leave a china cup out for his wife, as opposed to his old mug. However, the thing that really stuck with me is that he would leave a little love note underneath her cup and saucer. He would tear a piece of paper towel, a part of an envelope, a newspaper coupon, or whatever was handy and jot a few loving words down for her eyes only. 

Her first encounter every morning was a love note. Nothing poetic, simply short, sweet, and true words! “You are my sweetheart.” “I love you.” “You are beautiful.” “Have a great day, Love.” “It’s rainy today, but you are my sunshine!” And so it went. Little thoughts, little gestures…HUGE results. 

Do you want your marriage to sizzle and to last? Be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. 

Ask the Lord for His creativity in being kind, tenderhearted, and romantic to each other, and pray for an attitude of forgiveness, as you have been forgiven.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 3

‘Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”’ John 8:12(NLT)

Yesterday, I told you about an inspiring commercial advertising a vacation destination. I described the opening words about hospitality and the visual of happy people frolicking in the sun. At the very end of the commercial, additional words got me to thinking again about the impact of establishing an inviting destination for your family at home. The announcer returns to say with dramatic emphasis, “To truly experience the light that is our destination, you must experience it for yourself. It emanates from our hearts. It is visible everywhere. It changes everything it touches. It will change you. The light of the Caribbean is calling.” 

Again, it struck me. Our home is light-filled. I don’t mean we have a lamp on in every room. I mean it is Christ-centered and emanates the true Light of the World. Our sons have grown and left our house, but I still run into their childhood friends every now and then. Often, one will bring up a funny story about hanging out at our house when they were young. Every now and then, someone will say that they enjoyed being there because it was so different from the strife-filled home in which they lived. 

This breaks my heart. 

We don’t have the perfect family or the perfect home, but what we do have is The Light. It emanates from our hearts and is visible everywhere. It changes everything it touches, and it will change you. The light that is calling is Jesus. Is He the light in your home? 

Pray for Jesus to be the light emanating from your heart and your home. Invite Him in and see how much your home will change.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 2

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.’ Ephesians 5:28-30(NLT)

A commercial for a vacation destination showed film footage of happy people in beautiful surroundings. The announcer said, “Enjoy the warm, welcoming hospitality of our people. Come relax, unwind, and enjoy. Once you experience it, you’ll want to return over and over again.” I could not help but think to myself, “That is what I want my home to be!” 

Jo Beth has made our home a destination. Whenever I travel or have to be away for any period of time, my heart longs to return home. Home is where she most desires to be as well. Our home fits the ad. It is warm with welcoming hospitality. She serves me, and I serve her. We work at making sure we demonstrate “hospitality” to each other. It is a place we can relax, unwind, and enjoy. We have fun there. 

Parents and spouses, it is vitally important to make your home not only a haven of warmth and security, but a fun place to be. 

Biblically, it is my responsibility to set the tone of love and warmth in our home. I know most people think that task belongs to the wife. She is responsible for certain aspects, but do not miss the fact that the man’s responsibility is to set the tone. If I am loving my wife as I love my own body – making sure she is fed physically and spiritually, rested, secure, cherished and cared for – then the right tone will be set. A beautiful and enjoyable destination will be established, a place worth returning to over and over again! 

Pray for God to help you establish a warm and welcoming destination in your home. Men, ask that the Lord lovingly show you how to love your wife as you do your own body.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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1st Marriage ZZ

Happy Marriage, Happy Home – Day 1

‘In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.’ Ephesians 5:28-30(NLT)

Is your home a happy place? Often, home is viewed as the place to sleep, but not a true desirable destination. There is no laughter, no joy, no feeling. Usually when we see this scenario, the emotions have gone because the husband has not loved his wife as Christ loves the Church. Men, we are to love our wives as we love our own bodies. We don’t pick out a deformity in our own body and call attention to it all the time. Quite the opposite. Psychologists say we compensate for any shortcomings we feel we have. Compensate is just a fancy way of saying we build up other areas. You’ve seen the little guy who becomes a muscle-bound bodybuilder.

It’s the same with your wife. Too many times I have heard a man say, “Well, let me tell you what my crazy wife did.” He would then proceed to tell a story that was demeaning and embarrassing to her. Are you building her up or tearing her down?

As you strengthen your love for your wife, you will be strengthening your marriage and your home. My bet is joy, laughter, and emotion will return to your home, and it will be a much sought-after destination for your entire family!

Pray for God to increase your ability to set a harmonious and loving tone in your home, and for Him to help you build up each other, rather than tear down.

from Happy Marriage, Happy Home

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Saving Marriage ZZ

4 Ways to Protect Your Marriage from Adultery

‘The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.’ 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT)

‘So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ‘ James 4:7(NLT)

‘So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. ‘ Galatians 5:16(NLT)

‘If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.’ 2 Timothy 2:13(NLT)

Whether you’re married or not, whether your marriage is good or not, imagine this. You’re looking at the person who decided to give up their heart, some dreams, their body, their years, and their singleness because they committed to enter a lifelong, exclusive partnership of selfless love with you. You’re about to tell them you’ve put all of that and so much more on the line because someone kept flirting with you at work, or because you didn’t think they listened, or because you felt like they lost their passion in the bedroom. Now is the best time to do whatever it takes to protect your marriage.

No one wants to end up part of that conversation, but too many of us will. Maybe we’ll neglect our spouse’s desires. Maybe we’ll enjoy time alone with someone else. Maybe we’ll let porn, work, or ministry get in the way of our marriage. But let’s kick adulterously bad advice to the curb and replace it with the good stuff! Here are four ways to protect your marriage from adultery today.

1. Radically reduce risks. Risk is for extreme sports, retirement funds, and business ventures—not marriage fidelity. It’s great to take risks together like moving to a new place or going on adventures. But don’t risk your relationship. Instead, stoke the fire of your faith. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people. Ever. Surround yourself with strong marriages. Avoid risky situations with the opposite sex. Is it really that important to go somewhere alone with the opposite sex? Don’t ever be alone with the wrong people.

2. Water your lawn. If the grass is greener on the other side, then water your own lawn. Discover your spouse’s love languages and pour into them with passionate service. Do dishes. Go to counseling. Work out. Listen. Part with that pair of sweatpants. Get alone together, spiritual together, and naked together. Make your spouse the most important human being in your life. Put your spouse in front of kids, work, money, things, hobbies, and yes, your own mother! Love your spouse like Christ loves the Church.

3. Understand the devastation of adultery. No matter what romance novels and television love-triangles say about it, adultery devastates lives. It hurts the two people involved as well as their kids, their families, their friends, their co-workers, the people who look up to them, their businesses, their ministries, and the future of their marriages. That’s the short list. It’s ugly and never worth it. Google this: How many affairs turn into marriage?

4. Know God’s Good News. Even when we are unfaithful, God is faithful. Like Pastor Craig says, adultery may be grounds for divorce, but it’s also grounds for forgiveness. Christ died for all sin. If you have experienced adultery, healing is possible. Look to Christ, find strength to forgive, seek counseling, regain trust, and do the hard—but unbelievably powerful—work of restoration.

—Jason

from Marriage Crisis

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Saving Marriage ZZ

Three People to Find When You Face a Marriage Crisis

‘Take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go. Guard them, for they are the key to life.’ Proverbs 4:13(NLT)

‘Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.’ Proverbs 19:20(NLT)

‘Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. ‘ Colossians 2:8(NLT)

‘So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)

‘Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ‘ Hebrews 10:24(NLT)

I’ve never met an engaged couple who expected to go through any type of marital trauma in their marriage. Their new, untested love tells them they won’t be like other couples and that, somehow, their love will be one that lasts. But the truth is, all couples will at some point face marriage problems.

So, what do you do when your life comes to a screeching halt because your most important earthly relationship is in jeopardy? As Christ-following married couples, we are to seek God, spend time in His Word, and pray for healing in our marriages. Thankfully, God also uses people to help show us the way. When you’re facing a marriage crisis, here are three types of people to seek out:

1. People who are biblically grounded. This means counselors and friends. When a crisis arises in our marriage, culture screams its own set of ideals and “truths.” In times of dilemma, we need to surround ourselves with people who love and know the Bible well. LifeGroups and small groups are a great place to start.

2. People who are for your marriage. It’s so easy to listen to well-meaning friends who love you, take your side, and want you to be happy. But you need friends who want to see your marriage succeed. Friends who are willing to speak the truth even if it’s not what we want to hear.

3. A godly couple who has walked through difficulty in their marriage. One of the best things we can do in a time like this is to find a couple who has beaten the odds and stayed together despite a crisis. They offer hope by their mere presence in our lives.

Our God is in the business of bringing life back to lifeless things—and that includes your marriage. Trust Him. He is the only one who will never let you down.

—Cindy

from Marriage Crisis

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Saving Marriage ZZ

My Parents Are Divorced, How Do I Make My Marriage Work?

‘The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.’ Psalms 51:17(NLT)

‘But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”’ Mark 10:6-9(NLT)

‘Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”’ Matthew 8:23-27(NLT)

‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.’ 1 Peter 5:7(NLT)

‘Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.’ Colossians 3:12-17(NLT)

‘This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”’ Joshua 1:9(NLT)

A few years into marriage, I stood alone in our house staring at a sailboat painting on the wall. My husband, Jason, had left for work after another hurtful conversation. I couldn’t help but wonder: how could I make my marriage work when my parents’ marriage didn’t?

If your parents are divorced or their marriage is struggling, you’ve probably felt afraid that your own vows might break into pieces. Maybe you stood in the aisle on your wedding day and whispered a vow never to make the same mistakes they made. 

Internal alarms went off when my husband and I faced challenges. Wasn’t my marriage supposed to be smooth sailing? Had my parents faced the same struggles in their marriage? I had decided it was up to me to make our marriage last, but it wasn’t going well. I began to identify with my parents’ brokenness. 

Here’s what I realized: only when we start looking our brokenness in the face can it tell us the truth.

King David had some brokenness to face. He made several marriage mistakes—including an affair. Still, he kept depending on God with a broken and contrite heart.

Do you find yourself laying out all of your heart to God, or are you depending on yourself? The harder I worked as the marriage-saver, the more I hated losing my temper or disappointing my husband. Lighten your load. Do you believe God is daunted by hardship in your marriage? God actually delights in your need for Him. If human perfection and mere human effort at divorce prevention worked, we wouldn’t need God.

So, how can we make our marriages and remarriages work? As I cried in front of the painting, I realized for the first time that there were three dark figures, and God was teaching me something through them! I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t just me and my husband. Jesus always had been and always will be in our boat. We don’t have to fear divorce or overspend ourselves trying to singlehandedly prevent it. We can grow together as we face our inadequacy with Jesus in our boat.

1. Give yourself permission to be broken. This one feels awkward at first. Who wants to mess up? When you make a mistake or you feel distant from your spouse, ask God how He sees you and your marriage. Forgive yourself and ask God for His forgiveness.

2. Say a prayer of forgiveness for your parents whenever you start to blame or belittle their marriage. When you forgive your parents for their marriage failures, your marriage can have freedom to grow through difficulty.

3. Take one brave step. Whether it’s starting another Bible Plan after this one, saying yes to marriage counseling together, praying together, or writing out a vision statement as a couple, take the next brave step toward facing your fears knowing Jesus is in the boat. 

—Kristy 

from Marriage Crisis