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1st Marriage ZZ

True North: LIVE Free In Marriage – Day 1

‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.’ Genesis 2:18-25(NLT)

‘Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.’ 1 John 4:7-12(NLT)

‘Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”’ Matthew 19:3-9(NLT)

Congratulations! The simple fact that you have some sort of desire to improve your marriage is a great thing. Whether your marriage is just okay or if your marriage is holding on by a thread, this plan, along with God’s Word, can help.

First things first, what was marriage created to be and what is its purpose? If we don’t start here, everything else is useless. So from the very beginning, in Genesis 2:18, God states, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” This verse gives us two really important truths about ourselves and marriage.  

First: It is not good to be alone. Why? Because we were made for relationship. We were made by a loving God, a loving Father who desperately seeks to have a relationship with us. God also gave us a deep longing and capacity for love.  

Do you want to know the meaning of life? Do you want to know why you were created? It’s this: to learn how to love! Because God is love! We were created to love God and to share the love of Christ with a dead and lost world. To share love, we have to first know how to receive and experience love. So God created marriage.

Marriage allows us to experience things like love, companionship, friendship, and fulfillment. Marriage allows us to have children, which ushers in all kinds of new ways to experience and express love. Hopefully you are beginning to see why it isn’t good to be alone and why marriage is so close to the heart of God.

We will look at the second main point found in Genesis 2 tomorrow. So for today, take a few moments and ask God: “Have I been viewing my marriage correctly? Have I viewed it as a training ground to learn to love and be loved, or have I expected other things from my spouse and marriage?”

from True North: LIVE Free In Marriage

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Confess Your Thoughts

‘Unfriendly people care only about themselves; they lash out at common sense.’ Proverbs 18:1(NLT)

‘Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. ‘ James 5:16(NLT)

Scripture: Proverbs 18:1; James 5:16

Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

In other words, we don’t always know why we do the very thing we hate doing – sometimes it takes a voice outside our heart to make sense of it. That’s why so many of us end up drowning in our own struggles – we rarely cry for help.

Maybe this is why God allows us to see so many of his heroes fall – to remind us how badly we need other men around us. It seems like most of them made decisions in isolation. David was alone when he saw Bathsheba, and he never confessed his thoughts to a friend.

Samson never had a peer, and therefore no one to question to pride. Judas led a secret life outside his band of brothers and bore his depression to the end of a rope.

Proverbs also says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire, he breaks out against all sound judgment.” (18:1)

When I’m isolated, it’s far easier to do things I’d never do when I’m in the presence of others – whether it’s binge-watching a tv series or binging a bag of chips – if someone were sitting beside me, I’d probably make better judgment calls. I think this is why Jesus’ half-brother says, “Confess your sins one to another so that you might be healed.” He knew we make far better progress together rather than going solo.

And I find most of us confess way too late to help us tackle an issue like porn. We confess at the weekly accountability group or a few days after the “episode.” But if Jesus said we sin the moment our thoughts turn racy, it might make more sense to invite guys into our heads and not just after the deed is done.

Imagine if we’d give each other permission to call or text the moment we start taking that second glance or the mouse move towards the link. It’s common to confess our sins after the fact. To take on this giant, we may need more uncommon tactics. Confess your thoughts.

from UNCOMMEN: The Delusion Of Porn

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The Job Principle

‘“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.’ Job 31:1(NLT)

Joseph in Potiphar’s House
‘When Joseph was taken to Egypt by the Ishmaelite traders, he was purchased by Potiphar, an Egyptian officer. Potiphar was captain of the guard for Pharaoh, the king of Egypt. The Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master. Potiphar noticed this and realized that the Lord was with Joseph, giving him success in everything he did. This pleased Potiphar, so he soon made Joseph his personal attendant. He put him in charge of his entire household and everything he owned. From the day Joseph was put in charge of his master’s household and property, the Lord began to bless Potiphar’s household for Joseph’s sake. All his household affairs ran smoothly, and his crops and livestock flourished. So Potiphar gave Joseph complete administrative responsibility over everything he owned. With Joseph there, he didn’t worry about a thing—except what kind of food to eat! Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, and Potiphar’s wife soon began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded. But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.” She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house. When she saw that she was holding his cloak and he had fled, she called out to her servants. Soon all the men came running. “Look!” she said. “My husband has brought this Hebrew slave here to make fools of us! He came into my room to rape me, but I screamed. When he heard me scream, he ran outside and got away, but he left his cloak behind with me.” She kept the cloak with her until her husband came home. Then she told him her story. “That Hebrew slave you’ve brought into our house tried to come in and fool around with me,” she said. “But when I screamed, he ran outside, leaving his cloak with me!”
Joseph Put in Prison
Potiphar was furious when he heard his wife’s story about how Joseph had treated her. So he took Joseph and threw him into the prison where the king’s prisoners were held, and there he remained. But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.’ Genesis 39:1-23(NLT)

Scripture: Job 31:1; Genesis 39

How old were you when you first saw porn? I’ve asked that question to kids in high school, D1 football players, and men around the country. I have yet to hear someone say, “Man, I can’t remember.”

We remember the date, time, and circumstances.

There’s a reason why one of the oldest books in the Bible has a guy saying the line, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” (Job 31:1) God created sex. He created men to be visually stimulated. God created sex as “Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flames of the Lord.” (Song of Solomon 8:6)

For men, stimulating images are the first spark. The more fuel we put to that fire, the more it consumes us until we either extinguish the flames or it burns out naturally. For Job, he made a pact with his eyes – don’t feed the fire.

And let’s just be real, while pornography has been gracing mediums ever since we started drawing on caves and clay pots, I’d like to see Job make that statement in a world with HD phone screens and virtual reality. A hundred years ago, our great grandfathers spent most of the day walking behind the south end of a northbound ox. He never saw one billboard, one TV commercial, or one titillating YouTube link.

Nothing’s new under the sun. Lust has impacted every person throughout history, but cultural moves and technology have affected us in two significant ways:

The unlimited amount of images that bombard us without choice. I can’t tell companies not to put up certain billboards, or what commercials come on tv, or for women to cover up when wearing dental floss at the beach.

The unlimited access to images with total anonymity.

Henry Cloud has a book titled: Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality. We can’t change our cultural reality – all we can do is have the courage to make a pact with our eyes – don’t fuel the fire. Steve Arterburn called it the act of “bouncing the eyes.” You have the ability to train your eyes to linger or look away. What will you do today?

from UNCOMMEN: The Delusion Of Porn

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Everyone has a Plan…

‘Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. ‘ Philippians 4:11-13(NLT)

‘So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, perfect in their relationship to Christ. That’s why I work and struggle so hard, depending on Christ’s mighty power that works within me.’ Colossians 1:28-29(NLT)

Scripture: Philippians 4:11-13; Colossians 1:28-29

“…until they get punched in the mouth,” said former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson, when asked if he was worried about his opponent’s plans to defeat him in the ring.

Plans are helpful, but they can’t land a punch.

The French had a plan to stop the Germans’ Blitzkrieg by constructing the “impenetrable” Maginot Line across the Ardennes Forest. The Nazi tanks just went around it.

I had a plan not to eat any carbs or sugars for 30 days. Then someone surprised me with chocolate chip scones.

We live in a highly sexualized culture where images, scenes, and yoga pants walk in unannounced and unexpectedly. We push ourselves to the limits with work or travel, and an unplanned bout of loneliness or anger leaves us vulnerable to a left cross.

And even if you put all the latest porn blockers on your devices, we’re not stupid. When we want to buy the lie that this, like any sin, satisfies more than God, we’ll find a way to get our fix.

The enemy knows our plans. And he knows how to knock us off balance. The Apostle Peter said he prowls about like a hungry lion. Lions rarely feed on the strong, quick, or agile animals. They lie in wait for the lame, vulnerable, and weak.

When Adam stood toe to toe with the serpent, whatever plans he may have had fell flat. We don’t know all that transpired, but one thing is clear — Adam never invited God into the ring. Maybe he thought he could handle it. Maybe he just kept wondering, “Just one bite is all it would be.”

There’s only one person who faced the serpent and came out with gloves held high. The sad truth is, I rarely bring him into the ring when I fight porn.

Ever had these thoughts when an image, opportunity, or thought sucker punches you, “I really shouldn’t look at this…I need to look away…I can’t believe I’m doing this again…”?

Notice the pronoun: “I.”

We can have all the best plans, porn blockers, and accountability partners, but the enemy has a way of landing a punch when we least expect it. We make the mistake of trying to go toe to toe with a cagey opponent.

Where is Jesus in your fight against porn? Do you ever invite him into the ring? I know it sounds too easy. But have you tried replacing “I” with Jesus?

“Jesus, give me the strength to look away…Jesus, help me believe you satisfy…Jesus, thanks for loving me and forgiving me even if I fail right now.”

There’s something about that name. Alcoholics Anonymous makes a claim, “The power of addiction is secrecy.” There’s power when we bring our fight to Him. Paul said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” He says, in Colossians, “For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that he powerfully works within me.” (1:29)

from UNCOMMEN: The Delusion Of Porn

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You Were Created for More

‘“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.’ Matthew 5:27-30(NLT)

‘Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coy glances seduce you. For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, but sleeping with another man’s wife will cost you your life. Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished. Excuses might be found for a thief who steals because he is starving. But if he is caught, he must pay back seven times what he stole, even if he has to sell everything in his house. But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.’ Proverbs 6:25-32(NLT)

Scripture: Matthew 5:27-30; Proverbs 6:25-32

Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this is funny, but every time I read Jesus’ words about lust in the Sermon on the Mount, I think about pirates.

After all, the only people I know with one eye and one hand are pirates. I’m guessing Jesus isn’t being overly literal here because, to my knowledge, pirates were not known for their chastity.

Instead, I wonder if he’s saying it’s far better to go to extreme measures, including physical pain, if it meant protecting yourself from fleeting pleasures and counterfeit love. Over and over again in Proverbs, Solomon, who when it came to women made pirates look like they all wore purity rings, warned his son, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.” (6:25) While he was specifically talking about an adulterous woman, from Jesus’ interpretation, we could apply this to any image or person outside a spouse.

Solomon continued, “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” (6:27-28, 32)

Jesus calls us to purity not because he’s the fun police, but because he’s fighting for our joy. He created sex. He knows best how it’s to be enjoyed. When we train our bodies and brains to be satisfied by pixels rather than people, we miss out on the intimacy he longs for us to experience. Sex, porn, and flames burning outside of a covenant marriage may be fun for a season, but eventually it will torch lasting joy.

In a word, pornography has the propensity to transform men and women into pirates – pillagers of others to fulfill my sexual needs, wants, and fantasies. Such piracy only leads to a life of never-ending craving rather than lifelong satisfaction

God designed us as human beings for intimacy and not just the biological act of sex. Intimacy requires me to think about another’s needs, wants, and desires. When I die to self, I find life, happiness, and long-lasting satisfaction.

Do you need to take some extreme measures to protect God’s gift of intimacy? Maybe you need to confess a secret addiction, purge a browser off your devices, or get into a regular group where there’s strict accountability. It’s worth it. When it comes to true sexual satisfaction, the pirate’s life is not for you. You were made for more.

from UNCOMMEN: The Delusion Of Porn

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Science Caught up to God’s Truth

‘Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.’ 1 Corinthians 6:18-20(NLT)

‘The people asked, “Is he planning to commit suicide? What does he mean, ‘You cannot come where I am going’?” Jesus continued, “You are from below; I am from above. You belong to this world; I do not. That is why I said that you will die in your sins; for unless you believe that I Am who I claim to be, you will die in your sins.” “Who are you?” they demanded. Jesus replied, “The one I have always claimed to be. For I say only what I have heard from the one who sent me, and he is completely truthful.” But they still didn’t understand that he was talking about his Father. So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man on the cross, then you will understand that I Am he. I do nothing on my own but say only what the Father taught me. And the one who sent me is with me—he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him.” Then many who heard him say these things believed in him.
Jesus and Abraham
Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” “But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. ‘ John 8:22-34(NLT)

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:18-20; John 8:32-34

The idea that porn, like heroin, cocaine, or tobacco, may give you temporary pleasure, but it robs you of long term health, satisfaction, and joy.

And science is finally backing up that claim.

If I see someone smoking a cigarette, I’ll ask my kids, “Hey, want to go light up? Just one smoke?”

My middle schooler scoffs and says, “Why would I want to puff a cancer stick?” I don’t think I’ve had two conversations with them about the dangers of tobacco, but back in the 80’s our culture made a dramatic shift. They knocked the Marlboro Man off his horse, and smokers faded to the fringes.

People who smoke aren’t stupid. They don’t exclaim, “I never knew smoking could paint my teeth yellow, blacken my lungs, and coat my throat with cancer. Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

Schools start early with anti-smoking TRUTH campaigns. Billboards prophesy death. Commercials scare with Hollywood horror efficiency.

Smokers know the facts – but facts alone won’t change a heart. Those who puff believe the short-term pleasure is worth more than the long-term side effects.

Which is exactly what I believe every time I choose to puff up my pride to impress important people, or buy the latest shiny gadget I can’t afford, or go out of my way to look longingly at a woman other than my wife.

As a good friend of mine says, “I’m not stupid, I’m just stubborn.” Every time we chase “fleeting pleasures,” (Hebrews 11:25) we say to the Psalmist crying out that God doesn’t withhold any good thing (Ps. 84:11): “God may be real, but he cannot satisfy me as much as (insert sin).”

Twenty years from now, I believe our kids and grandkids will look at us like we look at three-pack-a-day smokers — they will wonder why we consumed pornography at such an alarming rate. The facts are indisputable. Porn is just as addictive as heroin and cocaine. It spikes dopamine levels with the same ferocity as any narcotic.

While it promises sexual virility and freedom, it delivers sexual chains and frustration. Doctors are prescribing viagra to guys in their 20’s with a history of porn use because they’ve trained their brain to be satisfied by pixels more than people. On top of all that, it’s helping to fuel the largest slavery movement in history.

But facts alone won’t change a heart. For the vast majority of us, we don’t suffer from temporary amnesia when we look at porn. We go into every session with full knowledge this will damage my relationship with my God, my body (1 Cor. 6:18), and if I’m married or dating, my significant other. We look because we want to. We believe those fleeting pixels will satisfy us, curb our loneliness, or be a soothing balm for our insecurities far more than God can.

I don’t pretend to think there’s an easy answer to fighting porn. At least with smoking or drugs we’ve made a societal decision to create legal, economic, and social barriers to getting hooked. Thanks to the internet, we’ve removed all obstacles to porn. This may be the first vice in history that is instantly accessible, affordable, and culturally acceptable to everyone as long as you have a decent connection.

Jesus said in John 8:32, “The truth will set you free.” But let’s not confuse truth with facts. Facts, as John Adams said, “are stubborn things.” They may change your perception about porn, but facts alone can’t change a stubborn heart. Two verses later Jesus said, “Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin…if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Porn, like any sin, slowly enslaves us when we believe our secret glances will satisfy us more than Jesus. Jesus invites us to change. Will we take him up on that offer?

from UNCOMMEN: The Delusion Of Porn

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1st Marriage ZZ

Water in Wine

‘and Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the celebration. The wine supply ran out during the festivities, so Jesus’ mother told him, “They have no more wine.” “Dear woman, that’s not our problem,” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” But his mother told the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Standing nearby were six stone water jars, used for Jewish ceremonial washing. Each could hold twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” When the jars had been filled, he said, “Now dip some out, and take it to the master of ceremonies.” So the servants followed his instructions. When the master of ceremonies tasted the water that was now wine, not knowing where it had come from (though, of course, the servants knew), he called the bridegroom over. “A host always serves the best wine first,” he said. “Then, when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!”’ John 2:2-10(NLT)

‘A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12(NLT)

On this fifth and final day of this devotional, we will remember Jesus’ first miracle in His ministry. It was at a wedding party. There are many precious revelations in this story. I invite you to immerse yourself in the Word of God and bring this miracle of Jesus into your marriage. He wants to renew daily the joy and love between the couple. He wants to turn water into wine.

…on the third day…

Covenant – marriage to God is a covenant, a covenant, and not a contract.

… Jesus was invited…

Jesus cannot be just a guest in your marriage; He has to be the owner of the party, the Lord of our house.

… there was no wine…

Wine was the joy of the party. In many marriages, there is no more joy. The party is over. Himself with Jesus present as a guest. Even believers if they do not watch are subject to having problems in their marriage.

Three situations that a marriage can be:

  1. The wine is finished! Empty jars … There is nothing else – each for one side – there is no friendship, there is no conversation, there is no respect, there is no intimacy, they do not pray together – there is no love.
  2. There are only water jars! There is only water – marriage that survives out of a need, be it financial, be it carnal, be social, be it religious, be it for the children, but it no longer has taste, smell, color, joy – there is only brotherly love.
  3. Water made in wine! Joy is present. The “wine” marriage has the smell of Christ, it has the color of life, of feeling, of friendship, it has the flavor of praying together, of crying together, it has the sharing of victories and also of defeats, it has support – between mountains and valleys, deserts and seas, always battle together – there is the presence of unconditional love.

… only the servants knew of the miracle…

No matter what condition our marriage is in, the same Jesus who operated the miracle at Cana, can operate the miracle today. If we are true servants and believe, we will see the miracle happen. Everyone will be amazed, including you, with the changes God can make in the relationship.

Homework:

Now it’s up to you! You already know the parameters and the desire of Jesus to bless this union. This homework will be daily for the rest of their lives. Applying biblical concepts and teachings to live this eternal alliance with God.

Look daily for the miracle in your marriage. Don’t just be content with water. Wish daily wine in the house. Always believe that God can change what is wrong in the relationship. For God there is no impossible. And with Him it is possible to live unconditional love daily and eternally.

Instead of facing the battles of life alone or as a couple, invite Jesus to be with you in this war and remember:

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12.

from A Cord of Three Strands

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1st Marriage ZZ

Communication

‘If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. ‘ 1 John 1:8-9(NLT)

‘Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.’ Proverbs 20:3(NLT)

God’s communication with man serves as a model for our conjugal communication. When there is good marriage communication, the husband and wife share thoughts, feelings, experiences, values, priorities, and judgments, while listening to each other with empathy. There are 4 levels of communication and we must identify which one we identify with in our marriage:

  1. Automatic communication: it is a level of superficial communication: good morning, good afternoon, be careful, I love you, go with God. They are clever and generally pleasant phrases that we say to ourselves during the day, automatically, out of habit. We are usually honest, in fact, but we don’t think much at this level of communication. They are not useless phrases, they are spoken in recognition of the presence of another person, but staying at this level of communication will not provide intimacy and depth in the relationship.
  2. Exchange of information: it all comes down to the facts: who, what, when and where. At this level of communication, we only share information, we do not give an opinion on the facts or ask for the opinion of others, we do not express ideas or feelings about the information we hear. The success of many things depends on this level of communication: dates, times, place, time, etc. Without this information necessary for daily life, life would be very difficult. Couples who communicate well at level 2 imagine that they have good communication, but in reality there is little development of intellectual and emotional intimacy at this level of communication.
  3. Exchange of views: at this level, we share our opinions, interpretations, and judgments on a certain topic and allow the other person to know our thoughts. Obviously, the possibility of conflict or divergence is greater than at other levels. Some couples do not speak much at level 3 because they do not like to see their opinions questioned, but it is not necessary that the couple have the same opinion and this difference of thought does not need to shake the intimacy of the couple. However, if one of the spouses tries to impose their opinions on the other, the intimacy disappears and gives way to discussion or silence.
  4. Exchange of emotions: at this level we share our emotions and feelings regarding events. Sharing feelings is more difficult than sharing thoughts, because feelings represent more intimate things. In fact, our thoughts can often mask feelings. Many couples rarely communicate at this level 4 because they fear that their emotions will not be accepted. We must allow each other freedom to express feelings and listen em-pathetically to what the other person has to say. By developing this cozy atmosphere, intimacy will certainly increase.

God’s plan for our marriage is for us to walk in accord – Amos 3:3; communication leads us to an agreement; where there is agreement, there is peace, blessings and prosperity:

  • We must seek the will of God together, as husband and wife. To agree, they both need to hear God’s reasons – Isaiah 30:21;
  • Our agreement must also be based on the fulfillment of the Father’s will, we should not try to fulfill our own will – Matthew 18:19;
  • When God speaks to the couple, they are both safe and rested because they heard the Father’s voice and therefore come to an agreement more easily – Luke 11:10.

Homework:

  1. What level of communication do you fit into? How do you intend to reach deeper levels? Do you agree that it will benefit your marriage?

from A Cord of Three Strands

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1st Marriage ZZ

Prayer

‘“When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! ‘ Matthew 6:5-8(NLT)

‘In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.’ 1 Peter 3:7(NLT)

Many spouses already have a constant prayer life; but as a couple this is not enough; Our intimacy as a couple must take place on three levels: spirit, soul and body:

  • Maturity is needed in the process of communication and prayer; sometimes there is a tendency to want to manipulate / correct our spouse with such “horizontal sentences”: “Lord, help me to help clean the house more”; these are prayers directed by reason;
  • It is necessary to perform a “vertical prayer”; driven by revelation; they can follow these steps:
    • Use praise and worship at the beginning of the prayer, understanding that it is pleasing to God and that He dwells in the midst of praise – Psalms 100:4;
    • They thank the Lord for His care and provision – Philippians 4:6; Present your requests to the Lord, as His Word directs us, aware that He knows our desires and wants to bless us with what we need;
    • Pray the Word of God because it is the will of God and He ensures that His Word is fulfilled, helps us to keep our opinions out of prayer;
    • Try to keep track of requests and responses.

Although we are human, we do not fight with human weapons, but with a supernatural nature, powerful in God. God wants us to defeat the enemy in the same way that He did, because our victory does not depend on our own ability. God gives us the resources to face the battle:

  • Name of Jesus: all authority was given to Him in heaven and on earth, so we ask Him in His Name, binding and loosing in heaven and on earth – Matthew 18:18;
  • Blood of Jesus: the blood redeems us from sin, defeats the enemy – Revelation 12:11, and was shed to protect, liberate, feed, forgive;
  • Praise and worship: the Lord dwells among the praises of His people, praise silences Satan and is a powerful weapon to be used always, because He is worthy – Psalm 8:2.

Homework:

  1. Release forgiveness for your spouse, declare your mistake or sin out loud. It does not matter the degree of the crime or the size of the fault. Do not get hurt because Jesus shed His innocent blood for it. Get rid of that trash forever. Try to pray for each other during this time.
  2. List the names of the people you would like to forgive or ask for forgiveness. Give up any feelings of pain or revenge. Ask the Lord to help you forgive. Pray for the complete list and declare forgiveness before God. The first opportunity you find with these people, ask for forgiveness or declare that you have already forgiven them.
  3. Watch the movie “War Room” together. Try to establish a time of prayer together during the week. Apply the steps of prayer and have an unforgettable experience with the Lord.

from A Cord of Three Strands

Categories
1st Marriage ZZ

Forgiveness

‘Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. Some manuscripts add For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ Matthew 6:11-15(NLT)

Today, we will get into one of the most important matters of a relationship. Jesus left us several examples and references of how we should forgive and be forgiven, how important it is to communicate based on truth and sincerity and how prayer has power and can reach where we often cannot be, but it arrives and frees, and heals, and transforms and gives meaning to life. I invite you to pay close attention to this devotional today. Perhaps it will be one of the most difficult, after all to forgive and pray, we cannot be alone in Body and Soul, we need the action of the Spirit in our lives. However, I pray and declare that after this reading, you and your spouse will be filled with the Holy Spirit and have achieved many blessings and deliveries through truth, forgiveness and prayer.

Forgiveness must be right at the center of our Christian life, talking about forgiveness is easy, practicing it is not, because we always want to have resentments, claiming that they are justified. We are quite quick to point out flaws, just as the Pharisees were.

Forgiveness means: granting the remission of any crime or debt and renouncing any claim. God always freely grants forgiveness, because Jesus paid a high price, so we cannot demand any payment to forgive someone.

Forgiving, therefore, is a commandment of God, disobeying it is a sin and distances us from Him, not to forgive is to reject the redemptive work of Christ, His blood, His salvation.

We forgive because we understand that we have been forgiven. Who does not forgive is because he has not yet accepted forgiveness in the sacrifice of Jesus.

Not forgiving keeps us captive, in slavery (Matthew 18:23-35): we want to be forgiven, but we keep the offenses of those who have offended us. If we do not forgive, we are delivered to the tormenting spirits and we can generate in us:

  • Physical and mental illnesses;
  • Oppression that imprison us;
  • Difficulty praying and entering into communion with God;
  • It prevents the promises of God for us;
  • Prevent my prosperity as a servant of God;
  • I make room for bitterness, which results from a long lack of forgiveness; pollutes / damages many around us, destroys us, gives birth to other sins; crushes and totally destroys love.

We must try to see ourselves and not the mistakes of our spouse, understanding that all judgment belongs to the Lord; God’s eyes are attentive to how we will act before the challenge of forgiveness:

  • When we forgive, we should not remember the sins of the past. Forgetting is not thinking about it; never again mention an offense that had already been forgiven;
  • Like loving, forgiving is an act of will and not a feeling; make the decision to forgive and the feelings will follow;
  • For God, there are no “big” or “small” sins; There is no way to justify our “little sin” in its own right, against the “great sin” of our spouse; because for God sin is sin;
  • When we become judges of others, we can expect the same measure of judgment on us, whoever judges receives criticism from people who say: “he does the same or worse”;
  • Only the power of God destroys all the barriers that prevent forgiveness; when I say “I can’t forgive” I mean “I don’t want to forgive”; This attitude comes from my pride, disobedience and in-submissiveness.

from A Cord of Three Strands